Chapter 14: Homeless Children

"Elle! Open the door!"

With a groan, Ellie pulls a pillow over ears. Part of her hoped her fake family would just disappear after the little showdown two days ago, but there is no mistaking the bossy, entitled tone of Laura Tate. Her fake sister never was one to be deterred by personal boundaries.

Such as Ellie's locked bedroom door.

"Wake up, little sister!" she yells as she continues to bang. "We have places to be. A very nice strawberry blonde with a killer body is cooking breakfast and then we need to be on our way."

Ellie keeps her eyes firmly shut, even though sleep has eluded her for hours. She still isn't sleeping much, although she occasionally naps with Loki. Tony teases her about it, but she needs all the help she can get when it comes to getting any rest at all.

"Iron Man will let me in! You know he will! Open up."

This is very familiar. Ellie spent the majority of her youth being ploughed over by her louder, more demanding fake big sister.

Or younger sister.

Or whatever.

Ellie was never particularly aggressive, not like Laura who would frequently convince Ellie to bend to her will through this sort of incessant badgering.

Laura starts singing as horribly off key as possible. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard to Ellie's sensitive ear and only after a few minutes, Ellie is rolling out of bed, stomping over to the door, and flinging it open to glare at the woman who hasn't quite become a stranger in these last eight years.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Laura chirps, bending to kiss Ellie's cheek and pushing into the room. Ellie wipes off her cheek with the back of her hand, once more feeling like a child. "Get dressed. We are going on a field trip."

Ellie shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest. Laura pays no attention and moves to the closet to select an outfit.

"I've been talking to people about you. Everyone is so closed lipped. Guess that's part of the whole super secret spy agency thing, but Tony Stark is a regular chatty Kathy."

Ellie huffs, feeling betrayed.

"I get the impression that you haven't been out much," Laura says, pushing jeans and a t-shirt into Ellie's chest.

"I've been to the roof," Ellie mutters.

She doesn't like it much up there. Everything remains just as the Avengers left it a month ago, down to the Loki-shaped whole in the floor, and the view of a wrecked Manhattan makes her feel faint, but she closes the eyes and feels the sunshine on her face, so she goes up as often as she can stand it.

"Ellie," Laura says, voice soft now. "You lived in the ground for three months and then haven't left this tower for another one. Come with me on a field trip. I'll give you a present."

Stupid Tony telling her stupid story to her stupid fake sister.

"I don't want anything from you," Ellie snaps.

"Oh, I think you do," says Laura, grinning. "Get dressed. I've already cleared it with these SHIELD assholes. We're goin' to breakfast."

Laura cheats.

She taunts Ellie with an acoustic guitar, refusing to hand over the instrument until Ellie agrees to go on the field trip, which she of course does. It's been weeks since she's put her fingers into practice.

Being out in the wide world for the first time in months is strange. Ellie feels small and skittish. The sun seems too bright and New York feels too quiet. Stark Tower was ground zero for the invasion, and most of the city blocks in its immediate vicinity remain evacuated, closed to the public as crews work to clear away the rubble.

Ellie sticks close to her fake big sister, somewhat comforted by Laura's chatter, as much as she doesn't want to be. Ellie never responds and rarely listens to the actual words, but the familiar cadence of Laura's voice makes her feel less scared and small.

They walk for what feels like a very long time, out of the evacuated zone and passed the barriers set up by the National Guard. Although the sounds are more normal and less haunting in the parts of the city still running, there are too many people, crowding her. Ellie doesn't even argue when Laura wraps a strong arm around her shoulders.

"Here we are," Laura says when they reach a school. Ellie looks at her sister in confusion. The building should remain abandoned for the summer for a few more weeks yet.

Gesturing with the guitar, Laura motions for Ellie to walk up the steps first. They push through the double doors and Ellie's eyes go wide when she takes in the activity inside. Cots are set up in the hall and people roam around, looking busy. Children run passed her, chasing each other into a classroom. A cop hands a woman a coffee. It is much too busy compared to what Ellie is used to and she shies away, turning wide, questioning eyes on Laura.

