Author's... idk, words?: Ohai everyone. So, this originally was going to be two chapters, but I decided to make it one for a few reasons. One being, you guys are awesome. The second is that I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough time between now and new years day to post anything. We're super busy this week and I didn't realize it until now!
So have a really long chapter to make up for that! Also, thank you guys so much for your well wishes. I'm feeling soooo much better. Still a little stuffy, but I'll live!
Also, ALSO! ... I really like posting vague spoilers in the chapter titles. It's going to get worse the further we get...
Reviews:
Tuscan of Mandalore: Yes! A child! The future holds something special for these two… as long as they stop being dumb. Of course.
Warnaudrey: Merry Christmas to you too!
Dawns Darkness: Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy what happens next!
ImagineDaydreams: Slowly she's finding her way. However, it's like stupid Kylo Ren just wants to mess everything up! Even though most of the time it's completely and utterly not his fault… okay it's always his fault…
Venus3814: Thank you so much!
Ravenclauses: HOORAYIT'SGOODYELLING!
MotherAiya: All those questions and more will be answered… EVENTUALLY!
Guest: Thank you!
Xscouselondernerx: She's gotta find a balance between both and it's really hard especially with Kylo Ren being her only source of example… Luckily she has a ghost friend! Thank you so much for reading!
LoveFiction2017: Thaaaaank you! We're so close to TFA! I wrote the first part of it today and I'm REALLY excited to get there
LexxLuxor: Haha I'm so sorry, I'll try and update more! Even though I'm disappearing again for a week… eek!
Kuppcake: Thank you so much! Happy holidays to you too!
Irene01: Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that! I hope you keep enjoying the story!
Let's do this people!
Captain Phasma and General Hux often met in secret; not so much as to be sneaky, but for the greater good of their overall mission. However, this time, they met to discuss the ever faltering sanity of Kylo Ren. Without Ashlyn, Kylo Ren was cruel without cause. While the two had expected as much from Kylo Ren, being from the darkness and pulling from it, they hadn't expected such an extreme drop into it. It was beginning to scare them. It seemed like every day Hux was having to stop the Commander from murdering another subordinate for looking at him the wrong way; or having to clean up the mess after the fact.
"Has our Commander left his quarters today?" Hux asked, trying to keep any tone of concern from his voice as he scrolled through the latest information from StarKiller.
"No one's died yet, so probably not." Phasma replied dryly. "We need to do something."
Hux's brow quirked ever-so-slightly; his eyes still fixated on his datapad. "And what would you have me do, Phasma?"
She knew he was avoiding her, specifically about Kylo Ren. "If we don't do something soon, we could have another Snoke on our hands."
Hux sighed, tossing the datapad on his desk as he unwillingly looked at Phasma now. The concern on her face only matching the concern he felt deep down. "I ask again, what would you have me do?"
"Let's find her." Phasma suggested. "Find her, relocate her somewhere close enough that Ren can sneak away; if only to even him out for a while."
Hux frowned. "You want to hide their love affair."
"We've done it before."
He pursed his lips; Phasma noticed a vein began to pulse in his forehead out of sheer frustration. They were both feeling it. "Even if this was something plausible, he would never allow it. He's convinced this is the best thing for Ashlyn. She's safe. She'll be better off."
"But is she?" Phasma countered. "You two were so quick to remove Ashlyn from the equation, without ever stopping to think what she wanted. Yes, Snoke would have her killed. But, we could have worked around this. We could have done something more."
"Could we?"
Phasma frowned now. "Yes. You boys are so quick to have such finite answers, you never once stopped to ask yourselves what the consequence of those actions could be."
She wasn't wrong. "We didn't have the luxury of time. Kylo Ren was faced with a decision; we should all be happy it wasn't the choice Snoke made." Phasma looked as though she wanted to say something more, to argue his point. He wouldn't have it. "We must make do with what we have now. This is where we have been lead by the choices that were made. We must learn to deal with these choices and their consequences."
"Even if those choices come back to haunt us." Phasma said somewhat accusingly. Hux matched her glare; their relationship had been strained this past month. It only seemed to be getting worse the more Kylo Ren drowned.
