DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. The storyline's mine :)

EdwardsFirstKiss, thank you for your help, editing and ideas. Micropenis made it to the final eight ;) You guys will know later what I'm talking about.

Now... Enjoy. R.

17. Kanye West – To the World (feat. Teyana Taylor & R Kelly)

CHAPTER 16

This Awful Day Made No Sense

"Let me see you put your middle fingers up
To the world I made up in my mind
I'm doing things my way
I'm burnin' shit down tonight
I'm doing shit my own way
It's my own way or the highway
Middle fingers up to the world, to the world."

Saturday, March 16, 2013 (11 days later)

"Let me see you put your middle fingers up; To the world I made up I my mind oooohhh; I'm doing things my way, I'm burnin' shit down tonight; I'm doing things my own way oooohhh," I howled loudly. I had been singing Kanye's songs and staring at the wall for the last hour. I had never thought I could get tired of his songs before, but now I was bored to exhaustion… if that's possible.

Briiiiing. Briiiing.

"Christ!" I sat up, silenced the music and reached for the phone on my bedtable for what must have been the seventh time, wiping tears away from my face, not bothering with those that had slid on my neck while I was lying down. It was Alice. "Alice, before you begin, let me tell you for the tenth time today that I am not coming tonight, okay? I. Am. Not. Tell Rose I'm sorry, but tonight is not a good time for me." There was silence on the other side. "So, what? Are you giving me the silent treatment now?"

"It's Edward."

Oh, crap. Now, I was silent. Embarrassment rushed through me and not only because of the number I had pulled just now but also because of the one I had pulled yesterday. What had I been thinking? Of course, he would chase my ass. But I didn't think he would use my friend's number to do so.

"Bella?" he asked when I didn't answer. I still couldn't believe he was actually calling me. And from Alice's phone. The last time he called was when he had canceled our session. To hear his voice on the phone was the last thing I expected.

"It's Bella and Edward now?"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Yes. Yes, you are interrupting my wall-talk, thank you very much. "Nah. Why are you calling from Alice's phone?"

"I'm at Emmett and Rosalie's place with Jasper and Alice. She thought I might change your mind."

Oh, Alice. "I'm sorry. She can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. You just should've said no to her."

There was silence again. "I wanted to call you."

"You did?"

"Yes. I mean… You missed your appointment yesterday."

For some reason, my heart started pounding. I cleared my throat. "Ahm. I wasn't feeling well."

He didn't say anything again, and I almost hung up. Idiot. Him. Me. Both of us… I was an idiot for chickening out yesterday and lying to him now and he was an idiot for… He just was. "And I suppose you´re not well today, either. Being that you're not coming to Rosalie's dinner tonight."

"No."

Eloquent wouldn't be a word to describe Edward at that moment. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"No."

I swear, there was nearly ten seconds of silence every time before he answered. He sounded nervous for some reason as if he was unsure what he was doing now. "Are you sure you're not coming tonight?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Because, you know, they're quite excited. She would miss you."

Rosalie. He was talking about Rosalie. And I knew she was excited, couldn't stop talking about the dinner all week. She had invited Emmett's parents as well as hers, his friends and what not. She always loved to have a lot of people to take care of and it was always quite difficult to arrange dinner where all of Emmett's and her friends and family could meet since the majority of Emmett's friends worked at the hospital. The closer the wedding became, the crazier Rose became, and Alice obviously couldn't contain her happiness for Rose either. Alice had said to Rosalie that she was going to spend eternity in all universes with Emmett - whatever that meant - and Rose just swallowed that bullshit like it was a piece of sparkling candy. I mean, I'm not saying there was no chance for them to spend their whole lives together; they were the perfect couple - the sort of couple you were in awe of when you saw them but… come on, look at it from a realistic point of view. Statistically, their chances to make it were fifty-fifty.

"She's gonna be alright," I said.

"As I mentioned, Jasper's in town as well," he added. As if that would change anything. Besides, I had already been informed about that since Alice couldn't shut up the whole week about him coming into town. It was Rosalie's excitement from the right side, Alice's from the left side and while I wasn't necessarily jealous of them – okay, yes, I was… a little – their happiness only accentuated the sadness I felt in my life. "Their parents, Emmett's friends… You know I think it's gonna be fun."

I laughed dryly, getting ready for my sarcasm-licked tone. "Is your wife coming?" That would've made my night just splendid had I gone – being thrown his perfect life in my fucking face, seeing a woman that was apparently ultra-super-great-successful. Rosalie sometimes mentioned her, how much she wanted to meet her, and Alice wasn't behind in seconding her opinion. I bet the wife would've annoyed me just like her dick of a husband did.

And after I asked the question, there was the silence again that I didn't want to hear. For a while, I thought he had hung up, but I didn't hear a beeping tone, so he must have still been on the line.

"No, she's not." His voice suddenly had that rigid tone to it I recognized from his office and realized he was Dr. Psycho now. Up to this point, however, it had been Edward calling.

Well, I wasn't going to apologize. I just discovered another weak spot – his wife. He was obviously sensitive when it came to his family. I was curious as to how he would react if I threw his daughter into the mix… Imagine my evil laugh now. Hahahahahaha.

"Well, Edward, then – enjoy. If you think Emmett's parents are fun, then you obviously haven't met them."

He chuckled into the phone. "Actually, I have. They're a little… uptight, I'd say, but not bad company."

I chuckled lightly. "It is bad company if you want to get drunk. And you don't want to do that in front of them, trust me. They're not my biggest fans," I said in response without thinking.

"I might've heard something about that." Edward chuckled again.

"Of course, you have. Emmett's turned into a little gossip queen," I said, a little furious. I had never had anything against Emmett. He was the one who always passively hated my presence whenever I entered his personal space but spreading stories about me made me fucking angry. Guess he wasn't that passive after all.

"He was just telling another story and only mentioned the incident. Don't tell him I told you."

"I have no intention to, but whatever. Is there anything else you want to talk about, Edward? I've things to attend to." Like wall-singing, for example.

"No, of course not," he said, but it felt like he wanted to add something else. "But maybe coming tonight would make you feel better – being among people."

I sighed in frustration at his not so subtle attempt to get me to go. "Geez, is that your fucking mission in life, to make me feel better? Well, guess what? I'm positive that one dinner spent in your presence won't change that. Therapy isn't working so now you're trying to drag me out? "It came out a bit harsher than I originally wanted it to, but I guess it helped to get my point across. And it was also quite unfair towards him as a doctor, but… You gotta do what you gotta do.

Wasn't I just amazing today?