"It's a Red Cross Shelter for people who lost their homes," Laura says. "I work in the city, not that you bothered to ask, and I've been volunteering here since it happened, changing bandages and removing stitches. That sort of thing."

Ellie nods numbly, looking everywhere at once. This is the direct result of Loki's mania, a bruised, battered, homeless population, struggling to recover.

"Why did you bring me here?" Ellie whispers, letting Laura drag her down the hall in a kind of daze. She wonders just what her fake big sister knows about her time as Loki's prisoner and the strange state of their relationship now.

Does Laura know of Ellie's shame? Of her connection to the dark god responsible for all this pain? He caused all this, and yet she comforts him, soothes him, and helps him sleep. And is comforted, soothed, and put to sleep in return.

"You'll see," Laura says, sounding far too jovial given their current location. "Don't look so glum, Elle. These people are alive and resilient and don't need your pity."

"Then what do they need?" Ellie manages, her chest feeling heavy.

"Your voice," Laura replies in Ellie's ear, grinning as they enter a classroom filled with kids, at least forty of them from ages two to thirteen. All the desks are pushed to the walls, and toys litter the carpeted floor as children play and laugh. The older ones congregate in a corner, chatting while others watch younger siblings. A couple adults linger near the chalkboard at the front, keeping a weather eye.

"Hi, guys!" Laura says brightly.

They are greeted with a chorus of "hi, Dr. Green."

Laura Green. That must be her new name. Ellie wonders about Mr. Green and then decides she doesn't really care.

"How are we doing?"

The children shout at her, sounding happy, but Ellie can't make out anything distinct.

"Good," Laura says, handing Ellie the guitar case. "This is my little sister, Miss Tate. What do we say to Miss Tate?"

"Hi, Miss Tate!" they yell together.

Ellie is in shock. This is so much. Too much. These children are Loki's victims.

"Hi," Ellie somehow manages. "Call me Ellie."

"Hi, Ellie!" they say again.

"Okay, well I have doctor things to do," says Laura. "Ellie here is a great guitar player, but she needs a little help with her singing." Ellie rolls her eyes, but similes at the awfully cute kids. "Do you think you can sing with her? Help her out?"

There is more indistinct yelling but their message is clear. They want music. The adults in charge organize the kids into a big circle.

"Get out the guitar and sing for them," Laura instructs as she backs out the door. "Have fun!"

Ellie fumbles around for a minute before joining the circle. Bright eyes and drippy noses surround her and she feels as though she won't be able to give them any words at all so instead she strums out a few simple cords.

The kids all know the words of Mary had a Little Lamb.

"I go in every other day," Laura says as they leave the school turned evacuation center two and a half hours later. "Would you like to come?"

Ellie nods, letting the guitar bang against her thigh as they walk through the living, breathing streets of New York.

"No one will tell us much," Laura murmurs, serious for the first time today. "I know you were taken captive by the same being who did all this. That's what these SHIELD people are always saying, 'being.' Never man. It's 'being."

The fake big sister is blessedly quiet for three whole blocks. Laura has her medical bag slung over her shoulder while Ellie has her new guitar.

It was like this growing up, too. Laura and her love for science, joining biology club and winning the approval of Maureen. Ellie and her voice, getting special permission to join choir, band, an orchestra simultaneously but fighting with her fake mother constantly over her grades in academic classes.

Look at them now.

As they walk, Ellie comes to an unpleasant conclusion. She thinks of Loki's hate for his adoptive brother and Thor's desperation to do anything for the man he still loves like a brother, regardless of heritage.

Laura is obnoxious in her perfection, but she always loved Eleanor. Growing up, she was bossy and over-achieving, and despite Ellie's extreme talent, Laura threw long shadows that left Ellie in the dark, but Laura truly loved her.

None of it was Laura's fault. She was lied to equally by their parents, only finding out about the adoption when Ellie did, yet she never wavered in her conviction that the two girls remained and would always remain, sisters.

