So, in order to prevent (or take away) confusion, because this story is chopped up in so many little pieces, I'm going to give you all a little summary of the questions that still need to be answered in this story:

1. What happened in those five months between the shooting and the mugging?
2. Was Elliot really on his way to see Olivia when he got mugged?
3. Was there a letter, and if so, who took it and does it still exist?
4. What does Maureen know?
5. Who told Elliot he should get out now before he'd become a murderer?
6. What's going on with Liz?

And of course, why on earth did Elliot sleep with Kathy after their separation? That last one will be answered below at last, in a slightly longer chapter. Enjoy!

...

52. Paternity

"You never wanted me to leave my family for you, but I did want to."

"No, you didn't. Not really."

"Why do you say that?"

"If you did, you wouldn't have gotten Kathy pregnant again."

Elliot blew out a breath and lifted his head to look at her. Olivia noticed Greg still standing at the foot of the bed, trying not to look or listen at them but probably failing miserably on both counts.

"Maybe we should get you back into bed first," Olivia suggested, nodding in Greg's direction.

"Yeah," Greg said, "Sorry for hanging around but ehm ... I just wanted to show Olivia how to assist you, for when you're released into her care."

Elliot grinned at the physical therapist and Olivia guessed that he welcomed the short break. No doubt, Elliot would need some time to get his memories straight about that time when he'd gone over to the family home and had 'fumbled around like a kid' with Kathy, as he'd put it. Maybe he still didn't remember, because he didn't remember his wife clearly yet. It was a weird situation all around. Elliot remembered his partnership with her, and all the things they shared, and the rest of his life was like a cardboard decor or something. Even his family.

Olivia focused on what Greg explained to her, so she'd know how not to support Elliot while getting him into or out of bed, or up from the couch. Greg recommended getting a trapeze bar so Elliot could move himself around a little, and told her where she could rent one. Once Elliot was safely tucked in again, Greg left them alone to talk. Olivia sat down on the bed on Elliot's left side and looked at him. She could see him thinking about her earlier question, and she waited patiently for him to formulate an answer.

It had been a question for her for years. She had never asked him about it. It hadn't been her place to ask him why he'd sleep with his wife. All she had dared to ask was, what he was going to do. To him, going home had been the only thing to do. He'd frowned at the question because it hadn't been a question for him. He'd been talking about going out to dinner with Kathy to discuss him coming home even before he got her pregnant. But right now, he was telling her he had wanted to leave his family for her.
At the time, their divorce papers had actually been filed and he still went back and knocked Kathy up again. It had hurt her deeply that he'd decided to go back home, and it had made it final for her. They were never going to be anything more than partners and friends. She'd learned to live with that, and with the pain of walking beside him, wanting him but knowing she was never going to have him. She knew that her heart would be held hostage as long as he was in her life, and she had accepted it. It hurt less than not having him in her life at all.

But if he was claiming now that he'd loved her all along, she deserved to know why he'd slept with Kathy again anyway.

Elliot sighed and she braced herself for his confession. Because it would no doubt be a confession. But it wasn't the kind of confession she had expected.

"I'm not saying I remember all of this Liv," Elliot started, not looking directly at her. "I don't remember the actual act of ... you know, Eli's conception. But I do remember some of what I felt during those months after you came back from, what was it? Oregon?"

Olivia simply nodded, and Elliot continued.

"I told you before that after the Gitano case, I just needed you and the job to stay the same for the time being. There was no denying this thing between us anymore, but I couldn't deal with it. I'm sorry," he added sadly, reaching for her hand.

"And then you took off to Computer Crimes without a word and I tried to lock my heart again. I think we both did. We had to, if we wanted to continue working together."

Olivia nodded, looking down at their joined hands. It was true. Elliot had dropped by several times, suddenly needing Computer Crimes to help solve their cases, but they'd needed the time apart to deal with this new reality of knowing they were too close while they were unwilling to let each other go.

"When you came back, I thought we were going to build on what we had again, and possibly explore our feelings at some point."