On the other side, there was a silence before he spoke. "Forget about it. Have a nice rest of the day, Miss Swan." Strangely, his voice didn't show any sign of annoyance, but it was that Dr. Cullen-like aloofness that struck my chest. Before I could say anything, he hung up, and I was left with a long beeping sound on the other end. The man was on his period I swear, confusing the shit out of me. Now, don't get me wrong, today it seemed like I had caught him in a bad place. He seemed to be quite nervous and more easily disturbed compared to the last time I had seen him. We'd had three more therapy sessions – well, technically two as I hadn't gone yesterday – and those had been just pure travesty. Basically, each of the therapies followed a similar pattern - he tried to make me talk while I acted like a bitch. He had also given me a few leaflets with a list of numbers I should call if I ever felt like I was about to hurt myself or had suicidal thoughts… I mean, seriously? If I were to listen to him, I would be calling those numbers 24/7.

Going back and forth, back and forth, we talked about all sorts of crap while he was trying to squeeze some juicy information out of me. A week ago, on Friday, I was on the strike, making him irritated to the point where he ended the session twenty minutes early. I'd felt triumphant and realized that maybe he was going to give up on me soon and proclaim that I was an untreatable case and leave me be. But then, I went to this week's appointment and it felt like he had prepared for me; his face was one blank sheet with no sign of emotion on his face. I pushed as much as I could, but he didn't waiver one bit. On the contrary, he caught me off-guard several times with his voice and eyes and just his motherfucking presence. Every time I was around him, it was like our energies crashed and they couldn't settle down. The tension between us was undeniable, but the serenity he brought with him was always there, lurking in the distance and coming closer when I let my guard down. Sometimes, just as now, he chuckled or laughed, but it all quickly died down as if he had caught himself doing something he shouldn't have been. And that further confused me even more so, because the more I interacted with him, the more I felt like he was holding himself back, and that he couldn't express himself in the way that he wanted.

Or he really was just a dick which I was very much inclined to believe. If he was dealing with some shit himself, that would make me like him, sympathize with him and we were not going down that route, okay? It was enough that dream-Bella fucking adored Edward. I was not going to. And what shit could he be going through, anyway? His life was perfect. He had parents, a wife, a daughter, a fantastic career… Life was easy for him.

Yes. Edward Cullen was just a dick. A shrink-dick…. With a shrinking dick. Haha. I wondered what his dick was like…

No. Don't go there, Bella. Stop thinking about his dick.

Today was only a bad day. I was angry and irritated from the second I woke up, especially now that Edward had made his call. But it was just another day. Yesterday - I have to admit - was a little tough for me as Jessica fucking Stanley was spreading rumors all around the school about my suicide attempt. It was supposed to stay just between Rose, Alice, Newton and me, but as the three of us suspected, Stanley finally found her way into Newton's pants and it was more than possible that he let his mouth run while she was sucking on his dick. I confronted him yesterday, and he said that luckily, not one of the parents picked up on the rumors and even if there were concerns, he would defend me by proving that I was in therapy and getting better. The truth was, however, that if one of the parents were as wealthy and influential as Mr. Great-fucking-Aro-Volturi, and they would want me to be gone, Newton wouldn't have a choice but to fire me. And that would be the last fucking drop in the ocean. Last fucking drop, before I actually acted on the suicidal thoughts I was having more and more these days.

So, I spent today in my bed, watching Ten Things I Hate About You, because although I didn't like chick-flicks, Heath Ledger was a bad boy and I liked bad boys. Maybe I should write a poem for Edward – Fucking Hundred Things I Hate About You. When the movie ended, I watched it again. And then I cried because I fucking could and because it was one of those moments when I just wanted to cry. I was taking happy pills, but I hadn't really noticed a change, so Edward said something about changing my prescription. He also said that I had lost weight and that I should've told him that my appetite had decreased. What-fucking-ever. I had told everyone that pills were not going to change how I felt. And I didn't mind not eating. My hands were better, but it didn't mean it wasn't difficult to cook.

My right hand was almost completely healed, and I could do a lot of things with it now without much pain. Mr. Green, my physiotherapist, checked it the first time I had met him and said that it would work just as before. My left hand was the one that was making my life a total nightmare. You don't realize just for how many things you need both of your hands for until you lose one. Well, not literally, but you get the point. So far, I've had three physiotherapies, but I was supposed to do exercises every day. I can't say I was doing them, because you know… life was busy and shit, so some days I just skipped. Furthermore, it was so painful sometimes and I didn't know why. Some days were fine; I just felt this strange tingling and tickling. But some days, my forearm was on fire. I was going to see Dr. Angelic on Monday to see what he says about it.

Now that the second run of the movie had ended, I just sang and watched my walls because they really fucking needed some painting. Crap. But some days I had barely the energy to get up from bed, let alone paint a room, so I simply shrugged my shoulder because I didn't care. It wasn't like anyone was in this room besides me. Oh my god… that reminded me I hadn't had sex in months. Let me tell you – it was a little annoying. I missed it, what can I say? But I couldn't just go to the bar and grab someone random without being properly drunk and I couldn't drink because I told myself I wouldn't. I still remembered being called a whore and while I consciously rejected being that kind of woman, I knew that it was true. Whatever had broken in me the night that man had called me that name, which caused that shift, prevented me from going out and getting myself wasted like I used to. The whole alcohol-sex-spanking-pain cycle was a thing I knew I was addicted to because it numbed all the shit I felt all the time. And now I had stopped whoring around which I think was one of the reasons shit just went bad and why I felt like my life was unbearable. It was like suddenly, all the emotions I had been suppressing by alcohol and sex were coming out and I wasn't strong enough to handle them.

Whatever. It was always like that. Either I was a whore or I was miserable. It sounds pretty extreme but there was no middle ground. Or I could be both at the same time just like I had been during those last few months when even sex hadn't seemed to help. And since I didn't know how to handle it all, death was the solution I had needed. Still needed.

My phone rang again, interrupting my reverie. I was sure it wasn't Edward this time and after checking the caller ID, I rolled my eyes, contemplating if I should pick up, because it was Alice. I doubted he would call again, so pressed the green button. "Yes, Alice? Or is it Edward again?"

"Bella, have you changed your mind yet?" she asked ignoring my question in a voice that sounded like she was tired of me saying 'no' again and again, because she knew I would say yes.

"No," I replied in exasperation.

"Don't be such a pain in the ass."

"You are the pain in the ass, Alice. Can't you and Rose leave me alone for one day? You haven't left my ass since I got home from the hospital."

"It's not being a pain in the ass, it's called friendship and looking after one another. I know yesterday must have been an awful day for you, but maybe it'll make you feel better if I tell you that Jessica's going to be fired."

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Well, you know," she said casually. "That old whore is ready for recycling and by fooling around with Newton she hasn't put herself in the most favorable position when it comes to parents. I've got a feeling she's gonna fuck it up."

"I don't believe she's in a worse position than I am. She has Newton on her side."

