Author's Whatever: Hey all, it's just crazy. We're over 111,000 people have clicked on this story and read it. We are almost at 500 reviews. I literally cannot fathom it.
But, that being said. I finished the ending. We're almost there. This story is almost at its end. We have roughly (still breaking up the chapters) 10-15 chapters. At most. And then we're done.
Also. The next chapter has some of my favorite Kylo Ren moments in it.
This chapter pushes Ash where we need her to be. And every chapter after this takes our Force Users somewhere beyond their comprehension.
So, while we still have the time together, before this story ends. Let's get this story a good send off. Review, comment, share, I don't know. Let's just keep this party going until it's done. We're so close now so let's keep going.
Finally, friendly reminder, we have a twitter now for updates if you want to follow that. It's at CommandMech
The quiet hum of engines was always something that comforted Ash. When she first went to live with Laynor in the maintenance hangar, she would climb between the massive towers that kept the hangar operating and sit. It was the only place for the, at the time, fourteen-year-old girl to sit and let everything sink in.
Being the only girl at the hangar, she had to toughen up as much as possible. She had to keep all emotions at bay and not give too much away. They didn't accept weakness there and Ash would never give them such a courtesy to see her cry. However, every now and then, she needed to let the demons back out.
That night, Ash climbed between two small components of the engine room that were much smaller than the ones on Lothal. Yet, the result was still the same. It was comfort; it was a distraction to get her away from the pain that seemed to always sink down on her at the worst moments.
The pressure on her chest was heavy as she remembered all those she had lost. A night like this where the face of her young brother was hard to forget. A night where she could almost smell her mother cooking dinner in the kitchen. A night where Father had come home early to tell stories of the things he had seen. A night where they were all still alive.
Since their passing, Ash hadn't even gone as far as to say their names. It was as though they only existed in her mind and if she did say them, then maybe the memory of them would disappear with it. A silly notion, but one she clung to tightly. She was scared to let go.
It was the same with Sid, Laynor and her old crew. They were gone. All of them had been erased and yet Ash tried so hard to keep their memories alive and locked away within her. Ghosts of her past that haunted her; ghosts of those who she couldn't protect. If she couldn't protect them, who was to say she could protect anyone?
Darkness was tugging at the seams of her; trying to break in and rip apart the Grey she tried to balance within her. She knew who she was; Ashlyn Solo, a Grey User. Yet, right now, she didn't know how to be that. Not with the darkness that was threatening to break through again.
It had happened before when Kylo Ren abandoned her. She dove head first into it; shaped and molded within it. Yet, this was different. It was stronger. And it was coming from her husband, of all people.
When she wasn't around him, she had a clearer mindset. A better understanding at how the stone was also weighing him down. Yet, with him, she was ignorant to it all. Unable to fight it and pull away as it brought her down with him. What was Ashlyn to do? Surely, she couldn't fight such a power. Neither could Rey. But, maybe they didn't have to fight it? Maybe there was a way that the trio could help balance the radiating darkness. Maybe the other two stones were strong enough to curb Kylo Ren. And maybe, just maybe they weren't.
"You're still his light, don't forget that." Ash looked up, seeing Anakin sitting across from her, smiling slightly as he did.
"You said he could never be brought back to the light." She reminded him.
He nodded. "I did. But that doesn't mean you can't help him from going under; protect him from the darkest of depths."
Ash exhaled dramatically, her shoulders slumping. "How am I supposed to protect him? Protect anyone? The ones I've tried to keep safe are gone..."
"You need to learn to live with the loss, Ash." Anakin explained softly. "It never goes away; trust me. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of her. Even now. But, I conquered that grief and used it to save my son."
She could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes as she looked at him. "But how?"
"You can start by letting them still live, but not just locked away in your mind." Anakin suggested. "Say their names; talk about them. Protect their memory by letting them exist in the galaxy." Something about what Anakin said resonated within her. Protecting their memory. If she were to die, their names would never be spoken again, they'd never be known outside of her. At least, her family wouldn't. "You will get through this. You're going to have to if you want to find balance."
