8 - Nightmare

Toothless aimlessly prowled in agitation all around the land-strider ocean vessel. The whole structure creaked and groaned as if it was in great pain and begging for death. Its wings fluttered like those of some brain-damaged dragon and the constant rocking motion was never reassuring. It reminded Toothless of his first ride on one of these accursed things, shackled down to a large wooden slab by iron vines, thrashing around in a futile attempt to break free. At that moment, he knew without a doubt that he would lose his mind to the demonic queen and become her thrall again.

He vigorously shook the memory out of his head. This was different. He was free and his rider was at his side. If Firefly was assured, then there was nothing to fear. Toothless knew, though, that this creaking pile of sticks wasn't the actual cause of his restlessness.

Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK!

Firefly walked up to Toothless, his stride alternating between soft taps of his real foot and the hard clang of his iron prosthetic. He dragged his knuckles down the dragon's spine, shooting bolts of lightning from nose to tail, then continued along his way towards whatever task needed to be done.

Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK!

Toothless loved his gentle rider so much it hurt every time he heard that metallic clattering. What was even worse was when his rider tries to suppress a whimper whenever the pain would flare up again in the sensitive stump on his leg. Firefly always tried to hide the pain and act as if nothing is wrong. He can fool others, but not his dragon. Toothless would gnaw on the severed stump with toothless gums to ease the pain and Firefly especially appreciated it when a storm rolls in, but any sign of remorse from the dragon always made the rider feel sad.

Toothless had always felt shackled down by this grief. Dragons are normally very physical creatures. They don't hold onto grief or anger. They fight for mates, territory, and food. They fight when they're mad. They fight when they're happy. They fight to remind themselves they're alive. It took the riders a while to get used to the idea of their dragons randomly taking a swipe or shooting some fire at each other as they work their emotions out of their systems. It was just their way of coming to terms. The minor injuries they caused were healed and blemish-free within a few days, after all.

That left Toothless at a complete loss for how to work through this grief. Firefly frowns on any act of violence. Somehow, he manages his emotions within his mind. How is a dragon supposed to deal with that?

Fight him to chase away this gnawing grief? Bite his other leg? Ridiculous!

Ask Firefly to hit his dragon as retribution? He would sooner hit himself!

When Toothless was first shot down, he was hurt. When he was released, he was spitting mad. Even just pinning that land-strider against a rock and roaring at him was enough to release his anger. He couldn't do that for this grief, though; he'd already tried. Toothless had to hold it all in for both their sakes. This guilt consumes like a festering wound, but what else was there to do?

Then that Little Butterfly just had to come along. Of course, Toothless had only himself to blame for having shared that memory with her in the first place, but he couldn't help but feel giddy with that little land-strider on his back and having someone to talk to. It was almost as if her giddy emotions were not only detected, but somehow absorbed, too. Her unyielding curiosity about everything she saw just encouraged Toothless to talk without restraint.

Being around land-striders who could pick up on his projections was a new thing for Toothless, so he thought nothing of it at that time. Well, Badger could hear, but he could not talk to land-striders. At least, his method of projecting thoughts onto a flat stone was such a slow and cumbersome process and he actually exercised some discretion in what he would share with the land-striders.

Little Butterfly had no such discretion. When she asked about Firefly's leg, Toothless naturally projected his memory of his fight with that demonic queen that had stripped so many dragons of their free will. It was a glorious night. The dragons provided flight and firepower while the riders protected them from the mind snare. They instantly learned to throw themselves into each other's trust. And, of course, it was all because of Firefly's unflinching dedication to his dragon and his sheer cunning in beating impossible odds.

It was a glorious night, yes, but also a bitter night of defeat for one dragon in particular. They killed the damned queen, Toothless' tail fin had burnt up and blown away, they hit her tail. The impact hurt, but nothing could compare to the pain stabbing through his heart at seeing his little Firefly falling, completely helpless, plunging towards the rising explosion of fire. Toothless realized he was off-balance and had little control without that tailfin, and then... panic.

That is what cost Firefly the lower part of his leg. It wasn't the queen or the fire or the fall. It was his dragon who stopped thinking because he panicked.

Where Firefly was always calm, as if he always knew everything would turn out alright, Toothless simply panicked when he saw his precious Firefly falling into the flames of the exploding queen. He thrust every ounce of strength and focus on closing the gap, but it was a frantic effort. Nothing else mattered; he just pressed on, teeth out, claws extended, ready to grab that precious and delicate little land-strider by any means possible and hold him close.

Just as he was about to grab onto Firefly, an explosion pushed him away. Toothless did not think, he only acted. He arched his neck up and grabbed onto whatever he could with his teeth, sinking them in as hard as he could.

The result of that panic pierced Toothless' heart every time he heard the uneven stride of his rider. Maybe he could have flown a little faster by stretching his wings a little farther or angling the tips back a little more on the down-stroke. Firefly certainly wouldn't have lost his leg if his dragon remembered his namesake and retracted his teeth instead. It would have torn his gums a bit, but the grip would have been secure enough to pull his rider down and into his paws... probably. The outcome could have been so much different if he was a little bit better - just a little, in one way or another.

Toothless flexed a wing as he craned his neck around to look down the length of his body. The pale light of the moon glinted off of each scale, little gems embedded in his hide. If he held his wing just so, the smooth surface of the membrane would catch broad swathes of moonlight in shifting patterns. Toothless allowed himself a moment of vanity as he watched the scale-covered hide shift with the muscles beneath. Land-striders would always stare with a timid sort of awe, watching the ripples in his shoulders and flank when he prowls around.

