Peace and quiet filled a pitch-black room. only thing heard was a lite snore that sounded like Darth Vader sneezing. The sounds of rumbles appear as a voice began to speak out loud, "aw gross, I touched one of his loads." The rumbles grew louder that is until a figure turns on a light in darkroom.
"W-what the hell are you doing Black Rick ?!" The figured scream covering himself in his Cotton thread cover. It was soft and warm like a kiss from Santa Clause.
"Geezus, Mulatto Morty you can't be scaring me like that." Black Rick said swinging around like a revolving door. out of excitement placing his right hand over the top of his egg white lab coat.
"I mean it Black Rick?"
What's going on?" Mulatto Morty said in a fit of anger. awake now his head turned as he scanned his room noticing two other figures by the door.
He rubbed his eyes making sure he was seeing what he thought. he was seeing before screaming at Black Rick, "w-who the hell are they?"
"Wow wow easy now little guy!" Black Rick said, moving his hands in a manner that would even deescalate an enraged bull.
Walking toward Mulatto Morty bed. treating the little wadded up tissues with a wet tint to them, he saw as mini land mines.
"This is Odyssey and Aerial" turning in pointing to the two women in the doorway. Grandpa promised them a good time, if you catch my drift..you don't? But they well!... ahhhh" Black Rick said raising and tossing his arm in the air.
Very confused mulatto sits in his bed taking in everything Black Rick has told him.
His hands wrapped tight around his bed comforter. as he looks Black Rick squared in his chestnuts colored eyes.
"What does this have to do with me?" He fell silent and began to wait for his grandpa wise and thoughtful wisdom to leak out.
"Well you see MM, Grandpa was going to light a nice fat dubee with these two fine honeys. but when I asked if they had anything to match they said no. and you know how grandpa feels about sharing his weed with freeloaders. So I told them you'll cover the charge." Black Rick laughed placing his hand on Mulatto Morty shoulder.
"Yu- you what ?!"That's it! Black Rick take your prostitute hookers and weed.. and and get out of my room NOW!" Like a dormant volcano under sea. MM erupted looking at his alarm clock as it flashed digital red numbers "holy shit, Black Rick it's 2:38 in the morning." Mulatto Morty screaming kicking Black Rick out of his bed. lifting in throwing his alarm clock at his Grandpa. He cking her out in the process.
"Damn, MM not only are you a buzzkill but that's going to cost me extra."
Show begins -
The smell of turkey bacon roamed the Smith home like a British man in a old worn gown. carrying a Lateran through his hallowed halls. Beth turns off the stove removing the eight strips of turkey bacon from the cast iron skillet. She divided and loaded them on to four plates with egg whites cook sunny side up and toasted wheat bread.
While Black Rick enters the kitchen. sitting down next to Mulatto Morty at the breakfast table. discussing last night incident.
"What's up Captain Cockblock ?" Black Rick said pulling back his chair taking a seat crossing his arm. allowing his eyes to roll away from Mulatto Morty.
"Captain Cockblock?! You were in my room stealing twenty bucks!" Mulatto Morty said crossing his arm and rolling his eyes opposite Black Rick.
"Stealing?!" Black Rick spits out.
He reached in his pocket for a quick hit of his flask, he loved how the cool Steele felt on his hand.
"I was going to pay you back soon as my social security check cames." Taking one final sip before placing it back in his lab coat.
"Oh, yeah sure Black Rick that's what you always say.
"I supposed you want me to pay for your prostitute hookers hospital bill too!" Mulatto Morty said slamming his hands hard down on the table. causing the plates and cups to shift up and down like a small earthquake.
"Oh my Jesus m.m, Arielle and Odyssey are not prostitute hoo-kers." Beth laid a plate down in front of Black Rick. causing him to stop at the word "hoo" only for him to finish with "Ker" at the end. They locked eyes as Black Rick decides to take a bite of eggs and turkey bacon.
"Awwww, shit! BETH you put your foot all up in these eggs."
