Chapter five: One night in the name of love
"Erik I thought you were dead!" she sobbed.
"No, Christine my love, not me…not ever." He whispered, kissing her ear.
"My love,'" she whispered looking at him in shock, "do you still?" she asked.
"Always and forever until I die." She tightened her arms around his neck, "oh Christine… you have no idea what you mean to me…" There were tears in his voice, pooling in his eyes.
"I thought you no longer wanted me…"Christine sobbed.
He wrapped his arms around her, "You're everything to me… everything…"
"Mmm…" Christine moaned softly, her relief sapping the stress keeping her awake.
Erik pushed her down on the bed and no sooner had he done so than Christine tried to stand, "It is bedtime Christine, you look so sleepy."
"No, I want to hold you," she tried to go to him.
Her broken ankle found her unable to do so and she winced and lie back down falling sound asleep almost immediately. Her body ached from the emotional struggles and constant nightmares and all she wanted to do was sleep. Hell that was all she could do to close her eyes of her own will. He turned to look at her watching her chest rising and falling as she snored comfortably into the pillow. Christine sighed and her arms went limp and loose at her sides. Her face slack in sharp relief, but the dark circles still remained there.
It broke his heart and the tears came whether he liked it or not when she started to whimper for him to come to her side. He knew that he shouldn't go to her because it would only pain him to see the relief of seeing him on her face. Erik knew he didn't deserve it, after everything he had done to her. But then she started to cry in her sleep and that was it, he just couldn't stand the sight of her whimpering for daddy Daaë in her sleep. He walked over to the piano and sitting down on the bench and he began to sing softly:
"Who knows when love begins?
Who knows what makes it start?
One day it's simply there, a life inside your heart
It slips into your thoughts
It infiltrates your soul
It takes you by surprise, then seizes full control
Try to deny it, and try to protest
But love won't let you go, once you've been possessed
Love never dies, love never falters
Once it has spoken, love is yours
Love never fades, love never alters
Hearts may get broken, love endures
Hearts may get broken, love endures[ Lyrics from: lyrics/k/katherine_jenkins/love_never_ ]
And soon as you submit
Surrender flesh and bone
That love takes on a life much bigger than your own
It uses you at whim
And drives you to despair
And forces you to feel more joy than you can bear
Love gives you pleasure and love brings you pain
And yet, when both are gone, love will still remain
Love never dies, love never falters
Once it has spoken, love is yours
Love never fades, love never alters
Life may be fleeting
Love never dies, love will continue
Love keeps on beating when you're gone
Love never dies, once it is in you…
Life may be fleeting; love lives on
Life may be fleeting, love lives on…"
She seemed to relax and began to snore loudly; Erik smirked and began timing her snores. No particular reason. It was just amusing to him that she was so delicate and yet sounded like a drunk bear. He had to smile because the sound was so uncharacteristic of her that she would blush to hear herself make that offensive pig-in-heat noise. He began to count her snores 1…2…3… SNORE… 1…2…3…SNORE… Erik laughed softly, his angel even slept in perfect rhythm.
His laughter was short-lived however because he noticed how sickly she looked. Erik tried to contain his emotions as always, he attempted to be unfathomable. But he felt his feet going to the side of the bed. He felt his eyes water when the woman he loved was right there crying and begging him to come over to her side. True she was calling for her angel of music, but Erik knew she meant him. He flicked his eyes towards her, and tucked his blankets over her.
He yawned, her snoring starting to soothe him as much as a lullaby. It was odd because when Madame had done it, the noise had only served to irritate him. But then he supposed that was because he didn't love Madame. It seemed to soothe him that the woman he loved could sleep so deeply and look so peaceful in his presence. Erik felt his head droop and his legs became led, truth-be-told he had not had a good night's sleep since she left. He felt the none-too-comfortable bed beneath him. The pillow was small and only had room for her head but he didn't mind because her chest looked just as soft.
