This one got away from me size wise. I am too lazy to split it in two so hopefully you don't mind a long one!
Thank you so very much for reading.
I own nothing.
Chapter 12: Prison the Second, Prison the Third
The room is luxurious with its plush carpet, voice-activated black out curtains, and large. The steam shower and tub with jets are equally appealing. It is a room designed for immense comfort, a means for the occupant to thoroughly relax, to blot out the day and sleep forever. With the locked door it proves to be the nicest and least frightening of all her recent prisons, but Ellie is unable to do anything but stare out the window at the sun, watching the smoke rise from the ruble filed streets of New York.
A few drops of liquid fall near the zipper of her SHIELD jacket, and it takes Ellie a moment to realize that the droplets are tears. Her tears. She touches her face and blinks when her fingertips come away wet.
An insane urge to taste her own tears, the way Loki always does, makes her laugh out loud. It takes very little time for her laughter to turn to sobs. They wrack her whole frame, causing pain to shoot from her ribs. Doubling over and trying to breathe through the hurt and sorrow, Ellie blindly stumbles towards the luxurious, pale blue bed.
She curls up on her side and cries.
In the eight years since she left her fake home, Ellie cannot recall crying once until she met Loki. Not once in her lonely, apathetic new life did she feel enough to cry like this, but that was a time when she understood the world around her. It was before gods and rage monsters and alien invasions. She's seen things and done things and it is all different now.
Ellie runs out of tears, but her body keeps shaking as she stares out the window at the sunshine.
A doctor comes. He whispers from the doorway as if he doesn't want to wake her and oh how she wishes sleep were a possibility but when she tries images of unfathomable green beasts, shrieking aliens, and Loki's cruel smile flicker behind her eyelids.
The doctor is awkward when Ellie rolls over to indicate that no, she is not sleeping. She cannot sleep. He is quite handsome, with his boyish face and dirty blond hair, but he is looking at her with pity and Ellie can't stand that. With slow, stiff movements, she sits up and lets her feet dangle over the side of the bed.
She winces as he frets over the gash in her hand before stitching it up. The cuts on her face, ones she didn't even know were there, are cleaned. As he rolls up her shirt to examine her ribs, Ellie wonders how he knew she even suffered this particular injury. She failed to tell anyone associated with SHEILD.
They are bruised, not broken. Loki's doing, no doubt, and the doctor informs her that in three weeks time she will be "good as new."
She scoffs at this.
In three weeks her body will completely heal, but nothing will ever be the same again. Bruised ribs will be the least of her worries.
Again, how does SHIELD know about this injury at all? It makes her nervous, what they know.
The doctor recommends rest and food. She could stand to gain a few pounds, or so he says.
And then he is brandishing a needle, stating that a simple blood sample will conclude her check up.
Ellie scrambles away from the good doctor, her back hitting the headboard as she scowls at the SHIELD agent. For a moment there the doctor was so awkward, she forgot that these are the good guys who did save the world, but really do not seem to care much for Ellie.
Plus there was the whole nuke that came right from this same elusive agency, if the ranting of a dazed Iron Man are to be taken as truth.
"Why?" she demands, trying to sound confident and in control. Really, she is just so very tired.
"Standard protocol," he stutters, looking bashful now.
"No," Ellie says simply.
"But—"
"I said no."
He gives her a long, measured look before nodding once and turning to leave her be.
Ellie doesn't relax until she hears the lock on her prison. At least the tears have stopped.
Thor is the first familiar face she sees for a full day after the doctor. The golden God of Thunder seems to have a fondness for Eleanor, or maybe more accurately he feels responsible for her.
She certainly is short on allies in SHIELD, even more so given her suspect appearance on the top of Stark Tower mid battle. Her now obvious and bizarre connection to the hated would be ruler of earth has put her whole future in jeopardy.
Even if the pity given to her by Thor makes her want to smack him and even if that annoying way he addresses her as if she is on her death bed makes her blood boil, Ellie needs any advocate she can get.
The spy organization seems to exist outside the bounds and laws of society. It would be so very easy for them to make her disappear. She has no family, no real human connections, no one out in the real world to miss her and the few who once did surely stopped months ago.
But Thor seems to like her.
"How fair you, Lady Eleanor?" he murmurs, closing the door behind him as he enters her cell. She shuffles into a seated position as he collapses into a chair. He looks as exhausted as she feels, but clean. At least he's showered. Ellie hasn't even summoned the energy for that yet.
She stinks and showers were one of the first things to go when she really lost her marbles last time. As soon as the big guy leaves she will be showering. It seems like a reasonable goal at this point in her life.
"I'm pretty freaked out, to be honest," she confesses. "He told me what he is, told me what would happen, but I didn't really believe it. I think I'm in shock."
Speaking so much during a time of such stress is hard for Eleanor, but she needs Thor to understand her position. And she needs Thor to tell her all about Loki's past because she wants to know, needs to know.
Everything.
"You survived your first battle bravely," he replies. "Given time you will recover fully."
"First and hopefully last," she mutters.
Thor laughs. "I remember my first battle well, but at its end I craved another immediately. For you, last would be best."
"Hey, I'm a fucking warrior."
"Of this I have no doubt, but your weapon is not the sword, I am thinking."