Ash smiled ever so slightly as Anakin began to fade, just as a darkened presence entered the engine room. His boots heavy on the metal ground as he came closer, looking at where Ashlyn was hiding and smirking. "Everything okay, Starshine?" He then saw the tears in her eyes, his smirk fading as he knelt down in front of her, where Anakin had just been. "Hey, what's going on?"
"I'm okay." She answered, swallowing air as she tried to stable her breathing. If there was anyone she could talk to about anything; that person should have been her husband, right? So, in the quietest voice, she asked. "Can I tell you about Jacen?"
Kylo Ren wasn't sure who she was talking about at first, until the image of the small, blond boy flashed in his mind. She had never mentioned him in detail before, or rather willingly. Whatever Kylo Ren had discovered about the boy was in thoughts or dreams Ashlyn had. Which, always seemed to be tucked away in the back of her mind. The fact that she was even willing to share even just the tiniest of details with him was, in his mind, a step in the right direction. "Tell me." He said softly.
"I remember the day my mother told me she was pregnant. I couldn't believe it-" She choked on a laugh as stray tears slowly fell down her cheeks. "I was nine at the time and I was so happy to be a big sister. He was so tiny; I didn't think he was real. He was my favorite thing in the whole galaxy then; this little baby." She spoke so fondly and endearing about her younger brother as Kylo Ren patiently listened. "He was such a free-spirit too. He loved to go on adventures, even at five years old. He was always playing and wanting to explore. I always told him when Mother allowed me to take piloting lessons, I would take him with me to so many new places and planets far, far away. She wasn't exactly okay with the idea." She paused, frowning slightly, yet still smiling. "I guess that's why I like planets so much."
"You kept your promise." Ren offered. "You travelled to different planets for him."
"I wish I could have done it with him." Ash replied sadly. "I would have given anything to see him grow up."
"Thank you for telling me about him." Kylo Ren really did appreciate it.
Ash finally removed herself from between the two components and sat on Kylo Ren's lap, resting her head against his shoulder. "Thank you for listening."
He turned his head to kiss the top of hers lovingly as he held her in his arms. "Rey put the stone in her lightsaber." Kylo Ren informed her somewhat flatly. "And no, I didn't freak out too much that she was defiling my grandfather's saber."
Ash grinned. "I'm proud of you." He snorted in reply as he continued to hold her. "Did we figure out anything else Rey can do?"
"She just seems to be picking up on things around her at a very alarming rate. She could even sense you before I did. It's like she's experiencing a heightened level of insight that we aren't."
"That seems helpful."
"It will be when we battle Snoke." Ren informed her. "With my strength, her insight-" He paused for a moment. "And whatever curveball the Force decides to throw at you…" Ash laughed at that. "We can make this work."
"I hope it's nothing painful." Ash replied. "Or at the very least, I hope it's something helpful."
"You're very helpful, Starshine." Ren reminded her. "You keep me under control."
She began to feel that tug towards the darkness the more she sat with Kylo Ren. "How's that going, by the way?"
He looked at her knowingly. "As well as expected."
"So-" She began in a sing-song tone; moving on his lap so she was now straddling him. "Everything is on fire and imploding?"
Ren chuckled as his arms reached around her back, his hands locking together to hold her there. "Precisely." He looked into her green eyes, his smile faltering ever so slightly as he did. The electric feeling when they touched was as ever prominent as they sat there. Ash leaned forward, placing her forehead against his as her eyes closed peacefully. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."
A sentiment she would have absolutely melted for. A sentiment, she should have loved hearing. However, there was some darkness lingering in his tone. An unfriendly reminder that even if Kylo Ren could be fueled by his love for Ashlyn, it was probably not the best idea when under such a dark influence. History had shown that with his grandfather.
It almost became a habit for Lieutenant Brass to show up to the Ascension every night. He had learned about their little Sabacc game and immediately found himself enveloped within it. The Resistance members playing didn't mind so much, it was another person to take credits from. That was, until, Brass started winning, that they had to get Poe Dameron involved.