He lay down and curled up on her chest and when she woke, he was laying in her lap asleep. She smiled sitting up on her elbows and he woke up. Christine felt tears welling up again and now knew undoubtedly that she was in love. She wanted to wake up to his every day and kiss him awake like she did now. Her lips reached his and wrapped around his and his eyes widened as he pulled away and tried to ease her back down on the bed so she would not strain her ankle but she was having none of it. She leaned forward and throwing her arms around him kissed the side of his throat. Erik forgot his reservations and pulled her warm body against him. Christine snuggled him, warm and strong and alive…
"Don't cry Christine..."
His arm came around her, the smell of her wafting to his nose and the feeling of her going slack, "I love you…" she whispered.
Erik tipped her chin up to look at her and found no lie in her eyes. He kissed her, bracing the back of her neck with his hand. He tried to ignore that this was his first real kiss, no pity, no schoolgirl fantasies…just a real kiss from a woman that loved him. Erik tried to act like he knew what he was doing les he feel a fool. He gently pressed her lips apart with his tongue, biting hers teasingly. She groaned and removed the headpiece from him, feeling the deformed tissue beneath her fingers. Erik began to pull away but forgot to do so when she caught his hands and placed them on her hips. They slipped sideways seemingly of their own accord.
Gripping her buttocks he pulled her closer but then stopped and pulled away. He couldn't do this! She was an innocent girl and though he was not pure in the physical sense, he could feel guilt bubbling inside him. Erik backed away from her, ashamed of himself. Erik groaned inwardly at the sight of what he was walking away from. She had no right at all to be that beautiful, it literally made him hurt the sight of her like that made him hard. Blonde curls mussed, face red and eyes slumberous with passion; he would be committing a mortal sin in the lavatory tonight and taking one step closer to hell.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I can't do this…" he said.
"You don't want me?" she looked sad.
"Oh believe me, I want you." Erik cupped himself just to show her how much, "but I can't…"
She looked down at him, observing the pulsing member in his slacks. A virginal blush stole over her body. Christine wanted to touch him the minute she locked eyes with him. There was just something about his eyes, the raw need, the pure love and the lust burning there. Her dress fell open slightly and he noticed one perfect breast protruding slightly, so pail and pink from her innocent desire. Erik bit his lip trying to resist the urge to tackle her to the ground and bury himself her till her body fell limp in his arms.
"No… close up your gown." He said, though his voice was thick.
She looked peevish, "Why?"
"I've never…" he hung his head.
"You were doing fine." She walked forward.
"But you're a vir-"he stopped, admitting that he wanted to deflower a virgin was a serious blow to his sense of chivalry.
She laughed softly, obviously finishing the word in her mind, "Indeed I am but we'll never learn if we don't try and I do intend to lose it sometimes."
"But what if I disappoint you?"
"Oh would you just shut up. Damn!"
Erik's mouth dropped at her snappishness and shut his mouth. His love wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss. Erik groaned, he could tell that this kiss was one of full wanton. She wanted to kiss him and so he kissed her back. Christine pushed him against the wall, needing to give him some proof that she loved him legs around his waist and moved closer to him his body radiating heat and smelling of arousal. He bent his head kissed her slowly, testing his ability to do so without being kissed first.
After being kissed by Meg he knew what to do when being kissed and so he spread his mouth wider, biting down teasingly on her well-kissed lips. Christine breathed into his mouth gasping at his desire as she felt it swelling beneath her hand. She had often heard the older ballerinas talk about sex in the dormitories. How a man got hard and groaned and but she had no idea it would be like this. Erik groaned, clamping her hand down on him when she tried to move it up. He wanted her to touch him and she was more than happy to oblige. She stroked the bulge in his pants, smiling against his mouth when she felt him growing stiffer.
She finally moved her hand up to his chest and worked with one of the buttons of his collar. Christine noticed the throbbing pulse in his throat, the glistening sweat on his neck. She kissed him on the neck, licking one of the beads of sweat from him, tasting the sweat from his throat. He clamped her head there, allowing her better access to his throat, wanting her to continue the feeling of her mouth on his throat, her cool tongue on his hot skin. She seemed to nod, and her tongue flicked over his pulse and she bit down lightly.
Christine was surprised at how willing she was to do these things, for she was indeed an innocent. But the passion Erik ignited in her was so fierce and strong that she forgot her reservations. God only he could make her feel like this and she was consumed with it. Her arms wound around him like the coils of a serpent and her fingers linked themselves behind his head to pull him in for a kiss.