She has no idea what that means and she gets quiet.
"I am deeply sorry that my brother involved you," Thor says, sounding as though he genuinely means it. Ellie forgives him for so casually throwing out Loki's status as adopted while on the floating fucking fortress.
"Me too," she murmurs. Ellie studies her lap and tries not to cry. "Although, he didn't want me anywhere near the city and when plans changed he locked me in the basement. He didn't want me to see this. Actually, he's probably pretty pissed that I left that room at all."
"And why did you leave the safety of the room?"
"I wanted to help." She shakes her head at her own folly. "I thought maybe I could distract him, help you guys that way. Stupid, I know. How could I possibly help?"
"Not stupid," Thor insists. "Brave."
She smiles at him even if she doesn't feel anywhere near brave. She hasn't even been able to face the fucking shower.
"What are you?" he asks, squinting at her. "To my brother? Lady Romanoff believes he cares for you a great deal."
"What do you think?" she asks, not knowing what to say.
"I am inclined to agree, but I would still like you to answer, if it please my lady."
His fancy talk makes her giggle, but the sound gets somewhat hysterical and Ellie needs a minute to calm down.
"I wish I knew," she finally answers. "My voice is important to him, but he doesn't care for me. I think he sees me as some sort of pet that he would prefer to keep but if I was gone he wouldn't notice after a moment of pouting."
Thor looks skeptical. "Yet you say he told you what he is?"
"What?" she asks, blinking in confusion. "A god, you mean?"
"Ah," Thor says with a heavy sigh. He slumps down in his easy chair, suddenly so much more exhausted. "He did not."
"What is he?" Ellie whispers, unsure if she really wants to know now that the moment is here. "What happened to him?"
Teeth rotting from his skull. Skin flayed from his bone.
"Perhaps we should save this tale for a fresh day," Thor says. "Your utter exhaustion is apparent, Lady Eleanor."
"I can't sleep," she replies. "If you need to rest that's fine, but either way I can't sleep."
The thunder god looks at her for a long moment. Ellie sees his strength and depth as he openly measures her.
"Very well," Thor says, stretching his long legs out in front of him. It feels like he is about to tell her a bedtime story, but she does not lie down and close her eyes. This tale will not help her sleep and is likely to add to her nightmares.
"Loki and I were raised as brother, princes of Asgard, sons of Odin Allfather, sovereign of the Realm Eternal."
Ellie listens enraptured by the images Thor creates as he describes his home and his childhood. He is pained as he recalls memories of a young, carefree, mischievous Loki. According to Thor, they were not only brothers but best friends. There are details the God of Thunder skims and he touches only briefly on how their fellow children treated an alarmingly magical little Loki. Overall, the picture painted by Thor is suspiciously rosy.
"We were raised to rule," Thor says. "But in the end, as the older and more capable brother, I was crowed successor to the Allfather."
He goes on to describe the events that occurred well over a year ago, leading to Loki's downfall.
Ellie learns of yet another kind of alien, the Frost Giants of Jotunheim.
When Thor details how Loki discovered his true origins, Ellie cries. The story is so familiar, but so much worse than her own personal saga. He was lied to for millennia and always felt different, only to find out that he is the very thing he was raised to hate.
Yeah, that would certainly fuck up anyone.
But there is more to the story. Thor talks of Loki's attempted genocide and the final showdown between brothers that ended with Loki's apparent suicide. Ellie's insides twist up because she's been right there, knows what it's like to need to end the pain.
"What happened since, I cannot say," Thor says, shedding a tear.
"Teeth rotting from his skull, skin flayed from his bone," Ellie whispers.
"Did you speak, Lady Eleanor?"
She shakes her head.
"My joy that he lives is at odds with my anger at his destruction here," he continues, face falling into his hands. "How can I possibly want him to live after all he has done?"
"He kidnapped me, tried to brainwash me, left me alone in a bunker, and I'm glad he's not dead," Ellie admits.
Thor's head jerks up as if he's forgotten that she is here with him. Maybe the thunder god needed to say the words as much as she needed to hear them. He does certainly seem relieved if not exhausted now that he's finished his tale.
"It's okay to want him to stay alive," Ellie murmurs, hoping it's true.
"He has sought my death on numerous occasions," Thor says. "But he remains my brother."
This simple statement leaves Eleanor reeling. She thinks of Laura, her fake big sister.
Would Laura still call Ellie her sister?
It is a question that haunts her long after Thor leaves, along with the rest of it.
"They acted like a couple," Barton muses, staring out the window down into the streets of New York. Director Fury paces around, while Ellie sits at the far side of the desk, facing Natasha Romanoff. Thor stands motionless by the door, arms crossed over his massive chest. He watches Ellie contemplatively and she feels embarrassed, after their earlier conversation.
"They bickered about French Toast," continues the Hawk. "He made her smile, but then got all huffy when she wanted to make breakfast for Selvig and me. But she won and even convinced him to let us sit with them."
Ellie scowls intently at Loki's former minion. New York is still reeling from an alien attack two days ago, and these four SHIELD associates have nothing better to do than speak about her as if she isn't in the fucking room.
