Thank you all so much for your support of this story. It means a lot to me so please know that, even when you don't hear from me personally. And now, a slightly longer chapter, yey! Couldn't cut this one up for obvious reasons. Enjoy!
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36. Kathy
"Mom, why didn't you wait for m... oh shit."
Kathleen came barging into the room and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the blonde and the brunette staring at each other. Her eyes flicked to her father and then to the little boy she could just make out behind him in the bed. She walked up to her father, giving him a quick kiss, and looked at Noah. She smiled and looked at Olivia, who was trying to come to terms with the fact that the person who had kept her and Elliot apart, was standing in front of her.
"Oh my, Olivia. He's adorable," Kathleen said softly, and Olivia finally looked at the younger woman.
She forced a smile and then looked at Kathy again. She did not want an audience for this conversation, that was long overdue. And she most certainly didn't want her son to wake up to people arguing. She rounded the bed and walked up to Kathy. Her voice sounded cold when she said,
"We need to talk. But not in front of my son."
She could see a hint of fear in the woman's pale blue eyes and it was enough for her to regain her balance and her sense of control. She walked right past Kathy out of the room, expecting the woman to follow her. Kathy did. Olivia walked to the nearest waiting area and then turned around and waited for Kathy to either take a seat of choose a place to stand while they talked. They both stood, and Olivia waited for Kathy to speak, because frankly, she had no idea where to start. She was angry and hurt, she wanted to punch the woman and she wanted answers. She needed answers, desperately. What had she done to deserve this? To be shut out by the entire Stabler family just like that?
"Olivia, I ..." Kathy started, wrapping her arms around herself and looking past Olivia at the vending machine behind her. "Kathleen told me that Elliot has started remembering some things and ... and she gave me an earful about how I shouldn't have shut everyone at the NYPD out when he lost his memory."
"I would really like to know why you did that," Olivia said slowly, making sure that she would sound neither upset nor desperate. She was pleased with how cold she was sounding. "Why you felt it was necessary to keep all of us away from him."
She was very careful not to talk about herself, only about the squad. If it had been personal, Kathy would have to be the one to admit that. She wasn't going to ask her.
Kathy blew out a breath slowly and then looked at her defiantly.
"I wanted a fresh start with Elliot. As his wife, I think I had a right to want that."
"And you couldn't make a fresh start with him if his former co-workers were in his life?"
Kathy's eyes went a little wider while Olivia squinted at her, daring her to be the first one to look away.
"Did you really think that we, or his job, were what screwed up your marriage?"
Olivia could feel the anger growing inside her and she clenched and unclenched her hands by her sides, willing herself not to raise her voice any further. Kathy had dropped her arms as well and was also balling her hands into fists.
"Elliot was going to screw everything up!" she yelled, and Olivia smiled inwardly that Kathy was the first one to raise her voice. It gave her the strength to drop her voice when she replied,
"And how was he going to do that?"
Kathy seemed to realize her mistake, having said more than she had intended, and didn't say anything. The more hesitant Kathy was, the bolder Olivia became. She was entitled. She was finally entitled to confront the woman with her failed marriage and her unfair attempt to keep her away from Elliot. Elliot, who loved her. Her. Olivia took a small step closer to Kathy and asked again,
"How was Elliot going to screw everything up, Kathy?"
Kathy let out a frustrated sigh and turned away from Olivia. She walked a little further into the empty waiting area and took a deep breath.
"That job ... it made him clam up completely. After a while, it was like we were becoming strangers who just happened to share a house and children. If he could just have let it go ..."
"He retired," Olivia interrupted her. "What more did you expect of him?"
Kathy turned around to face her again and Olivia could see the agony in her eyes.
"I thought I was finally getting my husband back."
"And?"
Kathy looked down and simply shook her head.
"So when he lost his memory just when ..."
Kathy caught herself again and didn't quite finish her sentence.
"I ... I thought God had intervened and that we could start over."
"You really think God works that way? By wiping someone's memory?" Olivia asked. Even she didn't believe that the God Kathy believed in would do such a thing deliberately. "Did you even want him to remember anything again?"
Guilt flashed across Kathy's face.
"I just wanted our family to be happy and complete," she argued defensively.
