Chapter 17

Shocking confessions

Christine's POV

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, doing a double-take.

"Those things…that I infected you with…kill those monsters before they are born."

I went white as a sheet; did he just call my children things and monsters? How dare he say such things about his own babies! About my children at that! This made me so mad, I felt my eyes turning to ice as I glared in into his raindrop eyes. Erik winced at me with honest pain and remorse filling watery eyes. I knew by the way he was looking at me that he felt honest remorse, but this time it had no effect on me. I had half a mind to slap him, but I settled for a verbal confrontation as I did not have the energy to lift my hand. So I settled for snapping at this man because I did not believe what I was hearing. He had made such passionate love to me moments ago and now he was asking me to do this?

He wanted me to abort my children; did he care nothing for my beliefs on the subject? I knew he knew not a god-fearing man, and he knew little more than prayers and hymns from my religion despite the fact that his birth father was a man of the church. Erik also although he knew the basics of my religion cared nothing for it to begin with. I did not blame him for this after the life he has had in the past. So I did not bring up the fact that Catholics did not believe in such things. That was one thing I would not ask him to comprehend but did he care nothing for my feelings? But then he did not know how I was feeling but still. I simply could not understand his utter lack of joy over this when I was so happy.

Here I am, married to my one true love; starting a new life in an exotic land I have never been to. Here Erik was he has everything he has ever wanted. He is loved, he is free…no one here is judging him. He has me, we are starting a family and he will never be alone again so why was he not happy? This was not the reaction of a man who loved his wife and spent hours in her arms creating these children. Papa had told me that impending fatherhood was the happiest and most important time in a man's life. The third next to his wedding day and the day he was born of course, so why was he acting like this?

"I will not get rid of my children!" I snapped.

"Yes you will…" he said wearily.

"Why?" I asked pointedly.

"Because I said so…" was his tired reply.

"Really, 'because you said so' seriously Erik," I rolled my eyes.

"Yes... I am your husband, you need no other reason." He snapped sharply.

"Oh my god… "I groaned, holding my face.

"There is no god!" He snarled.

I smacked my forehead, counting to three in my head like papa had done when he had tired of my childish antics. It seemed now that my own words were coming back to haunt me. I had told Raoul that only one man had the right to give me orders and that was my husband. Technically, Erik was right… I needed no other reason, but I wanted one nonetheless. I looked coldly into his eyes, not caring how angry he was. His temper no longer frightened me I had seen the man in his most vulnerable state.

Touched my husband until he was screaming for me and for a brief moment I was the mistress. For that short time I was in control of him had my way with him until we were so tired neither one of us had the strength to continue and we both passed out when we were finished until the sun woke us from heavy knock out dreams. I had seen how gripping and intimating he could be and how dangerous he was all at once. The Phantom was here fighting for control, but for the first time Erik was fighting back. His love overcoming the rage that my husband's alter-ego, his trauma was there but the man who loved me was slowly controlling him.

The Phantom had fully consumed him now, Erik had lost but the rage wasn't there, just the sadness that broke my heart and when he looked at me I felt my resolve cracking. But I had to be firm, in everything else I would give. In sex, he was master; in where we lived he had made an executive decision and I did not argue with him. But he would not make me kill my family and I think he could see the cold determination in my eyes. It was wearing on him and his sobs got harder till no sound came out of his lips other than a heavy gasp.

I knew how to bend my husband and although I hated to see him weep I knew him. My husband was a man with many emotional faces and masks. He could be aggressive, murderous even, and it was utterly terrifying. But he was also a gentleman, capable of incredible unconditional love, a heart that felt so deeply that the slightest rejection was more than he could bear. The slightest hint of pain was enough to cause him to kill himself and my refusal of him was enough to break him down to this. This blubbering, wretched man who was more a wounded animal than a human being as he crawled before me like a wounded dog to its master.

But the man I married was in there too, Erik was slowly regaining control of himself and turning back into the graceful and strong man I knew. It took him a few moments, as he clamped his hands to the rug like an anchor. He breathed in, once, twice, a third time as he steadied his shaking shoulders and ragged breathing slowly. I felt an urge to touch him and when I placed my hand on his shoulder he looked up at me with his tear-stained face. Touching him was a mistake when he met my eyes the force was back and he rose to his feet and I knew I was in trouble.