At first, Poe Dameron was convinced that Brass had been cheating. At least, that's what he told himself when he first lost big the first night. Then, the tables turned when Poe Dameron took his winnings, and then some, back. By the fifth night of this, the duo had created a crowd of not just Resistance members, but a few Ascension members that were allowed down. This including General Hux. What started out as a quiet little competition, turned into a full out battle as Resistance members and Ascension members cheered for their champion.
Hux had watched from a distance, in his hand a glass of whiskey from his own personal collection. He would not be subject to that awful beer any longer. It was amusing to him to see the Ascension and Resistance getting alone, or rather, enjoying the friendly competition so much that either side seemed to forget the war or their pasts in the first place.
"Interesting, isn't it?" Hux turned ever so slightly to see the woman standing next to him who was also admiring from afar. "Enemies only a month ago, and now look at them."
"General Organa." Hux mused into his glass before taking a sip. "It seems gambling brings out the best in people."
"I believe it's more the competition than anything." Leia agreed slightly. "My late husband was a big fan of this one. He tried teaching our son Sabacc, before I put an end to that. The last thing we needed was teaching our, at the time, eleven-year-old to gamble." She sensed Hux's reservations when speaking to her, especially when she brought up Kylo Ren. "He's informed me that he wants to take Snoke's place; at least until a new ordered government can be involved. Where do you see yourself in all that?"
Hux barely shrugged. "Wherever our Leader expects me to be." He answered truthfully and somewhat loyally. "He won't be like Snoke." Hux tried to assure her.
"That's not what I'm afraid of." Leia replied honestly. "I want to change the governing powers as much as he does. It's been my goal since the New Republic came to power. However, I'm not sure he's ready for that commitment. I don't think the galaxy is ready for him, either."
"Then what is the galaxy ready for?"
Leia pursed her lips. "It needs more than one leader; we've seen what one person can do and it's never worked. He's going to need help and I need to know, General-" She turned enough to look at him. "That you will help my son do the right thing."
Hux shared similar fears with General Organa and in that moment, he realized it. Sure, Kylo Ren would take over the Galaxy. At least, he'd reorder the current governing powers at be and take the throne of power for now until a new ordered government came to pass. However, what if they weren't ready to put a new power in? What if Kylo Ren was taken by the temptation of power and greed that came with his new title? It was a gamble, much like the game before them. Yet, there was still an ace up their sleeves, one that both Hux and Leia understood as Hux grinned. "I'm pretty sure your daughter-in-law would kill me if anything bad happened."
Leia's intense stare softened as she offered a subtle smile. "I'm aware that Ash is still unknowing of the events that will take place."
"He believes it's for the right reasons-"
"He's going to have to stop doing that." Leia reprimanded slightly; Hux was taken back by it. "Marriages don't last if there's too much secrecy."
"That's going to be difficult." Hux smirked, sipping his whiskey again as he muttered into the glass. "Your son is the king of secrets." A loud uproar happened in front of the two Generals as Poe stood from the table, cheering along with the Resistance members that were watching. Brass was groaning; Hux could only imagine how bad the man had lost. "It appears you've won, General." Leia said nothing as she continued to watch both groups interact. If things continued like this, maybe, just maybe, this could really end up being a win for both sides.
The Falcon entered the orbit space around Yavin Prime. Debris floated all around them as the giant gas giant of Yavin Prime stared back at them. In the distance, they could see the small, floating station as it gently sat in space. "There it is." Ren pointed to it from behind the copilot seat where Rey sat. Ash stood next to him, looking at the rusted space station. "Can you sense it?"
Ash made a face as she stared at the station. According to Kylo Ren and Rey, they could both sense their stones when close enough to them. Ash couldn't. "I don't feel anything…" She answered truthfully.
"Maybe it's not there?" Rey suggested.
"It has to be. No one would know what it is if they just so happened to find it." Kylo Ren explained. "It doesn't look to be of any value. Chewie, take us closer so we can get on board."
"Are we all going?" Ash asked.
"Just you and me, Starshine." Ren explained quickly. "We need them here to fight off anyone that may try to ambush us." Chewie brought the Falcon closer to the station where the two could enter from without having to put on any gear.