Laura's always tried. Ellie doesn't want her pain to turn to such deadly poison like it did in Loki, so maybe she can try too.

"You live in New York?" Ellie murmurs. The surprise on Laura's face is apparent, but her expression quickly turns to joy with the simple fact that Ellie is actively engaging in a conversation.

"Brooklyn," Laura explains. "My hospital is like seven blocks away from here, but Henry wanted a house with a yard and the whole bit for the little guy."

She pats her belly.

"A boy?"

"Yes," Laura says with a wistful sigh.

"That'll be a first."

The Tates are infested with women, her fake father proving to be the only exception.

"I know! I'm totally out of my depth, but we'll figure it out. Henry is one of four boys so we'll do okay."

"Henry Green," Ellie muses. "You're husband."

"Our one year anniversary is in ten days," Laura explains. "I wrote you a bunch of letters, sent a bunch of invitations, even tried your old email, but you had no idea, huh?"

"No idea," Ellie whispers, feeling so unbearably guilty it makes her skin itch.

"Well, you missed out on being the maid of honor. Please, try to contain your disappointment." Ellie grins at Laura's sarcasm.

"What does Henry Green do?"

"He's a writer, actually. A novelist. His last work was quite the hipster favorite. I'll get you a copy. You'll like it. His writing style is strange but very funny."

"A writer, huh? Bet Mom loves that."

Laura laughs. "I think she's only forgiven me because of the little guy. Occasionally she still mentions sons of doctor friends she wants me to meet, but I think she just does it to annoy me at this point. I met Henry half way through med school by accident at a coffee shop. He was a reporter back then, and basically became my sugar daddy for awhile."

Ellie smiles. "I think… I think I'd like to meet him. I think."

Laura squeals and hugs Ellie, who stays tense. "Sorry, sorry," Laura says, wiping away a tear. "I know, too much."

Laura talks about Henry until they get to the border of the evacuated zone. The National Guard has barriers set up and it makes Ellie panic. If she can't get back to Stark Tower where will she go? Home with Laura?

The thought is abhorrent.

"Hello," says her fake big sister, digging through her bag. "I'm Laura Green and this is Eleanor Tate. We're cleared for Stark Tower. Here is my ID, and hold on… Let me find it. Here's my sister's."

Ellie blinks rapidly as Laura hands over the familiar wallet to the man in uniform. The memory is unclear, it feels so long ago, but she remembers going into an ally after the show to smoke a cigarette (her last cigarette) and leaving her purse in the backstage room.

"I made them give me all your stuff when they called to tell us they found you," Laura explains when the commandos wave them through the barrier. "I am still your emergency contact, after all."

"Did you know? About me being… whatever it is I am?"

"Nope," Laura says. "Not until you went missing and Mom freaked out. She thought some strange agency took you on a mission to discover a cure for aging or something. Guess she wasn't that wrong, given what SHIELD wants to do with you. Although at least they are asking, so that's something."

"I want to know what I am, Laura." And she does, but at the same time she doesn't. Regardless, she doesn't think SHIELD is the way to go about finding out.

The fake big sister sighs.

"Yeah. Okay. I get that, but do you really want to get more involved with these guys? I mean, they waited over three weeks to call us and let us know you aren't dead," Laura says, obviously frustrated. They are less than a block away now.

"If they'd asked me I wouldn't have let them call you at all," Ellie mutters, still angry with Fury and the rest who are attempting to dictate the terms of her life.

"Okay, maybe they aren't so bad," Laura replies with a rueful smile. "God, I missed you, baby sister."

Ellie hums, making a noncommittal sound.

"Is he here? The being who took you?"

"Yes," Ellie whispers.

"Is he… like you?"

"No, not really. He thought he was, once."

Laura blinks in confusion, but doesn't push when Ellie chooses not to elaborate.

"What… happened? While you were away?"

While I was away. What a charming way to put it.

Ellie stays silent.

"You can talk to me about it." Laura doesn't let Ellie enter the lobby. "There are rumors, you know. About you and the… being."

Ellie just glares.

"Okay. Too much too soon. I get it."