Leia Organa was always a strong force to be reckoned with; a fact she didn't relish in or boast about… nor did she try to hide either. She was strong, clever, beautiful in her years and wise beyond all of that. She held this aura that could not be matched; a strength that devoured even the bravest of men with but a wave of her hand. Yet, in that strength was not the need for conquering or power. Her strength came from helping others and bringing justice to the galaxy. She spoke for those who had no voice; within her came compassion. Something most of the galaxy lacked these days.
So, it was no wonder when General Organa sat in her office, her eyes deadlocked on the hologram of Republic superiors, she had something to say. Yet, she would bite her tongue and listen until the time came to fight. This was nothing, she had many a fight during her time as Senator before. However, history did prove to repeat itself. And now, it was doing its due diligence.
A well-dressed man sat at the focal point of the meeting. A delegate from the Hosnian Prime district that was no more corrupt than the rest of them, yet still had his fair share in having his hand in the pot. "In order to compete with the First Order, we must militarize in their similar fashion." He explained; his voice smooth like velvet. It matched his smug demeanor. "I say we take the offer from the arms dealers; bulk up on our supplies."
Leia Organa did not fight on the moon on Endor, battle the Storm Troopers and Empire to promote the freedoms of the Galactic order, just to hear a man promote war profiteering. "Kind Senator Rhys." Leia began, her smile sarcastic yet vicious. "I did not become the General to the Resistance to create bigger pockets for those who make weapons and sell them to not just us, but the First Order as well. We are only asking for a compromising situation. With such detail that these… profiteers would have, who's to say they won't be sold to the man with the larger coin purse to invest in secrets." She did not take too kindly to the corruption within the Republic then, and even more so now. With the new faces turning up each and every day, their faces changing from wide-eyed young politicians with hopes and dreams to make a change, to ones influenced by greed. This was not the New Republic she had sought out to create so long ago. Even if they had stripped her title of Senator, she was still one hell of a politician in her day. One that would help return the Republic to its former glory.
"With all due respect, General Organa." Senator Rhys began. A sentence Leia hated hearing. Whenever anyone began a sentence in such a way, it always meant the exact opposite. "We do not win wars with just hope."
"Nor with corruption." She combated. "We should keep our hands out of the profiteering business at all costs. It will only sink our beloved Republic further into the depth of greed and fortune. Politics is not about either of those things, good Senator. It is about creating a safe and just future for the people of the Galaxy. Not boost those with much to gain from weaponry."
There was a long pause between the holograms; Leia could only assume they had muted her to discuss something amongst themselves more privately before Senator Rhys spoke once more. "We will be in touch, General."
The transmission ended and General Organa was alone in her office once more. She inhaled deeply, holding her breath for a beat or two before releasing an exasperated sigh. Things in the New Republic were not going as they had intended. The ease into corruption was all too tempting for those in power. She knew not all of the delegates were this way. However, those in power had their foot in the door to something dangerous. Something that could change the tides into the favor of the First Order. If these Senators could be bought by war profiteers, who's to say they couldn't be bought by one of the wealthiest organizations out there? The First Order.
With that, a knock on her office door brought her out of her thoughts. "Come in." Her voice rang through her office. Within a few seconds, the door was opening and in walked the rogue red haired girl she had taken in. "Ashlyn." Leia smiled. "It's good to see you."
Ash smiled thoughtfully. "I had asked Poe if we could setup a time to meet, you and I. I know you've been really busy but, I thought-"
Leia gestured to the vacant chair across from her. "I have a few moments now, if you'd like." Ash took the opportunity and sat down quickly. "How are things, dear?"
Ash couldn't hide her smile. "I think I've figured it out." She said. "There was this part of me I never understood; it seemed like this other existence knew what I was meant to do, but I didn't. It scared me; feeling like my life was being planned out for me. I now know that's not the case. Nothing is set in stone. What I've seen…" Ash explained. "I want to fight for it. I want to fight for that future. But, I need help."
"How can I help?" Leia asked with interest.
"I'm not sure." Ash replied. "I need to bring myself back to the light. Back to a balance I once had between the darkness and light. The Force guided me to you, and that you'd be part of that process. However, I don't know how."
Leia nodded. "Well, let's start slow. What is it that you're fighting for?"