She swallowed hard. She hadn't known he had wanted to actually explore their feelings 'at some point' in the future, however distant that future might have been. She hadn't even been sure he had any romantic feelings for her. Not after he'd told her they could never choose each other over the job again. He'd made it seem like it had been a huge mistake to choose her, and that he'd never make that mistake again.

"And then I took off again," she said softly.

He must have been devastated.

"Yeah. I remember feeling so lost. And when you came back, things were different between us."

Olivia nodded. She'd felt it too. They had reconnected after a while after they'd partnered up again. They didn't talk about her absence at all of course but after a while they got closer again, offering each other a kidney and even talking about their partnership once. But there had been a shift between them. They had still been very intense, fighting as if they needed to reestablish their boundaries in stead of finally following their hearts. They were even forced to go through a psych evaluation after getting into trouble over Olivia's half-brother. She had tried so hard to keep Elliot out of it, but he'd shown up anyway. She'd hated him for butting in, but she had loved him all the same. It was like it had always been and the boundaries between them had grown higher and wider. Kathy's pregnancy had sealed the deal for her and things hadn't been the same afterwards. They had ended up acting like an old married couple that appreciated each other, but nothing more.

"I still loved you," Elliot said quietly. "But I thought you had put it all behind you."

Olivia silently cursed her own poker face. Seeing him with Dani Beck had made her pull her walls up high again immediately and Elliot had done nothing to make her lower them once she was his partner again. He'd checked in with her, telling her he needed space to disagree with her. He'd signed the divorce papers at last and then nothing had changed between them.

"I hadn't," she admitted, and Elliot squeezed her hand. "I just didn't know what to do with ... with ..."

"It."

she chuckled.

"Right."

It. That might be the best way to describe this thing between them. Whatever it was.

"Neither did I Liv. I just felt lonelier and lonelier. So when I went home one night to see the kids, I guess I gave in to one of my baser needs and spent the night with Kathy."

Olivia bit her lip.

"She never stopped loving you."

Elliot nodded.

"Maybe. Or maybe she just loved the idea of a family. And she thought she could still get me back by offering me sex."

They were both silent for a while after that. Olivia had hoped for a rational explanation but she should have known there was no rational explanation for how they had both ruined their chance to get together then. It had been purely emotional, driven mostly by fear. They knew what they had, and were afraid of what they might lose as well as what they might gain. Even Kathy may have acted out of fear of the unknown. And so they continued to be partners. Too loyal to each other, but completely unfaithful to their own hearts.

"She got you back by giving you another child," Olivia finally said, her heart breaking just a little bit at her own words.

"Apparently," Elliot said pensively. "You think she planned to get pregnant?"

Olivia looked at Elliot and she could see it was an honest question.

"She didn't know you were going to come over, did she?"

"No."

She shrugged.

"So there's your answer. How could she have planned it if ..."

"Unless he's not mine," Elliot interrupted her, and she could tell that his own words shocked him.

He'd come to love little Eli as his own. Olivia had never even questioned the boy's paternity.

"Did you wonder about that back then?" she asked him, holding his hand a little tighter.

"I don't remember," Elliot said, frowning. "But I'm wondering now. The timing just seems too perfect. She said he was born early after that car accident, but who knows what his real due date was."

Olivia sighed.

"Do you know Kathy actually asked me to convince you to sign the divorce papers right before you signed them? I thought she was ready to move on."

"Did she seem like she was ready to move on when you talked to her the other day?"

Elliot's question had sounded angry. He hadn't witnessed their exchange but he'd clearly gotten a pretty good read on his ex-wife over the past four years. It all kept coming back to Kathy.

"I have to talk to her. Soon. Very soon," Elliot said.

His jaw was set and suddenly he was all of the Elliot she had always known.

"And I'm not talking to her at your place, so I'm calling her today to meet me here. Tonight."

...

Dun dun!

I hope this chapter made sense. It was more difficult to write than I had expected.