9. Fin

Olivia was still in a daze when they got home. She was glad to be in normal clothes again and in their own apartment. She was tired though. Exhausted, and not only physically. When Lucy offered to get them some groceries before she'd leave, Olivia accepted the offer gladly. Lucy reminded her that she'd been in an accident less than 24 hours earlier, and should take it easy. When she asked her if there was anyone who could drop by to check in on her, Olivia decided to call Fin. He was the only member of her squad who had known Elliot, and she really needed to talk about it with someone.

She had just tucked Noah in for the night when Fin arrived. He was curious why she'd asked him to come over, and looked at her with worry when she suggested he sit down first.

"You want a beer?" she asked him, walking into the kitchen to get them both a bottle.

"Sure. But what gives, Liv? What's this about?"

She walked back into the living room and handed Fin his beer before sitting down next to him on the couch with a sigh.

"The accident I caused last night?"

"Yeah? You wanna tell me what happened there? Why'd you run that light?"

"I don't know why I didn't see it Fin. I just ... this case ..."

Fin nodded.

"I get it. Too many similarities. You havin' any nightmares?"

She nodded slowly. The nightmares never really went away.

"And flashbacks. I had one in the car when it happened."

"That sucks Liv. You shouldn't be drivin' when that happens."

Olivia scoffed.

"I just wanted to get home. I thought I was fine until ... until I wasn't."

"So how's the other guy doin'? Dodds tells me you two met at the hospital?" Fin asked her.

Olivia took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Then she took a long draw from her bottle and leaned her elbows on her knees before before looking at Fin sideways.

"That's what I wanted to tell you. We know him."

"We do?"

She nodded.

"It's Elliot."

"Come again?"

"I almost killed Elliot last night."

Fin jumped up at stood in front of her, so she had to sit up to look up at him.

"Maybe he had it comin'," he huffed. "Karma's a beautiful thing ya know."

"He's got amnesia," Olivia said flatly, looking Fin straight in the eyes. "He doesn't remember any of us."

Fin's shoulders sagged and part of the fight left him.

"The crash cause that?" he asked her, his tone much gentler than before.

Olivia shook her head.

"No. He lost his memory over four years ago."

She watched the implications of what she'd just told her friend sink in. Fin's face never showed too much emotion, but she could see it nonetheless. He was running out of reasons to be angry with Elliot fast.

"Four years Liv? For real?"

"I've spoken with him. He's a different person. He honestly doesn't remember."

Fin sat back down next to her and sighed, shaking his head.

"You'd know if it was an act," he stated and Olivia could only agree.

Fin knew that Elliot could never fool her. Not her.

"So now what? You gonna see him again?"

"I have to, Fin. He seems to remember small bits and pieces and he says it has to do with me."

"Wouldn't surprise me one bit," Fin said dryly. "You two were joined at the hip for so long. I can't believe he'd ever forget you completely."

"His wife kept us all away intentionally."

She knew she had sounded bitter. She was.

"Now why'd she do that? You'd think they'd try everything to get him to remember!"

Olivia couldn't agree more.

"Elliot says she wanted a fresh start and she told him he'd be better off not remembering the job."

Fin shook his head and drank his beer, emptying the bottle. Then he looked at her and said,

"That woman is nuts. She just din want you near her man anymore."

Olivia couldn't help chuckling at Fin's very accurate assessment of the situation.

"So what's he been up to these past four years?" Fin asked.

"Not much. He's retired and he says he's been 'observing' mostly. Watching other people while trying to find himself. He's pretty relaxed about it, but I can tell that deep down, he still wants his memory back desperately."

"He still married?"

"No."

"Good."

Olivia chuckled again. Fin wasn't one to mince words and she needed that right now to make sense of the jumbled mess in her head.

"Liv, you want some company tonight? Ya know, to keep the bad dreams away?"

She appreciated the offer and pulled her friend into a spontaneous hug. Fin smiled shyly but she knew they were on the same page. Olivia knew her emotions were very close to the surface. She wouldn't let Fin see her cry but just knowing she wasn't alone would definitely help her relax. So Fin slept on her couch that night, keeping watch over her little family.

...

Fin would tell the squad that she wasn't coming in yet, and after dropping Noah off at day care, Olivia would go back to the hospital. She had taken a long shower, had put on a little makeup and had brushed her hair until it was smooth and shiny, and then she had to put some water on it again because it had become all static. It was early December and the frost in the air made her hair electric. But she wanted to look nice and caught herself dreaming away a bit in front of her bathroom mirror. Elliot was actually back in her life and she hadn't even yelled at him yet.

Remembering his confronting words about their relationship made her tremble inside. He could tell that he was affecting her, and he knew they had been more to each other than just partners. To hear him acknowledge that, even without really remembering it, had a more profound effect on her than she'd expected. She had always assumed it was the same for him as it was for her, but they had never talked about it. Never said anything out loud. Until now.

Kathy had had her chance. For the first time in her life, Olivia didn't feel guilty about her feelings for the woman's husband. Ex-husband. They had had their fresh start and it hadn't worked. It was over for good this time. Even Fin had encouraged her not to let him get away again. Not now.

Fin, of all people.

Olivia smiled at herself in the mirror and then walked into the living room to get Noah to take him to day care. And after that, she was going to visit Elliot again. She felt a little giddy. She was going to get her best friend back. And possibly, he would be more to her than her best friend. After all this time, he was still the center of her world. And they actually had a chance to start over. She'd be a fool not to take it.

...