Chapter 21: A Fractured Family

After everything with Psychemon had cooled down Karatenmon and the others lead us into the town, it was odd that they were being so inviting to us, weren't we their enemy? At least be mad that Astamon slaughtered like… half of your village! We were all ushered into a building in the center of town, which naturally was a Gothic cathedral, complete with stained glass windows, cobwebs, and an alter at the far end.

I laid Psychemon onto one of the many seats there, he had fallen asleep from losing so much energy during his rampage. Karatenmon approached us, sitting on the opposite side of Psychemon, he looked over Psychemon before turning his gaze to me, "We're lucky you were able to calm him down, last time Prince Astamon attacked us, the results were much more… messy," He said.

I felt a guilty ping in my stomach, it was still kind of my fault Psychemon went insane, "I'm sorry I caused that… I just… when MetalFantomon started throwing those accusations at him, I got so mad and I… I," I began, I knew he had to hold some anger towards me after that… I basically helped Astamon slaughter a good chunk of his friends.

But Karatenmon shook his head, "I don't blame you, MetalFantomon sealed his own fate when he antagonized Astamon like that," He said, he was being bizarrely forgiving for a guy who not two hours ago wanted to slice us to ribbons and present the remains to the Digimon King.

The others gathered around, sitting in the rows of the gothic church with many questions on their minds no doubt, "Not that I'm not grateful you're inviting us here, but weren't you trying to kill us a few seconds ago?" Ross asked.

Karatenmon, to his credit, didn't take offense to Ross' rather… direct, question, choosing instead to keep his calm and collected demeanor, "I apologize for that… but we get attacked so often here I thought you intended to level our village like you did Datamon's city," He clarified.

Jason raised a confused eyebrow, "Why do you get attacked so often? I didn't think the rebels were that direct," He said.

But Karatenmon had an odd reaction, more confused than anything, however he quickly lost that expression, trading it for his usual blank expression, "It's not the Rebels, it's the rest of the Nightmare Soldiers," He corrected.

To say we all found this confusing would be an understatement, why would the Nightmare Soldiers attack each other? Karatenmon noticed our confusion, "Not all of the Nightmare Soldiers were willing to surrender to the King's rule," He said, "After Lord Myotismon fell, the faction was split in two, one lead by LadyDevimon who wished to join with the Digimon King, and those lead by me who wanted to continue on, naturally our side was the weaker of the two, and we were forced to come here, this village was the only one we could hold up in… it's secluded from the rest of the territory, and it was defensible," He explained.

So that was it then? The faction split in two because their previous leader fell? It made sense, the Nightmare Soldiers weren't machines like the Metal Empire, it was only natural some of them would still resist Rex's rule.

Karatenmon then continued his explanation, "But lately, Rex's forces have been getting more bold, more desperate, especially after the Metal Empire fell," He said, "I guess out of fear he might lose the Nightmare Soldiers, he's trying to take us over to strengthen his own forces," He theorized.

It was kinda hard not to feel at least a wee bit responsible for this, after all it was us who took down Datamon and the Metal Empire, no wonder Rex got desperate, but it was also a good sign right? It meant we were close to ending his rule if he was this desperate to bolster his own forces like this right?

Jason seemed to get the same idea as he rose to his feet, "Then this is the perfect time to strike, if he's desperate, then we can take him down now and end this war," He said.

But oddly, Karatenmon seemed reluctant, "It's not that simple, we attack now and he'll have even more reason to attack this village, and after Prince Astamon's… outburst, our numbers were reduced drastically," He said.

Bridget then decided to chime in, "But we can't just ignore an opportunity either, Rex isn't going to stop his attacks on this village, he wants complete control over the Nightmare Soldiers, we either strike now and end it, or you lose more of your men to their attacks," She said.

I wouldn't have been quite so… blunt about it, but I'd gathered that Bridget wasn't exactly the type to sugar coat your chances, and she knew Rex better than anyone else, so it was wise to trust her opinions.

Karatenmon stopped for a moment to think it over, weighing his options before finally coming to his conclusion, "Fine, I'll gather the remaining villagers and we'll formulate a plan to take Rex's castle, but I think it best to delay this attack until tomorrow, we still need to recover from… well," He said looking down at Psychemon, he had a point, we needed to prepare, and rest up, I doubted even with Rex panicking like he was, taking his castle would be easy. We needed to be as prepared as we could possibly be.