At this point, what does it matter if Ellie cooked breakfast for an imprisoned megalomaniac and then shared it with his brainwashed minions?
And his brother won't stop staring at her. Probably because of their goddamn heart to heart.
"He referred to her as his lady at one point," Barton continues, making her wince at the memory. "As she cooked he sort of… followed her around, stayed close to her. It was pretty weirdly domestic. Loki is one possessive bastard and he forbid us from even looking at her. And she was wearing some really revealing nightwear."
Ellie wishes for Loki's magic. It would be lovely to cause the Hawk pain simply using the power of her mind, assuming Loki can manage that at all. Director Fury stops pacing to loom over Ellie. She'd like to hurt him with her mind too.
"Oh," says Barton. "And he was extremely concerned with her health. Thought she was too skinny."
"She is too skinny," adds Agent Romanoff.
Ellie wants to hurt everyone with the power of her mind.
Except Thor. She is not predisposed to liking perfect, fake big siblings, but she begrudgingly does not despise Thor.
"What exactly are we doing here?" Ellie demands, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the lot of them. "I was with him for three months. I wasn't exactly comfortable around him, but it was familiar, okay? Would you prefer I was a cowering mess for ninety days? Would that be acceptable behavior for SHIELD? I survived, okay. I just… survived."
The three are silent for a moment, obviously surprised to hear her speak so much at once.
"To be perfectly honest, Miss Tate," says Fury, crowding her with his height, "we are really just trying to figure out what to do with you."
Ellie nods, because at least that's truth. She's well aware of the fact that she knows too much and that's a real big problem for an organization like SHIELD.
"Look," she says, thinking about the blood sample they so desperately tried to slip in to her little medical exam. "I slept with him, okay? Those last few days I was alone with him… I slept with him. A lot. I was lonely and confused and terrified, and he was right there, looking the way he looks, just talking about taking over the world without actually doing it yet. Can you really blame me for coping in anyway I could? I was alone with him for three months and I handled it by getting far too close to him, but I never wanted it to be like this. I begged him to change his mind, and even if it's not much, it was all I could do at the time. Will SHIELD really punish me for surviving my imprisonment the best way I knew how?"
Ellie can feel Thor smiling at her, but she refuses to look at him. She refuses to look at anyone, choosing instead to focus on the shiny surface of the wooden desk.
"I'm not going to do something crazy. I'm not going to try to let him out and I'm not going to tell anybody any of this shit if you ever get around to finally reinstating my freedom," she whispers.
Fury sighs and takes the seat next to Natasha. "You're not our prisoner here, Miss Tate."
She just looks at him, pleased when he shuffles uncomfortably under her gaze because the lock on her room says otherwise.
"Okay," says the director, serious once more. "I think we can help each other out here."
"With Loki?" she asks, frowning.
"Maybe with Loki," says Fury. "It would be great if you could get a little info out of him but not what we're talking about now."
Ellie stares blankly, having no idea where they are going with this.
"There are reasons that Loki was unable to control you." Director Fury's voice is gentle and it is deeply unsettling. Ellie feels her stomach bottom out. This is a subject she has avoided thinking on. Of all the horrors that flicker through her sleep deprived brain, this is the most baffling and the one she is studiously ignoring.
Three months ago she was just a girl. Not only do gods from alien realms in outer space exist, but she might be one of them and it freaks her the fuck out.
Did her lying fake parents know about this possibility?
Nope, not going there.
"Like him, we think you might not be totally human," Fury continues.
Ellie closes her eyes and attempts to stay calm. "That's why you wanted my blood," she murmurs.
Fury looks a little surprised to hear her piece this together, but he doesn't deny it.
"You want to make me your little lab monkey," she says. "You want to lock me up and study me."
"It's not like that," snaps Fury, good eye narrowing in anger. "We want to help you learn about yourself, and in turn learn from you. You wouldn't be a goddamn prisoner and you wouldn't be forced to do anything you don't want to do."
Ellie snorts, skeptical.
"It is truth, Lady Eleanor," Thor insists. "I personally guarantee your safety."
"You live on a different planet," she mutters.
"Realm," he corrects.
Ellie just huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and slouching in her seat.
"I guarantee it, too," says Romanoff.
"Likewise," says Barton.
Their assurances do very little to ease her fears.
"We'd find you a job with SHIELD, set you up with a place of your own, help you get a life together. Thor would assist with determining your personal history," Fury explains.
"Why?" Ellie whispers, trying not to cry. "Why does SHIELD give a fuck about me? Whatever I am."
"We're an intelligence agency, Miss Tate," he says. "The more we know about the crazy new things in the universe, the better we can keep the people of Earth safe. And you're right. You do know too much to just disappear. I need you to seriously consider this. After everything you've been through, can you really see yourself going back to your old life as if none of it happened?"
No, she really fucking can't.
"Think about it."
Ellie nods absently.
"I shall escort Lady Eleanor back to her chambers. There will be much time to further this discussion," Thor booms, his tone leaving no room for argument. A large hand comes down on Ellie shoulder with too much force, and she shuffles away, but gets up to walk out with him anyway.
She doesn't want to be near these people any longer, but going back to her room to not sleep is horribly unappealing.
"All will be well, Lady Eleanor," he assures her as she struggles to keep up with his stride. "Do not fear."
