Nathan alternated between sobbing and saying that there was no way Tim could be gone. He never waited for a response before collapsing into tears again.

Eventually he kept his head buried against Lucas's shoulder and just cried.

Lucas rested his head against Nathan's and let a few of his own tears slip out every once in awhile.

Dan and Deb watched helplessly as their son was suffering. They quietly stood up and motioned that they would be in the other room.

Lucas watched them go before shutting his eyes and losing himself in his own thoughts. His body was shaking with Nathan's sobs. He held onto his brother tighter.

Lucas sat wordlessly with his brother until Nathan finally lifted his head and smiled weakly.

"Sorry I've made you sit on the floor for so long." Nathan said.

"Please don't apologize. I'll do anything I can to help you."

"Thanks Luke."

"Can I get you some water?"

Nathan nodded. He was thirsty and exhausted. He pulled himself up onto the couch. A photograph on the wall caught his eye. It was a team photo from a few years ago. Nathan couldn't help but stare at Tim, looking so happy. Tim loves basketball.

Loved. Past tense, Nathan reminded himself.

Lucas came back with a glass of water. Nathan was still staring at the wall. Lucas followed his gaze.

Nathan noticed Lucas's presence and pointed to the photo.

"It's from freshman year. Tim couldn't believe he made the team."

"He was a good player."

"Yeah. There it is again."

"What?"

"Past tense. I had to remind myself a minute ago."

"Nate…"

"I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to lose someone. How am I supposed to move past this?"

"You just found out Nate. You're allowed to grieve."

"Do you think Haley knows?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I don't know how many people from school know."

"Can you call her? I don't know where my phone is."

"Sure. Do you want her to come over?"

"No. Not right now."

"Do you want to have something to eat?"

"That's okay. I'm not really sure I could taste anything anyway. I think I'm going to take a shower. But thanks Luke."

"Anytime. I'll call Haley for you."

Nathan stared at Lucas for a moment, apparently not even remembering that he had asked Lucas to do that.

Finally he just nodded and walked upstairs.

Later that afternoon, Lucas sat in a chair reading a book. Nathan was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, absently playing a video game.

"Do you need anything buddy?" Lucas asked, shutting the book.

"No." Nathan said hollowly.

"Okay."

"I keep waiting for him to sign on."

"What?"

"Tim. I keep waiting to see his screen name pop up on the screen. He and I used to do missions together."

"I'm so sorry Nate." Lucas said, getting up and sitting next to Nathan on the floor.

"It's okay. I know he's not going to be signing on. I just have to get used to that being the norm."

"Seriously Nate, is there anything I can do?"

"No. Just the fact that you're here helps more than you know. Do you mind if I keep you captive a bit longer?"

"You're not keeping me captive. I'm here as long as you need me."

"Hey boys. Haley's downstairs. Can I send her up?" Deb asked from the doorway.

"Yeah." Nathan said.

"Do you want me to leave you two alone?"

"Yeah maybe you should. Thanks."

"No problem."

"Luke?"

"Yeah Nate?"

"Since Haley's going to be here, why don't you go see your mom or Brooke?"

"That's okay. I can stay here."

"No, go. I promise I'll be okay. Like I said, Haley's coming up."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I promise. Thanks though."

"Of course."

"I love you Luke. I know I tell you all the time, but I hate for anything else to be the last thing you remember me saying."

"I love you too Nate. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Hey." Haley said softly as Lucas passed her on his way out.

"Hey."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I never realized how much I sucked at this game without Tim. We all have our special talents I guess."

"I guess."

"Are you coming on Saturday?"

"Of course."

"His dad asked me to speak."

"You're his best friend."

"What am I supposed to say? The last thing I ever said to him was that he was a dick. I don't think that would really fly as a eulogy."

"Friends fight. He knew you cared about him."

"I feel like I let our friendship slide a lot. I've been really preoccupied with my own stuff, good or bad, and I didn't make a lot of time to hang out with him. I just figured we'd catch up eventually. I just always thought that later was a given."

"Oh Nathan. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Thanks for being here."

"Always."

Nathan came downstairs the day of the funeral and sat down next to Lucas, then promptly began to stare at the wall.

Lucas studied his brother. Nathan looked like he hadn't slept in days. Not that he would know, Nathan had been holed up in room ever since Haley left almost a week ago.

Lucas signed and took a sip of his coffee. He wasn't used to Nathan shutting him out, but he figured that it would pass soon.

Nathan absently reached over and took a piece of bacon off of Lucas's plate and ate it. Lucas smiled a little bit.

