Author Stuff: Oh hi! So my plans fell through today and since this weekend is going to be insane, I figured I'd give you an update.

ALSO. HOLY HELL LOTS OF REVIEWS BATMAN! Like, so many reviews and I want to respond to each and every one of you, but that's going to make a huge intro. So let me answer a few things here:

I know, we're in an awful place and y'all want to know when we're going to get our snarky lovebirds back together again! I promise, they'll be seeing each other real soon. But, you're right. I also hate sadness so... I had written a scene in here that I am kind-of proud of? I guess? I really hope you guys like it, but it does involve our friends and perhaps something positive. You'll just have to read!

As far as an NSFW chapter. There will be some NSFW content, but unfortunately not on this site. The reason I say this is because the regulations on here are super strict and the story could get removed. Nobody wants that, amirite?! So, when the NSFW part does happen, I'll have it be on my tumblr or something so keep an eye out in the Author notes and what not for when that happens.

And here's a small spoiler to answer this one burning question, the next chapter is called "The Force Awakens" Again, so sorry for the length of this thing. It's a monster. I'm trying to cut out some scenes to make it a little less wordy.

And finally. You guys are cool that I'm totally going to mess with the canon right? Because I am. I'm going to tweak things, but not to such a crazy extent. But please, please PLEEEEEEASE don't freak out if things are not 100% exact. If I kept it 100% I might as well just end it and say watch TFA and TLJ and forget everything y'all saw here!

Anyway. Thank you guys so much for all your love and support. This story has literally blown up over night it feels like and I am so blessed to have you all and I hope to keep you guys happy. I really do.

Leia had sensed a rather large blip in the serenity of her base. She hadn't felt that since Ashlyn's first few weeks on sight. She was prepared for Ashlyn to be in the worst of moods that day. However, what she wasn't prepared for was walking into her office to meet with the girl, and the horrified expression on her face as she held a familiar maroon book.

The two stood extremely still, waiting for someone to speak first. It was Ashlyn, who did. "Who is Ben Solo?"

Leia's face was stone; it gave away nothing more than it needed to as she pursed her lips. "He is my son." She answered truthfully.

The way Leia worded that revelation left Ashlyn somewhat confused. Kylo Ren had told her that Ben Solo was dead and by his own hand. Was Leia unaware of her son's fate or perhaps she was and refused to accept it? What if Ben Solo wasn't dead? Perhaps he held some answer to this puzzle forming in her head. "Is your son part of the Resistance?"

Leia nodded to the chairs in her office. "I think we need to have a talk." Ash cautiously took a seat, staring at Leia intently as she waited for some sort of revelation. She needed answers and Leia was the only one who would willingly give them. "Ben Solo-" She paused, having trouble finding words. This only made Ashlyn assume that perhaps he really was dead. "There is a lot hidden behind the curtain in regards to my life and that of my son's." She explained. "I unknowingly was pushing him away and down a path of darkness. Perhaps I had known all along, in some facet, that I was leading him into the arms of evil."

"What happened to him?" Ash asked as patiently as she could.

"He became something much darker. I had sent him away, hoping it would help him. It only made things worse." Leia said, regret washing over her. "I always seemed to be too late when it came to Ben." Her regret was replaced with a hopeful glance toward Ashlyn. "But perhaps, there's someone who isn't. Someone who can bring him back to the light."

Ash's face contorted to an expression of horror as Leia's words echoed in her head over and over again. Bring him back to the light suddenly sounded unappealing and awful. As though the very thought poisoned waters, set fire to crops, and created its own plague. It suddenly made sense; disgusting and horrifying sense as Ashlyn connected the pieces. How could she have been so blind, so ignorant to a truth that had been staring at her for over seven months and then glaring for another two, long and lonely months? The answer had been there all along.

Kylo Ren didn't kill Ben Solo. Kylo Ren was Ben Solo. The estranged son of Leia Organa and nephew of Luke Skywalker. Her breathing became staggered and uneven as her brain worked overtime, trying to make sense of it all. Her panic only made Leia panic along with her; the unpredictability of Ashlyn Novafall returning. "Ashlyn?" She called out to her calmly.

