50. The last thing you remember

Elliot couldn't believe it. All this time he'd had the feeling that Kathy was keeping something from him. Could she actually have taken his letter out of the envelope before it was sent to Olivia? Had he told her he was writing to Olivia, and had he let Kathy mail the letter out? That didn't sound right to him. So had she found out about the letter and gone behind his back? And what had he written to Olivia? He wished he could remember this part. Kathy wouldn't be very forthcoming with details, no doubt. So his only hope was, that Maureen actually knew more than she was letting on. He'd had that feeling when she'd told him about his fight with Kathy at the party, but maybe she knew more about this, too.

He looked at Olivia, who was leaning against his bed and also seemed deep in thought. He was grateful that she was back in his life. Nothing had been able to keep them apart, so maybe they shouldn't be too upset about what had happened in between. But he felt like he owed Olivia an explanation. She'd been hurt so badly, thinking he had simply abandoned her, just like everyone else had done that she'd cared about. People had always let her down and without knowing it, he had become one of those people. He didn't want to be and he was quite certain he never intended to be one of them. He'd cared about her too much.

He still didn't really remember Kathy, although he did feel like he was starting to peel away the edges of his memory. He heard her voice in his dreams sometimes, and he somehow knew that the words he was hearing since he'd been in the hospital, were from before his memory loss, not after. She was still just outside of his line of sight, but he could hear her sometimes. Maybe he could pretend to remember, to lure her out and get her to admit ...

"Elliot."

Elliot looked at his mother and put his interrogation tactics aside for the moment.

"I can speak with Kathy if you want. I want to help."

He smiled at his mother. He didn't really remember her either, but he had come to love the woman he'd gotten to know over the past four years. She showered him with love without making him feel uncomfortable. Her door was always open for him and he loved spending time there, by the ocean. She'd let him spend the night and just go about his own business, and when he'd get back from a long walk on the beach, she'd have coffee ready for him or dinner. He could relax with her. She was right. She had never put pressure on him in any way. She just wanted him to be happy.

"That's okay mother, I'll deal with Kathy myself."

"You're not upset with me?" his mother asked him, her eyes still a little restless and insecure.

"No. It's alright mom."

Bernie bit her lip and grabbed his hand, holding it tight. Olivia looked at him and smiled. She didn't want to upset the older woman either. It wasn't her fault.

There was soft knock on the door again, and another older lady came into the room.

"Gladys," Bernie said.

"Hello everyone. Is everything alright in here?" Gladys asked.

"It is," Elliot said before his mother could answer her friend. "It's good to see you again, Gladys."

...

After all the necessary introductions had been made, Olivia sat back and watched Elliot interact with the two older women. He was a charmer and they both fell for it big time. He had Gladys giggling and nudging her friend Bernie in no time, and winked at Olivia, who just shook her head, smiling. Olivia walked out to get everyone a cup of tea, and after about 45 minutes, Gladys suggested to Bernie that they head on home. They all said goodbye and Bernie held her tight when Olivia gave her one last hug.

"Take care of him, Olivia," she said softly.

"I will," Olivia promised. "And as soon as Elliot is up to it, we'll come visit you."

Bernie left with a smile on her face and as soon as the door had closed behind the two ladies, Olivia scooted close to Elliot on the bed to kiss him softly.

"What was that for?" Elliot asked, looking up at her with his baby blue eyes that could make her heart miss a beat.

"Just to say thanks that you were so kind to your mother."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Elliot asked, but when Olivia cocked an eyebrow, he admitted, "Alright, it took some effort, but I think we both know who to blame here. Mother is just ... mother. She couldn't be expected to intervene, and like she said, Kathy wouldn't have listened to her anyway."

They sat in silence for a while, wondering about that letter. What could Elliot have written to her? And had Kathy really taken the letter out of the envelope before it was sent to her? Elliot was right, they needed to find out what had happened between the shooting and his birthday.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Olivia finally asked him. "You say you remember our entire history together. So where do the memories end?"

Elliot closed his eyes and sat back against the pillows Olivia had propped up for him after their nap.

"The last thing I remember?" he asked, and she could tell he was thinking really hard. All of his memories were still very fresh and she could imagine that they were still somewhat confusing. But after a minute, Elliot spoke up.

"I remember shooting that girl because ... because I was terrified that she'd shoot you next."

Olivia's mouth fell open and she stared at Elliot, who was slowly opening his eyes.

"You thought she'd shoot me next? She was aiming for the cage."

"She'd already shot the woman who was standing next to you ... ehm ..."

"Sister Peg."

"Right. The girl didn't know how to hold that gun."

"And that's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember looking at you ... seeing your eyes staring back at me in horror. After that, I must have shut down. It's all blank after that."

There was silence in the room again as Olivia thought back to those days after the shooting, that had soon turned into weeks and months. It hadn't been until August that Cragen told her Elliot had put his papers in. Almost three months after the shooting. And it had taken another month before she'd received that envelope with the cryptic message, "Semper Fi. El" and his mini badge. She hadn't known what to make of it. Semper Fidelis. Always faithful. It had hurt more than it had helped her move on. Faithful to what? Or whom? And now, Elliot couldn't even tell her what he'd meant. And there was supposed to be a letter. That letter might have explained everything.

"I remember something else," Elliot said pensively, interrupting her thoughts.

"What?"

"Someone told me, 'You need to quit now before you end up a murderer. It's the only solution.'"

"Who told you that?"

Elliot shook his head.

"I don't know."

"Was it a man or a woman?"

Elliot shook his head again and rubbed his forehead with one hand.

"I don't know."

Olivia thought about who would have talked to Elliot after the shooting, and who would give him such advice. Could it have been Tucker or someone else at IAB?

"Was it someone who was trying to push you out, to make you retire?" she asked Elliot cautiously.

Elliot looked at her, puzzled, but after a few moments he said,

"I don't think so. I think this was someone who really had my best interests at heart."

...

The plot thickens. More soon. I know I'm cruel but I'm still enjoying the short burst. :)