Hey All… Been busy with my kids and working on Arms as well as my original. This is totally unbetad. I'm uploading on the fly as the library closes in 11 minutes. Let me know if I made an massive errors. Thanks! ;-)
More Confessions…
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To: EA Cullen [EAnonymousC(at) gmail(dot)com]
From: Isabella Swan [i9swan13(at) yahoo(dot)com]
Subject: Thoughts...
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Hey E,
Pies are in the oven. Finally. It's been a crazy week and today was especially hectic. Two of our office staff called in "sick" but of course we all know how likely that is the day before Thanksgiving. More like they decided to start their holiday early, leaving the rest of the office in the lurch. I can't wait to see who's conveniently "sick" on Friday as well.
Anyway, I'm sorry we haven't spoken since Monday, and I'm sorry I'm doing it via email now, but this is easier for me. I have a ton of things on my mind where you're concerned, and I'd rather sit down and try to sort them out this way than make a mess of a phone conversation. It seems like so much went unsaid the other day, even though we said a lot. Does it feel that way to you, too?
Maybe it doesn't, but I just know I've been doing a lot of thinking. I guess that's pretty obvious, lol, but even after all we've said this past week, I'm still unsure of where we stand exactly and what we're both hoping to get out of this new beginning. And, even though I know when we agreed that we would continue taking things one day at a time, I'm not sure that's something I can do anymore. Don't take that as a bad thing necessarily, I just feel like I've reached a point where that's impossible for me.
Maybe that means I'm ready for more, or maybe it means I just need things defined. All I know is that I'm ready to think about it and, in light of this week's earlier misunderstanding between our parents, I think it important to be as honest as possible with each other about where we both stand and what we both want.
Please don't freak out. I'm not asking you for an instant answer. If you don't have one, that's okay. I just need you to know where my mind is and open up a dialogue. I want to think about some of the harder things. I want to know what you want. I want to know what you think about when you're alone at night. I want to know what you think about when you imagine yourself in a year. In five... In ten… etc.
Gosh, that's a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot.
Maybe an easier question is whether or not you can see us being able to be just friends and to move on separately into our own hopeful futures.
I like to think that I could do that. If it was what we both needed, I'd like to think that I could say that what we've rebuilt up until now is enough and just move on. I'd like to think that I'd be happy for you no matter where your life and your dreams take you from this point. I know I would be happy for you. Always. No matter what.
So… that's a lot to leave you with. My pies are almost done and I really should send this before I make it worse. Or maybe not, maybe I should let this sit overnight and look at in the morning. What do you think?
I guess you can't give me advice if you're on the receiving end of this, huh? Crap…
I'm sending it.
Take your time getting back to me, I realize I'm unloading on you. At least it's all out there now. :-)
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Edward.
Talk to you soon,
Bella
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