She felt as though she was so far away, drifting out into the empty void of space. Everything floating and drifting further away from her. "I-" ash stammered. "I need to go." She removed herself from the chair and for the second time since her arrival on base, she stormed out of Leia's office. At least this time, no one was going to get hurt in the process… hopefully.

It was pouring on D'Qar as Ashlyn stormed outside to the field, hoping to find some clarity in it all. She didn't care that she was now completely soaked as she walked to the empty field. The rain cooling down her heated body as she felt the dark side taking over. She wasn't alone. "He's her son." Her voice rising. "Kylo Ren is her son." She looked at Anakin, his face unchanging. "You knew, didn't you?"

"Yes." He confirmed.

Ash threw her arms up in the air. "Now what? What do I do now?"

"You keep on as though nothing has changed." Anakin informed her.

Ash laughed menacingly. "Nothing has changed?" She spat. "How the hell has nothing changed? Everything has changed! He's the Commander for the First Order and his mother is the General of the Resistance! Please, tell me how that doesn't change anything!"

Anakin frowned. "Does this change your stance on helping him?"

That caught her off guard as she stared at him dumbfounded. Yes, Ashlyn was lied to and yes, Kylo Ren wasn't exactly who he said he was. But Anakin had a point, did that really change anything? Angrily, Ash groaned. "I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

"I wouldn't do that-" It was too late, Ashyln was already reaching out to him.

Kylo Ren was lounging on his bed, for once he was somewhat relaxed as he read one of the many books on his shelf. Little did he know, his relaxation would be interrupted. Granted, he should have known. There was no peace and quiet in his life lately. With an exasperated sigh, Kylo Ren could see her out of the corner of his eye. "Oh good, you're here." His tone dry. "Even after I specifically asked you not to do this anymore."

"Ben Solo." Her voice sharp like daggers; those two words bringing him out of his smug behavior as he closed the book with a snap. He inhaled sharply through his nostrils and turned on the bed, sitting now with his boots planted firmly on the floor. "Tell me about Ben Solo." She knew, he knew she knew. Kylo Ren looked her up and down, her body dripping rain water even as a projection. It must have been raining on D'Qar, he surmised. She looked betrayed, hurt even, yet not understanding why she was. She was looking for a truth, an answer that he had never given her. An answer he wasn't even sure he still knew.

"He's gone." That was still the wrong answer.

"Not from what I understand." Ash spat back at him. Were they really going to do this now? Yeah, they were going to do this now. "You sent me to your mother. The General of the Resistance." Her voice trembling as her body shook from anger. "For what? What is the reason for all this?"

Kylo Ren stood now, his body seeming impossibly bigger now as he walked closer to the girl; his presence towering over her as he looked down at her. "What do you want me to say, Ash? That I lied to you? Betrayed your trust? What can I say to make you feel better?"

She scoffed. "This isn't about making me feel better."

"Then what? What do you want?"

Her jaw fell slack; what did she want? Why had she come here? Was there anything for her here except pain and heartache? The comfort she had wanted from him was no longer hers to have. He patiently awaited an answer, and when he got an answer, it was one he wasn't expecting. He waited for her to yell, to scream, to say she hated him in as many ways possible. No. Instead. She said something worse. "I want to come home." Her voice small; fragile even. Something in her voice broken, a part of her needing him. By the stars knows he needed her just as much. Both parties knew she didn't mean StarKiller; she meant him. She wanted to be with him again, whatever that meant in this damn galaxy, in any sense of it.

Ash should hate him; in his eyes she had every right to. Yet, here they were. The girl still trying to fight her way back. Something dangerous in her eye as she fought; purpose. He was only making matters worse, he wanted her back all the same.

He closed his eyes; his broad shoulders slumping. "Starshine…" His voice full of defeat and uncertainty. What he wouldn't give to end this charade now; to hold her in his arms again, succumb to her wishes and bring her back to him. Even the great Kylo Ren couldn't resist comforting her.

