A/N: So, I'm alive, and here's a chapter. I'm not really one for believing that 'everything happens for a reason' or anything, but I do believe that we have to play the hand we're dealt, and sometimes that sucks. For anyone going through a really sucky time in their lives, just remember that it has to end sometime. The world is still a beautiful place, even if doesn't seem like that all the time.

The rest of the week went by easily. She had gotten her counts done on Thursday, showed her mom the hospital where she practically lived for one week out of the month, and gotten the all-clear later that day to go out in public, but only just. Her counts were hovering over the acceptable line and she felt bad not mentioning that little fact to Oliver. There were different levels with her white blood counts - one level meant that she had to be in the hospital, another meant that she could be home and with her friends, but not leave the house, and another meant that she could be out in public with strangers and not risk contracting a disease. The physician's assistant that had given her the call that day had told her that it might be in her own best interest to wait a few more days before going out; her counts were technically high enough, but there was never such a thing as 'too many white blood cells' when dealing with chemotherapy. She had briefly contemplated staying in, but at the end of the day, there was no way Felicity was going to deny her mother the simple pleasure of shopping with her.

They had also stuck to their original plan of doing a fancy dinner that Thursday night as well, with Oliver reserving a table at Starling's nicest steakhouse that was actually located in the bottom floor of the Starling Ritz-Carlton hotel, delighting her mother to no end. She was pleasant surprised to have Detective Lance be able to join them that night for dinner too, especially when Felicity had been convinced he had told her the previous week that he had some sort of work function that night that would conflict with the dinner plans. Instead, he showed up in the nicest suit she had ever seen him in, wearing what she thought was cologne, and helping her mother into her chair as Oliver did the same for her.

She hadn't been the only one to notice, but a swift elbow to the stomach and a "you need to be pulling out my chair right now, Roy!" from Thea was all it took to silence any other comments.

Still, in Felicity's opinion, the nicest, fanciest dinner still couldn't top the night before, with all of her friends laughing and drinking shots of vinegar and chewing lemon rinds. She hadn't been lying when she told Oliver that it had been the best night, and not just since her diagnosis. Disregarding the cancer factor altogether, she couldn't think of one bad thing from the night before. It had been like a dream.

Her mother had departed on Friday morning with only a slightly tearful goodbye, which was an amazing feat, Felicity knew. She had known that she'd be staying in Vegas for the quickly approaching Thanksgiving holiday - it was a pretty busy time for the casinos, and the way the schedule fell, Felicity would be going in for chemo the following day, which would really put a damper on all that leftover eating that she loved so much. When asked about coming for the holidays - either Hanukkah or Christmas or what Felicity was hoping would be a very festive Chrismukkah - her mother surprisingly balked.

"Oliver can fly you again on the jet, mom, it's not a big deal."

"It's not that sweetheart, it's just - well, maybe before Christmas. Or after. I just don't want to intrude on your first Christmas together."

"It's Chrismukkah, first of all, and what do you mean - I mean, yeah, it'll be the first one, but that's more of an inaugural thing, because Oliver's never even had matzo, but don't worry, I am going to start him off small with things like matzo and Nutella, and then I'll give him some rugelach, or oh, maybe some of those pizelles that we used to make when I was little for Hanukkah! He'd love the anise flavored ones even though I think they are so gross because he definitely has a thing for Jagermeister which is another story entirely -"

"Sweetheart, no, it'll be your first holiday as a couple!"

"What? No, mom, how many times have we been over this? Oliver and I are not a couple. We are a him. And a me. And together, yeah, an us, but that's a grammatical thing than a dating type of thing and I just can't believe you thought that; I've told you that we aren't together! Like, numerous times."

"You're not together now, sweetheart. But it's almost November, and then it'll be December and - and it's far away, but not too far away, do you know what I'm saying?"

"Not even the slightest."

"A lot can happen in two months. That, plus the magic of the season…"

"Alright, Buddy the Elf, why don't you just calm down there. You know what else can happen in two months? I could puke on him one more time and he could decide to move out. So let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"Mother's intuition," Donna Smoak countered.