Later…

Karatenmon had brought us all to an old hotel building in the village, giving us all rooms to spend the night while they gathered resources and formed a game plan, Jason and Commandramon had chosen to join them, feeling at least one of the group needed to be present during the planning, the rest of us took to our new rooms, it was nice to be in a hotel room and not fear the people running it would try to kill us in the morning, it was funnily ironic given how the hotel shared the rest of the village's creepy gothic theme with dark colors and oddly shaped furniture.

Psychemon still hadn't woken up, which meant I had to carry him to our room, the hotel itself was abandoned so we didn't have to worry about room keys or checking in, but still, Psychemon was much heavier than you'd think, so even with those steps removed, it was still a task to get into the room.

The room itself was simple, two beds, a few chairs, an end table with a candle in the center, it was almost like it were ripped right from a Victorian horror story, it fit the theme of the village pretty well though I must say. I had chosen to lay Psychemon onto one of the beds.

He just laid there on the bed, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, this was the first moment I'd really gotten to think about all that had happened today, how Psychemon had been fighting his own inner demons the whole time and I hadn't even noticed until it was too late, no wonder the poor thing was so timid, he was probably afraid if he got too close to people he'd end up hurting them.

I laid in the second bed next to him, it was surprisingly soft given how little this hotel was used or even maintained, I guess things didn't degrade in the Digital World like they did back home… and with that, my mind instantly went back to home, it was so weird being so close to ending this, the idea of returning home was oddly bittersweet, on one hand, it would be nice to return to normalcy, and I missed Sam a lot, it would be great to be reunited with her again.

But on the other hand, I couldn't lie, I had gotten pretty used to everyone's company, Jason, Ethan, the Digimon, even Ross and Bridget had become close friends, I doubted I'd see them again after this was all over, they all lived in different countries, in the Digimon's case different worlds, part of me didn't want to leave them, but I knew deep down it was inevitable…

And how would Psychemon deal with me leaving once this was all over? It was clear just before he passed out how close he had gotten to me, I was one of the only friends he had in this world, would he be alright on his own when everything ended? Would I be alright? I can't lie, I had grown quite fond of the little pelt wearing lizard, he was almost like a little brother to me at this point, it'd be hard to say goodbye to him…

"K… Kate?"

I turned my head to see Psychemon had finally awoken, his eyes still looked heavy though, showing he had only just woken up, he groggily sat upwards, the bed creaking slightly under his shifting weight. I debated with myself as to whether or not I wanted to bring up Astamon to him or not, part of me really wanted answers as to what exactly it was that had happened back there, but I feared it would upset him, in the end I decided to suck it up and try my luck, "Psychemon… what exactly happened back there?" I asked him.

Psychemon showed no signs of hearing what I said, sitting still as stone with a groggy look on his face, I was just about to repeat my question when Psychemon suddenly spoke, "Something I'd been trying to prevent for a long time," He said, I noticed he was avoiding making eye contact with me, almost like a scolded child, fearful of retribution from their angered parent. It was obvious despite what I had said before he passed out that he still felt guilty about what he had done.

However, this hadn't answered my question, "Psychemon… that's not what I asked, what exactly is Astamon?" I asked him, trying not to be too forceful in fears I'd upset him or make him think I was angry with him. I wanted to know everything I could about this so I wouldn't blunder into putting him through that again.

Psychemon seemed hesitant, but he knew I wasn't going to stop asking until he answered, "He… he's who I used to be long before I met you," He answered, "Before Rex took over the Nightmare Soldiers, I used to be the prince of this territory, ruling beside Myotismon as the Demon Prince," He elaborated.

Psychemon kept looking off to the side, no doubt recalling his memories as the Demon Prince, "Astamon wasn't always out of control like you saw, I used to be a lot like I am now, I ruled side by side with King Myotismon, but things changed when Rex began his war, no matter what we had thrown at Rex's armies, nothing worked, things only got worse when he took over the Metal Empire… we were helpless, losing Digimon by the hundreds, I became more and more desperate, it was then that I met… him," Psychemon said, I could hear his voice drip with venom upon saying that last line, however "him" was, Psychemon clearly hated him, "His name was Lucemon, he claimed to be an ancient Digimon of great power, he told me he could give me the power I needed to save my kingdom," He explained.