"I'm being torn apart from the inside." Ash said, her voice cracking. He understood. He just couldn't put her in that line of danger again. Not now. "I can't tell what's me anymore or if it's you I feel. If I'm just going to keep sinking or if I can ever bring us back to the light."

He frowned, his eyes snapping open. "I can't be brought back to the light." He said sharply. "I'm not meant for that. You can feel it; you know I'm right."

Ash shook her head. "No, I saw it. I saw it in the future, you could balance with either side."

"I can't be both."

"What's so wrong about being both?" It was an important question. What was wrong with being from both the light and dark? Ashlyn was; she was grey. Why was that the worst possible choice for him to be?

Kylo Ren's body stiffened again. He hated seeing her like this; he was only to blame for making her this way. That nagging feeling of being pulled to the light was happening again and it was happening because of her. He forced a small smile on his face. "You should get inside, you're going to get sick from the rain."

Ash's lip quivered slightly as she was unable to hold back tears. "Don't do that… Don't just change the subject like that."

He reached his hand out, gently touching her cheek that was stained with rain and a mix of tears she hadn't been able to hold back so well. "Go back, Ash."

Even though she hadn't actually been there, she could feel his touch. He could feel her too. He watched slowly her fade before his very eyes, and soon leave all-together. He sighed, looking down to where she had been only to realize she left a puddle in her wake. "Great…" He mumbled, realizing he'd have to clean it. That was a question he didn't want to answer to any outsider that could stumble upon it.

Unlike previous times, Anakin was still there when she pulled back to their plane of existence. "Did you find the answers you were looking for?" He asked.

Ash continued to stand in the rain, looking at Anakin in defeat. "I don't know." She answered truthfully. "I thought I felt light; that maybe it was him coming back. What if it's not, what if he's right and he can't be brought back? What if he stays in the darkness?"

"Then perhaps you need to figure out another way to save him." Anakin replied.

Ash said nothing as she finally removed herself from the downpour and back into the base, dripping as she sulked to her bedroom.

Something different invaded her dreams that night. Something pulling from the Light, yet it held no familiarity within it. It a sudden spark of light; an awakening somewhere in the galaxy. And although she could feel it, she couldn't reach out to it yet. It was still so far off…

Poe Dameron returned from his mission with the Ottegans empty handed. He was given a lead that a mysterious Jedi Sympathizer Clan was the last to have possession of the missing piece of map. However, that left open too many dead ends for the Resistance. Time was running out as the race to Luke Skywalker was coming closer to an end.

The base was on high alert for the next two weeks as they desperately searched for a lead to the missing piece. While it kept everyone busy, there was still a fractured relationship between Leia and Ashlyn. Both wanting to come together and ease the tension, however, Ashlyn wasn't ready for it just yet. Instead, she spent most of her time with BB-8, seeing as he was the least busiest on base besides her Force Ghost friend.

She unwillingly found herself missing Poe; besides BB-8 he was her only friend on base. He cared about her existence and made the days go by without much fanfare. She needed that, especially after her last encounter with Kylo Ren.

She didn't visit him again after their little confrontation. It wasn't a matter of if she wanted to or not. She just couldn't bring herself to. He called her 'starshine' without much of a second thought, as though it was still his word to say. His tone still holding that same emotion it always had when he called her that; love. While she knew he still felt some semblance of the same feeling for her, even though he tried to tell her otherwise, it didn't give her the comfort she desired.

Ash was still on D'Qar, and she still had a lot of work to do. Kylo Ren was part of the First Order and Ash was pulling away from that part of her life and turning to the Resistance. At least, as much as she could turn to them without truly giving in to a definite side. If Kylo Ren didn't want to return to the light, she was going to need to figure out how to counter that. Perhaps if he had only seen what she had? But, what if it was over? What if in some capacity, it was just over. Ash didn't know what 'it' was; them as a whole, fighting for Kylo Ren to rejoin the light, or something much bigger? What if that fight was over before it even began?

Ash needed a distraction then and she found that in the little droid friend. Ash and BB-8 got into all sorts of misadventures, such as hiding Poe's helmet and terrorizing the other pilots of the Resistance by moving, or in Ash's case, levitating things. Okay, so most of their misadventures were misguided ways to entertain themselves. It wasn't exactly working to keep them busy.

