I haven't changed the rating of the story yet, but do let me know if I should have for this chapter. Just thoughts and talk for now but that can be explicit too ...
Another long chapter this time because I just couldn't find a good place to stop sooner. Hope you don't mind :)

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72. Belonging

Noah was finally asleep. He had cried after dinner, finally succumbing to all the impressions of the day and Olivia had taken her time alone with him, giving him a bath, singing to him and reading him an extra long story, until he finally nodded off. She stayed with him for a while, needing some time herself to digest all that had happened.

After the emotional group hug, they had decided that they would order Chinese food for everyone so they could all stay a while longer. Olivia had chatted with all the kids individually during the rest of the afternoon and early evening, and had gotten to know Steve and Terrence a little. Eli wasn't sure what to make of this family gathering in a stranger's home yet, but Elliot had assured her that he'd talk with his youngest alone soon. He asked her if Eli could stay over on weekends and holidays like he used to and Olivia had frowned at him for even asking. Of course Eli was welcome to stay with them. They hadn't talked about the paternity test with all the kids but Kathleen told her that Kathy had mentioned it to her. It was painful for Kathy but necessary for Elliot to be sure, and Kathleen understood.

Once they were all eating their dessert, Maureen once again had asked for everyone's attention.

"Okay everyone, there's one more thing."

She had been sitting on the floor but got up to sit on the couch next to her father again.

"There is something that Steve and I need to show you. And I want to show it to you first, dad."

Elliot sat up straight and wondered what his daughter was talking about. Maureen grabbed her purse from behind the couch and rummaged through it until she pulled out a small square piece of paper.

"What's that sis?" Elizabeth asked.

"Just look dad," Maureen said, handing the paper to Elliot.

Elliot's eyes widened and Olivia stood up to look a the paper as well.

"Maureen, that looks like ..."

"An ultrasound," Olivia finished for him.

Maureen nodded and beamed at both of them.

"It is."

"Oh."

"You're going to be a granddad, daddy!"

Elliot was stunned. He kept staring at the black and white blob on the paper and his free hand went to his forehead. Olivia put a hand on his shoulder.

"El?"

"A baby?" Elliot choked out. "You're having a baby?"

"Alright!" Richard said. "I'm gonna be an uncle."

The others cheered as well and Jessie an Elizabeth rounded the couch to take a look at the ultrasound. They all started congratulating Maureen and Steve, but Elliot was still holding his forehead. Olivia rubbed his back gently, wondering which memory could be resurfacing this time.

"A baby ..." he repeated, and then added, "My first baby."

He looked at Maureen, who was still beaming and accepting the congratulations from her siblings.

"My first baby."

Maureen looked at him and all the happy chatter died down when they realized something was happening to their father.

"A memory, El?" Olivia asked him softly, hoping to prompt him to talk so his headache wouldn't get worse.

"Yeah. I remember ... holding my first baby. A beautiful little girl."

Maureen covered her mouth with a hand and Steve squeezed her shoulders.

"You were such a beautiful little girl," Elliot said, reaching up to touch Maureen's cheek.

"Oh daddy," Maureen sighed.

She hugged him and Elliot held his firstborn, not really remembering how she'd grown up but remembering having her. It was enough to make him feel connected to her. And now she was giving him a grandchild. Father and daughter both shed a few tears and Olivia retreated into the kitchen to cry a little alone. It was such an emotional day and she wasn't sure how much more she could take in just a few hours.

...

She smiled, watching her sleeping son. Soon, he wouldn't be the youngest in the family anymore. He was growing up so fast as it was, and she could only hope he'd adjust to having this big extended family soon. Steve and Maureen would go back home after the holidays and Richard would go back to the aircraft carrier where he worked, but the others would be around regularly. Noah had hit it off with Eli, so she didn't expect any trouble there. Eli would be like a big brother to her son.

Elliot had already gone to bed. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and Olivia was going to join him soon. She closed Noah's door softly and padded to the master bedroom, where Elliot was already sleeping soundly. She decided to take a shower before turning in as well, and let her mind wander while enjoying the hot spray on her skin.

Her ordeal with Lewis had come up eventually that evening and Elliot had asked Kathleen and Elizabeth about it. What had their thoughts been when they heard about Olivia on the news? Hadn't they wondered about her, or thought about telling him about her then? Maureen and Richard had already left New York by then but not them. Elizabeth had only heard about it afterwards and didn't really have much contact with her parents at the time. Kathleen had asked Kathy about it, and Kathy had told her she'd talked to Elliot already, and it hadn't sparked any memories for him.

