"I'm almost sure you won't like what we're going to about today." Chloe began.

"Crap. You're going to make me relive my past, aren't you?" Beca asked with a forced sigh.

"A little, maybe."

"I'm getting zits just by thinking about it. What exactly do you wanna know? she asked, scratching her chin.

"I wanted to talk about your love life." Chloe explained. Beca just laughed.

"Let's do this: I'll go outside, buy a knife from some creepy dude and I'll let you stab me with it. It'll hurt me less."

"Many heartbreaks?" asked Chloe without hiding her tone of surprise.

"With myself." Beca nodded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"With yourself?"

"Doc, no one likes to talk about wrong choices, I think you'll agree with me."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean people shouldn't talk about them. Wrong choices teach us more than a right choice, as cliche as it may sound."

"You're worst than an undertaker, you just keep digging and digging."

"It's great to know that I have career options."

"Are you trying to steal my sarcasm? Again, it doesn't suit you." Beca deadpanned.

"You're already trying to deflect the subject. Tell me something."

"What do you really wanna know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me."

"Oh, but I don't want to tell you anything." Chloe frowned and crossed her legs. Beca knew they weren't joking anymore. - "Okay, I got it. Where do I start?"

"Usually, when you want to tell a story, you start at the beginning, for the purpose of good contextualization."

"Well, the first boy I liked was when I was eleven years old. He had classes next to me and I would spend a lot of time looking at him. I looked like a freakin' stalker. Until one day I decided to tell him about my feelings, but since I am very bad at talking, I decided to write him a love letter." Beca winced at her own words.

"And you signed it with your name?"

"Yes, I wanted him to know who I was, I just didn't have the guts to say it myself."

"Very well, keep going."

"I wrote him letters for months. It was one of the darkest periods of my life, now that I think about it. This went on, he kept changing girlfriends every week, until one day he caught me at the bus stop. I was alone, and so was he, and he sat next to me. He started talking, I was as red as your hair and I couldn't say more than two words. When his bus arrived, he kissed me on the cheek, stood up with a stupid grin on his face and left. And I just stood there, feeling silly, touching my face and thinking I wouldn't be able to wash it for the next few weeks."

"You know, I can hardly imagine you not knowing what to say."

"I always knew, since I was little. But when it comes to feelings, I suck at talking. I almost lost my voice."

"But it was a sweet moment. Except for the part where you didn't want to wash your face." Beca laughed and nodded.

"For the record, I washed my face that same day."

"I'm happy to know that you've put your personal hygiene first. So, how did this story go?"

"I kept writing him things until my sixth year. He never wrote anything back. He was always winking at my, smiling like a freakin' idiot- "

"You don't remember his name or you just don't want to say it?" interrupted Chloe. Beca rolled her eyes before replying:

"I still know his full name. I wish I had this memory capacity when I was in college. Tim."

"Okay, let's continue."

"Just to let you know, I'm praying for a meteor to destroy the whole planet right now. So, one day I get a note from Tim asking me if I wanted to be his secret girlfriend. I was really stupid back then and I said yes. He would tell me to meet him but he was like a celebrity, he always had a friend following him around. Sure, I wanted to be alone with him, but it never happened."

"And how did you continue to date?" asked the psychologist without hiding her curiosity.

"I don't know, but every time I asked him if we were still dating, he would say yes. Until our last day of school. I still remember", Beca commented while looking at the ceiling as if she was reliving the moment "I was leaving my classroom and talking to my friends, feeling really happy, anxious to go on vacation. As I get closer to the school entrance, I see him holding hands with a girl. My heart broke in a thousand pieces, it was very sad. It was like I was seeing everything in slow motion around me. I stopped liking him at that very moment. And I really hated the girl he was with. I remember trying to break her leg at soccer practice."

"Oh, I'm sorry your first love went away. And I'm slightly scared about the way you tried to hurt someone."

"Don't be. In fact, I should have suspected. He had a different girl every week. That's a huge red flag."

"Is it hard for you to talk about this?"

"Not hard, embarassing. I was scarred for life with it. I guess I still remember a lof of the details because we never forget our first love."

"And after Tim?"

"James."

"And what happened to James?"

"Rien de rien." Beca replied in a slightly strange French accent.

"Nothing?" Chloe repeated. Beca shook her head.

"Yep. I liked him for three years but he never liked me back."

"Three years?"