"I know the First Order are not the good guys." Ash accepted that fact. "But, I believe that there are some who could still be swayed." Leia's heart fluttered in her chest as she tried to keep calm on the outside. "Kylo Ren is a name that's feared among everyone on this base. I've heard as much through everyone's thoughts; their feelings on knowing I worked so closely with him. Yet, you've never flinched once when I mentioned him."
Leia's lips were a thin line, her expression unreadable. "Do you mean to tell me that Kylo Ren can be swayed back to the light?"
Ash frowned. "Back?"
Leia slipped in her words; she quickly regained her composure. She wasn't a politician for no reason, she had a great poker face. "Not everyone begins their path in the darkness. Some are dragged to it." Leia explained, realizing she was beginning to feel something from the girl across from her. Panic and paranoia. Ash was starting to reach into her mind. Leia decided it was best to give her something. "He trained in the light with my brother Luke Skywalker."
Whatever she said, she saw the recognition in Ashlyn's face and almost as immediately as the invasion on her mind came, it left. "Your brother is Luke Skywalker?"
Leia nodded. "I suppose as a Force User yourself, you'd know of him as well."
"Actually, I know nothing of him. Only what little was told to me."
"Kylo Ren mentioned him?"
Ash bit her lip, now was the battle before her. Did she give up the information she held, or keep it safe? Would that keep Kylo Ren safe in the long run or ruin him? Yet, there it was again. That pestering feeling in the back of her head telling her it was okay to talk to Leia, it was okay to tell her. "Not exactly."
Leia gave up a little more information, knowing Ashlyn had something she was hiding. "My brother has been missing for quite some time now. If we could find him and bring him back to the Resistance, we could change the course of this war. He's strong with the Force, he could even help train you."
That was tempting information. Perhaps with another Force User on her side, it could help bring Kylo Ren back. "I'm being torn apart." Ash confided in Leia. "All I can feel is this weight of darkness pulling me down and I'm powerless to find my way back. I have my purpose, but I don't know how to get there."
"I wish there was more that I could do." She meant that. "Luke would be the only one I know of who could understand what you're feeling. He had gone through something similar, he fought the temptation of the dark side and prevailed as a Master Jedi."
"I thought the Jedi were gone?" Kylo Ren had told her that once. That there were no longer clear cut sides, but just being that balanced on the light and dark side of things.
Leia smiled. "Not as long as there's hope."
There it was again; hope. Leia, along with the rest of the Resistance believed in it. They believed in a tomorrow and would never stop fighting for it. Something in that concept alone gave Ash the will to keep fighting too. Maybe Anakin was right in her finding peace here? "They're looking for him too-" Ash said quickly. "The First Order. They're looking for Luke."
Leia hesitated, as though she had a feeling all along that that was always their plan. It made sense in her eyes. Her son would want to search for Luke. "Then we're are running out of time to find him. Thank you for your honesty, Ashlyn."
She had mixed feelings upon telling Leia about Kylo Ren's plan. Granted, she didn't know too much about it. Something in her felt that perhaps if she told Leia, then maybe she'd feel a tug towards the light again. That didn't happen and Ashlyn was only met with disappointment in her decision.
Poe was appreciative that Ashlyn was at least trying to pull through. She was stronger than she realized and Poe was there to witness it firsthand. She still struggled with the toxicity of the dark side; the inner battle that pulled at her being. But there was progress and that was all anyone could ask for.
What surprised him the most was her sudden cooperation in telling Leia the First Order's plan. It wasn't an entire plan, but it was enough to get everyone up in arms about their search for the missing Luke Skywalker.
So, that evening, when Poe Dameron sat in Leia's office, the two expressed their concerns and hope for what was to come. "What if she's lying?"
Leia mused at his doubt. "Do you believe she is?"
"I'd like to think she's becoming one of us." Poe admitted.
Leia smiled. "Ashlyn will never be Resistance, nor will she ever be the First Order. She is her own being."
Poe frowned. "Yeah but-"
"Poe, when I tell you her allegiance is neither side, which does not mean she will betray us either. She will do the right thing, she has found her sense of purpose. Right now we need to focus on finding and protecting Luke Skywalker." Leia explained promisingly.
Poe pursed his lips, considering that outcome. "If she was willing to betray the First Order, then she could betray us."