"Why are we going down?" Ellie asks, frowning at the god beside her as he pushes the wrong elevator button. "My room is up."
"Your chambers are not our destination," he says, regarding her warily.
She stares back blankly for a moment before she gets it.
"Oh, fuck," she mutters.
"What ails him?" Thor murmurs.
Ellie can't manage to do more than hug her legs a little closer to her chest. For the last half hour she's done nothing but stare at the god on the monitors. She rocks slightly in her swivel chair.
"I know not," continues Thor. "This is no known aliment on Asgard."
Originally, the guard on duty denied them access to this strange viewing room that sits next to the door of his cell, but the God of Thunder did some yelling and they've been left in peace to watch ever since.
"The Man of Iron, Tony Stark, he referred to my brother's current state as withdrawals."
Ellie nods. She characterized him as a sort of drug addict months ago.
The Loki on the screen looks truly miserable and extremely ill. He sits upright on a metal bench, trying desperately to maintain the persona of the egotistical villain he's showed the Avengers since Germany, but his skin is grey, his eyes are wild and confused, and his whole body seems to be vibrating. The image is so clear Ellie can make out every bead of sweat on his forehead.
"An adverse reaction to a loss of the Tesseract's power," Thor murmurs. The blond god is so obviously heartbroken for his adoptive brother. It makes Ellie wonder if her own fake big sister thinks of her at all.
"What's going to happen to him?" she asks.
"I will at last bring my brother home," Thor says, relief evident in his voice. "The very moment Tony Stark can construct a device to harness the power of the Tesseract to do so."
"You've got to help him, Thor," she whispers. "He is wrong and he deserves to be punished, but he's lost his mind. He's sick. You've got to help him."
Despite her words, Ellie doubts that the adoptive brother is really capable of helping Loki. The blond god very obviously understands nothing about the would-be ruler of earth.
Ellie understands, and her fake family didn't help her find her mind, all those years ago.
Still, Thor's intentions are obviously good. She wonders if Laura's intentions were equally good, all those years ago.
"You have much in common with my brother," Thor says after promising to do all he can for Loki.
"Yeah," she says. Ellie still doesn't really know what she is so she can commiserate with Loki's rage. "It's all pretty weird."
Thor sighs, frustrated when it becomes apparent that Ellie has nothing to say on the matter.
"He has neither eaten nor slept," Thor continues. Ellie has this in common with Loki as well. "Nor has he uttered a word since informing me of your injury."
Ellie absently touches her tender ribs. There is no sharp pain and the bruise is already fading. She has always healed quickly, but until recently she never thought about it much. As a child she was never sick, never had to see a doctor besides her fake father for the occasional physical, never broke an arm despite all the trees she fell out of.
She goes back to watching Loki shake, still in his full armor. Stupid, proud god. His body is obviously under immense strain, but still he struggles to appear unaffected.
Suddenly, his frame jerks and he collapses, falling from the bench to the floor with the clattering sound of metal on concrete.
Thor is flying out of the viewing room and towards the heavy doors that contain Loki with Ellie close on his heels. The pair of guards stationed there once again attempts to stop the God of Thunder.
"Let me pass!" booms Thor.
One of the guards places his hand on a pad next to the doors and they slide open a moment later.
Ellie follows Thor, even as the guards glare at her. The doors shut behind her and she presses her back into them, watching the massive figure of Thor kneel next to his brother.
"Do not touch me!" What starts as a menacing hiss deteriorates into a hysterical wail as Loki leaps up and scrambles away, pushing himself into the corner of his concrete cell. "No, no, no!" he chants, eyes wide and terrified and green. He slides to the floor.
"Brother—"
"No, no brother, no anything." Loki whimpers, desperately trying to put more space between his body and Thor. "Make it stop. I will do what you require. Make it stop. I want to rule. I want to rule, please."
He is psychotic.
Ellie is painfully familiar with psychosis, and Loki is seeing things, hearing things, feeling things, far removed from this reality. The trickster is being tricked by his own mind.
At her very worst, Ellie heard gun shots, tires skidding. At her worst, her fake mother appeared to be without flesh and bone and muscle, a skeleton only.
"He requires a healer. What is this sickness?" Thor is reaching out again, despite the pained sound escaping Loki's throat. Ellie can't stand it, and she tugs on the thunder god's elbow. It takes him a moment to notice at all.
"Thor, give him room," she says, trying her best to stay calm. "Back up!"
By some miracle, he actually listens. Loki calms slightly, but his eyes flick around as if he is seeing something else entirely.
Ellie puts herself between the two gods.
"It burns," Loki moans, hands going to his cheeks. "It burns." He starts clawing at his skin, fingernails leaving trails of blood in their wake. He adds to the wounds left by the Hulk.
Thor lets out another cry, but Ellie gets there first.
"Loki," she says, grabbing his hands. His whole body freezes as his green eyes lock on hers.
"Why…" He doesn't quite get the word out as he squints at her. "How?"
Ellie holds his hands a little tighter as she crouches by him, a difficult task given the violence of his shaking.
"He's coming, Eleanor," Loki says, sounding remarkably sane. He is calming now, his gaze a little less terrified. "I failed you and he will come for you for as I have seen it. Has he already? Are you deceased? Please do not be deceased."