Ellie moves inside, but Laura doesn't follow. She raises an eyebrow at her fake big sister in question.

"I have to get to my shift at the hospital," Laura explains. "I know this is out of my way but after missing you like crazy for eight years, there is no way I'm giving up a chance to spend any time with you. I'll be back the day after tomorrow, okay?"

"I can meet you there."

"Did you not hear a word I just said? I'll be back."

And then she's gone

"You walked all that way?" Tony Stark yells, pausing with a tumbler of scotch halfway to his lips when Pepper explains just where Ellie has been all morning.

Ellie sits in a chair by the window, curled up with a book in her lap, but it doesn't distract her. Still, staring at words with unseeing eyes was preferable to Tony, Pepper, Bruce Banner, and Captain America all descending upon her solitude.

"It was like half an hour," Ellie murmurs. It was actually a very long half an hour. The day has left her shaken. She got a front row view to Loki's destruction and the trauma of that, combined with the decision to try with her fake big sister, has left Ellie exhausted and nauseous.

"She was with her sister," Pepper puts in. "They went to go volunteer at one of the evacuation shelters."

"New York is dangerous right now, Eleanor," snaps the usually good-humored Iron Man. It's the first time he's actually used her name. "Your boyfriend wrecked up the place pretty good only a few weeks ago and people are desperate."

"I thought I was your guest, not your prisoner," Ellie replies, slamming her book closed in her lap. Everyone looks at her with shock. She is normally so quiet and when she does speak, it is never angry, but she has plenty of reasons to be angry.

SHIELD doesn't trust her and that she can understand, given her complicated relationship with the God of Lies, but they whisper their disapproval behind her back, calling her familiar names. These people are liars and killers. Who are they to judge her actions? She is just trying to survive.

And she isn't even human and she is extremely tried of everyone telling her what to do all the goddamn time.

"You are totally missing the point," Tony says, downing his drink and reaching for another. "Look, I'm all for you getting out. It's probably good for you, but it's not safe out there. Next time you'll take a car."

"You want me to drive?" She hasn't been behind the wheel of a car in years.

Tony Stark snorts into his scotch. "What are we? Peasants?" he jokes. "You'll take a car and a driver."

Ellie is a grown woman of thirty-two years (apparently) and for one moment she considers arguing, but she really did feel so unsafe out there in the world. A car would help so she just nods.

"Good," says Tony, blinking a lot as if he is surprised to have someone agree with him so easily. He pours Banner a drink and the unassuming scientist takes a seat as far away from Ellie as possible. She feels guilty for flinching every time he moves, but the enormous green rage monster haunts her dreams. If she closes her eyes she can still feel the heat of his breath when he roars or see the way he threw Loki around several floors above their heads.

"How was it out there?"

It takes Ellie a beat too long to realize that Captain America, or Steve Rodgers, is directly addressing her. Of all the Avengers, Steve Rodgers distrusts Ellie the most. Maybe it is his ridged morality or his seemingly eternal virginity, but extreme disapproval is written all over his face whenever he looks at her.

Which is far too frequently for Ellie's comfort.

"Very sad," she whispers, studying the world's first super hero. He is classically handsome but Ellie wants to stick her hands in his blond hair and mess up those perfectly combed locks. "But oddly hopeful. I sang with all these kids today, and they'd lost everything, some even lost parents, and they were so happy to just sit around with me and sing."

Steve Rodgers nods thoughtfully as Tony and Dr. Banner bicker over their progress on the device that will take Loki home. Pepper gets a phone call and excuses herself. Ellie considers crawling into bed even though it's not quite six.

"So that's your thing right?" Rodgers says, continuing the conversation.

Ellie stares at him blankly, not understanding the question. The world's first super hero blushes under her gaze, making Ellie crack a smile. There is something so innocent about the warrior. His unique quality of a time long gone makes him endearing, despite the way he's treated Ellie.

"You… um… sing?"

Ellie nods.

"That's why Loki took you in the first place?" His eyes get hard, making Ellie really want to be alone in her room.

