RPOV

After a nice sunbath with Dimka, I moved inside waiting for Dimitri to show up. Dimka said he had gone to town for some supplies. The Dragon flew away saying he needed to catch his lunch.

After I had raided the kitchen I went to the library. I actually meant to start reading one of those books about the knight, but my eyes subconsciously darted towards the non-fiction section of the library. There were books in here that looked ancient. I could see they were meticulously sorted, alphabetically by topic. I wondered if these books could contain any information about the markings on my extremities?

I walked towards the bookshelf and just ran my finger over the back of these books, wanting their information to transfer to me through the contact. Unfortunately, the books stayed annoyingly silent.

I wondered what books I should be looking into? Magic, Alchemy, Languages? I decided to have the universe guide me as I opened a random book on a random page.

Well, the universe wasn't helping today. The page contained the detailed description of a dissection of the eye of a cow. But it was surprisingly well illustrated which only added to the gross-factor. After flipping through the pages of that particular book, I placed it back in its rightful place on the bookshelf and declared it utterly useless. I picked up another one from a different section. This one was on languages. I scanned the book, but couldn't find any similarities with the marks on my limbs. I kept looking in books, trying to find some illustrations that matched these markings.

I wish I could summon the marks somehow, so I could write them down or simply to take a good look again. I wondered if I would even be able to identify the markings in a book if I saw it. The images of the markings in my head had already faded.

I thought about what had triggered the markings before. This was the first time I had seen them. I had been standing close to the fire, but then again, I had been standing close to fires my entire life. What was different about the last time?

I decided to try to make them show. I moved to the small fire still burning in the library. I put a new log on and poked the fire to allow air to fuel it. Once the fire was of a decent size, I stretched my hand out towards it just like I did the first time. But nothing happened. I kept looking at my wrists, but no markings appeared. Maybe the markings weren't actually on me, maybe they were in the room with Lissa and attached themselves to whoever was there? If somebody was after Lissa using magic, I needed to know what these markings did and who could have put them there.

But I wondered if they were attached to the room and not me, why my mother had freaked out about them.

I looked at the fire again. Wanting to replicate whatever I had done last time. I had made the fire, just like I did now. I had been staring at it, admiring it. I had felt a certain kinship with the fire, a certain connection. So I stared and stared, watching the flames dance across the logs, burning higher until they dissipated in the air. The colors of the fire were bright, ranging from blue when the fire burned the hottest to oranges and reds were they mixed with enough air. I could see all the nuances in the colors, feel the warmth of the flames on my skin, and I just wanted to be closer to it, to touch it, to feel it, to be it. I looked down at my wrists and saw the markings appear, cutting off my connection to the fire that had been so vivid a moment ago.

I wanted to get them off, to experience the connection again. I felt like I had been drowning in a cold ocean for years and the fire had been the single gust of air I had had in that time. I needed it; I craved it. But it was gone. I almost felt like crying.

But I had to set aside the desperate feeling to be close to the fire once again and focus on the markings itself. I took a pencil and paper from the mantel, being careful not to step too far away from the fire and started to sketch the markings. They were intricate and complex, and my sketching skills were severely lacking, but I think I accurately captured a few markings to compare to pictures in the books before they disappeared.

"Rose?"

I turned around and was a little shocked to see Dimitri standing in the opening of the library. I stepped away from the fire and placed the piece of paper containing my sketches in the pocket of my dress. I didn't understand why I was feeling nervous like I had just been caught red-handed by the kitchen staff stealing a nice juicy piece of meat for dinner, but I was.

My mother's words came back to me. 'Don't show anyone the markings.'

I trusted Dimitri, I did, but for some reason, I didn't want him to know about these markings. Perhaps because I didn't want him to think I was a freak.

"Hey," I replied after an immeasurable amount of time.

He looked around the library and saw books scattered across the floor. Some open and some closed, but there were at least a few dozen books.

"Were you looking for something particular?"

This is where I needed to make a decision. I didn't want to lie to him, but I also wasn't ready to tell the whole truth.

"I am looking into something. I don't have much to go on right now and am probably a little paranoid, but if I have more, I will ask for your help. I don't even know if I have enough to start looking, hence the many books on the ground," I said plastering a large smile on my face, hoping he would let it go.

After the confusion had subsided from his face, a soft smile graced his features.

