I typed fast to get this chapter out to all of you today, so I hope it won't come across as rushed. Just read slowly :)

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25. Shelter

Elliot had finally fallen asleep and Munch suggested to Olivia that they go get a cup of coffee and leave him alone for a bit.

"I want to be here when he wakes up," Olivia protested, but Munch told her she needed to take care of herself as well.

"You won't be able to help him if you don't take some time for yourself every now and then, Olivia. I know you'll want to support him 24/7 but you can't. You have to take care of yourself too, and you have a beautiful son who needs you as well. Come on. It's Olivia time now."

Olivia time. She smiled and gave in, accepting Munch's arm and walking out of Elliot's room with him. She had wanted to talk to Elliot so badly about everything Kathleen had told her, but ended up relaying everything to Munch over a hot cup of coffee at a diner near the hospital. Munch listened and nodded from time to time, and just let her get it all out. Her understanding of the kids and her anger at Kathy, who had tried to make sure Elliot would never remember her. And she told him about Bernie. Although she could understand that Bernie would revel in the attention she was getting from her son, she of all people should realize that he wasn't truly himself, shouldn't she?

"Well, I'm not so sure about that," Munch chimed in at last. "From what you've told me about her, she's all about being free and not being restricted by what other people expect from her. She would want her son to be free too, and in a way, Elliot has been released from a lot of burdens in his life now. Maybe she thinks he is more himself now than ever before. Any maybe she's right."

Olivia hadn't looked at it like that and was a little surprised that Munch would try to see things from the perspective of an unmedicated bipolar mother. She tried to understand the older woman too, but she was still a little disappointed that Bernie hadn't reached out to her. They had only spoken twice, but she knew that Bernie had liked her a lot.

"There's only one way to find out why she didn't contact you, Olivia."

She nodded.

"I know. Ask her."

"Yes. But maybe you should be focusing on Elliot for now, and on yourself and Noah. The rest of the world can take care of itself for a while, wouldn't you say?"

She agreed and checked her watch. She wanted to pick Noah up from daycare herself, so she only had about two hours left.

"You wanna head back?" Munch asked, and she said she did.

"Don't try to rush things, Olivia. Elliot already has so much to process," her friend warned her.

"He and I both," Olivia sighed as she pushed herself up from the table.

They said their goodbyes after Munch had walked her back to the front entrance of the hospital, and Munch promised her he'd be back soon. He would be staying in town for a while and gave her his new cell phone number.

"Call me anytime, Olivia."

"Thank you, John."

Munch winked at her and took off, and Olivia went back inside, hoping to find her old partner awake.

...

Elliot was still dozing a bit, but he did try to smile when he saw her standing next to his bed.

"Hey, how's your head now?" she asked him softly, almost whispering.

"Better," he said, "but I'm confused."

Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed, taking the spot that was quickly becoming hers, and rubbed his arm.

"Confused how, El?"

"All these thoughts and images in my head ... it's like I'm caught in a sandstorm or something. I can barely think straight, let alone make sense of anything."

"Would it help if we tried to focus on one thing together?" Olivia asked.

She honestly didn't know how these things worked, but she did remember how Dr. Lindstrom had helped her find some balance during their therapy sessions whenever she was spiraling down or felt overwhelmed by bad memories or flashbacks.

"Like what?" Elliot asked, and his helplessness made her heart go out to him.

"How about you focus on me first," she suggested, and she watched Elliot struggle to open his eyes wider to look up at her. He must have been drugged heavily to combat his headaches.

"Olivia Benson," Elliot said, and he actually managed the beginnings of a small smile. "The most beautiful ... beautiful cop in the city."

Olivia smiled as well and shook her head. She wasn't fishing for compliments, but was just trying to give him something to hold on to in the middle of the sandstorm inside his head. But she did appreciate the compliment.

"My partner," Elliot said.

"Yeah. I'm your partner."

"For better or worse."

She nodded, swallowing at his words, that meant so much to her.

"You've been hurt badly," he mumbled, reaching up to touch her cheek with his hand.

Olivia knew he couldn't mean Lewis. She stared into his blue eyes, that seemed very dark blue now, to find a clue as to what he was referring to.

"So alone."

Elliot shook his head and Olivia bit her lip.

"So beautiful and strong, yet so alone."

She took a deep breath and breathed out as slowly as she could. Was Elliot remembering or observing?

"And I couldn't ... I couldn't ..."

His eyes became so sad that Olivia had to look away. It was as if the impossibility of them was tangible between them, and it was utterly painful. Elliot seemed to be either feeling or remembering the pain of their impossibility and she didn't know how that had happened.

"I wanted to, but I couldn't Liv. You understand, right?"

Tears were glistening in his eyes and she wondered what he was remembering exactly. She was desperate for more information about how he'd felt all those years, but she needed to reassure him first. This wasn't the time for her to break down on him and ask for guidance. He needed her first.

"I understand," she whispered, not trusting her voice. "I understand El."

"I only made things worse."

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye and Olivia wiped it away gently.

"No El. You didn't. You were always there for me. You didn't make things worse at all."

She wanted to cry too but she had to keep this conversation going. Whatever it was that he was remembering, it made him see their relationship like it was.

"But I couldn't ..."

"Couldn't what, El?"

Elliot closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. He put a hand to his forehead then, and Olivia worried that his headache was increasing again. Maybe she shouldn't push him any further. He groaned and Olivia put a hand on his chest, caressing it gently.

"It's okay El. It's okay. I'm here and you're going to be fine. You can hide away from the storm with me."

Elliot dropped his hand away from his forehead and looked up at her, and Olivia leaned over him, placing her hands on his cheeks.

"Let me be your shelter for a while El," she whispered.

When she felt Elliot's arms move around her waist, she leaned into him, resting one elbow next to his head on the pillow and caressing his face with her other hand. She could feel Elliot relaxing and when he closed his eyes, she closed hers too. She moved her face next to his and rested her forehead on her own arm, brushing her cheek against his. Elliot's breathing was returning to normal and when he rubbed her back gently with his hands, she relaxed as well.

She was his shelter.

But in a way, even now, he was hers too.

...

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