"Talked to me?" Elliot had huffed. "It was more like a mention between checking Eli's bag and waving him goodbye when I came over to pick Eli up for the weekend."

"I didn't know that, dad," Kathleen said and he had smiled at her reassuringly.

There was no way to know if reading about her, seeing her picture in the paper or on TV, would have sparked his memory at the time. And it was done now. Even if Elliot had suddenly remembered her, the damage Lewis had done couldn't have been undone. He would have been too late either way. Olivia looked down at her body and moved her sponge over her scars like she often did in the shower. They were on her breasts and abdomen and further down. The lowest one ran across her pelvic bone diagonally and had all but missed her most sensitive area, but only because she'd managed to squeeze her thighs together in time. She still remembered how Lewis had shoved the glowing coat hanger down her panties and she took a deep breath. She turned the faucet so the water would cool off and take away the imaginary burning on her skin. Her scars had faded a little over time and weren't as pronounced as they used to be, but her body would never be the same. The skin most likely wouldn't heal any further and she would carry the physical evidence of what Lewis had done to her with her for the rest of her life. She was dealing with that, but it would be new to let someone else actually see them.

She had eventually been able to have sex with Brian again but she'd preferred to keep either the lights off or her top on. She was certain he'd seen some of her scars in passing but they had never talked about them. They had never talked about any of what had happened to her. That wasn't Brian's fault. He'd reached out, time and time again. It had been her choice to keep it all inside. And after Brian, there had been no one. There were things only Dr. Lindstrom knew, and other things that no one knew except Lewis. Only he was dead. She still needed to remind herself of that regularly because he usually seemed alive and well in her dreams.

Somehow, Olivia knew it would be different with Elliot. He'd already seen her breasts and she'd even flashed him once to tease him when he had tried to arouse her with sexy talk. She wasn't going to let him touch her all the time while she couldn't return the favor, but their slow tease was frustrating for both of them. They had waited long enough and still couldn't be together the way they wanted to. Elliot was trying to reduce his pain medication a little and when Olivia walked into the bedroom with just a fluffy towel wrapped around her body, she wondered what they would be like. She'd wondered about it over the years, but it was different now. They were actually together but forced to go slow and it made her all the more aware of every little detail when they touched and kissed. As a result, she had begun wondering about details.

What would it feel like to have him on top of her? Or underneath her? Inside her? Taking her from behind? Kissing the most erogenous parts of her body? Would he find all of them, or even discover new ones? She was amazingly sensitive to his touch, that much she'd found out over the past week. He'd already found a sweet spot behind her left ear while she had made him moan loudly when she'd sucked on the skin just above his collar bone. His hands were always warm and when he caressed her butt over her panties it almost felt like he was touching her skin. She wasn't bothering with pajama pants anymore and loved to wake up with her bare leg between his. Elliot still slept on his back mostly but he'd fallen asleep on his side once and she'd made the most of it, turning around carefully in his arms until he was spooning her. Feeling his breath in her hair was somehow so intimate that it had moved her. It wasn't just about sex. It was about belonging. Truly belonging, and knowing you are with the person you were meant to be with all along.

Olivia put on panties and a long t-shirt and crawled into bed carefully. Elliot needed to rest. He was getting better already and moving around on his own more, but he still had a long way to go. Olivia counted the days in her head. The accident had only been fifteen days ago. It would be at least a few more weeks before he'd be cleared for more activities. The holidays would be quiet this year. It would be just the three of them and they were staying in. She didn't mind. Not at all. Because she would be with the two people who meant the most to her in the world.

She snuggled up to Elliot, who stirred in his sleep. She heard him mumble 'Love you Liv' and it warmed her heart. When he turned his head to the right, where she was, she kissed his lips softly, and she smiled when he kissed her back before drifting off to sleep again. He had the softest lips and each time she got close to him, she had to fight the urge to touch them with her fingers. She didn't fight it this time and let her fingers skim his full lower lip. He had managed to shave earlier in the day and she traced his strong jawline with her finger. When Elliot's head dropped to the left, she kissed the soft skin of his neck that was now exposed to her and moved her body closer to his until she felt his hip connect with her body in a place where she would love to connect with him some more. She breathed out slowly, trying not to grind into him. Well, not too much.

