77. No time like the present

It had been quite a day.

The squad had ended up exchanging anecdotes, and Olivia had seen Elliot laugh with them, as if he really remembered all of what they were saying. They had teased him, and each other, and Elliot's reactions had been so typically Elliot, that it had moved her more than she had expected. They didn't know if he would ever fully remember his life working with these people, but he felt at ease with them and, like he'd told her afterwards, he could be himself with them.

He'd fallen silent when they had talked about Kathleen's case. Or cases. They hadn't joked about it, and Olivia suspected that they had decided beforehand to bring it up, just to see if it would elicit a few new memories for Elliot. She'd seen him rub his temples a few times, but he'd tried to focus on the people around him in stead of on himself. Alex told him that she'd been in witness protection for quite a while, and why, and that seemed to spark something for him. When John launched into yet another conspiracy theory, he rolled his eyes like the rest of them and nudged the older man playfully when he pretended to be highly offended. It was just like old times. Almost just like old times.

Both Elliot and Noah had needed a nap after their visitors had left and Olivia had finished preparing dinner quietly, enjoying the silence in her apartment.

Now, at 9.30 PM, all was silent again. She had tucked Noah in after discussing the entire day with him, from his presents from Santa to the Ice Age movie, to baking cookies and serving them to mommy and daddy's friends from work, to their delicious Christmas dinner. She'd watched her son fall asleep afterwards and had almost nodded off next to him. Elliot had gone to bed already too. He was exhausted and in pain. She had wanted to ask him if he had gained any new memories today, but it would have to wait. She sat alone in the living room for a while, sipping a glass of red wine and just breathing. What a ride these past few weeks had been. Things were finally calming down now. Elliot was with her and Noah, recovering quite well considering how seriously he'd been injured. Dodds had called to let her know they didn't expect her back until the 4th of January. It had been strangely good to be away from the pain and the blood and the tears for a while. She really should consider taking a vacation more regularly from now on.

She smiled at herself. She'd never had a life to enjoy outside of work. Not since Noah came into her life. Then, suddenly, it had made sense to take the weekends off, and an extra day every once in a while. And now she had Elliot as well to come home to. Once he was all better, they should plan a vacation together, just the three of them. She shook her head. What had happened to her? Who was she, and what had she done to Lieutenant Badass Benson?

Around 10.30 she decided to call it a night, and after taking a quick shower, she crawled into bed next to Elliot. He was sprawled out in the bed on his back, but he wasn't snoring like she had expected him to. She lay on her side, watching him in the faint moonlight that was coming in through the window. He wasn't as relaxed a she had though, although he'd been asleep for at least an hour and a half. His breathing was too shallow and she wondered if he was sleeping at all. Before she could decide if she should ask him, Elliot let out a grunt, and then another one. He seemed upset, and Olivia sat up next to him. She put a hand on his chest. He was trembling and his breathing had picked up.

"No ..." he sighed then, and Olivia decided to wake him up.

"El," she said softly, leaning over him. "El, you're dreaming. Wake up."

Elliot's eyes opened suddenly and he shot up, clutched his painful ribs and dropped back down on the mattress.

"Sssssh," Olivia soothed, putting a hand against his cheek and rubbing it with her thumb. "It was just a dream El."

"No," Elliot said again, but it wasn't a desperate no like the first one. "It was real. It was ... Kathleen."

"Oh ... what about Kathleen?" she asked him, wondering if the squad's talk had sparked a few memories of Kathleen after all.

Elliot looked up at her, and his wide eyes softened a bit.

"I'm sorry Liv," he said, trying to regulate his breathing. "I didn't mean to wake you."

She smiled.

"I wasn't asleep. I just got here. Did you dream about Kathleen?"

"Yeah. She was ... she was in very bad shape. I carried her ... they pumped her stomach. Said she was sick. I ... I couldn't deal with it. She ... she's my baby girl!"

Olivia continued rubbing his chest soothingly, giving him time to process the dream as well as his own feelings about his daughter. She was relieved that he was finally remembering her, because she'd suspected that Kathleen was really his favorite - as far as a parent could have a favorite child. He would have loved every single one of his children equally, because that was the kind of father he was. But he'd had a special connection to Kathleen nonetheless, probably because she was so much like him. And like his mother. He had to realize that by now.

After a minute, Elliot looked up at her again.

"She's okay now, El," she told him. "You've seen how well she's doing for herself."

"Yeah ..." he said pensively. "She was so, so mad at me. Kathy too. And you ... even you."

Elliot seemed a little surprised, but another memory of her was falling into place.

"I wasn't really mad at you, El. Just disappointed in how you were handling things."

Elliot chuckled.

"I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. Classic."

Olivia shrugged and grinned, glad to see him coming out of his darker thoughts.

"Somebody had to show you some tough motherly love."

Elliot's eyes swept over her face and then over the loose grey t-shirt she'd thrown on. He took a deep breath and breathed out slowly.

"Somehow, I don't think it was just motherly love you were showing me," he said.

He wasn't smiling but gazing at her so intensely that she had to look away.

"El, don't," she said and when he reached for her face, she looked at him again.

"Thank you," he said softly, tracing her jawline with the back of his fingers.

"For what?"

"For always being there for me. Even when I didn't want you to be there."

She bowed her head, knowing she didn't deserve all of his gratitude.

"I wasn't always there El. I ran away. Twice."

"Doesn't matter," he said without missing a beat. "I ran too. We're not rehashing that. There was no place for our love in our lives back then and we dealt with it in our own way. It's in the past."

She wanted to leave it all in the past. She was learning. From him. From Elliot of all people. The master in bottling things up. He'd learned to let go. Forgetting had helped, of course, but he was also letting go what he was remembering. Even now, his despair about what Kathleen had gotten herself into was fading. His daughter was fine now and he was leaving the disturbing feelings in the past, where they belonged.

"I'm so glad you're remembering Kathleen now," she said.

"Me too."

"You wanna get some more sleep?"

"Not yet."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow and the corner of her mouth tugged up when she saw the mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"C'mere," he said, his voice low and soft.

Olivia leaned over him, making sure not to put any weight on his chest, but Elliot wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close, threading the fingers of his other hand through her hair.

"Memories are great," Elliot hummed, his lips impossibly close to hers, "but there's no time like the present."

Before she could respond, his lips were on hers and she gave in. He was right. There is no time like the present. He was here and she was here. They were free to love each other now. The past was behind them. The future was ahead of them. And they were going to spend that future together. It was all they needed to know.

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To be continued ... (Just in case you thought it was over :))