This conversation will take up several chapters so bear with me. I want to dissect what happened once and for all and I think/hope you want that too, yes?

...

59. Unstable

"Yeah. About that. We'll get back to that letter. But let's talk about Eli first."

Some color was actually returning to Kathy's cheeks and the dull guilt that had been in her eyes, was quickly replaced by an indignant fire.

"I can't believe you want a paternity test for him, Elliot!"

Olivia tried to imagine how much it had to hurt, if it wasn't true, to have the father of your child question his paternity. And Kathy seemed adamant that Eli was Elliot's son. But Elliot wasn't done yet.

"Well, I just think it was very convenient that you got pregnant after I spent the night with you once. Once Kathy! I know you tried again after that but I couldn't go through with ..."

Elliot stopped mid-sentence, and Olivia realized he was talking as if he remembered everything completely. He looked at her then and she saw confusion in his eyes.

"You're remembering?" she asked him softly, ignoring Kathy for the moment.

"I ... I don't know where all of this knowledge is coming from," Elliot said, clearly confused himself. "I just know this. It was one night and we had sex twice."

He looked at his ex-wife again.

"And you tried to seduce me again a week later but I wouldn't do it because ... because it was wrong. I didn't love you that way anymore. Were you trying to do it again to make sure I'd believe your child was mine?"

And just like that, Elliot was back in accusation mode. Olivia could tell he was unstable, being flung from one emotion into another while partial memories seemed to come back to him. Kathy wasn't budging though and immediately agreed to a paternity test.

"Fine. We'll do the test. But I find it very hurtful that you're even asking me this. I told you he's yours and he is. He can't be anyone else's. The fact that the timing didn't suit your need to pursue your partner is not my concern."

Elliot's hand slammed down hard on the table at her words.

"I fought just as hard for our marriage as you did," he seethed, making an effort not to start shouting. "But enough should have been enough, Kathy. And I thought we'd agreed that it was enough. I was the one who kept wanting to come home, remember? And you kept telling me to sign the damned divorce papers. So yes, in retrospect, it seems to me that when you got pregnant, you seduced me to cover up the fact that you'd gotten knocked up by someone else and you just couldn't live with the shame!"

Olivia was amazed at how much was apparently coming back to Elliot in his fit of anger. Kathy's hands balled into fists and Olivia focused on the blonde. She almost felt sorry for her. She'd been fighting a losing battle all her life, trapped in a marriage that hadn't started out of love but with an unexpected pregnancy. And now she had tried to revive it with another unexpected pregnancy. Olivia couldn't imagine that she would do all that just for the sake of appearances. No matter how much Kathy might enjoy the view from her high horse, she couldn't sacrifice her own happiness just to save face, could she? There had to be a real love there. And that was the part she could never blame Kathy for. Loving Elliot was what they had in common. But contrary to Kathy, Olivia had always fought for Elliot's happiness, not her own. Because if she had just thought of herself, she would have made a huge mistake years ago. She would have let Elliot know how she felt right after his divorce, or maybe even before. She hadn't though. She had never told him because she didn't want to complicate his life. Her life could remain screwed up, as long as he was alright. Kathy had done the exact opposite and had screwed up all of their lives in the process.

Kathy was holding back tears and actually looked at Olivia for help.

"Do you believe I'd do such a thing, Olivia?" she asked with a shaky voice.

Olivia glanced at Elliot and then looked at Kathy again. She didn't know what to believe right now.

"I wanted Elliot to come back to help me with Eli,"Kathy continued, "but also to be a father to him. To all the kids. Because he is their father."

"He would have been their father too if he hadn't come back to you. Being a father is more than living with the mother of ones children."

Olivia didn't know where the words had come from and how she had managed to speak so calmly, but she knew they were the truth. Elliot and Kathy knew it too, because they had both fallen silent. After a few moments, Kathy nodded slowly and looked down at her hands.

"I know that. I've seen it."

She looked up at Elliot then, and there was no anger in her eyes anymore. Just sadness.

"Elliot has been a great father for all the children, these past few years, even while he didn't remember them at all."

"Thank you," Elliot said, and her words seemed to help him calm down a little. "I've started remembering Liz a bit," he offered then, and Kathy managed a small smile.

"I'm so glad. She needs her daddy. She never really let me in at all."

Olivia caught Elliot's eye and she could tell he was debating telling Kathy about Elizabeth and Jessie. Olivia shook her head 'no' almost without moving it, but it was enough for Elliot. This wasn't the time to talk about Elizabeth or any of the other children.

"So you'll agree to a paternity test. I want to choose who runs it and I'll let you know when to bring Eli."

Kathy frowned, still upset that he was insisting on the test, but she seemed to go along with Elliot's demands.

"Now I need to know about those months after the shooting. I want you to tell me what happened during those months, and be honest about it. No sugarcoating anything, okay?"

Maria had brought Kathy her tea and she wrapped her slender hands around the warm cup, holding on to it like a lifeline.

"Okay. What do you want to know?"

"Why did you keep sending me away?" Olivia asked, finally wanting to know if it had been Elliot's wish or that Kathy had kept her from seeing him. "I was at your house half a dozen times and you kept telling me he didn't want to see me, or he was out or sleeping."

"That was the truth," Kathy said, looking straight at her. "He didn't want to see you at first."

"Why not?"

Kathy glanced at Elliot, who was waiting for her reply just as eagerly as Olivia was. He still didn't remember this part.

"He ... he was very depressed. Sometimes when he'd had too much to drink, he'd say things like, 'I can't be around Liv anymore. It's not safe'. I don't know what he meant exactly but when he was sober, he also said he couldn't face you, so ... I just kept sending you away. I even took his phone away for a while because you wouldn't stop calling."

Olivia could tell it took some effort for Kathy not to sound accusing. She had called his phone a lot. She'd tried almost every day for a while, sometimes several times in one day. Their landline too, but only Kathy would ever answer it. And after she'd gone to his house, she'd tried to call at least once a week, just to leave a message letting him know she was still here if he ever wanted to talk. It was her way of not sinking into depression for a while, because she missed him so much. As long as she left messages for him, it would be like he wasn't really gone. Like they were still talking in a way. Only he had never answered her calls and had never responded to her texts or voice mails, until she got a message saying his mailbox was full and to try again later.

"Why did I retire?" Elliot asked.

Kathy pulled her shoulders up and sighed when she dropped them again.

"After a while, you went to see a psychologist."

"Who?"

"I don't know her name, but you said you'd spoken with her before and she'd really helped you then."

Elliot looked at Olivia again, asking her without words if she had any ideas. She had, actually, and she asked Kathy,

"Was it Rebecca Hendrix?"

...

To be continued. Any thoughts after this chapter?