Or locked away with the killer responsible for the deaths parents who children she sang with today.

Fuck, what is wrong with her?

"I guess," she mutters. In the last few weeks she's spent a lot of time thinking about why Loki chose her. Yes, she can sing. Yes, her voice soothes him, but given all they have in common, it seems too coincidental that he would take her just because she sings pretty. Some days, when Loki blindly seeks out her comfort and lets her pull him back from the Void, she thinks that he sensed something in her. On a deeply subconscious level, Loki recognized that she was a kindred spirit, an equally lost being of similarly ambiguous heritage. Maybe he took her because he recognized that in her.

But maybe he just wanted to fuck her again.

"It must be pretty impressive," Steve says. This conversation is awkward. Ellie watches him warily as he somewhat desperately attempts to continue speaking with her. She wonders what changed in him. Before today, all she got from Captain America was distrust and disgust.

"Yeah, I'm good," she agrees. Steve chuckles at her lack of modesty, but she's never had a problem truthfully acknowledging her talent.

"Would you sing for me sometime?" he asks, surprising her thoroughly. After her time with Loki, the simple request seems oddly intimate.

"Maybe," she murmurs. "If Stark ever gets a piano in this dump."

The man in question flips her off from across the room, but continues to lean against his bar and science out with Dr. Banner.

"Oh, okay," mutters Steve, disappointed. Silence stretches between them, making them both uncomfortable. "Miss Tate, I'd like to ask you something."

"Shoot," she says, curious. "And call me Ellie."

"Ellie?"

"Or Eleanor. Whatever."

"Ellie, would you do me the honor of attending church with me this Sunday?" Of all the requests she anticipated getting from one of the Avengers, this was never even on her radar.

She grew up going to church and Sunday school. It was with the children's choir she first discovered a love for singing and she sang with the congregation up until her fake father died.

But he did die and she stopped using her voice for nearly a year and she hasn't been back since.

"Look, hear me out," Steve says, putting his hands up as he sees the no written on her face. "I know it's fallen out of fashion these days and there are guys parading around claiming to be gods all over the place, but where I come from it's the place to be during times like these."

Ellie rolls her eyes. She's from the south. Going to church certainly has not fallen out of fashion where she comes from.

"You're lost, Ellie. We all are, a little lost, and I just… I'd really like you to come with me."

Her eyes narrow in suspicion as it becomes clear exactly why Captain Morality is speaking to her now.

"You want to save me," she spits out, glaring at him. Steve Rodgers doesn't even wince.

"It's not up to me to save anyone," he replies. "Not like that. I could pull you out of a burning building, keep you physically safe, but the rest is on you."

She relaxes slightly.

"Anyone with eyes can see that you're a mess. A ghost of a person." His words sting, but she can't deny the truth in the statement. "Why not try anything that might be able to help?"

Ellie stares at him for a long moment.

"The choir better be fucking awesome."

Steve's smile stretches from ear to ear.

"Lady Eleanor—"

"Not today, Thor." He accosts her the second she gets to the lobby, stepping out of the elevator she planned on stepping into.

"It has been three days. He is in need of your presence."

It has been three days since she last visited Loki in his prison. Each day, Thor beseeches her on behalf of his brother but she just got back from a few hours with the little singers and she just can't.

"Do you know who else is in need, oh God of Thunder? The kids he left parentless. Parents he left childless! What about them?" Today at the shelter was hard. A father of three of Ellie's little singers died in the hospital, succumbing to his wounds. The left side of his body was crushed by a falling chunk of building.

Thor's only indication of shock at her outburst is a slight tick in his jaw. He follows her impassively back into the elevator, blocking her with his body when she attempts to press the button to her floor.

"I am not blind to my brother's faults or the consequences of his destructive madness," Thor says, voice as low and serious as she's ever heard it. Her eyes go wide, and for the first time, Ellie finds herself fearing the God of Thunder. "But as you yourself said, Lady Eleanor, simple punishment will not prevent this from occurring again. Loki needs rehabilitation. He needs to find his mind and he needs you. Abandoning him now would do nothing to assist those he hurt."