BB-8 had a splendid idea to help their shared boredom. He lead Ashlyn that night to the cafeteria, Ash was soon afraid he'd want to poison the food or something. That funny, little droid was quite mischievous as she had come to learn. Instead, and much to her relief, she found something more intriguing. A group of Resistance members ranging from pilots, to communications personnel to higher-ups were sitting around in a circle, cheering and chanting. To her pleasant surprise, they were playing the very familiar game of Sabacc.

Her heart raced as she watched them from a distance at first; the memory of Sid and her guys on StarKiller were gut wrenching, only to turn into a more happier memory when she realized just how fond of them she had been. She missed them all dearly, growing lost in thought that she jumped when a hand touched her shoulder. "Whoa, easy First Order. Just me." Poe smirked, looking over at the group playing before back to Ashlyn. "They tend to play after really hard days, today was definitely one of them. You want to join?"

Ash shook her head. "I don't want to impose, it's just nice seeing the comradery."

Poe looked down at BB-8, giving him a knowing look. "I think she's just afraid I'll kick her butt."

Ash scoffed. "Please, I learned this game from the best." Sid flashed in her mind again.

"Then let's play, see if you really have skill." Poe dared her. "And no cheating with your Force voodoo stuff!"

Ash rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll play."

Poe, with his dazzling smile, lead Ashlyn over to the large group of people in the center of the cafeteria. At first, the excitement died down at the newcomers, only to liven up when Poe reassured them. "We have someone who is dying to lose their credits to you guys." To Ashlyn's surprise, they cheered and welcomed her.

Poe managed to clear a spot for the both of them, the two crouching down to play the card game. "I haven't played in a while." Ash announced unceremoniously.

"Perfect!" A nearby Resistance member she had seen a few times around base cheered with excitement. "I like my odds then."

The game started with little delay as the cards were handed out to the six players; Poe and Ashlyn making up for two of them. Ash looked at her cards, noting the symbols on them. She was already close to a Pure Sabacc. A lucky hand indeed for herself. Now, she had to lock in the cards she wanted to keep. Sabacc was a very unpredictable game she had come to learn; if a player didn't lock in the value of their card, the value of it could change as the game went on. However, in locking the card, that could ruin a player's tactic.

As the first round began, she noted who amongst the players locked in cards, and who didn't. Poe had locked in a card that valued a 2 and a 1. Ash smirked, he played too fair. She almost expected that from such a hero.

Ash only locked in one card, a zero. Poe gave her an unsure look before passing a mocking comment. "Are you sure you know how to play, First Order?" The name, surprisingly, didn't bother the group sitting around them. Ash could only wonder if they had learned to accept her existence on base at this point.

"Ask me that again after I beat you." Ash quipped, receiving a bunch of 'Oo's' and 'Ah's' from the bystanders and players.

The next few rounds continued on without much fanfare; players saving their numbers or not making any desperate moves… until the two's had changed their value to negative and soon the game turned into a bloodbath. Players scrambling to change their hands and make the positive or negative twenty-three. Ash remained calm, her hand was still relevant to what she needed.

Upon the last turn, she began to notice the subtle change in mood. The other players were losing as they threw down their hands. No one was close to a twenty-three; whomever was closest with win. Poe triumphantly threw down his hand. "Negative twenty-two!" He exclaimed.

"That's almost unbeatable!" Another member groaned, realizing he was losing all his credits.

Poe looked at Ash, ready to gloat, however, he noticed the smirk on her lips. He immediately lost all confidence as Ash threw down her hand. "Twenty-three." She mused, relishing in the victory and knowing it was only possible because of Sid.

The group cheered, some shouting "Beginner's luck!". Sore losers they were. Ash beamed, laughing at Poe's expression. "I can't believe I lost." Poe murmured.

"Hey, you heard them. Beginner's luck." Ash teased. "Let's play again."

Poe inhaled sharply. "Yeah, round two. Let's do this. I have to defend my pride here."