"If it comes out, she's done."

"So am I."

"Nothing will come out, Bella. Nothing about you anyway."

"But thanks to her, everyone in school now knows about my mental breakdown."

"Everyone in school knows about her, too. Why do you think she started talking? To make people forget about Newton and her. She knows it is absolutely unprofessional and that parents who don't like it might want her gone."

I sighed. "I don't see how this situation is any different from mine. I could get fired pretty quickly if they knew."

"But they won't know."

I groaned in frustration. "Alice, you're talking in circles. How can you say they won't know?"

"Because I know!"

Oh, right. "A hunch again?"

"You can say that. But it's more than a hunch this time. It's like… I simply know."

"Like with Jasper?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes! Yes, exactly!"

"The more you're into that crap, the more I want to kick your ass. You're not making any sense."

"As long as it makes sense to me, it doesn't have to bother you."

"You sure you don't want to talk to Dr. Edward? Your new best friend?" I chuckled, poison in my voice as plain as day.

"How's it going, anyway? You haven't mentioned your sessions in a while," she asked nonchalantly, but I detected a suppressed curiosity in her voice. I hadn't talked to the girls about Edward and our meetings much since I hadn't felt comfortable in them, let alone think and talk about them afterwards. They knew the basics – that we annoyed the shit out of each other. I knew they were dying to get some spicy information, but I wasn't the one to give it to them. And even though I thought Edward was a dick, by now I knew he wasn't one to rattle out anything about me as his patient to Emmett or Jasper. What he thought about me personally was a different matter, though as they obviously talked to each other about my drinking adventures.

"It's going."

"Bella," she whined. "Tell me more."

"Ask him, you obviously are his friend now. Besides, you always act like you don't approve of shit I'm doing, yet you are always the most curious one. Rose at least gives me some space." I said referring to her strange talk about how she didn't want to be involved, but at the same time not entirely disapproving of me having Edward as my shrink.

"I didn't say I didn't approve," she defended herself. "I just said that…" she trailed off. "Forget it."

Now, she teased my curiosity. "What, Alice?"

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. So, Jasper's in town finally as well, and it would be shame if you missed out on this dinner. Rose would love to have you."

"Alice, don't deflect. What were you going to say?"

"Nothing! I don't remember." She was lying. It was like that morning I had woken up at her apartment and asked her about that weird collision thing and she was all vague about that as well. There was something she wasn't telling me. "So, you're coming?"

I whimpered. "No-o. Besides, I can't drive."

"Don't be theatrical, Bella. I'll send Jasper to pick you up. Get your ass down here. Rosalie's getting married in two months. You don't want to be the one that spoils it for her by not being here because you're feeling moody."

Ouch. Punch. Tears welled in my eyes and I mouthed a curse, becoming angry on myself for letting this shit get to me.

"Oh, holy crap! Sorry, Bella, sorry!" Alice said in a rush, and I could hear real regret in her voice. "I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that. Damnit."

"It's okay, Alice." No, it wasn't, but I wasn't about to hold it against her. I knew she didn't mean any harm, and sometimes she slipped and said something really insensitive. But I couldn't expect people to walk on eggshells around me. The truth was, however, that I wasn't exactly easy for them to deal with. They were watching me and looking after me almost twenty-four seven, and I was one moody bitch. Rosalie was super considerate, and I think it was simply a part of her nurturing motherly character to be caring and thoughtful, but Alice was a hurricane. She barely thought about what she said, and I couldn't blame her for being who she was. Although saying hurtful things and voicing her opinions was the reason why we had had so many arguments in the past. But the important thing was that she was standing by my side even if she didn't have to.

"Sorry, Bella. Jesus, I can be a real mouthful."

I chuckled, wiping away the tears that were lucky to escape. "Yeah. Don't worry about that."

After a moment of silence – which was weird because Alice was never quiet – she asked again. "So… are you coming?"

I sighed and feeling a little guilty for what she said and how Rosalie might actually feel about me not being there, I nodded. I didn't believe that Rose would need me – her suicidal friend – when she had such an amazing family, but Alice's words made me feel like a worse person than I already believed myself to be, if that was even possible. "Yeah. I'll come."

"Fantastic. Great… Jasper will stop by at six thirty. See you at Rosalie's then."

"See you at Rosalie's," I mumbled, sighing. We hung up, and I let myself cry for a few minutes before finding the strength to take a shower because – although it might seem ridiculous to you – even that shit sometimes required an iron will.

I put some random clothes on, not really caring about how I looked as long as my scars were covered. It wasn't as if there was going to be anyone I didn't know or wanted to impress since I considered the situation between Emmett's parents and me as practically incorrigible. Rose's parents were nice, but that was all I could say about them. They weren't very talkative. Emmett's friends… well. Mostly, they were doctors, and I knew several of them as we met throughout the years, but generally I didn't go for white coats because they scared the shit out of me. I mean, I had slept with a few, but it never had been my first choice. So, I didn't really give a shit about them. But then there was Edward. Yes. Edward would be there and after the phone fiasco I'd better stay away from him tonight.

Jasper was as punctual as the clock. I wish I could drive my truck, purely as a safety precaution, because yes, I might have told to myself that I wasn't going to drink tonight but if I started to feel the pressure was being too much, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't help myself to a glass of wine… or two. Or three. Or the whole bottle. Then I would make a scene, Rosalie wouldn't be pleased, and Emmett would probably show his wrath by kicking me out, making her finally see just how much he hated my ass. His parents would prevent me from attending their wedding and – if what Alice said was true – it would break Rosalie's heart. But before he could kick me out, I would make a huge scene in which the target of my sarcastic, almost cynical remarks would be Edward. I thought it could be quite funny and dramatic, although I didn't like the consequences. Not even one bit. I had to stay low-key and act innocent to pass this test, because in many ways it would feel like one with Rosalie's, Alice's, Emmett's, Jasper's and mainly Edward's eyes all on me.

It would be the first time since I had been in the hospital that Edward and I would see each other differently than as a doctor and his patient. We would see each other as… friends. Oh, what an ugly word to describe him. Dick? Better.

Okay, so I was a little irritated today; maybe a bit more than usual. It was better than when I felt like a pathetic shit, but it also made me unpredictable, snappy and irritable. Everything and everyone was pissing me off simply because it was me who I was angry at the most. I didn't need to be a psychologist to know that.

We were awfully on time, which wasn't my style, but Rose opened the door and gave me a big wide smile and a kiss on the cheek which was quite nice. She led me to the living room that was connected to a dining area and it looked like they were only waiting for us. I felt the eyes of everyone on me and before I could avert my gaze, it fell on that one person whose eyes I wanted to avoid at all costs. His face didn't show surprise; it didn't show anything, and I knew he was Dr. Psycho now. Fantastic. Although I didn't know who was less scary to face – Dr. Psycho or simply Edward. I found them both to be pretty fucking intimidating.

