Munch is here, yey! A little recapping goes a long way, so here we go. The case of the missing memory.

...

23. Angry

Munch glanced at Olivia and back at Elliot. Olivia wondered if it was really such a bad thing that Elliot didn't remember Tucker or Brian. But he deserved an answer. He was feeling like an outsider every day as it was, and she didn't want to add to that feeling.

"Cassidy was my partner at SVU for a while," Munch clarified. "He's quite a bit younger than me but he's a good kid."

Olivia smiled at the reference. Brian was well into his forties by now, but to Munch, he'd always be a kid. When Munch continued, Olivia decided that it wasn't necessary to mention that she'd had a relationship with Brian for a while.

"After moving around units and precincts for a bit, he ended up at IAB. He reported to Tucker, who was assigned to our unit, among others. You know what IAB is, right?" Munch asked.

Elliot nodded.

"I've read a few things about the NYPD. IAB are the guys that investigate cop-involved shootings and go after corrupt cops."

"And not so corrupt cops. In fact, they seem to go after everyone that does anything significant, to check if everything was done by the book. They were on your case a lot, Elliot."

"No!" Elliot said, feigning shock. "Don't tell me I wasn't a by-the-book kind of cop!"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow and Elliot winked at her. She gathered he knew perfectly well that he hadn't always played by the rules of the game.

"Well, I see you haven't changed that much," Munch observed. "What else do you remember so far, detective?"

Elliot had been looking at Olivia, who was standing at the foot of the bed, but when Munch called him detective, his eyes flicked back to the older man. He frowned slightly and then shook it off and scrubbed the stubble on his chin with his hand while he thought about the question.

"Olivia. I remember her," he said.

"What do you remember about her exactly?" Munch prodded. "Because if you'd remember her completely, I'd say you were cured of your amnesia."

"John!" Olivia whispered but Munch held up his hand.

"I mean it Olivia. What could he have left to remember if he remembered every part of his life that you played a role in?"

The man had a point. She'd basically been a part of every aspect of his life since becoming his partner, whether she'd wanted to or not. She was curious what Elliot was going to tell Munch now. He hadn't told her the details of his dream yet. Elliot seemed to be contemplating what to tell the older man by his bedside.

"Ever since I met her, I've been dreaming little snippets about her," Elliot told Munch, "and she tells me that what I dream, are things that have actually happened. So I'm dreaming memories."

"I should have brought a note pad," Munch mumbled, checking his vest pockets but coming up empty.

Olivia grinned. Munch was taking the case of the missing memory very seriously.

"That's okay John, it's not that much yet," Elliot said. "And I doubt there is anything anyone can do to make them more."

"I beg to differ, detective," Munch said, wagging his index finger. "Seeing Olivia again has jogged your memory. There may be more ways to do that."

Elliot looked at Olivia and she shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Alright, I'll give you a list, detective John Munch," Elliot said.

"Actually, it's Sergeant now, and I'm retired."

"Apologies, Sergeant."

"Not necessary. Please, begin."

Elliot told Munch about his very simple first dream, in which he and Olivia were walking the streets of New York with a Styrofoam cup of coffee in their hands. Then he told him about the dream in which Olivia was cut by Gitano, and explained that he'd dreamed the first part of that dream many times, but the second part had been added after meeting Olivia.

"This was that time at the bus terminal, yes?" Munch asked Olivia, who just nodded, her eyes still fixed on Elliot's face.

He seemed haunted by the memory even now and was looking at her with such an intense sadness in his eyes that Olivia wanted to look away. Only she couldn't.

"I knew then that I've been looking for Liv all along," Elliot added, his voice soft and hoarse and his eyes still trained on Olivia's face.

Munch just nodded and remained silent while Elliot and Olivia had a brief wordless conversation, during which she reassured him that she was very much alive and wasn't going anywhere. After a few long moments Munch chuckled.

"You two used to do that all the time. Are you sure you don't remember any of that, Elliot?"

Elliot was still staring at Olivia, and she glanced at Munch, wondering if Elliot was perhaps having another flashback to a real memory.

"Sometimes I ... I feel things," Elliot said pensively, and he finally broke eye contact with Olivia to look at the man next to his bed. "Those feelings are like memories too, only not of things that have happened. It's like ... like knowing someone without remembering how you got to know them. Is that even possible?"

"Nothing surprises me anymore, Elliot. The human mind is an intricate machine, or, as Marilynne Robinson puts it, 'an anomaly that in its wealth of error as well as of insight is exceptional, utterly unique as far as we know, properly an object of wonder'. So if you say you know Olivia, I believe you do."

Elliot nodded, although the quote Munch had used was a little confusing. He looked at her again when he continued.

"Last night I dreamed that I was angry with Olivia. And not just a normal angry. I was livid. Blaming her for something. I ... I feel like I've hurt her but I don't want to hurt her."

Munch's eyes moved from Elliot to Olivia and back, and he suppressed a sigh.

"Well, it was what you did. Both of you. We seem to be inclined to hurt the ones we love the most. Some say it's because familiarity breeds contempt. Others will say we let go of our restraints when we feel safe and know the other person will still love us afterwards. In your case, I would definitely say the latter was in order most of the time."

Olivia closed her eyes briefly, letting Munch's words sink in. She remembered that time on Elliot's stoop, when he'd admitted to her that he needed space to disagree with her without having to worry it would cost him their partnership. They were masters at disagreeing about anything and everything and still remaining close. But they only let go of a certain kind of restraint around each other. The other kinds were way too dangerous. Letting go of those restraints would have cost them their partnership, and their friendship. The underlying frustration had only fueled the disagreements they did have. She wondered which argument Elliot had dreamed of exactly, and before she could ask him, Munch asked about it for her.

"What do you remember from that dream, Elliot? Do you know where you were?"

"No," Elliot said, frowning while he concentrated on the memory. "It was some kind of hallway and there were other people around. Someone actually broke up our argument. It ..."

Elliot stopped talking abruptly and his eyes went a little wide.

"I think it was our boss."

Olivia felt a chill shoot up her spine. He wasn't just remembering her now, but other people around them.

"Do you remember what was said?" Munch asked quietly.

"I think ... I think I blamed Olivia for ... for getting cut by that creep. Gitano was it? Now why would I blame her for that? Was I always such an angry person?"

...

(Dun dun)