33. Daddy

Olivia felt her heart rate go up immediately and she tried to keep breathing normally. Elliot was instantly concerned, and was jumping to conclusions.

"Did he hurt you?"

The tone of his voice startled her a bit. Not because she had never heard it before, but because she had. It sounded just like the old Elliot, laced with concern and immediate anger.

"Nonono. He didn't hurt me," she was quick to say.

"So what happened?"

Olivia shook her head. She wasn't ready to talk about this in front of Noah. But her silence made Elliot only more agitated.

"Olivia."

"Elliot, please," she said as calmly as she could manage, and she nodded in Noah's direction.

She could see the conflict in Elliot's eyes. His concern about what had 'happened' was growing rapidly but he did understand that she wouldn't want to discuss a heavy topic with her son in the room.

"God, I don't know what to think now," he sighed. "I'm going to be thinking the worst."

Olivia looked down, knowing he wouldn't be far off the mark, thinking the worst. But what could she tell him to ease his fears? When she looked up at him again, she was confronted with an intensity that took her back to the past immediately. Without even knowing who had done what to her, Elliot was ready to tear them apart, limb by limb.

"El, I'm here now, right? Safe and sound? Don't go imagining things, it won't do anyone any good."

Elliot scrubbed a hand down his face and looked down at Noah, who seemed to be drifting off a bit in the armchair, his sippy cup still dangling loosely from his lips. He looked at her again but Olivia shook her head slowly. She wasn't going to talk about Lewis in front of Noah. She still wasn't sure how she'd react herself if she told someone other than her therapist about it.

"Just ... do you have access to the internet here?" she asked, suddenly thinking of something.

"Only on my phone. Why?"

Olivia hopped off the bed and scooped her bag up from the floor. She dug out her iPad and charger, and put them in the drawer of his nightstand.

"Google me after I leave," she said, and she hoped she had sounded definitive enough for him to drop the subject for now.

"You made the news?"

Elliot sounded horrified and she put a hand on his shoulder, in a feeble attempt to reassure him. But she knew he was going to freak out once he'd read about what had happened to her. Maybe it wasn't fair to drop that information on him without being there herself. She knew it was a cowardly move but she just couldn't tell him. Not yet. Not now.

Before Elliot could even try to make her change her mind, there was a knock on the door. It opened immediately and Greg Daniels' head peeked around it.

"Hi all," he said, walking further into the room. "It's exercise time for Mr. Stabler."

Greg walked up to Noah and crouched down in front of the little boy.

"And who might you be, sir? Are you here to visit your daddy?"

Noah opened his eyes a little wider and pulled his sippy cup away from his face.

"Daddy?" he asked innocently, and Olivia swallowed hard.

"This is my son, Noah," she said quickly and Greg patted Noah's knee before standing up again.

"Oh I see. He's cute."

Olivia smiled widely and moved aside to give Greg some room at Elliot's bed. She stood next to Noah and told him,

"Noah baby, this doctor needs to be with Elliot for a while, so we're going to take a little walk, okay?"

"Daddy?" Noah asked again, looking at his mother and then at Greg.

"No honey, come with mommy," Olivia said, feeling very awkward and not at all creative.

They hadn't talked about daddies yet. He was only two and she hadn't thought he would understand. She hadn't prepared at all how she was going to explain the concept of a father to him.

"Amy have a daddy," Noah declared.

Amy was one of the little girls from day care. Of course he would notice the children calling the men daddy who brought them and picked them up. Olivia felt stupid now. She should have at least tried to explain why some kids only had a mommy, and some only a daddy. She grabbed Noah's hand and tried to tug him along with her. Elliot and Greg were wisely pretending not to listen, and Greg was already removing Elliot's blanket.

"Noah have a daddy?" Noah insisted, still looking at Greg.

Greg looked over his shoulder at Olivia, an apology in his eyes.

"No baby, you have a mommy," Olivia said gently, but she was feeling quite nervous.

She was a master at interrogating suspects and had no problem turning a conversation around in the direction she wanted it to go. But this was no interrogation. This was her son, talking about a daddy he didn't have, and Olivia didn't have a clue how to turn this conversation around.

"Noah want a daddy," Noah said, his bottom lip sticking out a little, and Olivia knew he wasn't very far away from a toddler mini-meltdown.

"Alright," she said soothingly, "let's go and get a snack and maybe we can find a daddy in the hospital."

Noah started shaking his head fervently.

"No!"

Olivia blew out a breath and looked at Elliot, pleading with him silently to help her out.

"Hey Noah," Elliot said, and Noah turned around immediately to look up at the man in the hospital bed. "You wanna go get a snack for me too? And when you and your mommy get back here, we can see if we can find you a daddy."

Noah was thinking it over and Olivia looked at Elliot with a frown, but he just winked at her. Just when she thought Noah was going to come with her without an other argument, her little boy surprised her again.

"Okay Ewwie. You my daddy."

Olivia's stomach dropped. She knew she wanted their budding relationship to grow and she wanted Elliot to be a part of Noah's life, but this was going very fast. Elliot must have noticed the slight panic she was feeling and just smiled at Noah.

"Just get me a snack first, buddy?"

"Okay," Noah said happily, and now he was tugging his mother's hand to leave for the hospital restaurant. "Come mommy. Leggo!"

Olivia couldn't help chuckling and glanced at Elliot over her shoulder while letting Noah drag her out the door.

"Liv," Elliot called out before she was out of the room. "Could you get me some underwear too?"

...

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