"New recipe?" Beth ebony skin began to glow as she chuckled."
"Ohh, dad no. trying to eat healthier," She said still blushing.
Rick grabbed Beth by her hand spinned her around like a ballerina top.
"Damnnn, gurl I can tell you eating right, you up here looking like a mix of Hallie Berry and Pam Grier. I'm not sure if I want to call you Hallie Beth or Beth Grier. but better girl your honey hair, and hazelnut color eyes, you got it going on-What what?" Black Rick stopped twirling his daughter for a moment to see Mulatto Morty still pissed off.
"Come on, MM I know what will cheer you up." Said Black Rick as Beth continues on laughing from joy at her recent interaction with her father.
Black Rick and Mulatto Morty both excuse themselves leaving the breakfast table.
They entered outside to the garage.
"Black Rick cleaning your space caddy won't make me feel better. I realized that like after the twelfth time doing it." Mulatto Morty said walking toward their spacious yet cramp garage. balling his fist up like crumpling paper and dropping it from his hand.
"Shut up, MM you could have gave it a better waxing." Said Black Rick walking toward the garage lifting the old rusted latch up.
"Beside we gone on an adventure!" Walking toward his wooden work bench grabbing his keys. a small syringe and a small red candy apple toy looking Cadillac.
"an adventure? geez, I don't know Black Rick. I always end up hurt."said Mulatto Morty placing his hand on the back of his small Afro. turning his head and eyes to the corners of the room. while his right leg, more so his right foot lifted up gentle and drill at the ground like looking for oil.
"I don't know man, count me out."
"Woah, woah, come on now, little guy!" Black Rick turned from his table and approach Mulatto with open arms.
"You have every right to be mad at grandpa." Mulatto Morty resisted for a second then hugged back Black Rick
"Hi-yah!"
"Ouch! What the? you know, fuck man!" Mulatto Morty grabbed at his neck, he was an intense pain.
"Yo what the heck yo, that's not cool! it feels like that giant snake from that ice cube movie bit me."
"Easy easy M.M.! no need to throw around 90's movie reference lines. besides, You gone thank me later. When you don't get any SPACE TRANSMITTED DISEASES!WHAT-WHAT!" Black Rick smiled as he launches his candle apple red toy car out into the street.
He then pressed a button on his keychain causing the car to grow to a normal size. Morty body stiff as his eyes widen like pulled back blinds in a dark room.
"You mean our adventure is?" He tried to finish his sentence. but uncertainty had held his tongue back. and his brain trying to make sense of the logic only ended up holding his words hostage.
"That's right bitcch!"
"Our adventures is getting laid!"
"We about to get some SPACE PUSSY! woof, woof, woof! Where my dogs at?!" Mulatto Morty about passed out from the excitement. that is until Black Rick caught him in his arms and looked him dead in his eyes.
"So you down?" They smacked fist and moments later they were in the space caddy. strapping in their seatbelts taking off.
Meanwhile back in the Smith Kitchen, Beth is beginning to come down from the high known as her father's love. She looks around at her empty kitchen table. lifting up her hot cup of coffee placing it near her mouth. but not taking a sip, instead she allows for the steam of the roasted nut to tickle the small hairs in her nostrils. taking a deep breath "so this is solace?" She takes a sip and goes for another but is stop by the yelling of her eldest daughter.
"Mommm!" Her daughter yelled, it was loud and clear from up stairs.
It was growing closer and louder, and with one hard swing at the kitchen door there she stood.
"Hello, Summer darling" Beth said finally taking another sip of coffee.
"Your son is a total gross pig! looked at what he did to some of my magazines."
Summer had on two pairs of rubber gloves. underneath mittens, underneath a pair of welders gloves. she presented her mother with her teen magazines; which she without a doubt loved.
"They appear wet, yet dry, sticky and almost peeling and cracking apart. So what did he do spill milk or glue on it?" Beth rolled her eyes, taking another sip of coffee.
"No mom! He spilled what every 14 year old boy wants to spill on Rihanna and Beyoncé, his seaman." Summer said tossing her magazines into the trash running out of the kitchen in tears.