"You don't really believe that." Leia said knowingly. "You have as much faith in her as I do."
"But you said so yourself, there is darkness in her heart."
"There is." Leia agreed to an extent. "But there is also light. And you know that I am a firm believer that anyone can be swayed back to the light; even when delving into the darkest of regions in their heart."
Poe's doubt was replaced with his own stellar smile as he thought about the state of Ashlyn Novafall. Sure, things weren't were they needed to be, but Leia had a point. He didn't need to be a Force User to know that Ashlyn had light inside her. "You're right, General. If anyone can fight for it, it's her." Leia was relieved that he too believed in that sentiment. "But we have bigger fish to fry over this revelation with Luke. That just adds to the pile of problems we're facing. Did we get any leads on the Republic arms trade as well?"
Leia sighed, frustration in her eyes as he answered the man. "I still have trusted allies looking into the weapons deals; if the Republic is up to something shady, we will know soon enough. As for Luke, that needs to be our top priority right now. The Republic will have to wait."
"But if they're taking part in dealing weapons to our enemies like we believe they are-"
"Once again, I ask that you trust me on this." Leia pleaded. Although unhappy about it, Poe Dameron silently agreed. What more could he do? He'd continue to trust Leia and pray that she wasn't wrong about the importance of Luke Skywalker, waiting on the Republic, and helping Ashlyn fight for the light.
Ash stood in her room, staring at the wall in front of her. Her nerves getting the best of her as she debated her next move. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Anakin asked from behind her.
She wasn't, but she had to be. "I need to see if I can do it again. If I can reach out through the Force to him."
"You're channeling too much of the dark side when you do." Anakin warned her. "You could continue to unbalance yourself."
"Then you'll just have to trust that I can bring myself back." A cocky answer, but one she believed in.
Anakin couldn't hide the smirk at her spunk. "And if you manage to do it and see him again, what then? What do you plan to accomplish by doing this?"
"I don't know." Ash explained. "It's something I have to do, whether it's the dark side or light pushing me to do it. I need to."
Anakin nodded. "Then do it."
With his permission, Ash inhaled deeply; finding control over her breathing. She took the moment to close her eyes and build back up her focus and concentration. When she opened her eyes. She realized she was in the debriefing room on StarKiller. Hux, Phasma and a very, very angry looking Kylo Ren sat in the room. Ash was standing in the corner, her eyes locking with Kylo Ren's as he stared back at her. She looked around, noticing Hux and Phasma saying nothing of her appearance. Then, it clicked. "They can't see me, can they?" She asked in wonder. "Only you can."
He visibly stiffened, his mind wandering a mile a minute as he debated what he could do in this situation. "We will send troops out to the Ottegans. According to our sources they were said to have the piece of the map last-" Hux paused, noticing Ren was glaring at the empty corner in the room. "Are you even listening?" Phasma, now noticing his stare, turned to look at the corner of the room as well. She looked back at the men, shrugging.
Kylo Ren abruptly stood; stalking to the corner where Ashlyn stood. He grabbed the lightsaber that was attached to his belt and ignited it; hoping to scare the girl enough to send her back. It did. Ashlyn was gone and now Kylo Ren was standing in the corner of the conference room, his laber still hissing in his hands, and a very concerned Phasma and Hux staring at the tense Commander; fearing he had truly lost his goddamn mind.
Ash jumped back, her brain trying to process her surroundings. She looked around nervously, remembering where she was before sighing in relief. It was then, Ashlyn realized she could project herself wherever Kylo Ren was in that moment. Interestingly enough, no one else could see her except for the Force User. This meant one of two things; Ashlyn learned some crazy new Force ability that allowed her to project herself across time and space itself… or their Force Bond hadn't actually deteriorated like she had believed one month ago. She wasn't sure if she found comfort in that idea.
That also left the question of what Hux had been speaking of. Did the Ottegans have some knowledge about the map to Skywalker? That couldn't have been a coincidence. She'd have to tell Leia sooner rather than later. Whether she liked it or not, she was now part of this.