A distraction most needed for not just Ash, but the rest of the Resistance crew. Things were growing more and more complicated. They could feel it, the change in the galaxy. Things were shifting and changing. War was on everyone's lips, yet no one could actually say it. It was only a matter of time before the fighting began. Their ignorance was bliss. An ignorance Ashlyn wanted to live in forever, while the war wasn't exactly her problem. It distracted her from Kylo Ren for now…

Leia stood in the communications hub on the Resistance base, staring at the unmoving message receiver. No one had heard from the Ottegans, or any lead in regards to the map. While the spark was there, dimly lit inside her, it was hard to keep that fire going for the rest of the base. They needed Luke; he would change the tides of war and perhaps even help them win. All she needed was such a small part to a bigger piece; the missing part of the map. Granted, they didn't have the full archival map to begin with. Perhaps, at least, with the piece they could protect Luke until they found the information. Either way, that piece couldn't end up in the hands of the First Order and knowing her son, he'd stop at nothing to get it.

"General Organa!" The Mon Calamari, Admiral Ackbar exclaimed. "We received a message from a mysterious signal."

With hope and slight resolve, Leia rushed over to Ackbar to see the message. Displayed on the hologram screen was a message. A crypted message, yet Leia knew exactly who it was from. "Lor San Tekka" Leia mused as she read the message. "He's a Jedi sympathizer; he fought during the Battle of Yavin." She explained carefully. "I know where the missing piece is." She realized; that spark of hope slowly returning that would ignite the revolution. "Alert Commander Dameron, he needs to fly to Jakku in the morning." There was hope and soon, Leia would be reunited with her brother once more.

Ash projected in his room again; she was sitting on the couch in his apartment. She realized fairly quickly that she was doing this in her sleep now; a subconscious part of her was sending her across the stars and back to him.

The door to the refresher behind her opened, a long and exasperated sigh came before the man walked around to the front of the couch wearing only his pants as he used a towel to dry his wet, dark locks. "At least you didn't join me in the shower again." He sounded worn out.

Ash made a face. "I didn't mean to project this time." He gave her a pointed look. "Honest. I'm pretty sure I'm asleep."

Kylo Ren rolled his eyes in aggravation, not that she had done this, but the fact that she was now subconsciously doing it. Without much fanfare, Kylo Ren plopped down on the couch next to her, and while Ashlyn wasn't actually physically there, the two could feel each other as if they had been sitting beside one another. "You're making this a lot harder than I anticipated." He said truthfully. "Maybe if I was honest about everything from the beginning."

Ash frowned. "Knowing you, I don't think it would have changed much. You made your decision when you sent me away."

"Did I?" He was playing games now and Ashlyn was not having it.

"I guess I was the fool here, then again, isn't everyone in your little game?" Ash said. "It was my mistake for misinterpreting that you had any feelings for me outside of your own selfish ones."

For the first time since he sent her away; Kylo Ren didn't want to be the monster she thought he was. Even if that meant ruining the ruse he had in place to keep her safe. "If I asked you to trust me…" He began, defeat in his tone.

Ash hesitated, the two looking at each other for the first time in almost two months. "I'd be foolish to listen to you." She bit her lip. "But some part of me; some part that it hasn't sunk in yet that you used me… wants to."

He stared at her; his gaze tense but not in anger or contempt. Nothing like that. He simply just looked at her, taking her in and memorizing her features. The way her nose would wrinkle when she found something dissatisfactory, the way her eyes sparkled without meaning to whenever she found something she loved. And right now, even though it killed him, they sparkled when she looked at him. In that moment, he'd give it all away for her. He would; but Kylo Ren was scared and although he hid that little detail well, he was scared of how she made him feel. "I wanted to believe I was doing the right thing." He admitted. "Everything was happening so fast, I didn't know what to do. The only pieces I had were sending you away and keeping you from coming back. Is it so wrong for me to have some semblance of compassion? A part of me that just wanted to keep you safe?"

Ash saw it in his eyes then, a glimmer of regret mixed with concern. She slowly began to realize that maybe things weren't as they appeared to be. "I don't think there is a right or wrong way anymore. You always said things were never so clear; never simply black and white."