'MINE!' Erik's mind screamed and he yanked her to him, 'MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!'
His hands roamed all over her, settling in the treasure-trove between her legs. This is what he needed, the woman he loved bucking against his hand. Erik felt her center with his hand, so hot, so wet… she gasped and pressed his hand to her. He pushed his hand back and forth until he felt her leaking and trembling and she pushed him on the bed and straddled him. Erik groaned at the exquisite torture of the only woman he had ever loved responding to his touch. He decided to reach out and cup one of her breasts.
"Mmm…" she leaned down further into him and closed her eyes.
'She likes my touch…' he thought, who would believe that a woman as beautiful as her would respond so willingly to my touch. God, thank you for letting the woman of my dreams respond to my touch.'
"Erik, please it hurts." She gasped strained with wanting him.
He raised his eyebrows when she kissed him and ran her hands down the side of his neck liking the way his tongue tasted in her mouth. It was drenched with the flavor of a sweet dessert wine. The warmth of her mouth made him groan softly and he framed the back of her neck with his hand. Erik stroked the back of her neck and kissed her back, groaning at the wetness of her mouth when the taste of it became spicier from her passion. He forced her head back slightly and delved his tongue into her throat. She sucked his tongue like a candy, wanting more and pushing him against the bed board. It groaned under his weight and when he rolled on top of her she giggled.
"Help me," he whispered against the skin of her throat.
Christine reached up and pulled his shirt open being careful not to tear it, but he was in such a frenzy he couldn't think to care if she did. She slid the silk shirt down his chest and fanned her fingers over the wiry flesh. He groaned at the coolness of her fingers on his hot hyper-sensitive skin. Her fingers on the matted tissue of his scars, made him want to cry because of her tenderness. Erik leaned over and kissed her. She leaned forward her thoughts of Raoul all but vanished in the arms of her tutor. She couldn't stop the moaning coming from her lips and his voice whispering for her to come.
It was so wrong and her mind screamed at her that this was too dangerous that this was not love it was raunchy sex. But her heart told her that tonight was meant for her and him, she closed her eyes and thought of the man she had been engaged to. Raoul, that dear innocent boy would never give her the kind of passion that Erik did.
He was too shy of a lad for that, beautiful and a child just like she was. Erik was a man, an intense one and the feelings he ignited in her were so deep that her lovemaking to him was out of sheer instinct. It was as if Erik and her were wild animals and she was destined to be her mate. He slid his shirt down his shoulders and then took her hands pinning them to the bed so he could slip her dress open and bury his face in her sweaty, warm skin, lapping at the salty droplets.
"Oh, god Christine, I can't take much more of this…" he moaned, standing up to release his belt.
She stood with him and then Christine pushed him against the wall, needing to give him some proof that she loved him legs around his waist and moved closer to him his body radiating heat and smelling of arousal. He bent his head kissed her slowly, testing his ability to do so without being kissed first. Christine breathed into his mouth gasping at his desire as she felt it swelling beneath her hand. She had often heard the older ballerinas talk about sex in the dormitories. How a man got hard and groaned and tried to find release but she had no idea it would be like this.
Erik groaned, clamping her hand down on him when she tried to move it up. He wanted her to touch him and she was more than happy to oblige. She stroked the bulge in his pants, smiling against his mouth when she felt him growing stiffer. She finally moved her hand up to his chest and worked with one of the buttons of his collar. Christine noticed the throbbing pulse in his throat, the glistening sweat on his neck. She kissed him on the neck, licking one of the beads of sweat from him, tasting the sweat from his throat. He clamped her head there, allowing her better access to his throat, wanting her to continue the feeling of her mouth on his throat, her cool tongue on his hot skin.
She seemed to nod, and her tongue flicked over his pulse and she bit down lightly. Erik groaned hoarsely as her teeth scratched him with her teeth and he reached up to hold her head in place. She reached up with one hand and reached toward his mask and he stopped her with a pleading look in his raindrop eyes. But she removed it anyway and he turned away from her.
"Please, give me my mask Christine." He said in despair, "Don't look at me."
"Shh," she whispered, turning him back to her, "I fell for a man, not a face, I love you."