Kylo Ren stormed into General Hux's office without knocking or prior notice of his arrival. He looked disheveled and alarmed; something had happened in their earlier meeting and it was clearly affecting him. Hux jumped in his seat at the sudden entrance before glaring at the man. "To what do I owe the pleasure-" He stopped his question when he watched as Kylo Ren began looking around the office as though he were searching for someone. It wasn't until he began to look under Hux's desk that Hux stopped him. "Okay, what the hell is going on? While you may not care for Phasma and I and our sanity, you're really starting to concern us. Earlier today, you tried to attack an empty corner of the room. I demand some sort of answer from you to warrant me to not turn you in for a psych evaluation."
Kylo, satisfied in finding nothing in his search, sat down across from Hux. "She's projecting."
Hux made a face. "What now?"
"I don't know how she figured it out, but she's projecting herself through the galaxy and showing up in random places." He was aggravated; on edge even. "It's impossible."
Hux then realized the seriousness of his claims. Had Phasma been right in her concern? Was Kylo Ren losing it or was Ashlyn actually appearing in places? "I think you need some time away."
"Don't." Kylo snapped. "Do not patronize me. I know what I've been seeing."
"Do you?" Hux countered. "While Ashlyn was strong with the Force, you said so yourself, it just isn't possible." The look on Kylo Ren's face only created an unsettling feeling in the room. "Did she hear anything we were saying?"
Kylo Ren pursed his lips. "I don't know."
"You need to find out."
"How."
Hux exhaled sharply. "The same way she's been showing up here." The two were silent; staring each other down as a thick fog of tension took over the small space. "She's loyal to us." Hux tried to make an excuse.
"Is she?"
That sense of dread returned immediately as Hux demanded once more. "Find out." Kylo Ren stormed out of his office. Ashlyn Novafall was making things more difficult and she wasn't even physically there.
Days had passed since Ashlyn last projected herself across the galaxy. Her mind was racing a mile a minute as she debated her latest find. She had definitely heard Hux mentioned the Ottegans and a piece of the map. There was no way it could have been a coincidence. Yet, she couldn't help but feel torn about telling Leia. She didn't understand why; what loyalty did she have to either side. She was destined to bring Kylo Ren back to the light, but what if telling Leia about what she had heard ruined that? And so, she was torn as she lied on her back in the grassy field; watching x-wings take off and return from the atmosphere as the world began to grow darker to welcome the night.
She wasn't alone for very long; another presence appeared. At first, she expected it to be Anakin yelling at her for not training. She couldn't have been more wrong. "You need to stay on your side." Looking to her left, she saw him standing there. Well, he wasn't actually standing there. She knew that.
"You have some nerve coming here and tell me what to do." Okay, so she didn't really forgive him just yet over what happened. That was evident in her voice. Sure, she was going to save him. That didn't mean she had to like him right now.
He snorted. "You're really something, you know that?"
"You seemed to think so once." She retorted sharply. He still believed so, he wasn't about to tell her that.
"I've been wrong before." His tone cruel, but necessary in his eyes.
Ash rolled her eyes. "Did you come here for something or just to insult me?"
"Both." That smugness was something she shamefully missed. "I'm warning you. If you can't stay on your side, I will come and find you. Don't make me have to kill you."
Ash waved him off. "I'm right here, Commander. Come and get me."
She was infuriating. Even across the galaxy, she knew how to push all of his buttons. By the stars he loved her. Yet, right now, he wanted to stab her. It was quite the confusing emotion. He frowned as his eyes locked on the shaggy haired man, followed by a rolling BB unit, coming closer. "Who's that?"
Ash sat up then, looking to see who was coming over. She smiled. "Hey Poe."
Oh, Kylo Ren was not happy. He was very, very unhappy watching her smile at this intruder. "You busy?" Poe asked, beaming. "I have something to show you."
Ash looked back to her left, looking up at the clearly irritated Kylo Ren then back to Poe. "Not at all." She said, standing up. "What's up?"
"I was over at the shipyard and found a really old A-Wing intact. Thought you'd be interested to see it."
Ash laughed. "An A-wing? Those things are garbage."
"Hey!" He gawked. "Don't insult that ship, it's a nice ship. Do you want to see it or not?"
"I definitely want to see it." Ash mused as the trio began to walk away, but not before Ash glanced back to the field, finding it empty. Now, she began to feel a little guilty. Whether or not he deserved it.
