28. George Huang

They had made an early start the next morning, so Noah would be ready for his nap early as well. Olivia had made sure to bundle him up warmly so he wouldn't get an asthma attack because of the cold winter air. He had been doing so well lately and she didn't want him to catch a cold. But she didn't want to keep him cooped up all winter either. Noah had the time of his life, feeding the ducks that had gathered together in the part of the pond that hadn't frozen over yet and like she had hoped, he started to get tired around noon. Olivia had explained to him very clearly that they would go to visit Elliot after his nap and he went to sleep willingly after lunch, babbling happily about how Elliot was going to play with him with his dinosaur puzzle at the hospital.

Olivia decided to relax on the couch as well while Noah napped, and actually dozed off for a bit. She noticed she was beginning to relax more easily now that she wasn't swamped with horrifying cases and statements all day long. Elliot was on her mind constantly, but not in a disturbing way. It was like her heart was finally drifting back to a place of peace after she'd been restless for so long. She didn't know how much of Elliot's memory would come back to him eventually, but she did know that things had changed between them for good. They had actually kissed ... She'd never been so affected by 'just' a kiss before. But that was because it was Elliot. With Elliot, it wasn't just a kiss. It was the beginning of a completely new chapter in their lives. And it felt right this time. It had been wrong for so long, but now, it was right.

She was trying not to dwell on their kiss too much, hoping their new relationship would evolve without too much tension, but still her heart skipped a beat when she opened the door to his room later that afternoon and saw his beautiful smile. She smiled back at him and turned her attention to Noah, who ran over to the bed immediately, his arms stretched out as if he was asking Elliot to lift him up. Olivia followed her son quickly and only then she noticed that Elliot had another visitor. George Huang.

"George," she said with a smile, picking up Noah and putting him on her hip.

"On the beeeed," Noah whined, still reaching for Elliot and Elliot chuckled.

"Go ahead mom, Noah can sit with me," he said.

George had stood up and was rounding the bed. Olivia handed Noah off to Elliot carefully and then turned to George to give him a cordial hug.

"It's so good to see you," she said. "Thanks for coming."

"Not a problem, Olivia," George said, smiling. "Elliot makes for a very interesting study object."

Elliot smirked and Olivia could tell that he'd had a nice conversation with George so far. He didn't seem as confused as the day before.

"The doc here has put a few things in context for me and it's helping me to understand my memories," Elliot told her.

"Momma, puzzle!" Noah said urgently, and Olivia raised an eyebrow, looking sternly at her son.

"Noah, how do we ask for something we want?"

She knew he was excited but that was no reason to forget his manners. Noah got the message and tried again.

"Momma, Noah puzzle pease?"

She smiled and saw Elliot smiling as well, while he looked straight at her. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he was proud of her. She glanced at him again while digging through Noah's bag to find his dinosaur puzzle. He was proud of her.

"Here you go baby," she said, handing Noah the box with his puzzle of choice.

"Thank you baby," Elliot said softly, making Olivia blush instantly.

Noah's laugther filled the room and all the adults chuckled as well.

"Momma not a baby, silly!" the little boy said, grinning at Elliot.

Elliot immediately admitted his mistake, confirming that he was silly.

"But you're not a baby either, Noah. You're a big boy," he said.

Noah nodded and stuck two fingers in the air.

"Noah two!"

"Wow, you're two already. You're not a baby at all."

Olivia's heart was melting. It was so sweet to see Noah and Elliot together. She looked at George, who had watched the little exchange with great interest as well. Elliot and Noah started studying the dinosaur puzzle together and Olivia took off her coat, tossing it on the foot of the bed. She set Noah's bag on the bed too, so he and Elliot would be able to reach it to get his other toys out.

"Sit with me?" she asked George, gesturing at the armchair.

George nodded and walked back to the other side of the bed to get his wooden chair, and set it next to the armchair.

"So, what do you think?" Olivia asked the psychiatrist softly once they were seated.

"Well, it is very interesting that Elliot only has clear memories of one specific day so far. He seems to be remembering more about his life in general, like being married and being a cop, but the only vivid memories are of that day of the incident at the bus terminal."

Olivia glanced at Elliot and Noah and could tell that Elliot was listening to them as well as her son. And that was perfectly fine, of course. They were talking about him, after all.

"I decided to piece together the rest of that day for him, to see if he would remember more of it," George continued.

"And?"

George wiggled his head and seemed to be doubtful.

"I'm not sure if he actually remembers more now, but at least now he understands the emotions he does remember from your argument in the hallway at the station."

"Oh."

It had been such an intense moment between them. She still remembered the raging fire in his eyes. The accusation in his voice. And the utter powerlessness behind it all.

"He was overwhelmed with guilt," George stated.

"Guilt? He blame me for screwing up," Olivia responded, hoping she'd kept her voice down enough so Noah wouldn't hear.

George smiled.

"That was what he said. It was not what he was experiencing."

Olivia waited, knowing that George had more to say.

"The incident at the bus terminal was the first time that his feelings for you got in the way so much, that it cost someone his life. His guilt over the boy's death was so enormous, that he needed to blame someone. He channelled his guilt into anger and directed that anger at you, the object of the feelings that had made him make a mistake."

"He seemed convinced that I had made a mistake, that I was somehow incompetent," Olivia replied, remembering the huge knot in her stomach as if it was yesterday. He'd never, ever questioned her like that before.

So this is my fault?

I can't do this anymore. I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay.

"Elliot had decided to run to you in stead of the boy, because he loved you. In his panic, he blamed you for that. He came to me afterwards and we talked about it. I explained all this to him before you and Noah came in."

Olivia looked at Elliot again. They had finished the puzzle and were now having a discussion about dinosaurs. He smiled at her and mouthed the word 'sorry' to her. She shook her head, letting him know that he didn't need to apologize.

"Why do you think that his first memories are of this particular day, Olivia?"

She turned her attention back to the psychiatrist.

"I ... I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

George smiled again.

"What happened after you closed the case?" he asked her.

Olivia closed her eyes briefly, remembering their conversation on the bench at the hospital.

What about me?

Otherwise ... we can't be partners.

You and this job are the only things I've got anymore.

What about me?

"I asked Cragen for a new partner."

She swallowed hard and glanced at Elliot again.

"He knows," George said softly. "I told him earlier."

Elliot nodded at her but had to focus on Noah again then. Her son was introducing him to the three stuffed animals who had been chosen to come with them to meet Noah's big friend.

"So why do you think he remembers that day?" Olivia asked George.

"It was the first time you both openly admitted that you loved each other. Or," George added with a slight chuckle, "as openly as you two would admit anything."

"I never ..."

"I know, Olivia. But what you did say, and your actions, in fact said that you loved Elliot."

"And Elliot's actions?"

"He told me."

"What?"

"The day after Ryan's death and your argument, Elliot came to talk to me. He told me then that he was in love with you."

...

Yes, he did. Off camera. Don't tell me he didn't. :)