The dinner was… a mockery, to say the least. The only people around the table who addressed me directly were Alice, Rose and her parents. Emmett invited his friend Jared, his now-girlfriend Kim, and his brother, psychiatrist Paul, who had given me a proper panic attack the last time I had seen him. He might have winked at me during dinner, but I dismissed the idea of giving him any attention as I was utterly embarrassed and uncomfortable. Only then I did I realize I was sitting at the dinner table in the presence of two psychiatrists. What would in the past have been a reason for me to scream and run as fast as I could, was now only a very, very unpleasant dinner during which one ignored me while the other tried to impress me. Regarding Edward and his shrink abilities, I had already assessed the risk and knew what to expect from him, but Paul was still a big unknown. I kept myself as invisible as possible, my fingers itching every-time I touched a bottle of wine, passing it to Alice or Jasper. This was the night that was testing my willpower, that was for sure. I knew I shouldn't have come.

Paul and Edward had obviously known each other from UW and were laughing together with Emmett and Jared. Whatever was going on at that end of the table was not good as I saw Rosalie who was sitting by Emmett roll her eyes a couple of times. His parents were outrageously oblivious to their boyish banter. Luckily, being as far away as I could be from them, sitting at the other end with Alice and Jasper, I wasn't involved in their conversation. Mrs. and Mr. Hale was a lovely couple though, in comparison to their counterpart Mrs. and Mr. McCarthy; Mrs. Hale asked me a few general questions about my life, luckily not wanting to go into specifics. Mrs. McCarthy on the other hand, only made sure I saw her spiteful, condescending glare and didn't look at me again for the rest of the night. I think I heard Mr. McCarthy ask Emmett what is this drunk of a woman doing here? and after I swallowed the bile coming up my throat, I snickered at Emmett, winking at him, basically saying You won't get rid of me tonight.

Have I mentioned I simply loved pissing people off?

So, yeah, to me dinner was a sham, but when I looked at Rose… she was enjoying every minute of it. I always knew that woman wanted a big family, and I secretly envied what she had in her life, how loving she was and what a big heart she had. The children that she and Emmett would most certainly have were going to be the happiest in the world. It was silly, I knew, and I never acted like the envious bitch I knew Jessica Stanley was. But from time-to-time I felt a pang near my heart when I realized that most likely I will never be loved back by anyone who I would describe as my perfect man, let alone share my future with someone who would want to father my children. The idea seemed so foreign and unlikely that I chuckled out loud when I thought of it, getting Alice's attention. She frowned at me, her knowing eyes studying me for a while, before she hummed and shrugged simultaneously, turning away from me.

Nipping on my food, barely eating anything, dinner slowly came to an end and after dessert the parents left the happy couple's nest and went home. When a couple of us stood up to go as well, Emmett stopped us, saying the night was only beginning.

"Emmett." Rosalie once again showed her dissatisfaction by rolling her eyes. It was more of a whine and the one Emmett didn't take seriously.

"Sweetheart, it's gonna be fun! I have my friends here, friends I haven't hung out with in a while and with the wedding coming up; I want to celebrate with them."

"We can celebrate at the wedding."

He scrunched up his nose. "You know how's it going to be at the wedding. I'm going to have to watch myself."

She chuckled but nodded in agreement. I didn't entirely get his point; what he was trying to make us do. Then he went into the kitchen and came back with three bottles - tequila, rum and vodka. I had never hung out like that with Emmett before. We had met a couple of times at the club when he wasn't working at the hospital, but that was it. He surely had seen me drunk on more than one occasion and I guess it never worked in my favor, but I never thought he was one of those guys who enjoyed getting wasted just for the hell of it. The moment he brought out the bottles, Jared whistled, and his girlfriend laughed. This reminded me of college parties. Although I had never been a part of one – since I had been dating Jacob and he was fucking possessive of me – it didn't mean I didn't know what went on. But this felt downright wrong, and in the pit of my stomach I could feel something happening; we were adults and adults were not supposed to do this shit.

Hypocritical much, Bella?

I looked around to study the expressions of the people around me and to my big surprise they didn't seem to mind. Jasper was sporting one of his lazy smirks, hugging an already slightly tipsy Alice to his side who just shrugged a shoulder. Rose was all about giving Emmett the Emmett-grow-up look, but by the look on her face I could tell she wasn't going to say 'no', She loved him, and he loved her back and they were about to get married. I could only imagine what that must be like, so of course, she wasn't going to say anything to him. Jared and Kim had already showed that they were excited to get some of the hard stuff into their systems, so there wasn't any doubt about what they thought about it. My eyes slid reluctantly to Paul's face and when he smiled widely at me, I almost choked on my own saliva. Crap. Crappity-crap. I was surprised he was paying me so much attention tonight after I had basically fled from him the first and last time we met, knowing I had attempted suicide only a month ago. There was a chance that Emmett hadn't told him and that he wasn't involved in my case. But he worked in the same hospital as Dr. Angelic, where I had been hospitalized, and god knew Emmett was a gossip queen.

When my eyes landed on Edward, I was startled when I noticed that he was looking at me, frowning. He hadn't been Dr. Psycho much tonight – he had been having fun, smiling, and being expressive. Clap-clap-clap. Although he had never once acknowledged my presence, so that might be the reason he wasn't Dr. Psycho – because he didn't have to be; he had been ignoring me all night, after all.

The moment our eyes met, I knew why it was such a big deal that you knew your shrink personally. It was difficult for me to forget that this man knew intimate things about me in the confines of his office, studied my behavior and drew conclusions from that. How was I supposed to just turn this knowledge off? How was I supposed to know that he wasn't drawing conclusions now when I was among friends, supposedly having fun? How was I supposed to relax when I felt his reading, searching eyes on me as if he were trying to solve the biggest mystery of his life? How was I supposed to see him as a human being when he acted like an emotionless prick whenever we sat with each other in his office? And, please, tell me, how the hell was I supposed to understand him when he acted so confusingly sometimes, that I just wanted to punch his pretty face and ask him what his problem was?

He kept staring at me until Emmett shoved him in the shoulder, getting his attention. He told him something and Edward shrugged, smiling slightly. I looked away while he wasn't turned to me and when Alice put Cards Against Humanity box of cards in my hands, it looked like I was the one who was suggesting we play the game. Very quickly, everyone found their spot in the living room around the coffee table. Emmett enthusiastically set the bottles of alcohol on it and Rosalie – traitor – brought little glass shots from the kitchen. Everyone except for Edward and me, filled their glasses with whatever they wanted. Although I was tempted to drink, especially after that horrendous dinner, I was still set on my promise to myself not to drink, even though it was difficult to resist.

