A/N: Sorry for falling off the face of the earth (again). I actually uploaded this chapter to Ao3 a few days ago but couldn't do it here from my phone so now that I'm back home I'm posting it. Thank you for your patience and your comments as always.
It's beginning to get light outside by the time they call it a night. Alex is still trying to catch her breath when Casey excuses herself to use the en-suite bathroom, taking the top layer of sheets with her, wrapped around herself as if Alex hasn't spent the last few hours exploring her naked body. And god did they explore. For somebody who didn't seem very sure of herself to begin with, Casey had certainly known what she was doing. Alex can't help but smile to herself, turning onto her side to look at clock on her nightstand, sighing at the time. Her alarm is set to go off in three hours, and she has a long day in court to look forward to, on very little sleep. Not that she's complaining.
When Casey emerges from the bathroom, she looks awkward, still wrapped in the sheet, her hair up in a messy ponytail, her face unreadable in the dark. She stands there in the doorway for a long moment, unmoving
"Come back to bed," Alex says, sleepily.
Casey's mouth twitches into a half-smile, and then she does as she's told, climbing into bed behind Alex, hesitating before moving closer. They fall asleep only just touching. It's the most content Alex has been in a long time.
When her alarm goes off, it feels like being awoken from a nap, not a proper sleep, like maybe Alex only closed her eyes for ten minutes. She turns it off quickly, so as not to wake Casey, and slips into the en suite for a shower. She lets the water run hot, her body unsurprisingly achey from the night before's rigorous activities, her hair a tangled, knotty mess before she conditions it. She takes longer than usual, and when she steps out, she takes a moment to inspect herself in the mirror, noticing right away a dark bruise on her jaw-line that will need to be covered up with make-up, a few others on her chest that should be hidden by clothes. Alex can't help but smirk at her reflection. She's a grown woman, and she's acting like a teenager.
She blow-dries her hair in the bathroom, and, wrapped in a fluffy towel, quickly does her make-up. As far as she knows, Casey isn't due in court today. She might as well get as much sleep as possible - sleep off the inevitable hangover. Once she's satisfied that she looks more like she's slept, and the love bite on her throat isn't noticeable, Alex tip-toes back into the bedroom.
She needn't have been so quiet, it turns out.
The bed's empty. Alex feels her heart sink, even before she goes through to the hallway, and sees the clothes gone from the floor, the whole apartment empty and quiet. It's as if Casey was never there at all.
Maybe she does have court this morning, after all, Alex reasons. Maybe she was woken by Alex's alarm and panicked, realising she needed to leave, shower, get fresh clothes, but Alex wasn't there to say goodbye to. Maybe she'd called into the bathroom but Alex hadn't heard her over the sound of the water running, or the hair-dryer.
Or maybe, this had all been a horrible mistake and Casey had taken her first available opportunity to leave and pretend it hadn't happened before she had to face Alex.
It shouldn't hurt, but it does. Alex lets out a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her hair, and returning to the bedroom to get dressed. She has a case to win. She'll deal with feeling later.
Court isn't the distraction Alex had hoped it would be. They've only made it through one witness when the defence calls for a recess, and the judge grants it. It's not even lunch time. It's a clean cut case, and the recess is clearly a stalling tactic, but it's not that which is playing on Alex's mind. And that's troubling in itself. She's always been so efficient at separating her personal life from her work life, never letting one affect the other. It's part of what makes her such a great lawyer. But now, when she should be focussing on a case, she can't stop thinking about the redhead who shared her bed the night before. She hasn't seen Casey this morning. She doesn't even know if she's at work. The temptation to drop by her office is only outweighed by how awkward the conversation has the potential to be.
Instead, Alex decides to call in on her detectives. There's nothing more she can do to prepare for court - even on three hours sleep, she'd delivered an opening statement she was proud of - and she always likes to stay ahead of the game with new cases. Besides, they'll want an update of how things are going on the Samuels case. Even if that update is that nothing much is happening at all.
When she arrives, most of the squad are out. There's no new case up on the board, and the unit is suspiciously quiet. Fin looks up from a mountain of paperwork, and quirks an eyebrow at her.
"You an' Novak have got some explainin' to do about last night," he teases, leaning back in his chair.
Alex swallows. The details from the night before are hazy, but she doesn't think they'd have done anything inappropriate where people could see them. That's not something she'd do, and she really wasn't that drunk.
"I thought you were raised better than to disappear without sayin' goodbye," Fin says, with a twinkle in his eye.
Chuckling nervously, Alex nods, relieved. "Well, the birthday girl had a little too much to drink…"
"She ain't the only one," Fin agrees, gesturing across to his partner, who appears to be fast asleep with her face on the desk. Either that, or she's hiding from the bright overhead lights. Either option seems reasonable. "Hope Casey's fairin' better than she is."
"I haven't seen her since I put her in a cab last night," Alex tells him, surprised by how easily the lie slips out. Then again, she is a lawyer.
If Fin suspects anything, he doesn't let it show.
"Where is everybody today, anyway? New case?" Alex continues, glancing around the squad room.
Fin chuckles, "you think Goldilocks over there'd be bein' left alone if there was?" he again gestures to Rollins, "nah, Liv and Amaro are out followin' up some stuff for the McClean trial. Nothin' but paperwork comin' my way."
Not recognising the name, Alex guesses it must be from Casey's docket. They've both been so busy lately, they don't go over each other's cases the way they used to when they first started sharing the workload. She wonders if it's related to the argument Casey was having on the phone the day before.
Regardless, this clearly isn't working to distract her from Casey either.
Alex sighs, "well, let me know if anything comes up. I've got a quiet day - the Samuels case has gone into recess."