"And you couldn't get that with anyone from the NYPD around."
Olivia sensed that there was something Kathy wasn't telling her and she had a fair idea what that was. Her interrogation tactics kicked in and she said calmly,
"Or maybe you didn't want him to remember certain things. Like how your marriage wasn't flourishing at all, either before or after his retirement."
Kathy glared at her angrily.
"Well, you would know, wouldn't you?"
Olivia smiled, although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Success. Kathy was the one who was making it personal. Olivia breathed out slowly and then spoke calmly.
"Yes, I do. I know Elliot loved his family but that it was never an easy ride."
"No, it wasn't," Kathy huffed. "Especially once he partnered up with you!"
And there it was, out in the open. The accusation. The more Kathy was losing control, the more in control Olivia felt. Kathy had slipped up and she knew it.
"So is this about the job or is it about me?" Olivia asked. "Because I was never anything but supportive of Elliot's commitment to his family, and you know it."
Kathy shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself again, looking down at the floor.
"He changed at SVU."
Kathy glanced up at her and it looked like she was going to say something else, but then she changed her mind and turned away from Olivia.
"Kathy, if there is something you want to say to me, just say it," Olivia said, surprised at how calm she still was, at least on the outside. She knew she would need time to process this conversation later, but right now, she was running on adrenaline and she was completely focused on the 'interrogation'.
"He was too close to you!" Kathy finally blurted out. "As long as he had you to talk to, he wouldn't confide in me!"
"So it's all my fault? Is that why you didn't want me around?"
Olivia was daring the woman to say it, because she had her answer ready. But Kathy just looked at her, balling her hands into fists again and breathing heavily, so Olivia chose to go on the offensive in stead.
"Maybe you need to wonder why he needed someone other than you to confide in in the first place."
"He was living in a different world!" Kathy shot back. "I was no part of that. Ever! How could I compete?"
"Elliot didn't want you to be part of that world, Kathy. He was protecting you."
"Right. And while he was busy 'protecting me', I was losing him completely. He didn't talk to me about his job. Fine. But after a while, he didn't talk to me about anything. He wasn't part of my world either. Even after he retired, I didn't get him back. Not really. I just knew he was ..."
Again, Kathy stopped talking abruptly.
"You knew he was what, Kathy?"
"I'd do anything for my family!" Kathy suddenly yelled angrily, not answering the question, and the sudden change in her tone surprised Olivia little.
When Kathy continued, her voice rose steadily, and she came closer to Olivia, raising an accusing finger while she spoke.
"I fought for my family. I always have. I devoted my life to my family. I wanted my children to know their father. To know that they were born out of love and to feel safe and wanted. I wanted to give them a stable, complete home. Like it's meant to be, with both their parents. But I guess you wouldn't understand that. You couldn't get your son's father to stick around right from the start, so you're on your own ..."
Kathy was cut off by a loud smack when Olivia slapped her across the face, hard. She'd been in control so far, but nobody talked about her and her son like that.
She was livid.
Before Kathy could recover from the hard slap, Olivia pushed her until Kathy's back collided with the wall. She took a deep breath before getting into Kathy's face and speaking again, slowly and clearly, staring straight into her eyes.
"I chose to adopt my son on my own. To take full responsibility for his life and his upbringing after his mother's death. Noah was no accident. I choose to love and take care of him every day of my life and I will be proud to explain that to him one day. I didn't need a man to take this responsibility and I would never try to tie anyone down who didn't really want to be with me. Now ... get out of my face and leave me and my child alone!"
"Adopted?" Kathy said meekly, completely shocked, her hand covering her cheek, that now showed a bright red hand print.
"Don't waste your breath," Olivia bit at her before turning around and walking away from her.
Before she was out of earshot, she heard Kathy shout after her,
"I saw you kiss him!"
Olivia stopped walking and turned around.
"You can't make someone love you, Kathy. I didn't make him love me. And you can't make him love you. Not even by giving him children."
...
Bam!
I hope this (first) confrontation meets your approval. I know not everything was said but I thought this was a realistic showdown. There will be more on Kathy's true motives later on in the story. Meanwhile, reviews make me happy!