Ash was even more reluctant to do this than before. The Light and Dark Users seemed to have been able to bond with their stones, or rather had stones worth meaning. Her? There was still that space of unknown that she wasn't exactly okay with. However, at least she was relieved to know that someone was coming with her onto the station. She didn't think she could do it alone.
Upon entering the station, Ash noticed a few things. One, this station was in utter need for repairs and was very surprised to see it hadn't imploded yet. The fact that the station was even still working was a miracle in itself. The other thing she noticed was the dead and eerie silence that welcomed them the moment they set foot in the station. It was deserted, and for a reason Ash was pretty certain she didn't want to find out.
The two walked silently through the halls of the station, both knowing there were only so many places for this stone to hide in. "Anything yet?" Ren asked somewhat impatiently.
Ash shook her head. "I should be feeling it by now, right?" Maybe it really wasn't on board the station.
Deeper into the station the two went until finally they found themselves entering the very last room. On the back wall was something strange. It looked like grey tree roots, growing out of the metal of the wall. The two stared at it cautiously, unsure what it was at first before slowly walking closer.
"Is this it?" Ash asked, Kylo Ren didn't answer as she continued moving closer. She turned around, looking at Kylo Ren as he stopped all together. He was beginning to feel sick as the darkness took over his eyes, turning them black as he tried to fight off the random surge of negative energy. "Ben?" Ash took a step towards him, to help him. However, she couldn't move either as something held her back.
A horrified expression came over Kylo Ren as he looked at his wife; the roots were were grabbing at her. As he tried to reach out for her, the roots grew even more and soon engulfed the red-haired girl completely. "ASH!" He shouted, stumbling as the pain of the darkness within him continued to grow increasingly out of control.
"Ben!" Ash yelled at the sudden, black encasing around her. She was no longer able to see him or even feel him; the wall made sure of that. Ash turned around to see if there was anything locked in with her that she could use to help her escape. Except the rest of the ship was no longer there. In fact, she was now staring at an empty, grey plain before her. She turned back around, the black encasing was gone. Ash was trapped.
Slowly, she began to walk forward in hopes to find some sort of distinguishing feature at least to tell her where she was. Except, there was nothing like that around. Everything was empty. "Where am I?" She asked to no one.
"Hey, Kid." That voice. That unmistakably calm and endearing voice. She knew that voice; it shook her to her very core as she looked around frantically for the person who made it. Finally, she saw him, standing there. His hands in his jumper pocket as he smiled warmly.
Ash couldn't find the words at first, her jaw falling slack as she barely whispered. "Sid?"
He smiled a little more. "It's good to see you."
Her voice continued to crack as she tried to talk to him. "How?"
Sid looked around before shrugging. "Not a damn clue. But, we're here for you."
Her brows furrowed together at his wording. "We?"
He was beaming now. "Walk with me." She didn't need to be told twice as the two began walking through nothing. "So, I see you blew up my base. After all that noise about fixing it, you blew it up." He was clearly teasing.
"I had to stop them." Ash admitted sheepishly. "Which meant blowing up StarKiller."
Sid smirked knowingly then as his brow quirked upward. "And Kylo Ren? What happened to being so adamant about nothing going on?"
Even in the absence of nothing, Sid was just as obnoxious as ever. "Are you just here to make fun of everything that's happened?"
Sid chuckled. "Listen, kid. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of everything you've done from day one to now."
Ash pursed her lips, trying to find the words she had wanted to say. So many things had happened since Sid passed away, so many things were left unsaid. She decided, there was really only one thing she could say. "I miss you so much, Sid. I needed you, we all did. We did the best we could without you, but we still needed you."
His smile was a little sadder now. "No, you didn't. They made it through because of you. You did the best you could."
Ash smiled slightly, her eyes scanning at the emptiness in front of her that never seemed to have an end. "Any idea what this place is? Am I dead?"
"You are most certainly not dead, kid." Sid chuckled. "And I'm not sure what this place really is. I just know I needed to be here for you."
Ash looked down at her feet, noticing how her steps made no sound as she walked. This place was curious, to say the least. She looked back up to ask Sid another question only to notice he was beginning to walk away from her. "Where are you going?" She asked, desperately.
