Chapter 11

Washing away your troubles

She had not taken the news well, that was evident and as Erik stared at her he thought his head was going to burst from the stress. He had just ruined his life with the woman he loved and it wasn't even dry on the marriage certificate. Erik looked at the tickets to America wishing he had been normal not for the first time, then he would not have been a wanted man and his courtship with Christine would not be so hard. He looked at his unconscious wife, shaking his head. If she hated him, he would not blame her, he had once again ruined her life.

She'd had the world at her feet, gorgeous, set to marry the most eligible bachelor in France, the envy of every woman. Christine could have been the most beautiful Vicomtesse in the world. Christine might have been beautiful dressed in bright sunny clothes and jewels that would make the Khahunum's crown jewels look like paste. If she had stayed with her boy she might be pregnant by now and raising her own little brood of golden-throated angels. Not like with him, he would never give her children, they would be repulsive and hideous like him and must never be born. Tears began to leak down his face at all the things she might have had in her life had he been selfless enough to send her back to her boy.

He sat there sighing and groaning to himself as a thousand 'if onlys' began running ramped through his mind. Erik thought to himself that if only he had not been so selfish as to fall in love with such a beautiful woman when he himself was so grotesque. Oh if only he had been born handsome then maybe he could give her everything she deserved in this life. If only he could control his wretched, traitorous heart then she could live her full life but no he was so weak that he gave into the urges and demands of his betraying love, robbing her life of the light she could have had.

But he had fallen victim to the urge of his biological body and now it was too late. They were married and he was taking her away to a new land, where she didn't know a soul and lost all her friends. It didn't matter how much she claimed to love him he was a selfish and cruel man and he did not deserve her. First, he had caused her to fall in love with him thus ruining her chances with the man that rightfully deserved her and then he spirited her away to a foreign land. Thus, ending her career and taking her away from her friends and family to live with him in a life of exile where she could never be in the Paris opera again. She would never be famous now, not the way she had envisioned and it was his entire fault. He looked up at the ceiling and cursed himself, some husband he was!

Beside him, she sighed and turned over, stirring in her bed. Erik couldn't face his wife, not after everything he had done to her, tricking her like he had always done. He looked up at his wife and he felt his insides tearing. She had been happy with him and then he had gone and ruined it. He wished they were on their honeymoon, so that they could be happy and he really could be a normal man just on a vacation with his newly wedded bride. Just like everybody else. But no, he just had to go and kill two people in bloody public and ruin everything. Erik felt horrible, a poor excuse for a man, no not even a man he was a rat.

He shivered as he stared at his beautiful normal wife like the rat he was he scurried to the corner, curled up in a ball and cried. Erik had never hated himself as much as he did in that moment and found comfort in the only thing he had constantly in his life. Music, he thought of a perfect song for this moment, a song of hatred and self-loathing that begged the one question he knew he would never have answered. It was the one thing that no one had an answer to and if he asked her she would tell him she just did and why couldn't he accept that. Still the words came out of her before he could silence them.

'She looks for sympathy, I give her sorrow. She asks for honesty, I've none to borrow.

She needs my tender kiss, she begs it of me! I give her ugliness…why does she love me?'

Christine woke to a pounding headache and the sound of Erik's voice singing softly. She groaned and turned to meet Erik's silver eyes which were filled with worry. He kissed her head and she could feel the tears on her forehead as he cried softly. She ran her fingers through her hair and then reached up to touch his cheek. He looked down at her and turned away from her in tears, walking to the other side of the room and sitting down in a chair. Erik laid his head on his knees and groaned wearily from the stress, causing her to look at him in concern. What had happened to make him so distraught?

"Mmm, Erik dear?"

No response, she looked over at him and paled. He was curled up in the fetal position, crying so hard that all that came out was a ragged gasping sound. It sounded like he had been choking on the very air he was attempting to breathe in and it worried her to no end. She wondered about this for several moments and rubbed her sore head after a moment, groaning. Her husband was a curious man that was for sure, one minute he was joyful and passionate and the next he was a weeping child. Not only that but his mood swings gave her a headache as it was. One minute he loved her and the next minute he did not want to come near her and to make matters worse she had no idea why.

As far as she knew she had gone to sleep and was waking up and now he was crying. It wasn't the sad sort of crying where silent tears shook the frame with the force of uncontrollable grief. No, these tears were the wretched kind that she had heard the night he had crawled before her as a broken creature more animal than human. Weeping, pleading, begging for love and just one chance to be a normal man and have the love he had never known. It broke her heart then and it still did now, even worse was that it seemed senseless. She had given him everything and he still wasn't happy about it, or was there something else she did not know about?

"Are you all right?" she asked, worried.