A few tears escape Ellie's eyes, and she feels as though she is crumbling under Thor's bright blue gaze. The color is very similar to Ellie's own eyes, and she realizes for the fist time that she is indeed distantly, distantly related to the god before her.

"It's good practice," she murmurs. "He needs to get used to me not being around. That's the way it will be when you go home."

"Is it truly what you want? Do you no longer wish to spend time with him?"

Ellie doesn't say anything. She doesn't like her own answer so she keeps her words to herself.

And she doesn't protest when Thor pushes the button that will take them down to the level holding Loki.

She doesn't go through the familiar doors, but veers off into the observation room first. Needing a moment to gather her strength, Ellie watches. He is back in his corner, folded into a little ball and sitting so motionless he could very well be a statue.

"He has moved not in seventeen hours," Thor murmurs, staring sadly at his brother on the screen.

Ellie sobs a little and feels a whole new kind of guilt. Every feeling she has for the god in the corner is so complicated and so confusing. She hates him, but she doesn't at the same time. Not at all.

Without a word, Ellie moves back to the doors. She doesn't even glance at either guard, but Thor must nod at them behind her because they let her in without comment.

"Proceed with caution, Lady Tate," Thor says. A totally unnecessary warning, but Ellie nods anyway as the doors slide closed behind her.

She just watches him for a moment, his eyes unseeing, not a muscle moving.

It is just so painful. Everything is just far too painful.

"Loki," she manages to croak out through her tears. She wipes impatiently at her damp cheeks.

He recoils slightly at the sound of his name before once more becoming a motionless statue.

"Loki," she tries again, taking a tentative step towards him. In this state he is so skittish and unpredictable, he could easily lash out in violence.

His brilliant green eyes lock on hers. His lips move, but no words come out, just a sort of keening that might have almost been her name.

"Hi," says Ellie, taking one more step. She'll get no closer until she's sure he is seeing her, not some horror from the Void sent to amplify all his emotional pain and shred his body.

"El…"

He doesn't get the whole thing out, but this first bit, combined with the way he is looking at her, is enough to convince Ellie that Loki knows who she is and won't lash out if she goes to him.

Last time she visited, he was so much better. He had his mind, even if he was offering to kill her fake family and threatening to slay Tony. The episodes were getting fewer and farther between. He flickers in and out of sanity, but just three days without Eleanor and look where he is.

What will happen when they lock him away on Asgard?

She closes the distance between them, but lets out a surprised squeak when he stretches out his legs and latches onto her waist, pulling her into his lap. She straddles his thighs as his face finds her neck.

Although all his broken bones seem to be mended, the cuts and bruises on his face from the Hulk and his own hands remain. Maybe he ran out of magic to heal these minor scrapes. She hopes all his magic is working to fix his mind.

"Are you real?" he whispers, accented voice rough from disuse and confusion.

And so the familiar questions begin.

"Yes," she assures him.

"Am I real?"

"Yes."

"Damn," he says, so succinctly it has a desperate laugh leaving Ellie's chest. His calm is unexpected, but his confusion is not.

"You are real, Loki," she whispers, lips against his temple. "And I'm real, too. I'm Eleanor."

"My sweet songbird."

"That's right." This seems like a bad time to get in the argument about belonging to him.

"I thought I invented you."

She squeezes her eyes shut. "You didn't."

"But you hate me. I am a monster."

She pauses, wondering if her answer to this familiar statement has changed after her time singing with the homeless children.

"No, I don't hate you," she says, hating herself a little for this unpleasant truth. "And you don't have to be a monster. You have to choose not to be like that."

This is obviously too much for his poor, lost mind. She can feel him frowning against her neck.

"I thought I invented you," he says again.

She just sighs and strokes his hair.

Although this exact situation has repeated itself many times in the last few weeks, nothing about his episodes of psychosis could be routine. If he were a human, a mortal, he would be treated with a combination of drugs and talk therapy. She's seen it work before but something about the image of Loki in a group session is so absurd she actually smiles through her tears.