She gave him a kiss to prove it and he groaned, her mumbled confession enflaming him. Her hands reached down toward his member. Christine liked his response, good god what was happening to her? A sweet child with dreams of innocence and a prince-charming now a woman so wanton that it was to the level of lust, one of the most deadly sins one can commit. But then how could this be so sinful when she was with the man she would die for and it felt good. So good, she groaned and rocked on his straining member his slacks the only barrier between them now and one she found rather annoying.
Christine moved her hand to his belt and loosened it, sliding it open and reaching down to run her hand over him. Erik removed her hand fiercely from him guiding her gripping fingers to the waistband of his slacks and tugging them down slightly. He struggled out of his pants and pushed himself up, just lightly teasing her entrance, causing her to whimper. The touch of her center brushing his throbbing member was almost enough to send him over the edge. She made a keening sound and hid her face in his shoulder and
Erik was glad that he had read so many books on sex and knew how to enter a woman. Still he trembled with nervousness and wanting to please her but scared that his passion would die the minute he entered her that he would not be able to last. But then out of that human love and the need he felt took over him and he had this overwhelming need to make her his. To leave his mark on her in the physical way that no other man could do no matter how many lovers she took.
He slowly entered her and kept his eyes open judging her reaction, finding it favorable as she leaned against the wall. Her forget-me-not eyes opened, smoky with lust and love and she kissed him fully on the mouth. Erik slid himself all the way into her and then cried at her words.
"Oh, God…Erik…you feel so wonderful." He moved softly, "mmm yes so wonderful…harder…"
Erik couldn't help the tears in his eyes at that and moved a little harder, marveling at what she had just said. She thought he felt wonderful, the woman of his dreams thought he was wonderful. He moved into her, her body was so warm and he moved slowly to her barrier, being careful not to hurt her too badly. His release came in a moment but not before she clenched and exploded around him. He groaned with the force of the sweet release he had been waiting so many years to obtain. As he slowly relieved his desires Erik heard her sigh and felt her slump against him.
"Are you quite certain that you have been deprived of this most of your life Erik?" she asked, "You seemed rather…skilled to me."
"I am not a pure man in the physical sense; I've used many a temporary woman and my own hands." He cringed at her disgusted look.
"Erik that's gross." She said furrowing her brow, "That's just…" she stopped, searching for the word and finally having none said, "Just… ewwww…okay…ewwww… thank you for the image I needed that so badly."
Erik laughed at her childish phrasing before he went on, "But as your bible says, 'there is no consummations save for that in thy intended. Tonight was my first time in a way, for it was the first time I laid with someone I love." Christine smiled, "Now I am whole, now I have everything."
Christine snuggled into his arms, "I could never share with Raoul what I just gave to you…I was so confused about myself but you were all I could think of. Laying in his warm arms and thinking and wishing they were yours. When I saw your gun was missing and the blood on the floor…"
She started to weep and Erik wrapped his arms around her and hummed over her head. He hated himself for what he had done to her even if it was not intentional. He had never intended to hurt her, quite the opposite. His intention was to free himself of this torture but never to harm her. If Madame Giry had not found him he would have done so long ago. But then she had taken him to the cottage and just when he had thought himself to be healing he yearned for the woman he loved the most.
To hear her weep like this made him wish for torture of any kind, anything but this. Hell right now he wished that he would kill himself just so that the hole in his heart would ease, but god help him a part of him loved it. To have someone worry for him and come to his arms for comfort was surreal to him in every sense of the word. He leaned down and reintroduced his tongue to her mouth as if it was the first kiss and the last. The gesture as tender as he could make it, as he tried to convey the apologies that he did not have the words to say and to show her just how much he loved her.
She responded, he could taste the salt of her tears, feel the droplets on her trembling lips. To have her back was all he needed and he could not have asked for anything more. Even better was ironically when she broke away from him and her head drooped onto his chest where his heart throbbed with unconditional love. Christine was finally relaxed after what seemed like hours and began to snore comfortably into his bare chest. Erik closed his own eyes and fell asleep to the sound, tears leaking down his face. He finally had the woman he loved, the girl of his dreams and if this was a dream he never wanted to wake up…