Erik lifted his head, sniffling like a child and he crawled over to her to sit by her bed before hiding again "I'm sorry," said her husband, "I did not mean to bring you here."

"It's all right darling, there is no need to cry so…"

She got up and went to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing a gentle kiss on the side of it. He was so moved by this simple gesture that he had to respond and placed his hand over hers. Christine massaged his shoulders, the muscles in them popping and crackling painfully and Erik groaned at the relief that the simple pressure gave him, after so many years of neglecting his body and falling asleep over his organ after long bouts of insomnia that lasted for days his back hurt so badly. He had actually become accustomed to the ache, so much so in fact that not having it felt strange to him.

Strange and oddly exhausting, the relief from the tension that had kept him on his bouts of wakefulness was sapped out of him. His insomnia and physical pain was growing weaker and he felt his head fall forward against the wall with a light thud. The impact woke him and he groaned rubbing the bumped spot on his head. Erik let out a huge yawn, and sank down against the wall preparing to fall asleep. He heard his wife making a soft tisking noise and muttering, 'poor man' as his head flopped back on his now-loosened shoulders to land aimlessly against the air Christine lifted him gently to the bed where he fell into his nap.

She laughed gently and rose from the bed, deciding a hot bath would do her some good as she still smelled of the lovemaking from their wedding night. Not that she minded Erik's scent in fact she rather enjoyed it, the musky smell of faded roses and bitter incense but still she did feel rather sticky. So she got up and heated some water in the kettle before pouring the steaming liquid into the tub and waited a moment to cool. She slipped her gown off and stepped in enjoying the way the water embraced her body and how the soap made tiny bubbles as it scrubbed all the dirt away. Christine leaned her head back against the rim of the tub and found herself losing track of time only becoming aware of her surroundings when she heard Erik let out a sleepy groan.

"Hello dear," she said, "pleasant rest?"

Erik said nothing as she rose like a beautiful mermaid from the hot water, her body glistening and shiny with moisture. It took everything in him to stifle the groan rising in his throat, as he felt himself stiffening at the sight of her. Erik felt his pants stretching at the sight of her and he knew he was as hard as granite. He reached down to soothe himself, his body throbbing with urges he did not even know he possessed. Good God did the woman have any idea what she did to him? She had no right to look as beautiful as she did and make him forget the gentlemanly manners that his father had instilled in him during tutorial visits.

His mind was picturing the most sinful thoughts of his wife as he imagined himself licking the droplets from her naked body. He felt his mouth water as he remembered the taste of her skin beneath his hot mouth as he sucked at her skin and thought the water would taste just as sweet. He cursed himself for having had a taste of true carnal pleasure so that he thought of taking her and felt the need for dominance that came whenever his desires were aroused.

"Hello?" She asked, "Earth to Erik…"

She noticed that he was none-responsive and then followed his eyes down to the apex at her center. Christine rolled her eyes and reached behind her, scooping up her slipper from the floor and tossed it at his head. It bumped him but had no effect as it made her breasts bounce and his eyes moved to them. Christine let out a sigh and wrapped herself in a towel and sat on the bed wringing out her hair, rather enjoying being admired by the man. It was just then that she was frightened by a loud boom of thunder and, letting out a shriek huddled under the covers.

Erik however was not so lucky and with a cry of, "Fuck!" was tossed head long into the bathtub full of greying water and got a very nasty surprise as it nearly skulled his scalp off.

To make matters worse he accidently hit the shelf that she had placed the skiver of carbolic soap and her soap-cutting knife on. Unfortunately the piece she had cut out was mouthful sized and when he lifted his head to breathe the piece fell down into his mouth. In his surprise he swallowed the chunk resulting in a massive coughing fit that worried his wife. The worry vanished after a moment when she realized again just why she had taken that bath in the first place. Christine paled as she realized he had just gotten a mouthful of her…

"Oh goodness are you all right?" she asked.

"What…the…bloody hell…were you washing off?" Erik gasped.

Christine blushed, "Well I've been this boat for a couple days and haven't had a decent bath since our wedding night…"

Erik gave a 'are you serious' look before reaching the tub and grapping her knife, "and why the hell were you using a knife in the bathtub if you have a self-harm issue tell me." He looked concerned.

"No dearest," she placed her hand on his sopping cheek, "I was using it to save soap."

