Here's another chapter after the political earthquake that took place tonight / today. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction so let's bury our heads in our own little world for a while, shall we? Love from Europe.

...

15. Cragen

They broke apart when a nurse's aide came in with Elliot's lunch. They were both a little shocked after the intense moment and Olivia needed some time to calm down. After lunch, Elliot would need to rest again so Olivia decided to grab a sandwich to go at the hospital cafetaria and to get some fresh air. She ended up walking a few blocks away from the hospital and into a small book store that sold second hand books. There was a reading table by the window and Olivia took her time finding a few books she'd like to sample before taking a seat at the table. Aside from the older lady running the store, she was the only person there and she welcomed the solitude. She needed some time to think.

Olivia couldn't really focus on the words on the pages. Her mind kept drifting to the man in the hospital. The man she'd known so well and who she was getting to know all over again. The man she'd been most furious with, had defended most passionately, had hated most deeply at times but above all, the man she loved with every fiber of her being. There was no running away from him. She'd tried but she had never been able to stay away. And even now, after thinking for four long years that he'd simply abandoned her, meaning he didn't care about her even a little bit, she'd been ready to accept his explanation and to stand by him again.

She still needed an explanation though, but not from him. Not from Elliot, but definitely from Kathy. And from their children. She had looked at Elliot's family as her own at times, and it had hurt all the more when not only Elliot, but all the Stablers shut her out of their lives. Elliot was the only one that could plead ignorance. He truly hadn't known. But they had. Kathy and the kids had.

She thought she'd been kind to Kathy and usually, Kathy had been polite to her. But she'd always felt an undercurrent of competition between them. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Kathy had even told her that Elliot was what they had in common. She'd asked her to look out for him after their divorce. Things had turned out differently in the end but Olivia had never expected the woman to keep them apart intentionally under the circumstances. She'd need to hear from the former Mrs. Stabler herself why she had kept her away.

And then there was Kathleen. The most intense member of the Stabler household, who had butted heads with her intense father the most, and whom he had always loved so intensely. He really wanted to remember her and Olivia wished that for him. Still, she had to wonder why Kathleen had never reached out to her either. Part of her wanted to be there when Elliot's middle daughter would come to visit him that evening. Another part of her knew that it would be better if it was just the two of them. She didn't want to confront the young woman in front of Elliot anyway, but she did want to talk to her.

Finally, one of the mystery books she'd selected actually grabbed her attention, and Olivia spent about an hour reading the first part of two books before buying them both and leaving the book store. She felt rested and refreshed once she returned to the hospital around 2.30 pm.

She spotted him immediately at the reception desk. Donald Cragen. He was even balder than she remembered him, but he was still all the Captain she'd served under for fifteen years. She walked up to him just when he was receiving directions to Elliot's room.

"I can show him the way," Olivia said, standing next to Cragen.

Her former boss turned to her and smiled.

"Olivia."

"Hello Don."

They hugged and when they started walking, Olivia looped her arm through Cragen's.

"How are you holding up?" Cragen asked her as they walked.

Olivia chuckled.

"How 'bout I'm not?" she answered and Cragen raised an eyebrow when he looked at her.

"I would have bet money that you'd say 'I'm fine'."

"Yeah, well ..."

Olivia squeezed the older man's arm.

"Elliot's suddenly become this open book without any filter at all. I guess it's rubbing off."

"I can't wait to see that for myself," Cragen mused. "But you're not holding up?"

Olivia sighed.

"It's ... intense. It's all so sudden and I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster ride for two days now. I don't know how I'm going to go back to work tomorrow."

"Then don't."

Olivia shook her head, giving her former boss a half smile.

"I don't work for you anymore."

"Exactly," Cragen insisted. "Last time I checked, you were the boss. And I happen to know you have a qualified Sergeant working for you now. Take some time off for this. God knows you've got the overtime stacked up to pay for an extended break."

Olivia knew he was right. She could stay away for six weeks and still have vacation days left. But it wasn't like her to just drop all of their cases and take time off for personal reasons. Donald Cragen knew her only too well and added,

"Just look at it this way. Someone else needs your full attention right now. You're not abandoning the job, you just have another job to do first. Someone else to help."

She smiled. That was another way to look at it. She was always better in taking time off for someone else than for herself. She promised she'd think about it when they arrived at Elliot's room.

"Here we are," she said, gesturing at the door.

Cragen knocked once and then opened the door to walk in slowly and see his former detective for the first time in over four years. Olivia followed closely behind to see Elliot's reaction, and to introduce them if necessary. Elliot seemed to be asleep and they both walked up to his bed quietly. Cragen gestured at Olivia to just let him sleep, and she nodded. He looked at Elliot for a while, taking in his fragile state and the red blush on his cheeks, no doubt caused by the fever. Olivia stood on Elliot's right side and put a hand on his forehead gently. He was still a little warm. Elliot sighed and she retracted her hand quickly. She hadn't meant to wake him.

"Liv?" Elliot said without opening his eyes.

"I'm here," she replied softly, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Elliot groaned softly and she wondered if he was in pain. He was getting pain medication via his IV but maybe it wasn't enough. He opened his eyes suddenly and Olivia glanced at Cragen before focusing on Elliot.

"I'm here," she repeated, and Elliot relaxed, giving her a sleepy smile.

"You didn't run," he mumbled before closing his eyes again.

When it looked like Elliot had fallen asleep again, Olivia walked over to Cragen on the other side of the bed.

"Have a seat," she said, gesturing at the armchair.

"What did he mean, you didn't run?" Cragen asked her softly as he sat down.

Olivia blew out a breath slowly. She didn't exactly feel like relaying her earlier conversation with Elliot to him.

"He's just ehm ... a little clingy because he seems to remember me on some level," she explained as neutrally as she could.

It was actually what she was afraid of, that he was clinging to her for that reason alone, and not because he had real romantic feelings for her at all. Cragen seemed to buy it too and that didn't exactly help to ease her fears. Olivia pulled up a small chair, and they sat together in silence while they waited for Elliot to wake up again, both caught up in their own thoughts and concerns about the man in the hospital bed. They were startled out of their thoughts when they heard the patient ask,

"Olivia, who is this?"

...