"Some things were simple." Kylo admitted. "Everything else made that simplicity impossible. I dragged you into something darker than I ever planned or wanted for you."

"You didn't drag me into anything." Ash explained. "I willingly and stupidly followed you. Blindly, I might add."

He smirked slightly. "Why would anyone ever do that?" He was teasing.

Ash huffed slightly. "Because I loved you. Whether or not I knowingly did when I followed you into the depths of chaos. I wanted to be there for you; with you, in every sense I could be. I think I foolishly just wanted to hold you back from darkness."

Kylo Ren's smirk faded almost immediately at the revelation. Neither one had ever admitted that feeling to one another before; the word 'love' was never spoken. Only the feeling was there; they never needed to say it out loud. Hearing it, sent something else through Kylo Ren. "I'm sorry." He meant it; even though it wasn't exactly what Ash wanted to hear in that moment. He was sorry, he was sorry for ever hurting her; leaving her alone without so much as an explanation. He knew why he did it; but now he wasn't so sure it was the right way to do it.

Ash felt tears stream down her cheek, she didn't know she could cry in this state. "Me too." She wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for? Loving him, trying to help him? Being in this room with him? She just felt the need to say it. "Can I ever come back? Do you think there is still some chance that this—" She laughed nervously. "Whatever this is, we could start over?"

"You can't come back here." He faltered. "I need you to take one last leap of faith; trust me. Trust me that I'm doing this for us." There it was again, that finite feeling of them as a complete unit. Now, he was asking her to trust him once more. Something she wasn't sure she could do or even should. "I will make this right." The gamble, she realized, was not in misplacing her trust in him…. But what exactly she was trusting him with. She had no clue what he had been planning, what his scheme was. What was Kylo Ren's play?

Ash nodded only once; unsure if she was confirming she would trust him or something else. Either way, he seemed to accept it. She awkwardly wiped the tears that had stained her cheeks before forcing a crooked smile. "So… Ben?" She asked.

He frowned. "Just because you know, doesn't mean you get to call me that."

Ash snorted. "I kind-of like it. It sounds less ridiculous than Kylo Ren. Rolls off the tongue better."

Kylo Ren rolled his eyes. "Is this now something you're going to hold over me?"

She shook her head in earnest. "No, but I am going to hold onto it… If that's okay?"

"If it pleases you."

"It does." She said, her body relaxing slightly as she looked down at her hands as they rested on her lap. "Why am I projecting?" She asked, chuckling. "I feel like I'm learning new things and they're absolutely horrifying without you explaining them."

He actually grinned. "Perhaps you're just that desperate to see me again."

"In your dreams." She scoffed.

"I always dream about you." He was serious. "Especially when I don't want to. You always manage to appear in some capacity." The two Force Users stared at one another again, neither one moving or speaking. Their eyes memorizing each other's features as though this would be the last time they saw each other. They knew that wasn't the case, the Force would never allow it.

"Well, I guess that just proves you think our relationship is serious." Ash teased as Ren's brow quirked upward. "You sent me to meet your mom. Usually that's a sign for a serious type of relationship."

He groaned. "Alright, enough of you. Get out of my apartment."

Ash smirked, loving and missing these moments with him dearly. He missed them all the same. Their happiness only lasting so long when Ash spoke again. "I'm going to wake up soon… and you won't be there. I think that's the hardest part about all of this. Whenever I lost myself or felt completely alone, I always had you. The things we take for granted, I suppose." Her projection began to fade, she was right, she was waking up.

"I'll see you soon, starshine." His words falling on deaf ears as Ashlyn faded completely. He was alone once more to face his regrets one last time. Maybe it was time Kylo Ren pushed forward in his plan. Maybe it was time for him to take over the First Order and bring Ashlyn back. He was selfish, but not impulsive. However, love was known to make people do irrational things. Something the two of them would soon find out as the tides of war changed.

He knew sleep would be impossible, which was unfortunate, considering he was leaving for Jakku in the morning.

Final Thoughts: Have a happy and safe new year. I'll see y'all in 2018 with some insane stuff. Because I'll be honest. The next chapter is kind-of insane!