He'd made her come once so far and her body was aching for more. But she didn't just want to be pleasured. She wanted it all with Elliot, now that they were finally allowed. Her hand moved across his broad chest underneath the covers and she told herself she should stop feeling him up. She closed her eyes. He smelled good. Very much like himself. When Elliot shifted in bed she had to suppress a moan. She'd let her right leg slip between his and her sensitive core was pressed up against his hip now. If they only could. She'd wondered about his size and was pretty sure it would match his ego. She could feel her body react to just the thought of actually having him inside her. This was so frustrating. Her hand drifted lower until her fingers grazed the waistband of his boxer short.

Elliot stirred again when she moved her hand even lower, until it was resting on his crotch. His body was completely relaxed of course but she could still imagine what would happen once he wasn't so relaxed. She wanted to squeeze him but almost wanted to yank her hand away when she felt him twitch under her touch. She looked up at his face and saw a small smile playing on his lips. His eyes were still closed but he was definitely aware of her. And so she didn't pull away and squeezed gently. His smile widened and she detected more movement under her hand. It looked like the pain killers weren't killing the rest of him completely anymore.

"Liv," Elliot said with a low, raspy voice.

"Sorry," she whispered, pulling her hand away.

But Elliot reached for her hand and pulled it back until it was where it had been seconds earlier. He squeezed himself using her hand, and groaned softly.

"You should sleep," Olivia whispered.

"You should have thought of that before you started feeling me up," he replied without missing a beat.

Touché.

Olivia sighed and kissed his shoulder, but didn't pull her hand away. He wasn't as soft as before ...

...

It had been a long time since he'd woken up feeling butterflies in the pit of his stomach, but it was unmistakable. His lower half was coming alive. He'd kept his eyes closed while trying to figure out what was going on but hadn't been able to suppress a smile when he realized what Olivia was doing. He managed to keep his breathing steady, feigning being asleep for just a little longer to see how far she'd go.

He wondered what they would be like. He'd wondered about it over the years, but it was different now. They had been apart for so long, and their circumstances were so different now, that it was truly like starting over. He'd always admired her beauty. She was a strong cop but he hadn't been blind to her perfect body and her beautiful face. He could get lost in her eyes and now that they were together at last, they were forced to go slow. It was alright though. He wanted to do things right with Olivia, and not rush her. He knew she'd become more self-conscious about her body because of her scars and just seeing how certain she was of their future now, was worth millions. They'd get there. Soon.

Still, he wondered. He'd already felt her body. He hadn't missed the scars and he was angry at the man who had caused them, but she had responded to him in a way that made him lightheaded and yearning for more. Her scars hadn't taken away her sensitivity to being touched intimately and he still remembered how she'd moaned softly when he touched her. It wasn't about the perfect body; it was about the perfect love.

He did want to love her body though. To make her his completely, like he would be hers. Just thinking about how it had felt to touch her so intimately made his body respond despite his medication and the pain he still felt all the time. And now her hand was on him. He couldn't hide the fact that he was awake anymore. His body had given him away. But her hand was still on his body ...

"I can't help wondering," she admitted softly and her shyness made the urge to make love to her even stronger.

"I know what you mean."

"But we can't. Not yet."

"No. I want to do this right Liv. I think we deserve it, don't you?" Elliot asked her.

She moved her hand up at last, rubbing his belly gently.

"We do."

"I'm going to ask Greg about those four to six weeks he mentioned."

He heard Olivia chuckle softly.

"I'm serious Liv. I've looked it up on the internet, and it says that it's a matter of testing the waters, so to speak. We just have to avoid certain positions at first."

Olivia propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him with wide eyes.

"What?" he asked her innocently. "The internet is a great source of information you know. And the risk of damage is much lower for men than for women who've had hip surgery."

Olivia bit her lip and said, "I just can't believe you're talking about sex and positions and ..."

She blew out a breath and shook her head. Elliot grinned. He remembered how bottled-up they used to be around each other. Not anymore. Shedding his filters while he had full amnesia was the best thing that could have happened to him.

"Baby, I'm not going to let you get away from me again so we're going to have sex eventually, in positions," he said with a wide grin.

Olivia dropped her head to his shoulder and sighed, but smiled.

"You're right. I'm just ... not used to talking about it."

"You just did it."

He wasn't particularly interested in all her sexual adventures with other men, but now seemed to be as good a time as any to have this conversation. He'd slept for over an hour and felt focused enough to talk.

"I guess," Olivia mumbled.

She lifted her head then to look at him, and suddenly asked him,

"El, did you date after your divorce?"

...

So I finally found a nice place to stop. Is this still T rated? Leave a review? More soon.