"So, you're back for some more training?"

I nodded.

"I needed to get out of there for a little bit, so Lissa sent me to gather some rare ingredient she simply must have as an excuse for me to be gone for a few hours and visit you."

It wasn't a lie. Lissa did send me here under the pretense of gathering some rare ingredient, so nobody would be suspicious if I was gone for several hours, and I did need to get away from the palace. But what I had confided with Dimka so freely, I found it hard now to share with Dimitri. Maybe because part of me wanted to impress Dimitri, and not make him see what a basket case of troubles I was. But part of me knew it was because I felt completely at ease around the Dragon. And although I was very comfortable in Dimitri's presence as well, there was a difference.

I saw him look a little confused and perhaps a little hurt? But he shook it off and walked closer to me.

"You can't train in your dress. I still have your training clothes here if you want."

I pointed to the corner of the library where I had thrown the sack I had brought.

"I brought my own. Ones that actually fit."

He chuckled and I moved to grab my bag and walk to the bedroom.

It was strange; right now I didn't know how to act around him. Being this close to him again, I could remember every detail of our kiss. But he didn't seem too interested in discussing it or repeating it, even though I knew he had reciprocated the kiss with great vigor.

I took off my dress and heeled shoes and replaced them with trousers and a shirt and some flats.

It took less than two minutes for me to emerge from the bedroom alcove. I saw Dimitri rake his eyes over my body. I might have picked clothes that fit me well, a little too well. The trousers were tight but flexible, and in contrast to the blouse Dimitri had provided me with before, this shirt was skin tight. It didn't have the deep cleavage the other blouse had, but it made up for it by showing the curves of my breasts to perfection.

After his eyes were done ogling me, his eyes met mine, and I saw the lust reflected in them only moments ago, being replaced by embarrassment and resignation.

He cleared his throat.

"Well, let's get started."

He walked away from me and quickly descended the rocky stairs to the open area in the trees below.

I didn't understand. Did he regret the kiss? Wasn't he even going to mention it? Were we just going to train and not talk about it at all?

I had had this fantasy in my head where he saw me in his home again and picked me up and kissed me silly, proclaiming his undying love for me. Reality had been very different. But I was also here to train so might as well get to it. Maybe I could take some of my frustration out on him.

We started off with some hand to hand combat, and he quickly realized ignoring me, and the tension between us had been a mistake. I attacked him vigorously and without mercy and he would have a few bruises to show for it in the morning. He had expected us to start slow, but now he was catching up to my speed and intensity. He reciprocated my kicks and punches, and we kept picking up the pace and soon were in a full blow out fight. I didn't care anymore if I got hurt or even if I would hurt him. This tension needed to go somewhere, and if it wasn't going towards sexual encounters, it might as well go somewhere productive.

It was strange, but at a certain point my frustration ebbed away and was replaced by a sense of serenity. We moved together like we were dancing. Neither of us being able to hit the other because we could see each other's moves a mile away. I felt so in tune with him, which only made me more confused.

Our bodies were coated with a light sheen of sweat and every time we touched I could feel the electricity move through my body. I needed more, I needed more touches, I needed to be closer to him. I simply needed more Dimitri. But I felt him holding back. Whenever I came to close, he pulled away.

My mind was distracting my body and one moment of hesitation and Dimitri took me down and pinned me to the earth. My hands were above my head, and his body was pressed firmly against mine, keeping me from moving.

It took a few moments for my mind to catch up to my body, but once I realized what position we were in, my breathing increased, and it had nothing to do with the exertion of my body from the fight. Although there was a healthy amount of gasping for air from that too.

He looked down at me and his eyes held so many emotions. Lust was clearly at the forefront as was love, but there was also hesitation in there and a desperation. A plea for me to pull away because apparently, he couldn't.

But I wasn't helping him there.

I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his. For a moment he stilled, but then he responded. His hands released the hands restrained above my head and moved down to my side. One hand found its way into my hair while still supporting his weight on his elbow while the other went to my back and pressed me closer to him, molding my body to his. My own hands made it to his back and hair as I kept his face locked with mine, desperate not to let him go.