There were two white leather sofas around the table and an armchair. Rosalie and Emmett sat on one, joined by Jared and Kim. Opposite them, Jasper and Alice took an entire sofa for themselves as it wasn't big enough for more than two people to sit comfortably. For a second, I felt a little badly for Edward whose wife had probably stood him up when he sat down in the armchair that faced me. But I soon forgot the feeling, when I plopped on the ground, on a giant soft pillow and saw Paul finding his place beside me.

Dear god.

"Hey, Bella, what's up? You gonna give us the cards or what?" Jared asked, laughing. Jerk, he didn't even know me and the familiarity he addressed me with made me grit my teeth.

I smiled a wickedly sweet smile, eying everybody. "Are you ready to lose?"

Rose, Jasper, Alice, Kim and Jared chuckled. "Don't be so sure today, Bella," Alice said, smiling.

"Are you predicting my first defeat ever?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm just warning you."

I shook my head. Silly. I was good at the game and although one's success depended mainly on luck with the cards given, you also had to know the person for whom you were choosing a card. Some people were obvious, easy players, choosing a card that was the funniest or made the most sense. But there were some people who went with the less obvious answer. You had to make the correct choice which meant not always going with the funniest answer. It all depended on the group and level of alcohol already consumed. For example, I knew for a fact that playing against Ellen DeGeneres would be a challenge. Playing against any comedian, actually. They would be a tough nut to crack.

But this party? I had already played against Rose and Alice. I knew how they played; they weren't that difficult to read. Emmett could be a challenge, more challenging than his fiancée; although with the increasing amount of alcohol in his body, I was sure things could tip in my favor. Jared and Kim seemed to be a pretty laid-back couple, but I wasn't ready to classify them as easy players yet. Kim – to me – was a bigger danger than Jared. Jasper could be a problem, too. He didn't speak much, but when he did, you had better listen because he said something that was funny, clever or witty. I assumed it all boiled down to his level of competitiveness. And Edward? Damn. As Dr. Psycho I saw him as a person with no sense of humor at all, but in the few moments I had witnessed, I knew very well, he could crack a joke or two if he really wanted to. Moody bastard.

So, as a queen of this game I put black cards facing down in the middle of the table and gave everyone seven white cards. I put the rest into three neat piles next to the black one, so a person could have a choice from which pile they wanted to take your next card. Everyone looked at their cards and when I was about to ask who would like to begin, Emmett smirked.

"I'm going first," he said loudly. "I pooped just now."

Everyone laughed, and I rolled my eyes. "Go on then," I said. "Pick a card."

He smirked again and reached for the pile, taking one black card. He cracked up the moment he read it and it reminded me why I loved this game so much. It was able to make me smile even when I felt like utter shit. Emmett cleared his throat and read his card out loud: "What killed my boner?"

We all chuckled and looked at our cards, some of us pulling the answers almost immediately, while others gave it a little thought, laughing to themselves at the possible answers. We each threw it a white face down and Emmett grabbed them, shuffling. He named all of them out loud, leaving the decision between vigorous jazz hands and white men scalps, which was – of course – my card. I didn't know who played the first; it wasn't even that funny but when Emmett read it out loud he cracked up.

"It's vigorous jazz hands, can't help it," Emmett said after all and I was like… what?!

Edward suddenly laughed out loud. "It was yours, wasn't it, man?" Emmett asked, and Edward nodded and then they high-fived each other.

"Couldn't resist," said Edward.

"I can't believe you remembered it," Emmett replied, and it was obvious to all of us that there was a history with boners and hands. How was I supposed to play against that? "Whose card was the other one?" Kim asked.

"Mine," I said defeatedly.

"I think it was better," Paul whispered next to me, leaning closer.

"Whatever," I shrugged.

So, Edward got the first point. It's okay; it's the first round, anyway.

"Does this have any connection to that story you told me on our first date?" Rosalie asked, the corner of her mouth twitching as she motioned between Emmett and Edward. Emmett's eyes widened, and Edward laughed. There was a conversation afterwards between Rose and Emmett that everyone laughed at, but I couldn't take my eyes away from Edward who in that moment looked very relaxed, his eyes having that spark again. I knew he wasn't drinking alcohol tonight, not even wine at dinner and I really wanted to know why.

"Hey, Rose, do we have some lime and salt?" Alice asked.

Rose stood up immediately. "Oh yes! I forgot. I'll be back, skip me this round." And she left us, to go into the kitchen.

"Your turn, Edward," said Jared.

Edward reached for the black pile of cards, taking the one on the very top. He chuckled when he looked at it and then read it out loud. "Why am I sticky?"

Holy mother of god! Did he really say that out loud? Did Edward – Dr. Psycho – actually say that out loud? I laughed like probably never before. Everyone laughed with me but the sounds I was making were definitely the loudest. I just couldn't help myself. The absurdity of the question with the combination of who asked it made me lose control. Edward was watching me with a genuine surprise on his face, smirking. That was enough to make my laugh disappear – It wasn't that I was having fun…. I was making fun of him. That was all.

"Okay, choose your cards," Alice chimed in to avert the attention of people from me.

"You want some?" a voice asked. I turned to see Paul holding a bottle of vodka. I leaned away from him and his filthy shrink fingers about to say 'no', but in the corner of my eye I spotted Edward watching me as if he was waiting for me to make a decision.

"No, thanks," I said with a great deal of strength.

In the meantime, I checked my cards quickly and when I found the perfect one, I put it on the table, face down. When everyone was done, Edward grabbed the cards and read them out loud; there were: a defective condom; wiping her butt; Denzel; a passionate Latino lover; catastrophic urethral trauma; glory holes; a gentle caress of the inner thigh.

All of them were pretty funny, though. Emmett was sitting on the edge of the sofa, waiting for him to pick his card, whatever it was; I'd say he played a defective condom.

"They're good," he said, smiling. "But I have to go with glory holes."

Yes!

"What!?" Emmett exclaimed. "Eddie! No!"

Edward laughed. "Which one was yours?"

"Latino lover, of course."

"Sorry, man. It didn't even make it into the finals. It was between Denzel and glory holes."

"You make no logic," Emmett sighed defeatedly.

"Whose card was it?" Paul asked.

"Mine," I said. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. Playing that card just made complete sense to me. Glory holes… All of them. I mean, not all of them, but you know what I mean. I wouldn't have expected him to pick it, but once again, Edward Cullen surprised me. And confused me.

"At least I got into the finals," murmured Alice, chuckling.

"Who played urethral trauma?" I asked, because that one I really liked, not really knowing why.

"Me," Jasper said, smirking.

I smiled at him. "Good one."