With a resounding crack my spine hit the wall with enough force that I saw a piece of the wall break off. I looked down and saw the chip was a good sized chunk of wood, and after a moment I registered that he had used me to break the wall. Then came the pain, the splinter had sliced through my nightdress and cut my back. Erik had me by both wrists and was crushing them, his rage was here now and I was scared of him for the first time since we had been together. I struggled a little, my eyes wide and tearful as I noticed the foggy taken-over gleam in his eyes.

There was no way for me to tell now who I was dealing with, Phantom or Erik. They were one in the same at this point. It was complete déjà vu for me, just the way they'd been when I had stolen his dignity on that stage at the night of the opera. He was both my husband and my dark protector at once, torn between his love for me and his rage at my actions. I looked at him and tears ran down my face, he looked at me but took no notice. I cried not because of the physical pain from this but my emotional hurt. I was hurt because Erik was so upset, sorrow because I was losing my dreams and he did not care.

"You will kill these things before they are born!" he snarled.

"No…" I said with as much force as I could.

"What did you just say to me?" He said darkly.

"I said, 'no' no, I will not!" I said.

"Yes, you will!" he snapped at me. "You will get rid of those… those… things!"

"Our children are not things! They are living breathing children, beautiful children made of our love and passion. "

"No, they are monsters… demons…sickly…"

"No, they aren't…" I said.

"Yes they are, end of discussion!"

Erik was standing there looking as serious as though he had told me I was infected with a fatal disease. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes as though he knew what my reaction would be. Erik sat down on the bed beside me, pulling me into a one-armed embrace that I tried to struggle out of. But he was much stronger than me and pressed me close. My husband put my head to his naked chest where I had just been laying under with my hands and it pumping like mad. His eyes were desperate for me to understand but I just could not. I would not let him ruin my joy at motherhood with this nonsense.

Erik seemed to sense my irritation as I rose from the bed, placing my hands protectively over my belly. He, ever the gentleman handed me a robe in silence and I snatched it from him aggressively. I slipped into it and realized then that I was weeping openly in front of the looking glass. So hurt by what he had said that I sobbed as I felt all my dreams with Erik were crashing down me. Erik pulled me tightly against him and hid his face in my hair as I was rocked back and forth. He dragged me up and kissed me deeply, I shoved at him pushing my flat hand against his chest.

"Erik… please don't make me do this…I can't take…ow…"

"Shh…" he said, "Angel…forgive me…" he kissed me then the way he had done at our wedding.

He then reached behind me and carefully wiped the blood from my back as he deepened it. The pain was sharp and hot and I wanted to pull away. The problem was that Erik was so much stronger than me that he just grabbed my hands and pulled me against him. I tried to struggle but he just wouldn't let go, when I realized my efforts were futile I collapsed on him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly; a comforting embrace that was so warm and gentle it made me want to weep. My husband held me for a long moment and then I cried. I just let go of my emotions and cried into his chest for a good five minutes before he kissed my head tenderly. I lifted my chin, trying to appear angry, but all I could manage was more hurt and sorrow.

He winced and pulled away from me, donning his robe and mask before he turned back to me. This made me so mad that I walked forward and quite literally tore that blasted mask from his face. I was not going to let him hide from me anymore; if he wanted to give me orders as my husband he would do so. As my husband! Not the Phantom, not as the Angel of Music! If he wished to attempt to force an abortion on me he better be man enough to look me plain in the face unguarded. No protection for him, no shield to keep him from seeing how much this hurt.

Erik screamed as his paper thin flesh came off but at the moment I just didn't care. His blood trickled down his face as I turned to the fireplace and quite angrily tossed it into the flames of the ornate fireplace. I tossed it with great determination into the flames where it went up in a cloud of ashes and smoke, turning to soot in front of our eyes. He watched it in horror and turned to me with rage in his eyes again and went to me as he pushed me roughly into the wall. I whimpered in fright as he grabbed my wrist painfully again, but I knew Erik would not hurt me. His love for me was too great for that. I reached with my other hand and stroked his cheek. It was smooth as marble and I noticed his weathered body was shaking as though he were about to cry. Erik tightened his grip to the point of where it was actually painful and now I was staring scared into his eyes.