He let another sigh escape his lips, as if very reluctant to continue, but he did so anyway, "I was desperate, afraid of what would become of my kingdom, I had no choice but to accept, I still remember the crocked grin that sprawled across Lucemon's face when I accepted, I should have known then and there that it was a mistake, but I was too blinded by my desire to save the Nightmare Soldiers," He said, "Lucemon took me to a secluded mountain top, and he produced a dark looking gear, "This will give you all the power you need" he said, like a fool I took it, I wanted to stop Rex, I needed to, but the second I took it, the thing flew from my hands, and into my chest," He explained. "Things are… hazy after that, but I came to my senses too late… as I held a dying Myotismon by the throat, he asked me why I did it, why I killed them all, I had slaughtered the entire village, and Myotismon died thinking I betrayed the Nightmare Soldiers, that whole ordeal combined with that dark, evil energy had sapped all my power and reverted me to Psychemon, which only allowed the guilt to worsen now that the dark energy wasn't in control, I did the only thing I could think of and ran," He said, choking on his words as his eyes began to flood with tears.

He powered through it though, continuing his story, "I was alone… afraid… not entirely sure what had happened, but I knew I could never return, even if I could explain what happened, I was still responsible for what had happened, I let my desperation destroy the very thing I was trying to protect, Astamon was now only a voice that constantly tried to coax me into killing more and more Digimon, eventually I got better at keeping it at bay, but the loneliness began to set in, but I knew I could never return to the Nightmare Soldiers, so I just kept walking… never stopping… until one day I had caught the attention of Rosemon, who saw how ragged and lonely I looked and offered me a job at her hotel, I thought maybe working for her would help me forget Astamon and start over again… but… you know how that turned out," He finally finished.

It took a minute for me to digest Psychemon's story, it certainly explained a lot, but yet at the same time, it didn't change how I felt about Psychemon, at least not as much as he thought it did, "Psychemon… what happened wasn't your fault, you just wanted to help your kingdom, and got taken advantage of by Lucemon," I said.

Psychemon however shook his head, "It doesn't matter! I still killed them! I still let it happen! How can you possibly say it wasn't my fault?! I should have known he was up to no good the second I saw him!" Psychemon said.

I began to stroke the top of his head in an effort to calm him down, "Psychemon, I meant what I said before, it doesn't matter who you change into, you'll still be my friend no matter what, what happened was horrible, but you shouldn't let it destroy you like this, I think it's time to move on from it… let it go," I said, Psychemon needed to move on, I understood why he felt guilty, he had let himself get swindled into a Faustian deal and slaughtered the very thing he was trying to protect. But lingering on it like he was wasn't healthy for him.

Psychemon nestled his head against my chest, his tears dampening my shirt, "I… I'll try…" He said between sobs, he then looked up at me, "Kate… thank you… for everything… I've never had a friend like you before…" He said.

I let a goofy grin cross my face, rubbing his little pelt wearing head, "You're welcome, someone needs to help keep that head of yours straight," I said, trying to get a little giggle out of him to help him feel a little better. However Psychemon only turned away, eyes closed, it was hard to read whether or not my attempt to make him feel better worked or not.

the rest of the night was quiet, Psychemon wasn't ready to face the others yet, so we stayed in the rest of the night, it only occurred to me now that is was difficult to tell day from night in this place, the Nightmare Soldier's territory was so dark and gloomy it always looked like night here.

But eventually, my tiredness set in and soon got the better of me, and soon found myself falling asleep…

I could tell Kate was asleep now from her soft snoring, she had been through a lot today, it was reassuring knowing now that my past hadn't changed her opinion on me at all, I guess that was what true friends were like, always there for you no matter what.

Confronting my past had been something I had been dreading since I first left the Nightmare Soldiers, I pushed so hard against coming here, but I knew even then that I was fighting an unwinnable battle, Rex needed to be stopped, and we had to go through here to get to him…

But… my past wasn't the only reason I was so reluctant to come here, it was just the biggest one…

The other reason? When Rex is finally dealt with, the evil destroyed and the Digital World safe once and for all from his tyranny… Kate will have no reason to want to stay here anymore… and she'll go home along with the other humans.

I had never realized it until Kate had brought me back from the clutches of Astamon, but after she not only saved me, but forgave me for what I had done… I realized how much I had needed a friend… a missing piece of my life I had been without for so long, someone to help me, to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, it was all I had ever wanted after leaving the Nightmare Soldiers and being so alone for so long… all I had wanted was a friend to help me through the storm… to remind me that I mattered...

