Chapter 9

Emma woke in her bed at Granny's. Eva was snuggled close to her, still fast asleep. Emma brushed her fingers through Eva's hair softly, loving having her baby sleeping next to her again. Eva turned in her sleep, and Emma crawled out of bed, looking for her phone. It was only five in the morning.

Emma had been having a hard time sleeping that night. The shadows in her head were starting to cloud over her, and she had to remind herself that everything was going to be fine. Ever since the dinner with her family, she had felt off. Having her kids here was supposed to help her feel more in control, but somehow it made it worse.

Her head was aching again, and the pain from it was what had woken her up. She groaned slightly, wishing it would just go away and she could sleep. Sleep was supposed to help clear her mind, quiet her mind. Emma got out of bed, and found some aspirin. Getting a drink of water, she took a couple pills, praying that this time it would do something to help ease the ache in her head.

Looking back at the bed, she watched Eva sleeping peacefully, and felt guilt start to creep in. She loved having her daughter by her side again, but Eva deserved better. Emma was supposed to feel relief, the light was supposed to get stronger than the dark. Eva's presence was supposed to help, not make it worse.

I shouldn't have had Henry bring her so soon. I should have just gone back to her instead.

Emma had lied of course. She had told everyone that she had felt much better. She had faked a smile through dinner, and she watched Neal and Eva talk about their favorite animals. Henry had called and asked how she was doing, and she lied to him too. Because she was afraid if she told the truth, they would keep Eva from her.

It was ridiculous to think that. But Emma knew it probably wasn't best if Eva spent much time around her at the moment. Especially if she lost control. But she wouldn't… she wouldn't hurt her own child. She might hurt people that threatened Eva, but there was no way she could harm her. But there weren't any dangers to Eva here… the biggest threat was the Dark One…herself.

Emma got back into bed, and Eva instinctive moved closer to her. Emma hugged her close to her, not wanting to let go. Sighing, she lay there trying to clear her mind. Trying to push the shadows out, trying not to think at all. But she didn't fall back asleep. Right on cue, at six, Eva woke up, smiling widely.

Emma was sitting in a booth at Granny's with Eva. Eva was eating her breakfast, and Emma was just watching her, not having an appetite. Eva kept rambling on sweetly, while she ate. Emma loved listen to Eva ramble, even when she could only understand half the words she was saying because of having a full mouth.

The diner door opened, and Emma looked up to see Killian walking in. He spotted her immediately, and headed over to them. Eva started giggling excitedly when he reached them, and tried to climb up to him.

"Eva, you need to finish your breakfast first." Emma insisted, pulling Eva down gently, and giving her back her spoon. Eva pouted quietly, but went back to eating.

Killian sat down on the opposite side of them, and Eva gave him a smile. He returned it asking, "How are you doing, little lady?"

"I have eggs!" Eva pronounced.

Emma looked over at Killian, meeting his eyes. "Hey, Swan. I was wondering if it would be alright if I took Eva sailing today. She expressed a lot of excitement about my ship yesterday, so I thought it would be a great time for us to bond."

Emma's cast her eyes down, trying to hide the anxiety that stared to creep up. Eva was chattering excitedly, clearly really wanting to go. Killian caught on to her feelings at once.

"You don't like the idea?" Emma's eyes shot back to his, and she could see that he was a little hurt.

"No. I think it's a great idea!" Emma said, trying to push her thoughts away.

"Are you sure?" He looked apprehensive.

"Yes. Just… make sure she stays safe, and wears a lifejacket." Emma said, plastering a smile on her face, hoping he didn't see through it.

"Of course Swan." Killian nodded, but still looking at her with knowing eyes. "You can come too. I don't want you to feel nervous."

"That's okay. I was going to head to the library, and look for some more information anyway." Emma replied.

"Don't worry, Emma. I'll keep her safe." Killian said, reaching across the table, covering her hand with his.

"I know." Emma said, trying to sound cheerful, "I trust you."

She pulled her hand away from his, and turned to Eva.

"Are you done?"

"YES!" Eva shouted, jumping out of her seat and running to Killian. Killian picked her up gently, looking back at Emma.

"We'll only be a couple hours, and then I'll get her back to you."

Emma nodded. Killian turned around and walked out, turning his head to talk to Eva as he walked.

Paying for her food, Emma stood up and headed out the door. She had absolutely no idea what she would do at the library, but she hadn't felt like spending time with Killian. Not when it made her feel like she was losing control, not mention incredibly guilty. So she headed for the library instead.

It was empty when she arrived, which made her feel better. Some time alone was defiantly appealing to her. Emma sat down in her usual chair, but didn't make an effort to look through anything. Instead she just sat there, rubbing her temples, wishing the headache would dissipate.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but suddenly she sensed someone standing in the room. Her head shot up, and she looked up at Gold standing by the door observing her. Anger instantly flared in her chest. With everything else she was dealing with at the moment, now she had to add Rumpelstiltskin to the list.

"What do you want?" Emma spat out at him.

"I don't want a thing. I was just stopping in to see how you are faring." Gold said, with a false sweetness that made her teeth grind.

"I don't need you of all people to be checking up on me." Emma was seething.

"Now dearie, why are you lashing out at me? Do you blame me for your current situation?" Gold asked, still calm. "Because as I remember, you took on this curse of you own free will. I didn't force it on you."

"What do you want?" Emma repeated.

Gold laughed softly. "You sit there angry at me, but I'm the only one who knows what you are going through."

"You don't know what I'm going through. You know what you went through, that's it." Emma argued, but made no attempts to leave.

"You think that how you're feeling is unique to you?" Gold asked her, still with a dark chuckle in his voice.

"You gave into the darkness, Gold. I haven't."

"Yet." Gold said softly. Emma didn't respond. "I know the pull of the darkness, the constant tugging. You're right. Maybe I gave in more easily than you did, but I know more than anyone that it's only a matter of time, isn't it? That's why you left. Because you felt it taking over. And you feel it happening again. It's hurting you to fight it, and it would be so easy to let it consume you. The ache in your head would go away. The heaviness in your heart, the cloudiness of your mind. I can see it written on your face. You can feel the love in your heart start to be eclipsed by the darkness, hindering it."

"I still love my family." Emma whispered. "The darkness could never take that away from me."

"Yes. But then why hasn't true love's kiss worked. I believe you've kissed both of you children while here, and that pirate of yours. Tell me now, if you can still love them fully, why hasn't the curse been broken yet?" Gold was now in front of her.

"You think just because you didn't truly love your son or Belle, that it's the same for me?" Emma asked, standing up to meet his gaze, a small smile on her face. "I'm stronger than you ever were. You were nothing but a coward, hiding behind power."

"I'm afraid to break it to you, Miss Swan. But if I never truly loved Baelfire or Belle, as you point out, you are in the same boat as I was. It's what the darkness does, dearie. It hinders your love. If it was true for me, it's true for you as well. No point in trying to deny it. The darkness will take over sooner or later, and there will be no one to bring you back from it."

The anger bubbling under the surface comes to life, and Emma pushed Gold hard with her magic. He flew over the desk, and hit the opposite wall hard. Emma strolled over to him, her hand held up, threatening.

Gold watched her, as she got nearer. Then started to laugh as she raised her hands to strike again. "You see dearie. Magic. Power. They are your true love now."

Emma freezes as his words hit her with full force. Looking horrified at her hand, and then back to Gold, she felt panic start to rise up in her chest. She gave him one last glance, and then she's running. She's running out of the library as fast as her feet can carry her, leaving Gold alone in the library.