Fin raises his eyebrows, "already? Thought it was only startin' today?"
"Yep. Stalling tactic. I was surprised when the judge agreed, but apparently a family member of the defendant has taken ill. Didn't seem worth arguing against, it's such an open-and-close case."
"Probably should'a thought of his poor Nana before he started sleepin' with 14 year olds," Amanda grumbles from her side of the desk, her voice thick and gravely, and Alex can't help but scrunch up her face, barely biting back a laugh.
"Glad to have you back with us, Detective Rollins," she teases, as the blonde blearily sits up, "rough night?"
"Nothin' I can't handle," Amanda says, wincing at the brightness of the room.
Remembering last night, and how jealous Alex had become over Amanda getting even the slightest amount of Casey's attention, Alex can't help but blush slightly, trying to shake the thought out of her mind. It had been ridiculous, and she can only blame it on the alcohol. Besides, she's fond of the detective. And it wasn't Amanda who Casey had chosen to go home with.
That's another thought she needs to bury.
"Good to hear it," she says, instead, then turns back to Fin, "give me a call if there is anything."
"If I don't drown in paperwork in the meantime," he agrees, and this time she does laugh, as she leaves, throwing the two detectives a wave over her shoulder.
Alex spends the rest of the day catching up on her own paperwork. It's tedious and barely does anything to stop her mind drifting to Casey, but there's not much else to do. She'd expected to be in court all day, after all. She leaves her office door open, in the hopes that she might catch a glimpse of red hair, the familiar click of heels and long-legged strides as she moves down the corridor. But Casey never makes an appearance.
It's late by the time Alex decides to call it a night. She doesn't want to admit to herself that the only thing keeping her in the office so late was the chance of encountering Casey, but it's so glaringly obvious. For the last half hour, she does nothing but reorganise her desk, lifting her eyes to the doorway each and every time she hears footprints passing by. Eventually, enough is enough, and she gives in, packing her attaché, pulling her coat on, and heading out to the elevator. She doesn't want to go back to her empty flat, her bed that still smells of Casey, but she can't put it off any longer.
As she waits for the elevator, footsteps round the corner, and she glances up, expecting to offer only a wry smile to a colleague whose caseload has kept them late. She feels her heart race in her chest as her gaze meets familiar gold coloured eyes.
"Alex," Casey murmurs, coming to a stop next to her but not close. She sounds exhausted.
"That was an impressive disappearing act this morning," Alex says, immediately regretting the bitter tone that laces her words when she sees the look on Casey's face.
"I'm sorry, I can explain..." she starts, but the explanation is not forthcoming. In the meantime, the elevator comes; but neither of them board it. The doors close.
"I get it," Alex says, acting the tough guy, her chin tilted up, "you don't have to say anything else. It never happened."
Continuing to fiddle awkwardly with the leather strap of her bag, Casey chews on her bottom lip, suddenly looking much more like the Casey that only Alex ever seems to notice. The anxious lawyer who spent three years out of the game and is still terrified she's gonna fuck up. For everyone else, she's confident and bulshy and can talk herself out of anything. Alex thinks she prefers this Casey. But maybe that's because she's saved only for her. She sags, suddenly feeling guilty for being so blunt with her.
"It's not like that," Casey says in a small voice, "It was... i drank too much, made a fool of myself. It was a lapse in judgement."
So it is like that, Alex thinks. She knows she's going to have to put any feelings she's been harbouring for Casey aside, and be the bigger person. Much as she hates that, at least office flings, no strings attached, is something she has experience in, something she knows how to deal with.
"We're both adults - unattached adults at that," she says, adopting a more casual tone, "I had fun. If that's all it was then great. I don't regret it. You didn't make a fool of yourself any more than I did. We can pretend it didn't happen if it helps us to remain professional with one another."
Casey's expression is unreadable as she troubles her bottom lip with her teeth, not looking at Alex. Her shoulders relax, though. Alex knows she shouldn't be disappointed, but she is. She's just not used to being on the other side of this situation.
"Okay," Casey says, carefully. She reaches for the elevator button, at the same time as Alex, and their fingers brush just quickly before Casey pulls away.
When the doors open, Alex let's her go ahead. They're silent the whole ride down to the ground floor, Alex having to force herself to look straight ahead. When she does risk a glance at the redhead's profile, she immediately regrets it. Her bone structure is truly something to be marvelled at - she'd noticed that before she noticed anything else about her. That gorgeous jawline, and the cut of her cheekbones, with such strong, prominent features. Alex could get lost imagining all the places she'd kissed along that face last night, all the places she wanted to kiss her but now never would. She'd been captivated by the space under Casey's ear, right where her jaw swept upwards. She's surprised she hadn't left a mark.
The elevator reaching the ground floor with a "ding!" as the doors open drags Alex out of her thoughts and back to reality. They walk out in unison. When they pass the front desk, Alex holds the door open, and Casey visibly hesitates before going through.
"Did you drive in?" Alex asks, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets.
"I... no. I got a cab."
Of course. She probably came from Alex's apartment and didn't know where she was going. She's wearing a different outfit - a pencil dress that the old Casey would never have been caught dead in, but it looks chic and professional on Casey 2.0 - with the same shoes as last night. Her make-up is fresh, but her hair's pulled back into a ponytail, which is unusual. Alex wonders if she keeps clothes in the office just in case. She doesn't look like she's been home.
Alex hesitates. It's probably a bad idea but...
"You want a lift home? Save you a taxi fare."
Casey's expression falters, momentarily. This is the moment where they decide if they can go back to normal or not, Alex thinks. She stops breathing for a second, which feels like forever, waiting for Casey to choose.
"Okay, sure," Casey agrees, and Alex almost heaves a sigh of relief.