"You were trying to 'save soap' why in God's name is that is there a soap shortage here?" he as he coughed up a mouthful of bubbles and Christine giggled. "In any case if you had not been trying to save soap then I would not have swallowed it— stop laughing at me—I remain unamused! "

He hiccupped twice and bubbles came out both times, Christine found this rather silly and popped them in a childlike way, laughing like a giddy little schoolgirl. Erik glared at her and gagged as he tried to voice a lecture that might have scared the pants off her if he had been coherent. But instead it was just a lot of sputtering and more bubbles as he flailed his arms causing her to laugh so hard that no sound came out. Erik waved the knife and gestured frantically as though he were some flightless bird trying to take to the sky. Christine, being the young girl that she was, was thoroughly enjoying herself playing pop the bubble at her husband's expense.

"Christine," he gasped, becoming desperate, "I can't breathe."

Unfortunately, all she heard was blubber-blubber-gargle-warble and then she couldn't help it. She laughed so hard she collapsed to the floor as a stream of bubbles floated from his mouth and then sobered when he vomited it up. She went to him as he puked up foamy white spit and held him as he clutched his stomach. Christine rubbed his back and pulled him up to his feet; he sighed and allowed her to rest his head on her breast. Tears pooled in his eyes as he thought himself a fool for being angry with her when she had more right to rage at him. He was surprised that she hadn't and wanted her to just to put him out of his misery.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "sorry for everything…"

It took her a moment to remember what it was that he was apologizing for after all she would be annoyed if she had swallowed a bar of soap. There was no reason for him to apologize and then it hit her. They were going to America because someone was after her husband and god only knew what they would do if they got him in their grip. The thought made her want to cry, living without him was making her feel ill and she didn't want to even think about it. He cried softly, it was that kind of crying that she had heard that terrible night when she had took off his mask, the kind of wretched tears that were more animal than human. She slowly got up and went to Erik who was hiding his face from her and she very unceremoniously plopped herself on his lap. He looked at her and she touched his face.

"It might be fun living in America." She said.

Erik kissed her with everything he had; sending a silent prayer of thanks to whichever god had made her not be angry with him. She kissed him, her warm arms embraced his body and then he relaxed. He inhaled the smell of coca and vanilla in her hair, drinking in the beauty of his wife as she snuggled into his arms where he brushed her head with his lips and rubbed her sore temple. Erik was back to normal at the very least and she curled up in his arms. He was so warm and comfortable that Christine almost fell asleep there but had a good feeling that it was better if she was awake at the moment.

He wrapped his arms around her and settled her more comfortably in his lap; she knew that these were the arms she had been meant to curl up in. This was the face she was meant to look at every day. Erik nuzzled her head; she didn't bother to readjust her curls as she usually did. Even though her husband deserved to see her at her best she couldn't possibly be perfect all the time. If he couldn't handle her with her hair slightly mussed then really he was ridiculous. But he put his arms all the way around her and held her close to him.

She touched his neck and kissed him where her hands were, Erik dipped his malformed head over hers protectively and she snuggled into his chest. Raoul was nothing like this, he was warm and strong yes but when he held it was one of those things where yes he cared but it was more for him. He kept up his appearance by playing a knight in shining armor and as long as she played the part of his wilting damsel she was fine. Not necessarily a bad thing but that was just all she was to him, a wilting girl that he had to shelter and take care of her all the time.

He made her always be the one to be coddled and sometimes would she want to be the adult and take care of herself or even her husband. Heaven knew what would happen if she had children with Raoul would he not let her be a mother to them for fear she may injure herself? Erik however put everything he had into keeping her safe, despite his less than perfect physical appearance he was the dark prince charming that no woman would admit to wanting but always did. True, he did not like being tended to and believed much like any man would that it was his duty to tend the needs of his wife.

This was, after all the role of the gentleman in society, the man provides and tends his family, the wife obeyed to the point of being almost slaves. But Erik was different; he wanted to take care of her and cared little if at all for himself. He did not care for himself but still he did not begrudge her the duty of tending him if he required it, or help in the act of growing up. He was also content to let her pamper him on occasion, but had just the right amount of overprotectiveness to keep her safe and warm at night and to keep all the nightmares away. Her husband was too quiet; it was disconcerting for a man who was so eloquent and loquacious to be silent as he gazed down at her lips.

Christine leaned up to kiss him and he received her gesture totally, it was warm and gentle and tasted like optimism. It was sweet and she felt the idea of America would be just wonderful, true she would miss Meg and Madame but she could always make new friends and even more so when no one knew her father. No one pitied her and no one knew Erik's dark history, but then she noticed the one major flaw in Erik's plan. In this new land she would need to learn everything, the food, the culture and most of all the language. It would not do to be bumbling and babbling like a goony fool.

"Erik, I don't speak English!" she said panicked.

Erik smiled at her saying, "I do love I will soon teach you."

She smiled at him, "as long as you don't eat anymore soap dear."

He gave her a dirty look and wiped the cheeky grin off her lips with a big wet kiss.