Thank you all once again for the great response to this story. I can't believe we're at almost 800 reviews!
One reviewer asked "What's next?" and I can understand the question. We have all but unraveled the puzzle of what happened that lead to the four year-long separation of the partners. A few loose ends to tie up are: Was Rebecca Hendrix the one to tell Elliot to put his papers in? Will Elliot remember everything eventually? And we have yet to meet Richard and Eli.
Also, I like to let our main characters think about all they've learned and their rocky past, so you may still expect some reflection from both of them before I wrap things up. FYI: this is one of those reflective chapters. Don't call it click bait! It's art! (Sorry, mini-rant over.)

When I started writing this, it wasn't Christmas yet and I was aiming for a Christmas finale. The goal will remain the same in the story, it just won't really be Christmas when I finish it :)

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62. Pain

They sat in silence together for a few minutes, each caught up in their own thoughts and emotions, until Maria brought them their fresh coffee. When Elliot looked into Olivia's eyes as they both took a sip, he couldn't really read her. It was all just too much to take in at once. He didn't remember writing the letter but he knew without a doubt that the words on the paper conveyed exactly how he'd felt back then. He hadn't expected the letter to include his feelings for Olivia though. He must have been soul searching very seriously before making a decision to ask her to meet him. And while they couldn't turn back time and would have to accept that the past four years were lost forever, he wished he'd been able to talk to her then. She wouldn't have thought he'd abandoned her and wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

Olivia was being very graceful about it. She knew and understood now that it had never been his intention to stay away. He'd tried at first, apparently, but he could never have stayed away from her. His heart belonged to her.

When Olivia finally spoke, he was surprised that it wasn't about the letter.

"Kathy agreed to the paternity test easily, didn't she?"

"Yeah. I hadn't expected that," he admitted.

"She seems pretty sure."

Elliot nodded. He actually hoped he was Eli's biological father. He'd grown close to the young boy over the past few years. Being his father had come naturally to him and he knew he would love him as a son regardless of the outcome of the test. And if Eli was his, at least they'd know that Kathy hadn't actually tried to trick Elliot into coming back for a child that wasn't his. It was an amazing coincidence that they'd managed to produce another life in just one night, but it wasn't impossible. It was how they'd started out all those years ago, after all.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am that you thought I'd just cut you out of my life," Elliot sighed, bringing the conversation back to the letter.

Olivia pursed her lips and looked down at her coffee cup. He could tell that she was still hurting and he wanted to do everything in his power to take her pain away.

"I'm sorry that you thought I didn't want you in my life anymore," she finally said softly.

He reached for her hand on the table and she let him take it in his.

"Liv, I don't remember waiting for you and you not showing up. But you remember me not bothering to pick up the phone and not contacting you ever again, aside from sending you my mini badge."

Olivia nodded, looking at their hands on the table.

"But you're here now," she said, almost whispering, and he could tell that her emotions were close to the surface.

"It's still not right. It's not fair."

"No, it isn't."

"Things would have been so different."

Olivia nodded and a single tear trickled down her cheek. Elliot wanted to wipe it away but his sore body wouldn't allow him to reach across the table. It was the story of his life. Of their life. He'd never been able to take away her pain and her loneliness. He could never get close enough to be there for her in the way she needed. But it would be different from now on. He wanted to be everything she needed and more, for the rest of their lives. It was their time now.

"It will be different from now on, Liv," he said gently, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "I'm never shutting you out again."

Another tear found its way down Olivia's cheek and his heart ached for her. He sat up and carefully moved his broken leg off the chair next to him.

"Please Liv," he said, swallowing the lump that had started forming in his throat. "Sit with me so I can hold you."

Olivia stood up and moved to sit next to him. When he wrapped one arm around her, she leaned against him willingly, allowing him to comfort her. He knew she wouldn't just let it all out, because that wasn't Olivia Benson. But allowing him to hold her while she cried softly, inaudibly, was huge for her. He understood. She'd always been alone, taking care of herself. It wasn't easy to break that habit. But she needed him now. They needed each other, to mourn over missed opportunities and time lost. Elliot kissed the top of Olivia's head while she rested her head on his shoulder and he ignored the pain in his body when she wrapped her arms around him. He would do whatever it took to ease her pain.

He was frustrated too, but Olivia had missed him a lot longer, and her pain had been a lot deeper than his. He'd just had a sense of loss, of missing someone or something, while she had thought all this time that he simply wanted nothing to do with her anymore. He was still mad as hell at Kathy but he also knew that his anger wasn't going to change anything. They needed to start looking forward, to the future they would still have together. He couldn't wait for Olivia to meet Eli, and he felt his chest constrict thinking about his boy. What if he wasn't his after all? How much deceit could he take, if it meant he and Olivia had lost even more time they could have spent together, possibly even having a child of their own?

He rubbed Olivia's back gently and thought about Noah. She had gotten her baby after all and he was so happy for her. He already loved Noah so much and he was grateful that Olivia was allowing him to be a part of her son's life. That, too, was huge for Olivia Benson. Momma bear Benson wouldn't let anyone hurt her baby but she knew he would never hurt him. He wanted to be a father figure for Noah as well, just like he was for Eli.

When Olivia lifted her head to look at him, he focused on her again. Her eyes were red from crying, but she took a deep breath and he could see her strength returning to her. She was the strongest person he knew and in the end, he knew they'd be alright.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asked her, still rubbing her back.

Olivia nodded.

"Yeah. You up to it?"

"To be honest, I'll be glad to be back in bed," he admitted, and Olivia smiled.

They got up and Olivia supported him while he maneuvered away from the table and chairs until he could support himself on his crutches again. It would be time for his pain meds again when they got home, and he could feel them wearing off a bit already. He waited until Olivia had put on her coat and had picked up her bag and smiled when she looked at him. God, she was beautiful. She seemed to read his mind and one corner of her mouth tugged up. He grinned and her smile widened. She'd caught him staring at her many times in the past, but he was finally allowed to admire her openly. And admire her he did.

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