He licked the bottom of my lip, and I opened greedily for him. His tongue connected with mine and I moaned at the sensation. We seemed to dance. His tongue and mine locked in a dance neither of us wanted to break. His hand moved under my shirt touching my bare skin. I hissed and pulled back slightly at the sensation of his calloused hands on my smooth skin. His leg was between my thighs, and he was pressed right against my core. I could feel my whole body responding to his touch, to his lips, to simply him. It was screaming for him never to let me go.

But of course, he did.

Suddenly he pulled back and rolled off of me, trying to catch his breath as he looked up at the sky. He ran his hands through his hair in a desperate attempt to keep them busy and not let them return to the task they were occupied with only moments ago.

"I can't."

I could feel the shock rack through my body as his rejection reached my brain.

"Why?"

I knew I sounded desperate and maybe even a bit young. But I didn't care. I needed to know. I knew he liked me. I knew it wasn't just physical attraction. I knew he cared about me.

He turned towards me, and the pain in his eyes was clear for the whole world to see. I wanted to reach out and comfort him. I wanted to stroke his cheek and brush away a wayward strand of hair from his face. But my hands stayed perfectly still at my sides.

"It is complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"There is no future for us Rose. I have responsibilities where I don't have room for you, and you have the same with Lady Dragomir. I try and see a way around it, try and see if there is a way I can make this work, but I always end up at the same point. That is isn't going to work. No matter how much I might want it to."

It warmed my heart to know that he had wanted to plan a future for us. That he did love me enough to think of those things. He just hadn't found a solution to the problem. And honestly neither had I. I had Lissa to take care of and although these little trips were adequate for now, it was no way to have a serious relationship. I had known this from the start. But somehow along the way I had convinced myself that we would figure it out. If there was a will, there was a way. Maybe I could make it work on my side. Lissa could probably use the services of a knight, and we could live together at the palace, although I would always be torn between my responsibilities to both of them. But Dimitri had responsibilities too. Of course, he did. He wasn't just a hermit living in the mountains. He must have a day job or responsibilities to his family.

I moved a little closer to him and moved my body so I was half lying on top of him, my hands on either side of him.

"I know. This is a terrible idea. And once reality catches up with us, we will have to part. But at least for now I want to pretend I am a normal girl, who is able to spend some time with someone she loves."

His eyes lit up at the mention of me loving him. But he didn't reciprocate. Not because he wasn't feeling it, I could see the love clear in his eyes, but because he wasn't allowing himself to say it. Because if he did, he would be lost.

He brushed some of the hair out of my face that had fallen forwards and placed it behind my ear. He cupped my cheek.

"So we just pretend we can be together, even if it is for a little while?"

I nodded.

"If I have learned anything from my life, it is to live every day like it is your last because it might very well be. I am not asking for a lifelong commitment. Just when I am with you, and you are with me, we should be able to express how we feel even if it only for a little while."

A smile appeared on his face that reached all the way to his eyes. He pulled me closer and gently brushed his lips against mine.

"I think I can live with that."

We actually did get back to work after that, but our fighting had gotten a completely new undertone. It was playful and fun and loaded with sexual tension.

After we fought a few more times, we called it a day.

It was hot, and I saw Dimitri's face was red from heat and exertion. I probably had a similar skin tone. But to my utter horror and amusement, he took his shirt off and splashed some water on his face. I saw the droplets move down his chest and I followed the train down his body and into the V located at the top of his trousers. I knew it was completely irrational, but I was insanely jealous of those droplets of water. I wanted to run my hands down his body to feel his muscles flex underneath my touch.

I stepped closer to him and did just that. He hissed at the contact but made no move to stop me. I traced his pecks and abs, but my fingers moved away from the unblemished tan skin and towards a ragged scar across his chest. He had several scars across his body. I had seen a slash on his neck and a few clean cuts across his arms. But this scar seemed to me he was lucky to be alive.

"How did you get this?"

"In battle."

I smiled.

"I figured that. Battling who?"

"Monsters."

I shook my head. He wasn't very forthcoming was he?

"I have been in many battles, Rose, and they have all left their mark on me, physical or otherwise. I did what I had to, to protect the innocent and keep my troops alive."

"So you have troops?"

He nodded.

"I am a General."

"So those are your responsibilities you have to go back to?"

He nodded again.

"So you're not just a knight for hire, like in the stories?"

He laughed.

"No, but I am regretting not being freer like him, right about now," he said as he pulled me towards him in a tight embrace.

Early update. Had some free time.