Ash laughed out loud as she saw the A-wing in person. "Wow, you weren't kidding!"
Poe snapped playfully. "Don't make fun of it. This is history right here!"
Ash stifled her laughter. "You're right; history. So glad we learned from it and upgraded."
Poe gave his dazzling smile; it also held a mischievous side as Ashlyn would learn. "Want to go for a ride?"
"In that? Does it look like I have a death wish?" Ash gawked.
"C'mon, First Order. Where's your sense of adventure?" Poe asked teasingly. "I promise, we won't break atmosphere. Just take a leisurely ride around the planet." BB-8 chirped. "And BB-8 will come too."
Ash smiled. "Fine, but if you kill me I'm going to kick your ass."
"Naturally." Poe said, helping Ash into the outdated piece of ship. BB-8 came along, as promised and soon they were ready for takeoff.
The A-wing engine sputtered, giving Ash a sense of dread that it was going to explode and they'd both die anyway. Surprisingly, it didn't as Poe drove the ship away from the base and towards the beautiful and luscious fields. The sun setting in the distance and making for one heck of a view as Ash stared out in wonder.
"Not a bad view, First Order?" Poe teased.
"Not at all, hero." Ash gave it right back, still staring at the world as it passed them by.
BB-8 blipped from the back of the ship, causing Ash to laugh as Poe feigned hurt. "I am keeping my eyes on the wheel! Jeez, buddy. Give me a break! She's only a little bit distracting!"
Ash laughed once more; the weight of any darkness within her lifting just enough to take her mind off everything awful in the galaxy even just for a moment.
Kylo Ren destroyed the very recently fixed generator room on the 100's. It was his go-to place when things were bad. Right now, they were catastrophic and it showed in the destruction he left behind in the room. His shoulders rose and fell rapidly as he stared at the almost unrecognizable console in front of him. His mind unwillingly wandering to the first time he met Ashlyn after destroying this very room. Sometimes, he could still hear her yelling at him in the back of his mind. A thought that usually made him smile; not now.
This is what he wanted, right? For Ashlyn to move on and forget about him. Her overall happiness. Why was it so hard then? Why was this so much harder than he could have ever imagined. It was already nearing two months since he sent her away and each day felt like the day she left all over again.
Hot and angry tears pooled in his eyes; some daring to leave as they poured down his cheeks as Kylo Ren couldn't control whatever he was feeling in that moment. He did this for her; she was better off without him. Yet, there was still that selfish part of him that wanted to fly off to D'Qar and take Ashlyn back. Repair what had been shattered; run away and start over. He knew he couldn't do that. He had to remove Snoke from power; he had to replace the ordered Governments of the Galaxy and shape it to the vision that he, Hux and Phasma imagined. Then, once that happened, he'd have control. Maybe then he could bring Ashlyn back. Maybe it wouldn't be too late.
"Kylo." Her voice soft; it held no authority as it always had. Just clear and present worry. She watched him fall apart; and while Hux had tried to maintain the strength of their plan… Phasma couldn't help but feel some sense of nurturing need to comfort Kylo Ren.
Kylo inhaled sharply, wiping the stray tears that had dared to fall. "Get maintenance up here to fix this." His voice dark; lacking all emotion.
Phasma stood her ground. "I don't think maintenance can fix this." She wasn't talking about the console. "Hux has told me that Ashlyn is projecting herself; that you can see her?" He didn't dare to move. "I'm sure that's not easy." Kylo Ren clenched his fists and the room began to shake. The raw and untamed power channeling through him as he tried his best not to take his lightsaber and it through everything again. Phasma held her ground however, waiting for the potential tantrum to pass. She had seen this a few times before, more so as of late. She wasn't going to back down now. "It's okay."
The room stopped shaking, not much after she said those two works. Phasma believed it would be okay, maybe not now. But soon. Yet, Phasma didn't hide the fact that in order to get Ren back to 'okay', he needed Ashlyn. That was apparent in her thoughts, the same thoughts she didn't try to hid from Kylo Ren as she felt him peeking around in her mind. After a few more moments of deafening silence, he spoke. "Don't tell Hux."
Unsure of which part Kylo Ren didn't want Phasma to mention; she simply agreed to all of it. This was a moment between the two of them. A silent understanding. "Of course."