Felicity didn't even bother to quell the eye roll she instinctively gave at that comment. "For the millionth time, that is not how that works. You can't just say that every time you think something's going to happen. And if that is how it works, I am pretty sure you and I would be millionaires from all that 'mother's intuition' in the casinos."

"Just you wait, baby. You'll see. But either way, I will still love seeing you at Christmas. We haven't spent this much time together in forever!"

"I'm sure it's just my presence in Starling City you're coming back for, right? You know if you date a cop, you can't lie about your age. It's like, against the law or something."

She saw the flush creep up her mother's cheeks and envelope her face and for once it felt nice to be on the observing side of a Smoak embarrassing moment and not on the receiving end.

"Oh, you," her mother just swatted her arm and picked up the large duffel that she had next to her. "Are you sure it's okay for Mr. Diggle to take me to the airport? I could call a cab-"

"Don't worry. He's like, the best driver ever. Trust me. And he can get you into the private airstrip no problem, and it's always a huge hassle for a cab, so it's better this way. I'm sorry I can't come with you -"

"Don't be ridiculous, you go get your ears tested or whatever it is you need to do, and I will be fine." She pulled her daughter in for a tight hug, swallowing back the sob that so desperately wanted to escape. "I love you so much and I am so proud of you, you know that? Always and forever, babygirl. Always and forever."

"I know, mom. I love you too." She swallowed hard past the sudden lump that had taken up residence in her throat and eventually pulled back, knowing that they were running the risk of her being late for the scheduled flight plan, and her mother did need to get back to Vegas on time for her shifts that night.

As she watched her mom and Dig pull away, she rested against the side of the hotel lobby, waiting for her own ride to show up in a few minutes. She had the familiar feeling of not being sure what to do now that her mother not only knew about her illness but had come and visited, but she remembered Oliver's words from the week prior. She had a fight ahead of her, and a future ahead of that. She just needed to focus on that and everything would start shaping up.

It was the following Tuesday and her and Sara were sitting in a deep booth at Ralfio's, enjoying the best brunch that Starling City had to offer when Felicity finally voiced the question that she had been thinking about for almost a week.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with Nyssa?" Sara looked up sharply at that. "You don't have to if you don't want to, or aren't ready or whatever, of course," Felicity backtracked quickly.

"No, it's okay, it's just...we are at two different places right now is all. I need to be here, I know that, and she does too. She's just having a harder time understanding that."

"And that's all it is?" She couldn't help but to feel as if there was something else that Sara wasn't telling her.

"She may also be not as comfortable with my place here as I had initially thought."

"Your place? Like, your apartment? Or like, your...nightly stuff? Or like, your physical placement, which would make sense but also be a little redundant, so I'm not sure-"

"My past relationships, Bug."

"Your past relation...but you haven't really had any of those. And you haven't even been back all that long, so really it's just Oliver." Sara stared at her patiently, until the light bulb went off. "Oh, you mean Oliver! Sorry, sorry, it's just… ugh - chemo brain. Can't seem to understand what my brain wants me to. But you two aren't even - and he's not, and you're not...I just, why?"

"Don't worry, I told her that no matter how charming he is, he's now spoken for." She winked for good measure which just elicited an eye roll from Felicity. "It's just the long distance thing is all."

"Guess even assassins have the same relationship problems that we all do. Or, well, others do. Not me. I don't have a relationship to have problems with. Problem...less. Zero problems. Minus the cancer thing, I guess."

"Yeah, just that little thing," Sara laughed as she lifted her glass of orange juice to her lips, taking a sip. "So, what did you have in mind for today? Anything in particular?"

"Gosh, I hadn't really thought about it. Two more days until I have to check back in and ugh, I am not looking forward to that. But I'm feeling good now. World, oyster, et cetera. We can do whatever!"