Rosalie came back with salt and slices of lime on the plate. Alice reached for it almost immediately and Jared, Kim and Paul laughed. We all knew Alice, though. It was her normal behavior when it came to alcohol.

"Your turn, Bella," Edward said, and I swallowed. Yeah, my turn. I inhaled deeply and took a black card from the pile.

Oh god… "What ended my last relationship?" Everyone looked inside their cards. It wasn't like anyone besides Rose and Alice knew what had happened between me and James, and I was able to take things with humor, but it was still a sensitive topic for me. Alice raised an eyebrow when I looked at her and I just shook my head. I'm fine, I mouthed. Everyone was done relatively quickly, and I collected their white cards.

"What ended my last relationship? My vagina," I read the first card, making everyone laugh. I did so, too, because now I was sure that my vagina was the only reason there ever was any relationship in the first place.

"What ended my last relationship? Ebola." Okay. So, this one was hilarious.

"What ended my last relationship? Micro-penis." I couldn't stop laughing at that one.

"What ended my last relationship? Geese."

"What ended my last relationship? 72 virgins." I laughed at that one. "Possible." Possible I wasn't the only one.

"What ended my last relationship? Oversize lollipops."

"Bella doesn't have a problem with that," Emmett said, and I looked at him wishing he had kept his mouth shut. But he didn't look like he had said it in a mean way; he was quite drunk and even if he aimed for a slightly offensive comment, it only sounded like friendly teasing, so I only smirked and nodded.

"I never had," I replied, shrugging a shoulder, and they laughed. I looked at another card. "What ended my last relationship? Pulling out." So, yes. This was the best one. We all laughed at it and I was quite sure that this one was going to win.

"What ended my last relationship?" I asked the question and when I looked at the card, my breath hitched. It couldn't be…. I mean, Rose and Alice wouldn't have played it. Or would they? "Saying 'I love you'," I choked out, smiling and hoping nobody saw my three-second hesitation. The girls looked as perplexed as me because they knew what it was about, but the others only chuckled.

"Oh, that's real," Kim commented with realization. "Definitely probable."

"So, who's the winner?" Jared asked, squeezing Kim to his side.

I cleared my throat. "Pulling out, definitely."

"Yesss!" Jared exclaimed. "Point to me!"

I was avoiding the eyes of everyone until I felt the eyes of one person on me so intensely that I couldn't keep looking away anymore. Edward was frowning, searching my face, making me get lost in his I'm-trying-to-understand-you-gaze again. But was it really the thing he was doing? Trying to understand me? Sometimes, I saw resentment and detachment in his eyes, and sometimes he was all about pity and sympathy and god knows what else and it was making me sick… I didn't need his pity, not even his understanding. It was all so weird. Why couldn't this man just let me be?

"Bella, give me the card!"

I woke up from the haze and looked at Jared who wanted his black card. I gave it to him and then we played a few more hilarious rounds as they drank more and more, getting equally wasted. I could say Alice was near her dying-point as she started groping Jasper and – poor boy – was doing everything he could to make her sit on her ass. I laughed at her, though, and Jasper earned a few brownie points for keeping her in check because the older we got, the more exhausting it sometimes was to watch drunk Alice. It was about time she had a boyfriend to do it. During the game, I have to admit, I grew quite fond of Jasper. He was really smart, and his cards made us crack up every time. I think I might eventually even be his friend… He earned a lot of black cards as well. Jasper, Edward and me had the biggest amount of black cards, but in our last rounds, we didn't know anymore who was winning and who was coming in last, because the guys were pretty pissed. With every drink Paul swallowed, he was getting braver and braver, casually touching me and putting his hand on my shoulder…. and I wanted nothing but to punch his face and knock him out. I said I was extremely irritable today. During the game, Edward looked at me from time to time, but I never paid any attention to him. Sometimes, it felt like I was attuned to when and how he was looking at me, as if I was hyperaware of him giving me attention. It was uncomfortable.

"Patient presents with blank. Likely a result of blank," Alice read the card. "Go ahead, people! Two cards! Two!" she hollered. She really needed to go home. She collected the white cards and after she read all of them she said. "The winner is: Patient presents with backwards knees. Likely the result of slowly easing down onto a cucumber."

Okay, okay, so it wasn't mine, but it was quite good. Or so I thought until it was Edward who Alice tossed the black card towards. My combination was: Patient presents with a face full of horse cum. Likely the result of my boyfriend's stupid penis. I thought mine was a definite winner, but as you can see… Edward was freakishly good as well.

"Seems like you lost after all, Bella," Alice smirked.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes. "The game's rigged."

Rose shook her head. "Nope. I just think you finally found yourself an equal opponent."

"Whatever," I shrugged, wanting to leave this topic.

"We should play Truth or Dare now," Kim remarked quite silently. I think it was more like a joke than a serious suggestion, but when I saw Emmett's face light up with excitement, I knew this wasn't good.

"Yes!" he said. "Rosie, what do you say?"

Rosalie's cheeks were slightly red from the heat and the vodka she'd been drinking tonight. "You sure, honey? We're not in college anymore."

"Come on, babe. Guys, do you want to play?" he asked, excited. "It's not like we're gonna be indecent or anything." To be honest, drunken Emmett wasn't a big pain in the ass. Quite the contrary, I liked everyone more if they were drunk. Maybe I'd like Edward more if he was drunk…

"Yeah, we should play," Paul agreed immediately. Idiot.

"We don't mind." Kim and Jared said.

Alice, Jasper and Rosalie said they didn't mind playing, either. Edward wasn't a big fan, and I said I really would like to avoid playing this game, but we were overruled. So… Truth or Dare it was.

Emmett brought out another bottle of vodka and tequila as both of them were going quite quickly. It must have been around midnight at that time and although we had fun, I still felt tension crawling all around my body, not leaving me be.

"So, Jared? Truth or dare?" asked Emmett, lazily gripping Rose's hip.

"Truth."

"Kim or Alice? Which one was better?"

He just didn't… Rose, Emmett and I knew Jared had slept with Alice a few months ago when Emmett had introduced them at the club; the same night I had fled from Paul, but that was it. I guess Paul knew as well – being his brother and all. But when I saw Jasper's and Kim's eyes widen with surprise, I felt their embarrassment myself. Rosalie smacked Emmett's head, and I laughed. He was more bearable when he was drunk but it didn't mean he was less dangerous when it came to stupid questions and remarks. I bet he was the one who had played that I love you card.

"Oh man!" Jared whined, running his hand over his face.

"Answer! Emmett demanded. "You said truth, you can't back off now."

Obviously, Jared wanted to kill his friend by the look on his face. He shook his head and – very reasonably – said: "Kim, of course." Alice only laughed, and I was glad Jasper was cool with it. Or, as cool as he could be, I guess. It was clear he felt a little betrayed by the news, but what was he expecting? For Alice to be a virgin? I was glad he took it like a man and didn't get all territorial with her and launching himself at Jared.