Surprisingly, Poe managed to get the trio to their destination without exploding. They had found a large hill that placed them in the perfect location to view the stars above. The two lied on their backs, the grass soft and cool as they stared up at the night sky, BB-8 sitting near them and taking it all in as well. "I never get used to seeing it." Ash said in amazement as the stars glittered and gleamed above.
"As someone who is always among the stars; I can agree. I've never been used to it." Poe admitted. "You know, my mom used to tell me the stars are what connected us across the galaxy. She'd tell me when I was little whenever she was away to just look up at them. She's been gone for a while now but, whenever I look up." He smiled happily. "I still feel her, you know?"
Ash felt her smile fade as she looked over at Poe. "How do you do it?" She asked. "How do you manage to stay so positive after losing someone you love? Do you not hold onto the grief, the guilt?"
"I used to." Poe admitted. "I used to think if I did something to prevent her from flying that day, she'd still be here. I mean, sure, she'd be here a little longer I guess. But, she fought for the galaxy. She fought to protect everyone she loved, including me."
Ash thought to her mother and young brother. Even though her mother wouldn't leave, she knew why. Her brother was sick, he needed help and no one else could give him the help he needed but her. Granted, that took both of them away… she understood it just a little more now. "I lost my mother and brother when I was younger." Ash explained. "They died during the brain rot outbreak on Coruscant. I blame myself, having seen it happen just days before it came true. I tried to warn them, but it was too late." Ash sighed. "It's guilt I don't think I'll ever rid myself of."
"We can hold onto our loved ones forever; like the stars in the sky they'll always be there with us." Poe assured her. "But like the stars, we can't keep them. The more we try, the more we'll suffer in not being able to. Instead, we should hold onto what they represent and remind ourselves they're there. Stop trying to hold onto the guilt that isn't yours to keep. They're still here with you, just look at the stars."
Ash looked back up to the sky; the millions and millions of glowing crystals above them, looking down on them. Maybe Poe was onto something? Maybe it was time to let go of that grief. If she was ever going to have the strength to bring Kylo Ren to the light, she couldn't harness the darkness that came with that guilt. It was time to let go of what she couldn't control, and focus on what she could still save. "Poe?" He hummed in reply. "Thanks."
"Hey, you've helped me out more than once. If I can say a few nice words to return the favor, then so be it." Ash chuckled at his comment. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that you're helping us out. Leia told me about the Luke Skywalker thing."
Ash bit her lip nervously. "I wasn't sure I wanted to say anything at first. It's difficult for me; I don't know where my place in all of this is. If I even have one. I just know what I need to accomplish, but not how to get there. The Resistance seems to have the light I need to get me back on track. I'm just nervous about all of it, am I making the right decision in telling you what I know? Will it hurt those I care about?"
Poe snorted. "The First Order is no one to really care about."
"That's not true. Sure, they've done awful things, but they're at war all the same; just like the Resistance. There are people working in the First Order that aren't entirely bad people, they just work for those who are. They want order, they want to change the way the Galactic Government is run. While their methods are a little uncouth, aren't we all just searching for a way to better this galaxy?"
Poe shrugged. "I suppose so. It's just hard to see them as anything but monsters. They've formed out of what was left of the Empire."
"But not everyone is a monster. People can change, it's those who are unwilling to listen are the problem."
Poe made a face. "They mustn't be all bad if they sent you here to keep you safe."
Ash frowned. "Keep me safe?"
"Well, yeah. Why else would they send you here?"
"Trade negotiation." Ash explained. "You guys captured one of their own, so they traded me for them."
"We did?"
Something clicked in Ashlyn's mind then. There were two likely scenarios now, either the Commander of the Resistance didn't know about the trade deal… or someone, somewhere was lying. Now Ashlyn was determined to figure out who.
After a few weeks of uncertainty, Ashlyn gave the small tidbit about the Ottegans to Poe Dameron; which he promptly gave to the already very busy Leia Organa. Someone who Ash was convinced was now avoiding her. Granted, she understood the woman was busy. But, that was not a coincidence. She needed to know what was going on, however, she would be forced to wait. Ashlyn was very impatient.