Before her mother could even respond, she bumped into her father along the way.
"Solace" Beth said taking another sip of coffee.
"What's the matter with her?" The figure said pushing open the kitchen door.
"You know Jerry, it's time we give MM the talk?" Beth took another sip of coffee.
"The talk already?It seems like yesterday we were teaching him basic multiplication." Jerry takes a seats and begins to tear up.
"J, that's because we were! he's not the brightest bulb at Thomas Edison Factory. the school wants to place him in classes that are more his speed."
I thi-" she was interrupt by Jerry.
"And you think now is time for the sex talk?" He slams his fist on the table and them wipe some tears from his eyes.
"Look I don't know. I rather not, my house resemble a sperm bank is all." She said taking one final sip of her delicious coffee.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I want him to wait to find the right somebody. to make his first time special, the girl he choose will have the same views as him.
And they can have holy pure straight up first and only love sex, the way we did." Jerry smile thinking of their first time.
He walked over to Beth and placed his hand on her lap, as he took a knee and stared in her hazelnut eyes.
"How lucky we were each other's first time for everything. especially losing our virginity."
"Pretty lucky, I'd say.".Beth chuckled lifting up her empty coffee and taking a sip from it.
"Wait a second!" Jerry said in a sudden realization, "I thought your cup was empty?" He said standing up taking her cup over to the kitchen counter to refill it.
Beth places her warm palm on the center of her forehead. whispering to herself out loud, "Jesus you're stupid Jerry." Shaking her head in disappointment.
"You know, Black Rick no matter how many adventures we go on. space never stops amazing me." Mulatto Morty said pressing his face against the car windows. it was all so beautiful and mind blowing to him. Near Mars and Venus was a giant golden ship that read 'pleasure cruise'.
"You know the saying man are from mars and women are from Venus"said Black Rick.
"Yeah" rebuttal Mulatto Morty.
"Well turns out men aren't from mars and women aren't from Venus but the species on both planets are like said idiom.
"What?" Mulatto Morty turned back facing the large golden ships.
"Yup, with that being said this is the time for them to you know... FUCK what-what" spouted Black Rick lifting his arm to do the raising the roof motion.
"Ah, geez Black Rick is that where we are going?" Pressing his wide eyes and open mouth against the space caddy widow.
Hypnotized by the idea of Venus woman.
"Ha-ha, grandpa likes your spunk but you're not ready for that level of crazy, sure as hell knew I wasn't. Back still sore from last week. WHAT-WHAT grandpa got his freak on!" Black Rick exclaimed as he turned the space caddy over in circle doing a somersault.
"Then where are we going?"said Mulatto Morty as he turned toward Black Rick in confusion.
"There MM, Our destination is there" Black Rick points up at a space sign floating over top a giant asteroid.
"Paba's Brothel" Mulatto Morty squinted his eyes to read the name.
"That's right, MM and were only five light YEARS AWAY SON!" Slapping his right hand down on his wheel like a DJ on a turntable causing his space caddy to do a somersault again.
"Hell yeah!Ha-ha wait, I'm 14... isn't this like against the law?" Mulatto said as sweat began to pour from his body. as if each cell was tossing out old coffee into the sewers of his armpits.
"Psh, what no shut up, time is only relative to man."
"But we are man?!" Mulatto Morty Panicked for a second launching at the wheels control.
This cause him and Black Rick to tussle for a bit before the space caddy does another somersault.
"On EARTH! MM On EARTH! jesus MM let me finished my statement." Black Rick said adjusting his space caddy but it was too late. and before he knew it the colors of red and blue were flashing behind their heads.
"Shit, play it is easy MM." Black Rick said pulling his flask out in a discreet manner . from his pocket and placing it in glove box which double as a small black hole.
The space officer approached the space caddy window and tap on it.
"Hello, earthlings do you know why I stopped you?" Said the officer as Black Rick preceded to push two buttons near his radio dial.