"Ok, well, do you still need new jeans? I figure we can do some shopping in the morning and then get some lunch and see how you're feeling and do something else after that."

"Oh, that sounds perfect. Thea tried to take me shopping last month and I swear, cancer or no cancer, that girl would have exhausted anyone. She's like a little fashionable tornado. But totally sweet. Real sweet. Just...tornado."

"She's a good kid. She loves you."

"Who couldn't love this?" Felicity gestured to her face which was now sporting a whipped cream mustache, drawing laughs from her friend in front of her.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Bug."

Shopping went, predictably, better than it had when Felicity had accompanied Thea out on one of her many adventures. The new pair was efficient but still had fun and as they were finishing lunch, Felicity was happy to note that she still felt good for the day. Her energy levels were pretty stable and she was having fun hanging out with just a female for the first time in a long time. She loved Thea something fierce, but it was just a bit different with Sara. A little less pressure, somehow. She hadn't realized how badly she craved her presence in her life, but it was clearly something she had missed.

"So, what next? Anything you need to cross off your bucket list? Maybe get a tattoo? Bungee jump?"

"As exciting as that sounds, I think I'll hold off. Until I finish treatment. You never know when a new scar is going to show up, and I'd hate for them to have to like, cut open my tattoo."

She signed her bill with a flourish before looking up to see Sara's jaw dropped.

"You'd seriously consider getting a tattoo? Miss 'I-Throw-Up-At-Needles'? Is this an alternate universe?"

"Hah hah. No, I just - I'm sort of used to them now. Not that the sight of them going into my skin doesn't still make me want to ralph, because it definitely does, but...I don't know. I was kind of thinking about it. YOLO and all that."

"Yo...low?"

"YOLO, it's - ugh, it's something Roy says all the time and now he has me saying it, which is the worst. It's an acronym, it just means 'you only live once.' It's stupid."

"Well, I like the sentiment behind it," Sara told her, standing up. "But if you think you only live once, whew, do I have some stories I could tell you. Or, well, couldn't, actually, since they're about the League. But I bet Roy would reconsider his stance on that."

"People can die more than once? That sounds -"

"Like something I shouldn't have brought up." She grinned and changed subjects quickly. "So, tattoos are out for now. What's next?"

"I was actually thinking, and you can totally say no if you want to, but I just...want to come somewhere with me?"

"You two weirdos," Felicity commented affectionately as she entered the young adult's rec room on the pediatric ward. Trey and Cedric were playing Minecraft on the screen and building structures that resembled the more iconic buildings in Starling City.

"Don't hate the player, Homegirl, hate the game!"

"Done, I can definitely do that."

She tried to hide her relief at seeing Trey up and about and without an oxygen mask, although he was still toting a portable oxygen container with him and looked to have a nasal cannula. He looked better though which was just so reassuring to her. His face had its normal complexion back and even though he was definitely on the frailer side of things, by all accounts, he looked as healthy as someone in his position could. It was only when he inhaled to speak to her that she heard the rattling deep in his chest or the barely concealed wince he had with every breath.

The boys paused the game shortly after, looking at Sara behind Felicity who was looking all sorts of good with her black leather bomber jacket and tight jeans.

"You brought a friend? She doesn't look like she got a little 'c.'"

"Am I supposed to be offended?" Sara muttered into Felicity's ear behind her. "What is the little c?"

She let out a small laugh. She supposed to an outsider, it might sound less than flattering, but truth be told, she would give anything to not have 'the little c.'

"No offense needed, he's just talking about cancer. And no, Trey, she doesn't have anything. She's just a friend. Visiting with me. Wanted to see if you guys were bored but it looks like you've got this whole thing taken care of," she gestured to the TV screen.

"Nah, nah, man, it's cool; you guys wanna hang out and play some cards? Alex is going to be in after she gets her last blood draw and then Casey is around here somewhere too. They is a little younger so we'll probably play Uno or something, if that's cool."