"Yeah. I also wrote him notes and letters, it's my modus operandi in the field of love. But he liked another girl. During summer break I was feeling so sad that I just kept eating. I gained 17 pounds. When I went back to school, my friends barely recognized me."

"You kept eating like that for a long time?"

"No. But I spent a lot of time listening to bad music and wearing really weird clothes. But then I forgot all about it and went back to normal."

"I'm happy for you. And after him?"

"Well, then I think it was the first time I really fell in love."

"It's getting more interesting."

"Don't forget you're not reading a novel, keep up the professionalism.", when Beca saw the worried look on Chloe's face, she rushed her next words "I'm joking, doc."

"But you're right."

"My love stories are so ridiculous that the least you can do to keep me from dying of embarassment is to laugh at them."

"I'll try."

"But don't force anything, if you don't find it funny, don't laugh."

"Trust me." assured the psychologist.

"Thanks. When I was a sophomore and I already had a phone and social networks and all that crap, I met a boy, Charlie. We spent months talking online and texting until we met in person. He was from a different school and we didn't live in the same city. I actually met him through Jesse. And I liked everything about him. He was funny, cute and he didn't care about the way I dressed or the way I talked. Deep down, I couldn't ask for more. We texted each other with lyrics from songs that somehow related to us. I wrote him letters and for the first time someone wrote me back. I saved them for a few years, until I decided to get rid of everything. But he had a big flaw. He was always giving me stuffed animals. Besides that, he was a good person."

"What happened?"

"We dated 'til I went to college. Then things changed."

"Did he also go to college?"

"No, he didn't graduate that same year. But I began to change a lot in college, so I started lying to him so he wouldn't know I was going out so much."

"Why? Was he jealous?"

"He was, but not crazy jealous. But he cared too much about me. He was always saving money so he could come see me, he was always asking a lot of questions about college and my friends. I would get really mad at him, but now that I look back I know that all he really wanted was for me to be okay. I know he wasn't trying to control me in any way."

"Then why did you lie to him?"

"Dunno, I was afraid he thought I didn't care about him anymore. And I had an awful personality at the time. I remember not talking to him for two straight days. I wouldn't text him back or answer his calls. And he was a genuinely good person."

"How did it end?"

"I guess I took him for granted. We decided to split up and it was the worst day of my life. I've never cried like that before. I remember calling Jesse, sobbing like a maniac. I couldn't even tell him what was wrong with me." said Beca with a sad smile.

"Did you ever try to make up with him?"

"Yeah. But I had done enough damage. Even I thought it was wrong to ask him for a second chance. But I still did it because I really loved him."

"Did you go back to being friends?" asked Chloe. Beca stared at her hands for a few seconds.

"No, I never heard from him again. It was something out of a movie or a book. I couldn't even say his name for a whole year. Do you know what was the last thing he told me?", Chloe shook her head. Beca gave her a sad smile. "'Maybe in another lifetime'. I would cry a lot, mostly when I got drunk. Amy's drinks really did a number on me. But, deep down, when everything went bad I didn't feel like myself anymore."

"So, you've never talked again or seen each other?"

"I never saw him again but we talked. Two years later I got an email. I burst into tears as soon as I saw his name. He was telling me about what he felt at the time we broke up. He wanted to get some closure, that despite everything we still had some good moments. Oh, and he said I was forgiven."

"Did that make you feel any better?"

"Not at all. I always thought I would feel relived, but I didn't. I was feeling miserable because he was showing me once again he was a nice guy. I was the one who ruined everything."

"I made you think about a sad subject, didn't I?"

"I was eighteen or nineteen years old when it happened. Since then I've been through a lot of things. Do you think this has anything to with my anxiety attacks?"

"Probably not. He got his closure regarding the issue and I think you got it as well."

"Awesome. We just have to rule out a few hundred things." Beca said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Are you talking about relationships?" Chloe guessed. Beca rolled her eyes again.

"No, doc. After Charlie I only dated twice."

"Let's hear it."

"Two years after Charlie, I fell in love with a boy from college. We dated for six months. When I told him about Chalie, he became a bit insecure and that really pissed me off. I don't usually date someone and think about a different person. And then I began to feel trapped. I broke up with him after a stupid argument. So stupid I can't even remember what it was about. I know where I was, the day it happened, but I can't remember what we were fighting about."

"Did regret it later?"