"You don't need to hold on so tightly to me anymore, Ash." He said as he continued to walk. "We said our peace, now make it with the rest of them."
Ash ran after him, trying to catch up only to realize it seemed impossible to do so. He was fading further and further into the distance. "Sid!" She called out to him. Nothing. She was answered with a continuous nothing.
Like Kylo Ren had predicted, the station was within open range of being attacked, which also meant so was the Falcon. A passing pirate starship spotted the Falcon, noting it's wanted ranking amongst five systems and of course, with the First Order. Soon, Rey and the Wookie found themselves trying to dodge the canons of this rogue ship, while Rey tried to contact Kylo Ren and Ash to no avail. Something was wrong, but first, they needed to get rid of their new pirate friends.
Kylo Ren jolted awake on the floor of the station. He wasn't sure when he passed out, but he had. The darkness that threatened to takeover had been subdued for now. He was suddenly faced with a glaring reminder that Ash was gone. He quickly stood, a little woozy at first, and took out his lightsaber. With swift and powerful attacks, he tried to break through the grey roots that held his wife captive. Nothing was working, the barrier didn't budge.
Ashlyn kept wandering, unsure where she was headed or if she was just going in circles. Then again, did circles exist in the absence of nothing? She wasn't all too sure. She wanted answers; she wanted something stable in this void, something to remind her that she wasn't lost. "Oh no, did you come here to break something?" Ash turned towards the voice; a rather large man was grinning at her. While she was happy to see him, if it was anything like Sid, she knew that meant he didn't make it off StarKiller that day.
"Grim…" She smiled sadly as the twins walked around him, smiling back at her. "You're all here too?"
"Couldn't have a family reunion without them." Grim beamed. "Because we are family, Ash. It only makes sense we're here together one last time."
She didn't dare ask about Taka. Instead, she apologized for everything and nothing all the same. What was Ashlyn so sorry for? What had she been holding onto? A guilt and grief that only she seemed to keep. "I'm sorry." She said. "I'm sorry you're all here. I'm sorry for what happened, and that I couldn't help."
Grim and the twins exchanged glances before Grim laughed. "There you go again, apologizing for something out of your control. Ash, we were happy for the time we had with you. Others need you now more than we do."
As Ash began to wander closer, the trio began to fade. "No, please, don't go…" She begged, her words falling on deaf ears as they disappeared altogether.
"Stubborn as ever." He grumbled as he slowly appeared. "Didn't listen to me when I said to lay low, didn't listen when I warned you not to return... " He sighed, smiling now. "You were always so stubborn. Sharp as a tack… but so very stubborn."
Ash shook her head. "No, I can't do this…" She began to break down. "I can't handle seeing everyone and losing you all over again."
Laynor smiled knowingly. "Ashlyn, you still don't understand." She looked at him, confused at first as he explained. "You never lost us. We've always been here. We've always been in your thoughts; we've been beside you through all of it. You've been holding onto the pain; not the memories of us. You just never understood it. You need to learn to let it go."
"How can I let you all go? I can't just do that." She argued.
"Because holding onto us means you'll lose those who really need you most." Laynor explained. "You don't need us now. There are others who need your help; others that need your protection. It's okay to let the pain of us go. We will always be with you. Once you realize that, you'll find the balance."
It stung. All of it stung. It hurt like nothing she had ever felt before. Yet, there was a strange comfort in his words. A comfort that she had needed all this time that no one else could give to her.
"Now, I know I didn't help you let out your aggressions; losing your family was hard enough on a young girl. I wasn't strong enough to help you. But I know you can do it. You've always been so strong, so willing to help and protect despite all that's happened. Can't you see that?"
Ash looked down. "Losing Jacen; my parents. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't figure out how to move passed it." She looked back up, afraid he was gone. He wasn't. Laynor still stood there, smiling warmly.
"It's time you learn." He nodded behind Ash.
Her heart leapt in her chest; her pulse thudding in her ears as she hesitantly turned around to see them. They looked exactly as she remembered, her father, her mother; Jacen. They were smiling, happy to see her. They didn't look sick, or in pain. No, they looked happy.