When the question was answered, Jared kissed Kim and she – being quite cool with it herself – smiled at him in return. They shared a glass of tequila together and I was happy the danger was averted.

"Paul. Truth or dare?" Jared asked his brother.

Paul laughed. "Dare me, brother."

"I dare you to ask Bella out."

I exhaled in relief. No kisses, no body shots... Wait, what?!

I watched Paul smile smugly, turning to me. "So, Bella," he said, moving closer again, our thighs touching. The look on his face reminded me of the one Joey from friends always sported when asking How you doin'? Only on Joey it at least looked funny. On Paul it looked ridiculous. "Wanna go out with me?"

I heard a loud exasperated sigh from the other side of the room and when everyone looked at Edward, it was obvious he was caught off-guard. When I noticed his eyes, I saw that he definitely hadn't meant to be that loud and maybe he didn't even want to react in the first place.

"So?" Paul continued. "Do you? "

"Ahmm," I stammered, leaning away from him. "No."

It was so dumb of him to expect I would say yes. The group howled loudly 'ooooo' and I rolled my eyes. "But why?" he asked.

"Because I don't date."

"But why?" Did he just whine?

"Because! Because… I don't. Stop asking me why."

"Come on, Bells," he said and touched my thigh moving his hand slowly up. "Just one date. One night…"

"She said no. Leave it," Edward interrupted, and I turned to him, seeing his annoyed face.

"I can take care of myself," I said angrily to him and then smacked Paul's hand on my thigh. "And you; don't call me Bells."

"Whoa, whoa, people," Emmett put his hands up. "Keep it down. Keep playing. Bella, ask someone."

I calmed down, frustrated. "Keep playing. I'm going to get some fresh air."

Emmett and Rosalie's loft had a nice big terrace with the door from the living room area, so I quickly slipped out of the room. The night was chilly, and I felt the cold wind sweeping across my skin, leaving it covered with goosebumps. My arms and hands were covered by the long sleeves of my black turtleneck as I rarely wore anything that revealed a lot of skin, but it wasn't enough to protect me from Seattle's night breeze. I sat down on one of the outdoor chairs and exhaled deeply, a little white cloud escaping my mouth and I imagined it to be all the tension and anger and just pure irritation that had accumulated in me tonight. Gradually, days were getting more and more difficult to get through and I was finding myself trapped between what I should be doing and what I wanted to do. The fights I battled inside were turning into a big chaos and I didn't know anymore where to turn for an escape. Sometimes, I felt like there was none.

A silent knock on the window interrupted my train of thought and when I looked up, I saw Edward closing a French door behind him. Without a word of acknowledgement, I turned away from him, looking up at the sky. I was so tired of this…

"So, what is the real answer?"

I looked back at him. He was leaning against the terrace railing, his arms crossed on his chest. City lights illuminated his pale skin, but it was dark so I couldn't see the expressions on his face or in his eyes. I considered this to be both, a blessing and a curse. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged. "Was it seventy-two virgins? Geese? Micro penis?" he chuckled dryly, and I would be stupid not to hear sarcasm in his voice. "Or was it 'I love you' that ended your last relationship?"

"What is this supposed to be?"

"Nothing."

I shook my head. "You're crazy."

"So? What was it?" he pushed, his voice mocking.

"None of your business."

He shook his head in thought. "True. But I couldn't help but wonder if he cheated on you or if he didn't say it back, or if it was both…"

"What has gotten into you?" I asked, quite perplexed. "Why are you asking me this? I'm not your patient tonight."

"Exactly."

"So? Stay away from me. I didn't ask for your company." He didn't answer. God… what had I done to deserve this? I chuckled in defeat because I was tired of this shit. "You don't make any sense to me."

"Ditto," he said after a while. "You don't make any sense to me, either."

I sighed, looking away from him and up to the sky. "Leave me alone."

He didn't comply. Instead, I heard steps coming closer to me. He sat down on the chair beside me. My body registered his closeness almost instantly and a new wave of goosebumps rose on my skin, but this time not from the cold. You know, if I had for once listened to myself and all the things that were going on around and inside us at that time, I would have noticed so many obvious signs that were telling me what was about to happen soon, what we were throwing ourselves into… But I was blind, and so was he. We were living our lives, each of us facing our own demons while resisting an upcoming life-altering experience that both of us were afraid to encounter. Yet, it was the experience that we wouldn't miss out on because… it was us. If I had for once listened to myself, maybe I could've saved us time. Or not… I guess, things have played out the way they have for a reason. And whatever we were going through right now had its meaning as well.

"You know you could've called," he said after a few minutes of silence, the mocking tone gone from his voice. Now there was something more like a defeat in his voice. "Yesterday. You could've called and say you weren't feeling well."

"You would've asked stupid questions."

"No, I wouldn't have," he replied immediately. I looked at him raising an eyebrow, his face unusually close to mine. My heart started pounding. "Okay, maybe I would've," he admitted, chuckling. "But I wouldn't have held it against you had you called and said you were not feeling well."

"Are you now?"

"What?"

I looked at the sky again. "Holding it against me?"

He was pondering his answer. "No."

"Doesn't seem like it."

"I know," he sighed, almost in defeat. "I'm sorry for being a prick. I… I had a bad day, that's all."

I was about to chuckle in his face and maybe utter some sarcastic comment but there was something in his voice that stopped me… Almost. "So what now? You're taking it out on me?" I didn't say it to hurt him or to make him feel bad, I just stated the conclusion I had come to by assessing the facts.

He chuckled sadly, and I was glad he hadn't taken it personally by detecting a slight mockery in my voice. "I wish I could say no, but I would be lying," he said. "You frustrate me."

"Ditto," I said. "You frustrate me, too."

He sighed. "It just seems like whatever I do, I do it wrong."

"Maybe you do."

"Maybe I do."

Maybe I should've simply appreciated the amount of information I was getting, information I could use against him in therapy, but I couldn't help but feel like this was getting way too personal.

"Can you read the night sky? See the stars and constellations?"

I looked back down at him. "No. "

He reached out one hand and pointed to the sky. Automatically, I followed the way he was looking, seeing nothing but black cover with an occasional white dot. "Up there, somewhere around this area anyway, should be the constellation Orion Nebula. But in the northern hemisphere, it is only visible from November to February. It's magnificent to see all the colors. The city lights are making it impossible to spot it, let alone see any stars, but..." he trailed off, completely lost in his thoughts. "It's amazing when the sky is clear. Which doesn't happen often in Seattle. "

I watched his face that was now turned towards the sky. He had a rather wistful look on it from what I could see. "My mom and dad have a cabin in a very secluded location, a few miles away from Seattle. I could always watch the stars there. It was always silent, without any city noise... I like it there, " he added and as if he felt my eyes on his face, looked back at me, smiling.