Poe was also somewhat busy now. The Resistance was attempting to reach out to the Ottegans for any clues or information in regards to the map. When there was no answer to their message, it was now up to Poe to travel with a recon team to see what was happen. He left without much fanfare and now Ashlyn found herself completely alone, except for her new Force Ghost friend.
She did the only thing she could do to pass the time. Train. Anakin still helped Ash; progress was made when Ashlyn began using her lightsaber again. She practiced her connection with the tool; the force flowing through the kyber crystal and through her entire being. She felt stronger, but above all… she felt normal. She knew she could feel the light beginning to shine through. Granted, she still pulled from the dark, it wasn't easy to escape from. But there was hope.
Ash's chest rose and fell rapidly as she reclaimed her focus. She had done great work today, Anakin was pleased. You're doing well." He praised. "You're finding balance again."
Ash retracted the amber blade before sticking the saber to her belt. "I'm feeling great. I feel like I can take on the First Order all by myself." She was kidding, of course.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here." Anakin chuckled. "You still have much to learn before you can bring anyone back to the light."
Ash pursed her lips. "You think I can bring him back?"
"I know you can."
Ash smiled then, feeling somewhat at peace before she decided it had been a while since she checked in on him. "I think I should project and see what he's up to."
"Remember it pulls you to the darkness." Anakin reminded her.
"I know, I'm confident I can keep myself balanced." Ash acknowledged. "I just…"
Anakin smirked knowingly. "You miss him."
Ash laughed nervously. "It's unhealthy, right? Projecting myself across the galaxy to see him. I know he's not ready to come to the light. But… something about seeing him. I feel like it helps both of us."
"Then do it."
Ash beamed, planting her feet solidly on the ground as she closed her eyes. Maybe the two would be in better spirits after their last encounter.
Her eyes closing. At first, that empty feeling of nothingness overcame her body. Then it was warm. A nice warmth; somewhat humid actually. Her eyes opened to see water vapor; a thick cloud of it. It took a moment for her to realize exactly where she was, her eyes going wide as she turned to the right. He was staring right back at her from the shower. Luckily for her, the half-wall of the shower covered him.
His hands were frozen in his hair as his jaw fell slack before clenching tightly. His hands untangled from his hair as he was about to say something. Ash beat him to it. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" She shouted, her body jerking backwards as her conscious found its way back to her body.
Ash was back in the field, her breathing labored and not from the strain; but from the embarrassment. Luckily for her, Anakin was gone so no one could see the red burning on her cheeks. However, as she pulled back to this plain of existence, she could have sworn she heard him laughing.
Anakin had warned Ash that there was a shadow looming over the Resistance. While they were ultimately good, something held them back from being great. She was beginning to sense that and soon began to grow paranoid over giving them information. Especially if Leia was hiding the truth from her. She wanted answers and she was going to get them one way or another.
Ashlyn stormed into Leia's office, noticing that Leia was not there. With a disgruntled moan, she decided to wait for the General to return. Even if that meant waiting all day. She began to pace the small office, looking around and trying to be nosey without actually touching anything. She figured Leia to be one to notice anything out of place. Besides, war documents didn't really appeal to her if she did stumble upon them. Instead, her interest soon locked onto the two bookcases in Leia's office. She made a face at the most right tower. It was familiar to her; too familiar.
"I dreamt about this." She remembered; a dream from weeks ago popping into her head. One that seemed so insignificant when it happened. Yet, now that sinking feeling was taking over as she walked over to the bookcase. A maroon colored book caught her attention. Something with that book was important, and something inside told her that she was about to learn a truth she wasn't ready for. Hesitantly, Ash reached forward, taking the maroon book in her hand. The book was nothing special when she held it; it was a book on ships. Or so the writing told her on the front. Yet, something was calling to her. She opened the book, the cover creaking and cracking from having not been used in so long.
There, on the back of the cover, scribbled in familiar handwriting were four words Ashlyn could have never imagined seeing ever again in her life. Her heart thudded in her chest as she stared down at them, her brain reading them over and over again until the words lost meaning altogether.
'Property of Ben Solo…'
Final Thought: Well, this can only end in tears, right? Fun fact, there's a part in the next chapter that I absolutely loved and I can't wait for you guys to read it. Hopefully I can update before the new year! If not, have a happy new year! Remember to review and see you in 2018!