My husband had truly lost his temper and I looked at him pleadingly, reaching for his tight wrist trying to pry his fingers open. He heard my mewling cry and His raging eyes turned tearful and he suddenly released me. Erik groaned and ran to get a handkerchief for his head, wetting it before it turned a bright shade of red. He dropped his robe then so I could see just what I had married. Not that I really cared I mean I had made I felt a twinge of remorse, as I looked at his tearful eyes before he stood naked before me, in the naked light of the morning.

I walked toward him and wrapped my arms around his back, pressing myself to him. He was trembling all over as I kissed his shoulder. His muscles rippled and he shuddered as my hands moved across his back. My fingers splayed out as far as I could, my hands trying to reach the man who was underneath this anger. I began moving my hands and stretching my fingers to touch the roughness of his back. The poor skin there was so rough, obviously never having been touched gently the way I was touching him now. No sex just comfort and love as he began to weep openly, I turned him around wrapping my arms around him.

"I am such a monster…" he groaned, "First your poor back and now this... "

"No sweetheart, I'm all right…" I said softly.

"I am a horrible husband…" he said. "You should leave me…"

I forced a laugh trying to make light of the situation, "Leave? Where would I go? We are on a boat love…"

"When we land, you can leave me…" he said gravely.

"No love it's all right…we will be fine together you will see." I crooned gently.

Erik leaned into my hair, his arms weakly going limp at my sides as I felt his body shake. My hands wrapped around his head and I rocked back and forth. I went down with him as he fell to his knees sobbing, but I was not about to leave him like this. Erik looked so tired, he laid down on me and I had forgotten my anger at what he had told me to do. I sang to him, feeling sick to my stomach like I was going to throw up. Erik looked at me and I gave him a deep kiss, till he was leaning brokenly against the wall with no energy to hold me back. He looked at me, crying and coughing.

"Why…" he sobbed.

"Why what…" I asked, touching his face and he cried harder, "Why what?" I repeated.

"Why won't you listen to me?" He wept.

"Erik…I want to have my children with you." I said making my voice as gentle as I could, "You are scared is all, and I am too. This is a huge change for all of us but when the children are born you will see how easily fatherhood comes to you."

"I can't Christine…" he cried.

"You can't what?" I asked.

"I…I…can't have children."

He obviously could as I was pregnant, but his pain was so real that it actually made me scared. I wrapped my arms around my stomach feeling my babies kick me in a healthy way. I was obviously at least four months pregnant that was the only way the doctor could tell that I was pregnant. But then…oh no he did not mean that his sperm was as deformed as his face, did he? If it were than perhaps I would miscarry and I could not bear that. I did not care if they were ugly or handsome, they could be walking undead for all I cared as long as they were breathing.

"Explain…" I said.

"I do not wish to hurt them." He cried.

"Hurt them?" I echoed.

Erik gave me no answer, but started to sob and weep and gasp as though he were suffocating. It was horrible to hear him weep like this but I wouldn't give in on this even for him, if I did that would mean the end of not one but two or heaven forbid three innocent lives. Lives that I was responsible for now, letting him kill them would be murder. Murder of the worst kind, a father killing his own children! I glared at him and he shrank away before he began to blather incoherently and I did not understand him at all. Not that I ever really understood him to begin with, he always talked in riddles. There was something terrifying about the fact that he even feared he would harm them. He choked out some more incoherent gibberish, flailing his arms about and clawing at the air.

I could tell he was trying to say something but all this moving and raving was driving me mad. I reached over and slapped him lightly. Erik blinked looking stunned at the feeling but looked at me, fell to his knees and cried. Babbled more and then he went to me and hid in my dress, my anger was evaporating now into worry. I had never seen Erik like this even in his rage, he was powerful and loquacious. Erik was eloquent, never tongue-tied like this.

"What on earth are you talking about?" I asked finally.

"My son…failed my son…"