"Kinda. He tried to win back for a while. I remember being at a party and he was always trying to hug me. And I pulled him into a corner and told him: 'I have a lot of respect for you and I think you're a good friend. I don't want to you to humiliate yourself going after me. I know that you still like me, but it won't work. Let's just be friends'".

"How did he take it?"

"He never tried that again. And we tried to remain friends. Didn't work out."

"And when did you regret it?"

"About a year later, I was with a boy I had known for a long time. We started talking again. I was never his girlfriend, officially. But I thought we were exclusive. He didn't. You're already guessing what happened, right?"

"He cheated on you."

"Exactly. Or not, because we never made anything official. It lasted about three months, kinda. And the worst thing was that he never explained anything to me. I found it all out by myself. I went to him, confronted him with what I thought was happening and he admitted to it."

"And what does this have to do with your previous relationship?"

"The part of never explaining anything to me. I did the same thing with Ryan. I broke things off with him and I never told him why. I guess karma is a bitch, right? Yeah, it was different, I never cheated on anyone. But I was still mean to him."

"Did you do something about it?"

"I called Ryan. We hadn't talked in almost a year. I said I knew it had been a long time ago, but that I still wanted to apologize to him because I understood what he had felt. And he was really nice to me, I apologized, and he said everything was fine."

"You went back to being friends?"

"No. I remember telling him a few years later that I wanted to go back to him, but I was glad he was already on another page."

"Why?"

"I really did love him once, I think it was the fact that I saw him acting normal with me, that reminded me of how things were before we dated and why I had fallen in love with him. But nothing good could come out of it."

"It does make sense."

"Then I never spoke to him again. As long as he's happy, that's okay, that's the most important thing."

"And you went back to talking to your 'unofficial boyfriend'?

"We had a friend in common. That's how I met CR. In fact, I became very close to her because, after all, she helped me a lot. Our friendship was the best thing that came from that 'relationship'. And she was talking to him one day, telling him how he should have acted differently, and told him that one day, when he felt ready and if he really wanted to do it, he should apologize."

"He did?"

"He sent me an email full of crap. I realized he didn't feel sorry at all."

"Never heard anything from him again?"

"I heard he had different girlfriends, that he was going to be a father. But as I said earlier, if he's happy, that's all that matters.

"I see you care a lot about the happiness of your ex-boyfriends."

"I may look badass, but I still care about people. I think I really believe in karma, because I've had to deal with it many times. The old story: what goes around, comes around. And when I really like someone, I want them to be happy."

"And you haven't dated since?"

"Something here and there, but nothing serious. You're not going to make me get a boyfriend, are you?"

"No, of course not," said the doctor quickly, "I don't hink it would hurt, but no. I can't help noticing that you haven't dated in a while."

"Please don't turn into my dad." Beca snorted impatiently.

"Does he ask you about boyfriends?"

"Yeah, a lot, actually. But I'm already used to it and I know how to get around the subject. I think that when it happens, it happens."

"Aren't you scared to get your heart broken again?"

"I always think that after Charlie, I would never suffer so much for love. There are people who make us think that no matter how things might go wrong, it's worth it just for the good times. Poetic, isn't it?"

"A poetic thought, indeed. And what do you think makes someone fall in love with you?" Beca smirked. She scratched her head looking for a good asnwer.

"Jesus, am I on a tv show, getting through blind dates?" Chloe laughed and shook her head.

"No, but I'd like to know."

"You're too curious. Dunno. My sense of humor isn't for everyone. But I treat them right, I write a few sappy things. I don't know, honestly."

"Do you think you're ugly?"

"No. I think I'm normal. Dunno. I'm a normal person. Neither pretty nor ugly. I won't even ask you the same question, because I already know the answer."

"You do? What would it be?"

"If you tell me you think you're ugly, I'll introduce you to a good eye doctor. You could be in twenty different magazine covers and I'm not talking about psychology magazines." Chloe blushed slightly and focused her gaze on her own hands.

First of all, if you didn't notice the chapter's title, the appointment isn't over yet. There's a second part. I was just writing things that actually happened to me and when I finished I had written almost 10,000 words. I guess I'm really good at remembering embarassing situations about my life. I hope you can find them to be a little funny. I think the next chapter will have a nice development in their relationship.

Thanks again to everyone who's following this story and to everyone who reviewed it. It's the first I'm writing a Bechloe story and it has been great so far.