"Today is going to suck." Nathan finally said, still not looking at anything in particular.

"It's going to be a hard day. But you'll get through it, and don't forget that we're here for you."

"I know. I just wish I knew what I was going to say up there."

"Try describing Tim. Like, what would you tell someone who didn't know him." Dan suggested, coming into the kitchen and straightening his tie.

"That's a good idea." Lucas said.

"Thanks Dad." Nathan said, smiling for the first time in days. It was a small smile, but better than nothing.

"Anytime son." Dan said, patting Nathan on the shoulder.

"Luke, I know I've been MIA the past few days…" Nathan said, still not looking at Lucas.

"It's okay Nate."

"I know you want to be there for me. I just don't know what to do."

"It's okay. You take all the time you need."

"Right." Nathan said absently.

"Tim's best friend Nathan is going to share some of his memories with us." Mr. Smith announced at the funeral.

Nathan sighed and steeled himself for the tough moments ahead. Lucas had been sitting with his arm around Nathan. Nathan glanced at Lucas before standing up.

"Ready?" Lucas whispered.

"Yeah."

"You'll do great." Lucas said, squeezing Nathan's shoulder before letting him get up.

Nathan made his way to the front and surveyed the crowd in front of him. There were a lot of familiar faces. He hoped that he could do his friend justice.

"Um, I could tell you that Tim had recently graduated from high school, where he was on the championship-winning basketball team. He was a good player. Kind of a sucky student, but hey, so was I. There are a lot of basic things I could tell you about Tim. More importantly, I can tell you that Tim was my best friend for as long as I can remember. There are a lot of times I took that for granted."

Nathan paused to collect himself. He took a deep breath and continued, looking out at the crowd again.

"I cannot describe how much I hate having to use the past tense to talk about him. Tim's death has shown me the importance of living in the moment. Tim's life also showed me that, but I realized that way too late. When I was trying to decide what to say today, I was asked to describe Tim to someone who hadn't met him. Tim was…Tim. He was never afraid of being himself. Even when he was being ridiculous, you could tell he was enjoying himself and he wouldn't want to be anyone or anything else. He was an easy target for jokes but I have to say, I never fully appreciated his integrity and sense of self until recently. Tim was Tim, no apologies. When I needed him, he was there for me. I called him from the hospital last year after my brother had a heart attack and he came right away. That's just the kind of friend he was. He would do anything for you, no questions asked. Some of you are going to remember Tim as the goofy guy you went to high school with. That's okay with me, and it would be okay with Tim. I'm not going to worry about Tim's legacy at all. He would be happy to know that people cared. He would be so happy to see everyone here. Tim was one of a kind, and all he wanted to be was himself. There's no better legacy in my opinion. All that's left to say is, rest easy buddy. I love you. Present tense."

Nathan paused for another moment and then briskly made his way back to his seat. Lucas gave him a small smile as he sat down.

"That was really great." Lucas whispered.

"He deserves really great." Nathan said.

Lucas smiled and put his arm around Nathan once more. Maybe he was starting to process everything.

Nathan settled back in his seat and edged out of Lucas's grasp. Lucas patted Nathan's shoulder instead and then let go.

Lucas's heart sank as he watched the familiar look of vacancy once again fill his brother's eyes.

Nathan continued to stare straight ahead as the service was coming to a close.

Lucas sighed, swallowing hard as his head started to pound. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You okay?" Dan whispered on the other side of Nathan.

"Fine." Lucas said quickly.

Lucas and Brooke got into his car after the service. Lucas tilted his head back and sighed. Nathan had given him a quick hug and then hurried off to sit in the back seat of Dan's car.

"That was hard." Brooke said sadly.

"Nathan did really great."

"He did."

"How are you doing, pretty girl?"

"I'm okay. I never imagined life without Tim. Who would've thought I'd miss that crazy guy? But I do."

"Yeah. I know what you mean."

"Are you heading back to your dad's?"

"My dad's, but just to get my stuff together. I owe my mom some quality time."

"That's good."

"Yeah it is." Lucas said absently.

"You okay?"

"I'm just a little tired I think. A little lightheaded."

"Do you want to pull over? I can drive."

"Yeah." Lucas said, pulling over to the side of the road. He leaned his head against the steering wheel.

Brooke opened her door and rushed over to Lucas. She saw Jake and Peyton driving up to them.

"Are you feeling okay?" Brooke asked again.

"I'm really dizzy." Lucas said, getting out and leaning against the car.