"Ashlyn." Her mother smiled. "It's okay. Everything will be okay."
Ash had been silently crying then as she stared at them. "I miss you all." She said. "I miss you all so much."
"We know." Her father said. "And we are so proud of what you've become; what you will do. You need to be strong now. You need to do something great and you can't if you hold onto us the way you do."
"I don't want to lose you." Ash's voice was small; childlike.
"No, my daughter." Her mother replied. "As Laynor said, as we've all said… we will always be with you. Whenever you need us, we will always be there in spirit. You need to let go of the pain, of the hurt you've held onto for so long."
Ash shook slightly, overwhelmed by what she was hearing. "What if I can't?"
Her parents looked at each other knowingly before looking back at their daughter. "You will. He needs you now more than ever. You can't be there if you continue to stop living. Keep living for us; keep moving forward for all of us."
They were right, they had all been right. She needed to let go of the pain, the hatred, the anger. The guilt of not helping them. They all held no resentment towards her, they made that clear. It was then, Ashlyn Solo learned to let go.
"We love you, sweetheart." Her mother said, as they began to disappear.
Jacen waved at his big sister, smiling brightly as though nothing awful had ever happened to him. "Bye, Ash!"
Ashlyn smiled, crying a little bit harder as they all disappeared again. A sense of relief washing over her body; forgiveness that she needed from herself finally finding its way to her. She was finally free to move on as the weight of guilt subsided.
Ash wiped her eyes from the tears that had fallen; sniffling as she tried to compose herself. Then… she felt it. That call; the pull that resonated through her entire being as a small, amber rock appeared in front of her. This was it, the Heart of the Guardian.
She swallowed hard, inhaling deeply. A new found resolve that began to resonate through her as she reached forward. The absence of nothing around her dissolving.
The root enclosure finally pulled back as Ashlyn fell forward, stumbling to find her footing. She never did as she was suddenly swept up in Kylo Ren's arms. He held her close to him, not wanting to let her go as he kissed her over and over again from worry. "What the hell was that?" He asked her between kisses, his voice full of panic.
Ash pulled away slightly, looking up at him and noticing the black in his eyes were gone again. She looked back down at her tightly clenched fist; opening it slowly, revealing the amber stone.
"You found it?" He asked incredulously.
"Yeah-" She answered, somewhat breathlessly. "I just needed to learn to let go first…"
Before Ren could ask what she meant, Rey's voice came over the commlink again. "Are you guys okay?!"
Ash frowned. "How long has she been trying to reach us?"
Ren grimaced slightly. "A while…"
"You…. didn't answer her, did you?" She asked knowingly.
He put Ash down then, matching her frown as she grabbed the commlink from Kylo Ren. "I was a little busy trying to get to you." He explained flatly.
"Rey, we're okay." Ash said over the commlink. "I found the stone, we're ready to go."
"Oh, fantastic!" Rey replied sarcastically. "We've just been fighting space pirates for the last hour!" Ash and Kylo Ren looked at each other. "Meet us at the door, we have to get out of here!"
Ash began to walk to the exit, Kylo Ren grabbed her wrist gently, forcing her to stop. "You seem different." He noticed.
Ash smiled slightly, looking back at him. "I think I finally found my strength again." Ash explained cryptically. "I know what I have to do and I'm going to do it."
"Well, that's good to hear… I think."
With a chuckle, she quickly leaned up and kissed his cheek. "It is and I love you."
Kylo Ren was actually smitten by that. Something inside him exploded with positive energy at the idea that his wife seemed to have found her peace all the while telling him she loved him. Something about that was overwhelmingly wonderful to him.
"You two better not be making out!" Rey yelled over the commlink. "Get to the Falcon!"
Ash and Ren shared a quick laugh before running for the exit. It was better to not keep the Light User waiting any longer.
A new age was upon them as the Dawn of the Grey User was finally beginning.
Final Thought: Ashlyn is going to kick so much ass and I'm really looking forward to it. Remember to review and see y'all next chapter.