She rolled her eyes at his blatant disregard for the English language but there was no heat behind it. Trey was such a good kid. He was only just fitting into the pediatric ward at 17, with his 18th birthday in the spring, but he always went out of his way to be nice to the other kids in the ward, even the younger ones. He'd make sure that they had something to play with or something to do and never blew them off in favor of doing something else that might be deemed 'cooler.' The kids here looked up to him and he took it all in stride, being the best big brother that he could be to these kids.

"C'mon, Trey, we gotta show 'em how CKs do it better!"

"Calvin Klein?" Sara once again whispered into Felicity's ear.

"Nah, man," Trey grinned at her, the first honest, pain-free smile she had seen that afternoon. "Chemo Kids!"

An hour later and Sara was laughing raucously at something one of the kids had said and Felicity was just grinning happily, loving how her to different worlds were colliding.

Sara hadn't been sure what to expect when Felicity had suggested going to the hospital. She would've thought that after everything, this would be the last place she'd want to go before she had to check in. But spending time with these kids was good for her, she could see that now.

She never talked down to them, instead speaking to them like adults, which was clearly appreciated when so much of these kids' lives were out of their control and they weren't even consulted on half the decisions made on their behalf. She gave them a listening ear as well, patiently nodding along and offering advice when necessary. Sara appreciated the environment as well; it was heartening to see kids dealing with such an awful disease with such life and vigor. As bad as she felt for them, they also gave her hope, gave her a silver lining to search for. If they could do it...so could Felicity.

She also couldn't deny how hilarious these kids were. They had a sort of gallows humor, yes, but coupled with their innate immaturity, it just made everything they said sort of hilarious. They were clearly wiser than their years, having spent so much time with adults, but every now and then a fart joke would come through and their laughter would be so infectious that you couldn't help but to giggle along.

Felicity had left Sara to play cards with Alex, Casey, and two other kids that she was less familiar with - Michael and Ingrid - and was sitting on the nearby couch pouring over an old portable TV with Trey.

"This is dated, even for me, Trey!"

"Ma got it for me $5 at the local pawn shop," he told her proudly, subtly hitting the button on his oxygen tank for a bit more to come through the tube connected to his nose.

"And it gets local channels?"

"It gets all the channels. I used that satellite ping that you showed me and kind of reverse engineered it."

"No way! Really? That's awesome, Trey! Perfect!" She flicked through the wheel on the side, ogling at the fuzzy, yet still distinct, pictures that were displayed. "Bet your mom doesn't even know what she got this for, huh?"

"I mean, I don't know. She got it for me before. Thought it would help me 'recover' if I had some new project."

It was the first time Felicity heard him mention his sudden illness that he was still battling and she knew that she had to hear him out, to let the conversation go where he needed it to.

"And? Did it help?"

"I don't know, Homegirl. Maybe? What's the right answer there?"

"No right answer," She told him lightly. "You're getting better, that's all that matters."

"Yeah, I guess. I just - I mean, I don't know. You got real sick too before, remember?"

"Not likely to forget that in the immediate future."

"Well, like, I don't know. How did you get better?"

Felicity was confused. "You mean the medicine?"

"Nah, I just mean the getting better. It's so fucking hard - sorry, well, no wait, you don't care if I swear, do you?" She shook her head with a small smile. "My bones hurt all the time. I'm so tired. I'm stuck on ward. Everyone's hovering and waiting for me to get better and I've got to seem strong for the others and I just...I don't know. I want to just go and…"

He ran his hands over his face and she had to admit that she had never seen him like this before. For the first time since she had met him, Trey looked like he was struggling. He had every right to feel the way he did, maybe even more so than Felicity did, since it felt like she battled with this sort of doubt on a daily basis, but it was disconcerting for her to see it so blatantly on his face.

"It's not the end of the world if you feel shitty about this, Trey. You're allowed to feel what you feel - don't let others tell you differently."

"Yeah, yeah, because I'm allowed to be a beautiful snowflake or whatever," he mumbled.