"Lucas!" Jake yelled, running over with Peyton.

"I think he might pass out." Brooke said, starting to panic.

"Luke, can you look at me?" Jake asked, trying to get Lucas to focus.

"I can't really see you. Everything's fuzzy."

"Sit down." Jake said, guiding his friend to the ground.

Brooke reached into the car and got out her water bottle. She knelt down beside Lucas and helped him drink.

Lucas shut his eyes for a few minutes, taking deep breaths.

"That's better." Lucas said finally.

"Are you sick again?" Brooke asked.

"No. That was really sudden. Like when I blacked out at the basketball court."

"Jeez, and you were taking your meds then too." Jake said.

Lucas stared at Jake, his eyes wide.

"I haven't."

"What?"

"I haven't been taking them."

"What?"

"I forgot to bring them with me. Damn it, how could I be so stupid?"

"You were distracted, it's okay. We'll go get them now." Brooke said bracingly.

"Yeah. Let's get my stuff from my dad's and we'll go get my meds."

"Okay."

"You sure you're okay Luke?" Jake asked.

"Yeah. Thanks man. Brooke can take us there."

"No worries. Call me later."

"Will do."

Lucas walked into the kitchen and chugged a glass of water.

"Feeling better?" Brooke asked.

"What's going on?" Nathan asked as he passed the doorway.

"Nothing. I'm okay." Lucas said quickly.

"What happened?"

"I just got a little dizzy. Nothing major. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sick again?"

"No, thankfully."

"Are you sure? You look like hell. What's wrong?"

"No. Listen, don't panic, but I forgot to bring my medication when I came here. I didn't realize until today."

Nathan didn't say anything.

"I'm okay Nate."

"What happened?"

"I'm just a little dizzy. I'm sure my meds and some rest will help."

"Do you care about yourself at all?" Nathan asked quietly.

"Nate, I didn't mean to do it. I was just in a hurry to get here when I heard about Tim."

"Don't you know that it makes me sick to know that something can happen to you at any moment? Why don't you give a damn about that?"

"Nathan, please." Brooke pleaded.

"I'm sorry Nate." Lucas said weakly.

"We just buried my best friend."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Nathan almost shouted.

"What's going on?" Dan asked, hurrying into the room. He put his hands on Lucas's shoulders and looked at Nathan.

"Nothing." Lucas said, desperate to leave.

"Lucas is suicidal, that's all." Nathan said bitterly.

"What?" Dan asked. His grip on Lucas tightened involuntarily.

"I'm not suicidal. I just forgot to take my medication because I was in a hurry to get here on Saturday." Lucas said, still staring at Nathan.

"Lucas, that was a week ago." Dan said.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Can you please just take care of yourself for once? You didn't have to rush over here and risk your own health."

"Nate, your best friend died. I wanted to be there for you."

"Well guess what? I want you to BE HERE and I want you not to DROP DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK." Nathan yelled.

"I'm sorry." Lucas said weakly.

"Sorry? We just buried my best friend. I don't want to have to bury you too. I couldn't handle that, I seriously couldn't."

"It's going to be okay. I'm going right now to get the medication."

"Stop trying to save everyone. Don't rush over here and slowly kill yourself by not taking your medicine. Don't run into any fires, don't worry about saving other people, and worry about yourself for once!"

"Nate." Lucas said sharply. He was starting to feel lightheaded again.

"What? You don't want Dad to know? Too bad."

"Know what?" Dan asked.

"Nate, don't." Lucas said.

"He pulled you out of the fire." Nathan said to Dan.

"Damn it Nathan." Lucas said angrily. His head was pounding again.

"Is that true?" Dan asked.

"Yes." Lucas admitted.

Dan let go of Lucas and walked around to face him.

"You could've been killed." Dan said.

"Like he cares." Nathan said.

"Stop." Brooke said angrily.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dan asked, his voice breaking.

"I don't know." Lucas said, staring at the floor.

"Sorry, I think we should go." Brooke said quietly, taking Lucas's hand.

"I'm sorry." Lucas said to nobody in particular.

Nathan didn't respond, he just stormed out of the room. Lucas winced as he heard Nathan's door slam.

"Lucas we need to talk about this." Dan said shakily.

"I'm sorry. I can't right now." Lucas said, running out of the house.

Brooke watched him go, then glanced at Dan. Dan looked completely at a loss for words.

"I'll talk to him. I'm sorry but I need to take him to Karen's."

Dan couldn't find the works to speak, he just nodded.

Poor Nate.

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