13. Us

Kathleen was coming to visit Elliot that evening. Olivia had tried not to listen to Elliot's side of the brief conversation between father and daughter, but she had understood that Kathleen was working, and would come over right after dinner. She'd offered to inform her brothers and sisters but Elliot had told her not to for now. Olivia walked back up to the bed after he'd ended the call. Elliot was still looking down at his phone and she wondered what he was thinking. When he looked up at her, she could see sadness in his eyes.

"She tells me we had an intense relationship. I wish I could remember that. She's a wonderful person."

"She is," Olivia agreed. "And I'm sure she's taking your memory loss in stride."

Elliot smiled and nodded.

"I can tell that the others are still a little apprehensive around me - aside from Eli of course - but Kathleen is just ... Kathleen."

Elliot patted on the bed and Olivia sat down on it again.

"I'm sorry I won't be here when she comes to visit. I have to go get Noah around four."

"Oh. Okay," Elliot said but she knew he was a little disappointed. He was almost clinging to her like she was his only life line.

"But I did ask a few other people to come see you."

Elliot was surprised but interested, and it hit her again how the tension that had always hung between them was no longer there. She would have expected him to be annoyed that she had informed people without checking it with him first, but he wasn't. He was just curious.

"Who?"

"Our old Captain is coming over this afternoon and another former co-worker is flying in to see you tomorrow."

"You think people from work will be more likely to jog my memory than my own family?"

His tone wasn't accusatory at all but her reflex was still to defend herself.

"Well ... so far, they haven't helped you remember, and I have, so I thought ... I mean ..."

"Liv, it's okay," Elliot said, interrupting her and reaching for her hand to squeeze it. "It was just a question. And I hope you're right."

Olivia looked down at their hands, that were intertwined on her thigh once again, and nodded. It would take some time to get used to this new dynamic between them. They had always been in sync on the job but not always this harmonious as people, both having such a strong personality.

"Were you expecting an argument from me?" Elliot asked her.

She raised her eyes to meet his and shrugged lightly.

"Maybe."

"I'm guessing we used to argue a lot," Elliot said, and she could see amusement in his eyes, again.

"Yeah. But it worked, in a way. We always got results in the end."

"You mean on the job."

"Yes. Of course."

What else would she mean?

"And for us?" Elliot asked, gesturing between them with the hand that wasn't holding hers. "Did it work for us?"

Olivia stared at him for a few seconds, her eyebrows raised. What should she say to that?

"There was no us outside the job," she settled on.

Elliot laughed out loud, startling her a bit.

"Right. Who are you trying to kid here?"

She closed her eyes briefly and told herself to keep breathing. He was doing it again. Pushing her about their relationship. Who was she trying to kid? Everyone, including herself. And him. That's who she'd been trying to kid. Telling herself he was off-limits because he was married, and hiding away her feelings for him in a little box inside her heart. Telling herself that him being her partner and her friend would be enough for her, until he wasn't even those things anymore. But while he was her partner, they had both kept their personal stuff to themselves mostly. They hadn't talked about their feelings or other things that were too close to their hearts. They'd tried to remain professional at all times, so they could stay partners.

And then Gitano had forced their feelings for each other out in the open and it had shaken both of them, almost costing them their friendship as well as their partnership. Why did that case have to be his first memory anyway?

"Liv?"

"Yeah."

She'd responded without thinking and looked at him. He was watching her and was still waiting for an answer.

"I ... there was something between us, but like I told you before, you were married and committed to your family so ... we just ... ignored it I guess."

Elliot thought about her words for a few moments, putting his other hand over hers as well. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb and asked her,

"What would you say if I told you I can't ignore it?"

Olivia's heart rate had doubled once again and she knew she had no choice but to tell him the truth. Him not remembering wat had been and just ascertaining what was, was completely disarming. She admitted with a shaky voice,

"I would say that that scares the shit out of me."

Elliot laughed again.

"I can see that, and I'm glad you're being so honest with me."

He continued rubbing her hand with his thumb and waited until she made eye contact with him again before he continued.

"I'll admit that this is pretty scary for me too. But for the first time since waking up without any memories, I feel like I'm finding some solid ground again and ... well, I'm kind of latching on to it. I really don't mean to push you but ... how did we ever manage to ignore this thing between us if I can just see it from a mile away without remembering it?"

Olivia chuckled despite getting increasingly nervous.

"We didn't want to break up our partnership," she said as quietly as she could manage.

"And did that work?"

She sighed.

"We thought so until ... until that very case happened that you dreamed about this morning."

"What happened?"

"We fucked up."

Elliot raised his eyebrows at her choice of words.

"Sorry, but there is no other way to put it."

Olivia swallowed hard. She had never said any of this out loud. She knew Elliot had talked to Huang after Ryan's death, but she hadn't. Nobody knew what had happened in that warehouse when Gitano had his gun to Elliot's head. Nobody but them. Actually, it was just her now, since Elliot didn't remember it.

"What happened?" Elliot asked again. "That pervert cut your throat."

"We were trying to save the kids he'd taken. He'd let go of the boy. When I went down, you ran to me in stead of the boy."

"Just like in my dream."

"Yes."

"And?"

Olivia put her hand over his and told him softly,

"He took the boy again after cutting me. He killed him."

Elliot pulled his hands from hers and leaned back against the pillows, frowning, and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and Olivia wondered if he was remembering more. He seemed restless now and it wasn't just the fever.

"I could have saved him ..." he said, the realization hitting him hard.

"Yeah."

"But I chose to save you."

"I didn't need saving. The cut wasn't that deep."

"I didn't know that. I panicked."

She could tell he was right there, inside the intense memory. The only memory he had so far. She scooted forward, closer to him, and put a hand on his chest. His heart was beating fast.

"El. It's in the past."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, and she could see the beginning of tears in his eyes.

"Olivia, I ... I know that I ... I'd choose you again."

The tears in her eyes now matched his.

"Elliot ..."

"I know that case is in the past, but what I feel for you isn't. That's right here, right now."

...

Dun dun.