"No," she whispers, squeezing his hands. He is so cold, much colder than usual. "I am not dead. I am right here with you."
"Am I dead?"
She shakes her head and it takes everything to keep the tears at bay.
"I courted death." A furrow appears between his brows and he looks so young. And his eyes are green. "The false one pushes me off the bridge and into death, but instead all I get is the endless time and the Void and pain, pain, pain, and him," Loki muses, his calm startling her all the more.
Teeth rotting in his skull. Flesh flayed from his bone.
Thor lets out a little whimper behind her, but Loki doesn't notice.
"It hurts," he says. This time Loki is whimpering. "It burns. Remove it. Remove it!" He yanks his hands away to blindly tear at his armor. "Remove it!"
With clumsy movements, Ellie does her best to rid him of the golden plates, but she has no idea how the intricate armor works. Thor murmurs instructions, unwilling to scare Loki with his presence once more. It is a struggle and Loki does nothing to make the task any easier, but eventually she succeeds.
Loki sighs in relief when she manages to get him out of his long jacket, exposing the black jerking and green tunic below.
"Eleanor," he whines as she pushes all the metal away, trying to make room for her body near his.
"Patience," she says, continuing to toss gold armor away. He pouts at her. She's never seen him pout before.
A moment later she scoots next to him, laying down and using his wadded up coat as a pillow. He turns, laying his head against her chest. Loki makes a frustrated sound, and pulls at the zipper of her sweatshirt with shaky hands. She helps him and he pushes his face into the exposed skin of her neck, sighing again. He wraps his arms around her, his hold so tight it is almost painful.
"Eleanor," he murmurs.
"Try to breath as I breath," she suggests and he does, managing to slow his great, heaving breaths. "Match my breathing."
Ellie glances at Thor, but the heartbroken god only stares at his brother, obviously as concerned as she is.
"How did I get here?" Loki whispers. She can hear his confusion in his voice even if he's calmed somewhat.
"You were captured by the Avengers, Loki," she reminds him as gently as possible. "You're in Stark Tower."
"But… the Void?"
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I don't know what you mean."
"He was here. I saw him, felt him. Felt the burn."
"Your brother is here." Ellie glances up at Thor. He looks at her with shocked, sad eyes.
"I have no brother," says Loki.
Thor buries his face in his palms.
"You are here with me in Stark Tower and Thor is here, too."
"Another prison for the songbird?"
"For you this time, Loki."
"I failed."
"Yes."
"And this pleases you."
"Yes."
"But I failed you."
He's said this before but Ellie doesn't understand.
"You didn't." She hopes it's true.
"Sing."
She does for a moment before the exhaustion takes over. He goes quiet, his breathing calming even as his body continues to shake slightly. Ellie's eyes flicker shut and she's faintly aware of Thor slipping out of the room. For the first time in days, she sleeps.
They both do.
The first thing Ellie becomes aware of as the stirrings of wakefulness penetrate her exhausted mind is the cold, hard surface she sleeps on. This is not her cozy golden bed, nor is it Loki's enormous green one.
She shivers slightly, burrowing deeper into a down comforter that surrounds her, pushing her face into the puffiness.
This floor is cold and hard, like some sort of slab. Jesus, what is Loki up to now?
But then the images of horror come back to her: a giant green rage monster flinging his body through the air, destroyed city blocks and New York on fire, Loki in his helmet soaking up the chaos around him and shaking in her arms.
Her eyes fly open and she sits straight up, totally confused to be wrapped up in a blanket. There was absolutely no blanket when she dozed off. How long was she out? It feels only like a couple of minutes. She scrambles around, trying to get her head free of the blanket.
She stills when her gaze lands on Loki. Once more he has pushed himself into a corner. He sits crouched on his heels across from her, as far from her as is possible in the rectangular room. She can see the panic in his intense gaze. He's losing himself again, and she wonders what he sees when he looks at her.
"How long did we sleep?"
"I slept for fourteen hours, twenty three minutes, and fifty one seconds," Loki replies in a cold, robotic voice. Ellie's eyes go wide and she wonders what goes on the layers of his mind that he knows such a precise number even as he loses it. "You slept for a total of fifteen hours, fifty six minutes, and four seconds."
"Wow," she murmurs. "Do you feel better?"
Loki cocks his head to the side as he studies her.
"You hate me," he whispers. "You loathe me."
"I want to," Ellie replies, talking quietly. "I really want to, but I don't. I don't hate you, Loki."
"Do not lie," he hisses, making her flinch.
"I don't lie," she murmurs. "That's you."
Letting out a frustrated growl, he buries his face in his palms. The scratch marks are scabbing over. She wonders how long it took for his bones to fuse back together after the Hulk's assault. Ellie wants to reach out for him. Despite everything he's done, all the lives he's ruined and all the people he's killed, she wants to reach out for him.
But for once she doesn't.
"Are you even real?" he asks, his voice breaking.
Ellie nods vigorously, unable to find her voice. He is so lost and she wants to help and she hates that she wants to help, but she knows what it's like so lost, better than anyone.