"Eleanor?" he asks, sitting back against the wall. With unsure movements, he reaches out to touch her cheeks with his fingertips. His calm is not such a wondrous thing and she sees now that it can be attributed to his total exhaustion, rather than a quieting of his mind.

"Yeah?" she whispers.

"Where are we?"

This is always one of his first questions. Although he is more lucid now, he is no less confused.

"Stark Tower," she answers.

"Because I failed," he murmurs, eyes darkening as the events of the last few weeks come back to him.

"I'm glad you failed."

Loki gives her a withering look, his hands dropping from her face to his lap. Ellie reaches out to fiddle with his fingers.

"How many times have we had this conversation?" he asks, continuing to frown at her.

She just shrugs in response.

"Eleanor," he snaps. His impatience makes her smile.

"Seven," she replies, watching as Loki impassively allows her to play with his fingers.

With a frustrated sigh, Loki lets his head fall back into the wall behind him. He whacks it again, alarming Ellie. She catches his head in her hands before he can smack it a third time.

"Hey, hey," she says, cradling the back of his head to prevent any damage and to stop his self-destructive movements. "Be careful with that. It's fragile."

The moment the words are out of her mouth, she wishes she could stuff them back in. She winces as that look of absolute rage clouds his features.

"Fragile?" he spits out, saying the word like a curse. "Fragile!"

Ellie sighs, bracing herself to weather the storm. His hands find her hips, tightening to the point just shy of pain. She bites her lip and watches his face.

"I am Loki of Asgard," he hisses, eyes like slits. "God of Mischief. Agent of Chaos. I possess more knowledge in a mere fraction of this mind you dare to call fragile than you could hope to come by in dozens of lifetimes. My intellect is beyond your pathetic abilities of comprehension, mortal. I could crush the life—"

"Half mortal," she corrects. Loki blinks at her for a moment as if he is not sure what is happening as she interrupts.

"What?"

"You can't call me mortal anymore. All evidence points to half mortal. You'll have to call me half mortal now when you want to insult me with your superiority complex," she corrects.

"I see my failure as of late is not limited to my plans to rule," he mutters like a petulant child. Ellie works very hard to keep from smiling. His grip on her hips turns into more of a caress. "Your insolence is astounding. In my weakness, you've grown bold."

She considers pointing out that fragile and weak are synonyms, but thinks better of it.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispers. For a moment she thinks maybe he is slipping away again, but his gaze his clear as he cocks his head to the side to study her.

"Helping," she says as if it should be obvious.

"Why?"

She shrugs.

"Eleanor."

"We have too much in common," she admits even as she wonders if she'll be able to keep doing this. She's seen the result of his destruction and as she sits here in his lap, her anger boils. It's worse with the little singers, when she can see their sad, tired eyes. She doesn't know if she can keep coming here and live with herself.

"You were not here," he says, voice calm and shockingly sane. It sounds as though he is having some sort of revelation and Eleanor worries that maybe he actually can pick up on her thoughts. Or maybe it is just her expression. In the bunker he became a pro at reading her face. "You did not come."

With a heavy sigh she gets up, needing distance from the dark god. Three little kids without homes lost their father today. Before they loved to sing, but they've lost their father and the grief of that will silence their voices, like it stole Ellie's.

Loki lets out a frustrated sort of growl, voicing his displeasure at her departure.

"Where were you, Eleanor?" He studies his fingernails and it's somewhat heartbreaking to see him struggle and fail to disguise his distress. It is such a stark contrast to his persona in the bunker.

"I was around."

"I asked for you," he says, dropping his gaze from Eleanor's eyes to her feet.

She's wracked with guilt. It festers in her stomach and seeps outwards from there through her veins. Leaving him alone for three days did nothing to help her little singers, it served to only add to the guilt. She didn't think it was possible to feel worse about her role in all this than when she's with her little singers, but Loki is asking why she wasn't here and it feels as though her insides have been changed to worms, crawling, wiggly, guilty worms.

Somehow her presence helps and in this moment the responsibility of that is crushing her.