"Sir,excuse me" the alien officer tapped on the car window again. Rolling down his car window Black Rick began to speak.
"Sup, officer you ever heard of no air in space, cuz you know humans have!"
"Now how can I help you jerk off ?!" Black Rick said sarcastic.
"Sir, your vehicle has a damage tail light."
"This is dangerous for the other drivers including yourself." The officer began to pull a ticket book along with his pen.
"What? are you fucking shitting me?
There are random asteroids floating around. no air in space, not to mention Venus and Mars are having a month long cross planet orgy, but I'm space biggest threat!" Said black Rick smack his hands on his driving wheel.
"Sir, please!" The officer nervous lifted up his tentacles up.
"Sir, my ass, I want to talk to your captain.
What's your intergalactic badge number." Said black Rick swinging his fist at the officer.
"This isn't necessary," The officer said putting away his notepad and pen.
"Uh, it is you racist!" Said Black Rick as mulatto Morty in a nervous fashion clutch his seatbelt.
"Come on Black Rick!" Mulatto said punching his grandpa in the arm.
"No,no this space pig needs to hear this!" He said rubbing his arm, while clenching down on his teeth, giving Mulatto Morty the death stare.
"Sir, I am from planet are among the first races to introduce inter-species breeding to the cosmos." He waved his tentacle arm like a music conductor.
"Blah-blah and we were the first to introduce herpes to the galaxy." Black Rick said blowing off what the space cop has said to him.
"Sir, you understand. My planet Pussesac once split into two planets with two different races.
The pusses and the sacs. after a long painful stretch of bloody conflict, we finally reached a climax and came out as one, Pussesac." The officers began to tear up recalling his proud people history.
"Yo, bro, I don't give a fuck! you're rude. before my grandson and I were interrupt by you! We were on our way to joins our sacs with some pusses-WHAT WHAT."
Black Rick laughed looking to slap five with Mulatto Morty. but he left him hanging like forgotten clothes on a line.
"Black Rick ?!" Mulatto Morty said freaking out at his grandpa.
"All right!"
Alright! give me the dumbass ticket!" Black Rick snatched the yellow paper from the officers hand while mean mugging MM in the process. Black Rick took off faster than a slowed down Tachyons. leaving behind nothing but a trail of left the officer floating there. empty handed, well emptied tentacles handed yelling obscenities. waving his treacle like fist, it resembled a grapefruit in color and size.
"Suck my ballz, space pig." Black Rick shouted tossing his recently given ticket to his backseat. where it filled on a small mountain of Tickets of all different colors and sizes.
"Geez, Rick!"stammered mulatto Morty. watching the ticket fall in place with its other forgotten comrades.
"What!" I'm going to pay them soon as I get my social security check." Said Black Rick throwing both his hands up in the air like an angry sports ref.
"What?don't you start with me again!" Black Rick turned M.M.
"Geez, I'm not."
"Oh, you better not," Black Rick stammered as he pulled his flask out to take a drink, "Or it's back to palma."
"Palma? Mulatto Morty said in confusion.
"Yeah, Palm of your hand, Bitch!" said Black Rick beeching breaking out in laughter.
"Whatever Rick, "M.M said Crossing his arms at his grandpa.
"Hey, don't be such a grouch, we here!"
Mulatto Morty almost leaped out his seatbelt and pants from all the excitement.
landing on a large asteroid with a large neon color sign flashing in pink and green. Rick Call this place home, away from home, away from that home, Rick thought you could never be to far from home.
Morty started to stutter as he tried to articulate what he was saying.
"Jesus, M.M close your eyes," Black Rick said throwing on sunglasses.
"What, you brought me here to lose my virginity," Said M.M flipping out.
"Well say, that a little a louder for galaxy, why don't you," said Black Rick waving at some Alien walking by.
"huh," said a confused Morty".
"look, close your eyes dummy, this language is whorigian. if you read it long enough, you'll be hypnotize into spending more. And grandpa don't play that." Black Rick said walking with his grandson.