"What did you do to me!" he roars suddenly, on his feet. Although he remains across the room, she jumps and cowers away from him. "What are you? Get out of my head!"
"Loki, you can't get scary or they are going to take me away. Your adoptive brother is going to take me away," Ellie says, trying not to cry. "Thor is going to come take me away."
"What did you do?" he screams again, eyes dark and threatening. His hands fist at his sides and his whole body vibrates. "This… what are you? What did you do to me? What spell have you wrought? Why do I crave your presence in such a fashion? I need no one, nor will I ever. No one."
Thor is in the room putting his body between Ellie and her brother. "You are becoming hysterical, brother," he says, pleading for calm.
Loki scowls at Thor, his chest heaving.
"Lady Eleanor," Thor says, holding out a hand. She stands and moves towards the exit, but she doesn't touch the God of Thunder. Ellie understands that her hand in Thor's would make Loki loose it even more than he already has. Thor has no concept of the jealousy and resentment and rage festering in Loki.
"I'll be back, okay?" she tells him, peaking around Thor's massive frame. Loki just continues to scowl.
She goes back the next day and he doesn't recognize her. He's back in the Void, to a place where she wouldn't follow even if she could, but when he scratches at his face again she is able to calm him after he reopens several of the wounds.
The next day is better. He seems more himself, but she once more has to remind him of where they are and how they got here. Still, he just looks so, so sick and he stumbles when he attempts to get up and pace.
Some days he seems like a shaken version of himself, sometimes he is so full of hate she can't stand to be around him for more than a few minutes, but when he gets truly lost Ellie trying to be there, trying to help him find calm.
And so it goes.
There is a knock on her door and Ellie opens it to see Iron Man leaning against the entrance of her cell.
She supposes it is more of a room than a cell now that she is in full control of the lock. Still, if she tried to walk out of this tower SHIELD would have her cuffed and jailed in a matter of seconds. It doesn't matter. She'll hide here as long as they let her, anything to avoid the brutal reality of the decimated city blocks beyond and the equally ruinous state of her life.
"Craisin?" He extends the bag of dried fruit in offering.
She slowly shakes her head. He shrugs, popping a few in his mouth.
"You don't say a lot," he observes, stating the obvious. "But when you sing, people go speechless. It's a big voice for a small girl who doesn't say a lot. That's a weird combo."
"The silence makes me mysterious," she says. "You should try it sometime."
The infamous Iron Man throws his head back as he laughs, eating more dried fruit when he's done.
"I like you," he continues. "You're a funny girl. So, is Reindeer Games down there your boyfriend or what?"
She stares at him blankly.
"The word boyfriend does sound a little absurd." Tony Stark gets twitchy under her stern gaze, but still presses on. "Seriously, are you Queen of the Damned or was it all physical?"
He waggles his eyebrows and slapping him would be so satisfying. Instead she crosses her arms over her chest and continues to silently stare. She figured out from day one that her silence makes Tony Stark exceedingly uncomfortable and now he bounces on the balls of his feet, tapping his fingers against the bag of dried fruit in his hands.
Scowling at him is easy. The man she typically scowls at is much, much taller and this doesn't even hurt her neck. She could keep it up for hours.
"SHIELD seems to think you two crazy kids are in love or whatever," he says. "They are using you to make Loki talk about the guy really in charge of the Chitauri."
And he finally has her attention.
"What." She stands up a little straighter.
"She speaks!" Tony Stark exclaims. "Craisin?"
She snatches the bag of dried fruit out of his stupid hand, dropping it to the floor and giving it a solid stomping. He gapes when she picks up the Craisins, shoving the smashed fruit into his chest.
"What," she says again.
Iron Man blinks and then smirks.
"I do like you," he says.
Eleanor growls, reminding herself of Loki for one scary little second.
"Yeah, okay," says Stark. "SHIELD is currently threatening lover boy, saying they'll torture you if he doesn't spill."
She's pushing past him before the sentence is fully out of his mouth. Moving as fast as her stupidly short legs will carry her, Tony is forced to jog to keep up.
"We aren't going to let them torture you," he says as they board the elevator. "In case you were wondering."
She wasn't.
"Thor's pretty pissed and Loki is completely loosing his shit, trying to claw his way out of his cell. It isn't going to work. I'd know. That cell is god proof."
Eleanor braids her hair, eyes fixed on the illuminated numbers above the doors that slowly tick down each floor separating her from Loki.
A dozen floors above his basement prison the doors open with a ding.
"Cap!" says Tony in greeting.
"Hey, folks," replies Steve. He is a mess, his clothes dirty and his hair full of dust. Apparently he is returning from helping with the clean up. "What's going on?"
"Eleanor is totally going to kick Fury's ass. Wanna come watch?"
Steve gives Eleanor a concerned look but gets on the elevator. Ellie presses the close elevator button approximately eight hundred times in rapid succession.
"Hey, ease up on the merchandise, sweetheart," says Tony. "I have enough to fix in this tower without you breaking my damn elevator."
She doesn't even glance at him.
When they step out on the correct floor, a rhythmic thumping is reverberating in the hallway. Even with the pounding, raised voices can be heard echoing from the direction of Loki's cell.
"Show time," mutters Iron Man as Eleanor takes off.