"I…" She takes a deep breath. "You need to get used to me not being around," she murmurs. "Soon you'll be back on Asgard and I won't be there."

Loki shifts on the mattress as if he is going to stand but he winces and stays seated. "There is nothing you could do to ease the… discomfort will experience upon my return to Asgard," he says, green eyes boring into hers "There is no adequate preparation, Eleanor, and I would choose to see you while it is still an option, no matter the consequences when I depart. You think our abrupt separation will have negative effect on my mind? Then let it be so."

He is honest. He is earnest, and Eleanor does not want him to go but he is responsible for her homeless, parentless singers. She is torn in two and ends up blurting everything out about Laura and the evacuation shelter and all the tiny humans she sings with.

What he did to their little lives is unforgivable.

It all comes pouring out of her mouth, the three little singer who lost their dad, and Loki watches impassively. There is not even a slight twitch of guilt or wince of pain. He doesn't feel anything and only sighs when she finishes.

"And what would you have me do about this, Eleanor?" he asks.

She wants him to undo everything. She wants him to snap his fingers and rewind time, listening to her in the bunker and calling off his destructive plans.

"I want you to be remorseful," she says instead, getting a little hysterical. "I want you to feel something for these people! You made them like us, Loki. You broke their families."

Loki sighs again, rubbing his temples for a moment before looking at her again.

"I am a selfish creature, Eleanor." His voice is quiet and painfully tired. "And my mind is not my own. Already I feel too much and there is no room for me to take on the things you care about. Before meeting you I would never even try, but everything I do is out of character when you are involved so who can really say what I would do if I were myself."

Eleanor cannot look away and she does not know how to feel, so she just continues with the guilt. It is familiar.

"I see things that are not so," he continues. "I hear things. Even now, the mad titan's laughter is ringing in my ears and it has been for the last seventeen hours, nineteen minutes, and fourteen seconds."

Eleanor's eyes go wide and she glances around as if she can see Loki auditory delusion. Loki doesn't appear to notice. For this Eleanor is glad.

"I am wracked with confusion and have nothing to offer you, nor do I have any desire to give you want you wish in this regard," he says, frowning down at his hands resting in his lap.

Eleanor can do nothing but gape at him as Loki lets his head rest against the wall at his back, gently thing time. He gives her a sad smile.

"I am so very tired, Eleanor," he murmurs. "I can change nothing, nor do I feel some great compulsion to do so at this moment. You must choose. Go, and do not return. This action would be no great shock."

His eyes close but Eleanor remains frozen and unthinking. Long moments of silence stretch, and Loki appears to sleep. She brushes away her tears with the back of her hand. When he tilts his head up, opening his eyes, he cannot hide his own surprise. She did not go, never to return, not yet, anyway.

"Or," he continues as if he never stopped speaking. "You could choose to remain here. It could be possible to do both, to sing with your children and comfort the monster."

She blinks, wondering if there is room in her for all this.

"Choose, Eleanor," he says, wanting her decision now.

Ellie turns away, facing the door and ready to leave him alone, because she's seen the result of his actions and there isn't another choice.

Three steps towards the door and Loki makes a distressed little sound.

Eleanor is a selfish creature too and she doesn't want to leave.

"Eleanor?"

Closing her eyes for a moment, she asks a God she doesn't even really believe in for forgiveness. She turns back around and rushes to him before she can think about it.

"Eleanor?" he whispers, blinking down as she settles at his side, laying her head on his shoulder. His is blinking rapidly, his mouth drooping slightly. "What are you doing?"

"Choosing." She kisses him, gently and so quickly he doesn't have time to respond. Putting her arms around him, Eleanor settles against his side and closes her eyes. She's tired too. "Loki, I'm choosing."

Thanks so my lovely anon reviewers (brittney, sammy, lace, smiley face). The response to the last chapter was amazing.

The next chapter is pretty much done, so hopefully I'll get it cleaned up and posted this weekend.

Oh, and hey. I have a tumblr. jaxington . tumblr . com. I post things there, sometimes.