"No," she put her hand on his knee until he met her eyes. "Because cancer is shitty. It sucks. And yeah, to think about it like that all the time, that'll bring you down, but that doesn't mean that you can't indulge every now and then. That's why you're allowed to feel how you feel. And also because you're kind of a snowflake, sure."

He laughed a bit at that patting her hand on his knee.

"Now, what did you mean when you said you were still on ward?"

"Ah, yeah," one hand went up to the back of his neck in a gesture of discomfort while the other rubbed his thigh gingerly, and Felicity would bet ten to none that he had the same bruise right there that she had when she woke up from her brief chemical-induced coma, an unfortunate side effect from medicine. "About that…"

"Are you...Trey, are you supposed to even be here?"

"Sort of a philosophical question, Homegirl."

"You know exactly what I mean! In the rec room! If you're still on ward then...Jesus, Trey, my friend Sara is here!"

"She looks pretty healthy to me. And by healthy I mean damn, she is one fine-"

"Yeah, yeah, she's a hottie, trust me, I know, and she's pretty damn healthy but that's not the point. How low are your counts?"

"Not that low."

"Low enough," she gritted out. "You're gonna be the death of me, I swear."

"Statistically speaking, it'll probably be the cancer. Or an infection, like the one I got stuck with."

"Wiseass."

"Just sayin'. I almost wish - I mean, I don't wish, but I mean…"

"What?"

"C'mon, Felicity. I haven't gone home in months. That infection kicked my ass and almost did more. It still is doing more. I'm getting insane chemo every other week and this tumor is only growing bigger. Just fuckin' tired."

"Yeah," she breathed. She didn't have the right words to say to him. She didn't know what to say to someone who felt the same way about things that she did. She knew that she should be encouraging him to fight and to never give up, but sometimes all you wanted to do was sit and wallow, and it was rare that you could find someone who would understand that desire.

So that's what she did. She rested her head on his shoulder, and the two of them sat in silence. Wallowing.

It was an interesting change of pace when Sara brought Felicity back home. Oliver wasn't there so Sara took up his role as caregiver. The afternoon had definitely took it all out of Felicity and a nap was desperately needed. She was tired from the shopping and the social interaction, but mostly she was exhausted from her conversation with Trey. She kept repeating all of his words over and over again and seeing the oxygen tank next to him and then seeing the look in his mother's eyes when she and a nurse burst into the rec room to find him because he had snuck out of his room between rounds and she just...was lost. She felt lost at sea and didn't know what to do.

So it was Sara who poured her a glass of water and shoved pajamas at her and helped position the wig on the mannequin stand so the hair wouldn't get bent or curled and it was her who sat on the edge of the bed as she relaxed into the pillows, unable to turn her mind off.

"I keep thinking I'll get used to it," Sara murmured, stirring Felicity out of her thoughts.

"Used to what?"

"Your hair. Or lack thereof, I guess."

"You and me both," she grumbled.

"You're the most beautiful person." The words were stated with such sincerity and such truth that Felicity couldn't even find it in herself to refute them, to tell her that she had to be mistaken because there was nothing beautiful about her current freakshow of a body. "Inside and out."

She softly coasted a hand over the fuzz covering Felicity's head, a thin but maintainable half-inch of hair still apparent. She leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and tears instantly welled in Felicity's eyes. She scooted over on the bed and patted the recently vacated spot next to her.

"Stay for a while?" She wasn't typically a fan of anyone staying and watching her sleep, but she sensed that maybe Sara needed this.

"You don't mind?"

She shook her head tiredly and Sara stretched out beside her, atop the covers instead of underneath like Felicity, and she tentatively interlocked their fingers and rested their hands between them.

"Thanks for coming with me today." Her words were becoming quieter and almost slurred with sleep pulling at her, but she wanted to show her gratitude to her friend one last time.

"Thank you for inviting me. It meant a lot."

"M'so glad you're here," were the last words Felicity managed to get out.

Oliver found both of them asleep two hours later, hands still clasped tightly together.