"This is considered heroism on Midgard?" roars the God of Thunder. "Threatening to torture an innocent young girl?"
Thor is squared off in front of the door to his brother's cell, facing Director Fury and Agent Romanoff. They are surrounded by a handful of armed SHIELD commandos, all warily eying the hammer brandished by the irate god.
"Now just take a step back," says Fury, palms up. "We have no plans to actually torture her, even if she's far from innocent. We need to know what your brother knows, Thor. We need to know what's coming!"
"My brother is unwell and all you have managed to do is worsen his condition!" Thor booms. "You dare torment a Son of Odin?"
Eleanor understands the thumping.
Despite all the heavy weaponry, she navigates the sea of commandos, coming to stand between Thor and Fury.
"You are a fucking moron," she tells the director.
"Silence!" Thor shouts as Fury opens his mouth to retort.
"He is trying to get out," she says, turning to Thor.
"He hurls his body against the entrance to his cell," he replies. "He has barely healed from the Dr. Hulk's assault and I am greatly concerned. He is beside himself, Lady Eleanor."
Maybe later she'll be touched by Loki's desire to keep her safe, but or now she's just horrified and heart broken.
She moves to the door, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the cool steel. SHIELD protests, but Thor's yelling stops them from stopping her.
"Loki?" she calls. The pounding immediately ends.
"Eleanor? Eleanor?"
"I'm okay," she says, fighting her tears. "They lied, Loki. I am fine. They didn't hurt me and they don't plan to."
Her words are met with silence.
"Loki? Sweetheart, you have to back away from the door. They aren't going to let me in unless you move away," she says.
She lets Thor fight this battle, but after a few minutes SHIELD relents and opens the doors.
He lunges at her the moment she's locked in with him, pushing her into a corner. The desperation in his touch is familiar, but this isn't for pleasure. Systematically, he checks her for injury, starting with her face and neck. A huff of air escapes her mouth when he turns her around, removing her shirt to examine her back.
"I'm okay," she murmurs, letting him study her for injury, barely noticing her own semi nudity.
He turns her around again to face him and once more pushes her back into the metal wall. Muttering under his breath, Loki drops to his knees before her to better examine her bare stomach.
"You are unhurt." He looks up at her, meeting her gaze for the first time. These free and clear green eyes of his never fail to bring her relief.
"Yeah," she says, stroking his hair. "I'm fine. No one is going to hurt me."
He whimpers.
"Oh, Loki." She does not know what to make of his distress and is somewhat shocked to see the thought of her tortured affecting him so powerfully.
"They lied."
"They lied," she agrees.
He lets out a relieved groan and kisses her stomach. She cradles his head as his arms wrap around her.
She is stunned.
"They lied," he chants. "They lied."
Eleanor stands there in a strange embrace with the kneeling God of Chaos, wearing only jeans and a blue sports bra. The white t-shirt lies discarded at her feet and it takes her longer than it should to understand that the red staining the fabric is blood.
And it certainly wasn't there when she entered his cell.
"Loki," she says, dropping to her knees and totally panicking. "What happened? Where's the blood? Loki?"
"They lied. You are unhurt."
It is her turn to frantically explore his body.
"They lied. You are unhurt."
The dazed, repeated phrase scares her nearly as much as the blood. It doesn't take her long to find its source.
"Oh, Loki."
When Tony said Loki was attempting to claw his way out of his cell, he meant it literally.
He's shredded his fingernails. Several are missing all together. There might even be a bit of exposed bone, but she wraps up his bleeding fingers in her t-shirt before she can get a good look. She doesn't want a good look.
"They lied. You are unhurt."
"But you are hurt, Loki."
"Eleanor." His smile is soft, childlike. His gaze is adoring and it freaks her the fuck out.
"Yeah, I'm here." She turns to stare directly at a security camera in the corner. "Are you going to bring a fucking first aid kit or what? Fucking morons."
"They spoke the words," he murmurs. "They spoke the lies and I saw only you, unmade, remade. Twisted by fire and blades and lies and loneliness. Whispered words in the dark. Your voice stolen, unable to beg for the sweetness of death."
It's quiet, in the cell and out. Thor brought pillows and a thin mattress – she thinks it might be the one Loki magically crazy glued her to during the battle – along with the first aid kit and they sit on the make shift bed now. Their shoulders touch and his bandaged hands rest on his lap.
Every movement brings a wince and Eleanor wonders how many bones he re-broke in his desperate attempt to get out.
To get to her.
"Loki," she murmurs. "I don't know what you mean."
But she knows enough to be scared.
"Eleanor in the Void."
"The Void? Your Void?"
"His Void."
"I don't understand, Loki."
He sighs heavily, wincing once more as he adjusts to lay his head on her shoulder.
"I hurt you once," he whispers, breath hot against her neck. She closes her eyes. "More than once," he amends.
"You did."
"But you do not fear me." He moves to lift his hand but the pain is too much and he whimpers, dropping it back to his lap. "Why do you not fear me?"
"I have no fucking idea."
"Language, Eleanor."
"I should be scared. Maybe I'm just an idiot. Maybe it's because I've had worse. But I'm not scared of you."
I'm scared for you.