I knew it was selfish of me to feel that way, Kate had a life in the human world, people that cared about her as much as she cared for them, it wasn't fair to her to keep her away from them just so I wouldn't be alone, but yet here I sit, fearing the moment I'd have to say goodbye to her… and go back to being alone again.

I heard the soft click of the door opening, it was Commandramon, "Psychemon, a word please?" He whispered to me, trying not to wake Kate up.

I hesitated for a minute, I was afraid Commandramon was about to kick me out of the group, and after what had happened, I didn't blame him one bit, I wasn't just a threat to Kate back there, I was a threat to everyone.

But I did as he asked, stepping out of the room and into the dark hallway, I couldn't see much apart from the little slivers of moonlight that slipped in through the windows, barely even able to make out Commandramon's form from the darkness. "Psychemon, I want to know everything about what happened to you earlier today, all of the details," He said with a stern coldness that I had grown to expect from the cyborg Digimon, but I could still pick out a hint of anger from his otherwise cold and robotic tone.

So I did as he asked, told him everything about my fall from grace, my struggles to contain Astamon, everything, all the while he just stood there and listened, Commandramon was a hard Digimon to read even in the best lighting conditions, always keeping a stone cold expression on his face, only breaking it when faced with the harshest emotion, so I didn't know if he was angry with me, or just wanted answers.

Eventually I finished my story, and Commandramon took a moment to process it before he uttered his response, "Psychemon, despite everything you did, I understand what it's like to have a darkness in you, to have a thousand dead Digimon on your conscience, I can't even begin to calculate how many innocent Digimon I've killed when I worked for the Digimon King and the D-Brigade," He said, in my own self pity I had forgotten that Commandramon used to work for the king, it was odd having someone sympathize with me over my crimes as Astamon, for so long I had thought myself the scum of the Digital World, "Psychemon I came here to tell you I don't think any less of you even after what happened, I don't know for sure how the others feel, but I want you to know I'm still in your corner," He added.

But then his face grew grim, "But even so… I can't pretend like you aren't a threat, I'd rather not kill a comrade, especially one that's been through as much as you have, but if you ever become a threat on that level again, I will kill you, you're a friend Psychemon, but so are Jason and the others, and the safety of my tamer comes above all else," He said, the words didn't bother me as much as his tone, he said it with no hint of remorse of sympathy, plain and flatly as if explaining something simple, I could tell he would live up to that threat.

However he wasn't wrong, if I ever became a threat to my friends, if I ever hurt them, I doubt I'd want to live after that, I'd almost welcome Commandramon killing me on the spot, my friends had become very dear to me, especially Kate, if I hurt her… or worse killed her… I wouldn't be able to live with that… "I understand," I said, "I don't want to hurt my friends… Kate, Jason, Ethan, even Ross and Bridget, they're good people, and I don't want them to get hurt, so… I would want you to stop me if it ever came to that," I said.

Commandramon nodded, "I know you don't want to hurt them, it's why I won't do it unless I have to, you're not a bad Digimon Psychemon, I just want to make sure you stay that way," He said, I found a strange comfort in that, I didn't want to die, but if it came down to me or Kate… well… hopefully it'd never come down to that.

I decided to try changing the subject, change it to something else that had been bothering me, "Commandramon… what happens after we defeat Rex… and our human friends have to… leave?" I asked him.

Commandramon's expression faltered a little, clearly he wasn't any more fond of the idea than I was, but I needed a second opinion on this, "I don't know, I guess we just go on, I haven't given it much thought I have to admit, but we are getting close to ending this war," He admitted.

I could tell he was dodging the question, Commandramon didn't like the prospect of saying goodbye to Jason any more than I did to Kate, "I think we'll cross that bridge when we get there," He added, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

Commandramon left after that, I wasn't sure how to feel about our exchange, but I hoped that Commandramon would never have to live up to that threat, that I'd never give into Astamon's influence again, but who knows what will happen when we finally confront Rex….

I just hope… that we don't have to say goodbye too soon…

A/N-

Well, that was a month in the making folks hope it was worth it.

I'm so sorry I took that long, I got hit with the writer's block again, and decided to take some time off from the story to recover a little.

I'm planning on posting two chapters instead of one in order to make up for the wait, I'll try not to take such a hiatus again… knock on wood.

I'm going to finish this damn story even if it kills me! Which it actually might… it is giving me funny looks while holding a bloody knife… should probably be a bit more concerned about that… meh.