I returned his smile somewhat tentatively, not knowing what game we were playing. "I could never see the constellations in the sky. I had tried when I was a kid but had become frustrated very easily when I couldn't find any. "

He opened the mouth to say something, but obviously changed his mind. "Anyway," he continued. "I didn't come out here to ask you about your last relationship. I was just about to take off and I thought maybe you needed a ride. Jasper's… otherwise engaged, let's say."

I shook my head, smiling slightly. "Why do you think I want to go home?"

"I just… I thought you were uncomfortable with Paul. I apologize I shouldn't have presumed," he mumbled. We sat there for a few minutes in a tension that felt almost like an electric current was flowing between our bodies. I was too afraid to move so I wouldn't disturb it and cause a new wave of unease to rise between us. He seemed to be as motionless as me, as if he felt it, too.

"Hey, are you alright out here? We were afraid Bella pushed you over the railing, Edward," Rosalie popped her head onto the terrace.

"We're fine," we said in unison and it couldn't make us feel more awkward.

"Well," Rosalie chuckled. "Come and play with us."

"I'm going home," I said.

Edward looked at me. "Me too actually."

I thought Rosalie frowned but I couldn't tell since it was so dark. "Okay. At least tell me you enjoyed the dinner."

"Of course, we did," I replied, standing up from the chair. "As amazing as always." I came to her and kissed her on the cheek.

"It was great. Thank you, Rosalie," Edward said, following me into the loft.

We said our goodbyes and then left together. When we reached the parking lot, we looked at each other and thing got even more awkward if that was possible.

"Let me drive you home."

"You won't leave it, will you?" I sighed. "What if you want to get me into your car and drive us somewhere behind the city where you would murder me in the middle of nowhere?"

His eyebrows jumped up, and I chuckled loudly because it was an amusing sight to see him so perplexed. "Why would I do that?"

I shrugged. "Because I frustrate you?"

He smirked crookedly and opened his mouth to say something, but then he pressed his lips together and looked away from me. "Can I drive you home? I promise I won't murder you."

I sighed. "Okay. Why not, this day's been shit anyway."

He didn't say anything but motioned in my direction to follow him. He led me to a silver Volvo, and I frowned because I expected the black Mercedes he'd had the last time he had driven me home. "A new car?"

"Sorry?" he asked as if he hadn't heard me. He unlocked it and just like the last time, he opened the door for me.

"The last time you drove me home, you had a black Mercedes," I explained when he got into the car himself.

He smirked, putting his seatbelt on. "The Mercedes is my dad's. This one's mine." I couldn't overhear the worshipping tone his voice had gotten, and I chuckled. "What?"

"Nothing," I replied, still smiling.

"Seatbelt," he said.

"What?"

He looked at me, chuckling. "Put your seatbelt on."

I rolled my eyes but reached for it. "We're not gonna crash."

His face darkened by seriousness. "You never know. Better safe than sorry."

He started the car, and we took off, sitting in silence, that tension between us again. I could smell him much better now that we were in a closed space – very manly, very Edward-like. Very… arousing. The city was oddly empty for a Saturday night and I couldn't help but watch him from the corner of my eye, the movements of his hands on the steering wheel, how the muscles of his forearms flexed, how focused his face was and how manly he looked and… oh my god. I always did my best to ignore how good-looking he was but sometimes - like now – it was just too hard to ignore. There was something about men driving cars that drove me wild. Especially, when they were attractive men. They just looked like they were so much in control and that was always a turn on for me. A man in control. Not possessively in control, but a man that knew what he was doing. And Edward looked exactly like that type.

"What?" he asked when he noticed me staring at him.

"What?"

"Why are you staring at me?"

"I am?"

He chuckled musically. "Yes."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize for that," he said, and it sounded flirtatious. Or was I just imagining things because – you know – I was sexually frustrated, and that was making me do and think weird things. "I mean… I don't mind," he corrected himself. There we were again… it was like a vicious cycle – him relaxing and then tensing up again when he said something like that.

"Marcus is going to be back at school in a few weeks. His mother came the other day, telling us all about what adjustments we need to do - all that snobbish shit," I said to change the topic. "I mean, I can't wait to see him, but to deal with his parents again… I'll need more than just happy pills to get through that."

"Don't worry, you'll manage," he said. "I was actually thinking of introducing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with a focus on stress and anxiety management. I think it would work. I know a great psychologist who would be able to help you."

"What?" I asked in panic.

"Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT. I admit, its effects are not as immediate as prescribing pills and it requires real dedication and hard work, but I think it would work for you in terms of dealing with your anger and anxiety."

"What? My anger? You can't be serious!" I said, getting anxious. "You can't just refer me to someone else like that, I don't want to see anyone else, but you. I don't want a psychologist! The deal was that it would be you who would treat me, not someone else."

"Hey, hey, hey," he said, his voice gentle. "It's okay, I'm not giving up on you. I'm not saying a psychologist would replace me. No, we would work together to make you feel better."

"I don't want anyone else," I kept repeating. The thought frightened me.

"Okay, it was just a suggestion," he said calmly. "Don't worry."

I eyed him, my heart beating frantically in my chest. I calmed down somewhat and looked out of the window. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't turn because my eyes were welling up with tears and this was no time for crying.

"Who did this to you?" he asked suddenly, his voice careful.

"What?"

"I…" he trailed off, pulling in on the parking lot behind my apartment. The silence made his voice stand out much more. "I think someone hurt you. No, I know it. Someone hurt you badly. I know you didn't have good experiences with mental health professionals either, but I'm not here to purposefully push you into a corner." I turned to him because I felt the weight of his eyes on me and it was like a magnet attracting me. He had his body turned to me, his eyes gentle, full of emotion. I was glad to discover that it was Edward and not Dr. Psycho talking to me. "I am only trying to understand you," he said slowly. "I want to help you because… no one deserves to suffer like that."

"What do you know about suffering?" I asked harshly.

He took a deep breath. "Would it be helpful if I told you that I know a lot about it?"

I huffed. "Treating patients who suffer isn't the same thing as experiencing it. Books won't tell you everything."

He sighed, closing his eyes. "I just…" He looked conflicted, not telling me something again. Why wasn't he telling me things? Why was he taking himself back around me? "Forget it. I hope I'll see on Tuesday."

I watched him turn away from me, an unspoken battle on his face, as I slowly nodded. "Yeah."

He nodded in response, too. "Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward."

And I left the car thinking that this day was just a complete nonsense.

A/N This chapter was more or less just a filler. It is going to be the next one in which we're going to have some warming up, some ice-breaking and what not... Yay!

Tell me what you think.