"I hurt you here," he says, moving this nose against her neck. It tickles and she giggles. "I hurt you before that. Hurt your head. Hurt your hand. But after knowing you, after what I've seen, I hurt you here."
The bruises have faded now. She's always healed quickly.
"You did. It was just a couple days ago," she tells him.
"Only a matter of days, you say?"
"Yes. Like, a week I guess. Almost a week."
"It feels as though I've been trapped in either this room or the Void for years," he mutters.
Turning her head, she presses her lips into the top of his head.
"I hurt you," he says again. "Why did I do this? Why would I hurt you? I have no desire to see you hurt."
"You like me." Eleanor says, startled by this revelation.
"Something along those lines, I suppose. Most unfortunate and bothersome, really."
This fact should not make her so happy, but knowing that she is not alone with all these misplaced, inexplicable feelings is something of a relief.
"My mind is not my own," he murmurs.
"I know."
"It is full of long shadows."
"I know."
"I do not like it in here."
She doesn't have the words.
"May we rest now, Eleanor?"
"Yes, sweetheart," she says. When she shifts, a little cry of pain escapes his lips. "Can you lie down?"
"Yes."
There is grunting and grasping, but in the end he rests on his side, an arm draped over her waist.
When she opens her eyes, she finds herself flat on her back. Loki's face is tucked into her neck. The rest of him of him basically covers her chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her, legs tangled together under the blanket.
The weight of him is slightly uncomfortable, but she won't move him. Underneath this tunic, his skin is splotchy purple and blue, bruising so sever it makes those fading to yellow on her own ribs look like nothing.
She blinks, glancing around their current prison. The lights are low, but Eleanor still recognizes the massive figure slouching on the bench across from them. His arms are crossed and his chin nearly touches his chest, but his eyes are open, watching her.
"Is it morning?" she whispers.
The God of Chaos doesn't so much as stir in her arms.
"No," replies Thor. He straightens, rubbing his eyes and letting out a sigh. "You came to Loki in the early afternoon and now it is just passed the midnight hour."
"Oh." She won't leave while Loki sleeps and there is no way in hell she'll wake him up when he rests so little. It looks like she is going to be trapped her for a while.
"I have dealt with Director Nicholas Fury. He nor any other will speak to my brother without you or I present," Thor says. He talks quietly, impressing Ellie with this ability to not constantly shout. "I knew not of the extensive cruelty of humanity, especially in those I once considered allies."
"They're scared," Ellie explains. "They were wrong here, but their actions were born from fear. At this point it is pretty clear that Loki was only a pawn for something much, much worse and they're scared."
"Wise words, Lady Eleanor. So long as they leave my brother be for the duration of our stay, I will forgive this slight."
Ellie shrugs, lifting a hand to adjust Loki's greasy hair, moving it away from her face. Maybe today she'll talk him into using the shower in the small, utilitarian bathroom.
"You are now under my protection as well," he continues.
Questioning looks do not work with the golden god and Eleanor is forced to use her words.
"Why?"
Or word, anyway.
"You may very well be Aesir and therefore mine to protect as Crown Prince of the Realm Eternal." The thought makes her shudder. "And additionally, you are greatly important to my brother."
"So it would seem."
"You knew not?"
Eleanor glances down at the sleeping god and shakes her head at the Crown Prince of Wherever.
"He has always been one to keep his true feelings private," says Thor. "This current illness plaguing his mind leaves him incapable of hiding. For the first time I believe Loki to be fully transparent."
Eleanor is inclined to agree with this assessment. Loki's going to hate this, if he ever if free of the psychosis.
And at this point that is a big if.
It took her a crap boat of antipsychoticmeds and an extended stay in the loony bin to get her brain chemistry back in order. Somehow Ellie doesn't think risperidone is designed with alien gods in mind.
"This might be a bad thing, Thor," she murmurs.
"Bad? I've never known Loki to care for another in this way. Few on Asgard ever so much as garnered his attention. Surely the experience of genuine affection will be as beneficial for him as it was for me," he says, frowning at her in confusion.
"You'll be gone in a few weeks, maybe a month," she whispers. "And I probably won't ever see him again. Pretty soon this affection is going to hurt."
"I suppose you are correct."
Silence stretches. Eleanor adjusts slightly, trying to get in a more comfortable position. Against her Loki sighs, moving one hand from her waist to her chest. She frowns at his bandages.
"Why did he do this?" she asks.
"He was attempting to protect you."
"No, I know that. I meant, why did he try to muscle his way out of here? I've seen him do amazing, impossible things with his magic. Why didn't he just poof out of here, or whatever? Where is the magic, Thor?" she asks.
"It is there," murmurs the thunder god. "But I doubt he will be able to access it for quite some time. It is buried deep now, healing him in mind and body. Until both are not so broken, his magic will stay subconscious and outside his control."
"Oh."
"Will you retire to your rooms for the remainder of the night, Lady Eleanor?" Thor asks.
"No." She holds Loki a little closer. "We both sleep better together. I'm not going anywhere."
"Nor am I," Thor replies. "It is only in sleep that my brother allows me near. During his waking hours he fears me or hates me."
"It's exceedingly hard to stay mad at him when he's this messed up."
"Exceedingly," agrees the God of Thunder.