There was no doubting he was a powerful dragon. Sure, there were tougher, there were stronger, but he was all the more potent. With all the training he and Firefly go through on a nightly basis, all the races and games and challenges, his body has become more developed than it had ever been. Power where needed, but not a single wasted bit of weight. When it came to speed and explosive bursts of raw energy, Toothless was unsurpassed.

Pride clashed against remorse in a violent skirmish. Why should such a dragon berate himself? Because his rider got hurt saving the world? Ha! Whose wings delivered them both from the queen's maw? Whose fire killed that demon? Who is the master of the sky? There was no cause to feel any regret! Firefly should be grateful that he lost so little from such a trauma! To feel grief is madness!

Then again, who has come to rely on his rider's brilliant mind and calm composure? Who would still be a mindless thrall, degrading himself for the queen's pleasure for the rest of his miserable life if he was not shot down? Who is a land-bound worm without his rider and that tailfin he made?

Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK! Pff. CLUNK!

Firefly leaned against his dragon, idly scratching the scaly eye ridge. Toothless felt a light smack on the side of his head and realized he was softly growling. He was growling at himself, not his precious rider, so he instantly focused on softening his expression and nuzzled Firefly, who had little difficulty figuring out what was bothering his dragon. He softly told Toothless that the leg wasn't his fault… And that he would have died otherwise and he should feel proud that he saved his rider from certain death… And the leg was surely already mangled from that foot mechanism from impacting the queen's tail… And he'd gladly give up an entire arm and a leg to continue living with his best friend and… And so many other comforting things Toothless felt he didn't deserve to hear. He licked Firefly's face to stop him from offering comfort to the offspring of lightning and death.

It was funny to think about. For most of his life, Firefly was seen by all as a failure. He was reared up to be envious of his stronger peers or awestruck by the power of dragons. Yet, in reality, Toothless knew he could never measure up to his rider. Firefly always seemed to be in command of himself. He never panicked and never showed fear, except for when he's trying to get a specific response out of someone. Sure, he may show it outwardly and fool other land-striders, but that's only a survival tactic he was forced to develop in a place where there was no room for the weak. Even when someone thought Firefly was stuttering, he was really just maneuvering them into dealing more gently with him. Somehow, he can subtly influence them when they think they are in command.

Toothless has always been envious of such self-control. Power be damned; what good is it if a moment of panic turns one into a stupid, clumsy hatchling? He has always been the predator and has never learned to survive as prey. Firefly, on the other wing, had lived most of his life as prey, but that only sharpened the power of his mind to control himself in any situation. To think that little Firefly worked things out so that he could flaunt his dragon among the very land-striders who structured their entire lives around killing dragons.

It was only his sharp mind that could make it happen. It was only his calm control over himself that prevented everything from falling apart. It was only his gentle heart that could tame the fierce dragon's pride.

Maybe it's not funny after all; maybe it's sad. Maybe that was the fundamental reason that Toothless decided his purpose in life was to protect Firefly, even though he constantly put himself in harm's way because "it just felt right". Firefly's reckless behavior constantly drives his dragon insane, but it's what makes Firefly, well, Firefly.

Nothing exemplified that better than when he dove after his dragon on that night before they flew to fight the queen. The shackled dragon was plunged into the water and Firefly tried to free him. The rider was too weak and they both knew it, but the diminutive land-strider would not swim up and save himself.

Toothless roared in anger at him. He was going to die and it would all be for nothing!

Firefly got lucky, but he had no doubt.

He was crazy. He was insane.

Toothless thought he was being foolish, but he was actually a genius.

Firefly saw that which wasn't, but needed to be, and made others carry out his solution without even revealing the power of his mind to anyone. He couldn't directly control land-striders the way the queen could control dragons, but he still found a way to force cooperation. There was no land-strider who hated dragons more than Firefly's sire - or as the dragons called him, the Beast. Yet, it was the Beast himself who ended up pulling Firefly to safety and freeing Toothless from the shackles.

It was the threat to Firefly's life that made the large land-strider swim down there in the first place. He wielded it as he would a shiny claw to cut through his sire's reservations. Would the demonic queen be destroyed and the dragons free if he didn't put himself in harm's way in what land-striders insist to this very day to be an act of madness? If Toothless had succeeded in convincing his rider to abandon him to a watery death, would the queen still be controlling dragons to this very day?

A scary thought.

Toothless was jolted out of his ruminations by Firefly. He ran a finger lightly down the length of his dragon's forehead, sending chills down his spine. Firefly grinned at his dragon as he mumbled about flying around, but being quiet so they don't wake anyone.

He held his peace as he launched himself into his dragon's saddle and they launched into the air. As they rose higher up, Firefly spoke up again, asking how Toothless was doing.

Toothless projected a casual, dismissive assurance. {There is nothing you should be concerned about.}

Oh, right, Firefly can't hear me.

His suspicion that his body language was giving away his internal discomfort was confirmed when his rider asked about his fake leg, radiating a mix of exasperation and sympathy.

Toothless could tell that the revelation from the Little Butterfly about how his rider's leg got so mangled wasn't really a shocking surprise, but that didn't make him feel any less frustrated. Losing a tailfin was far less crippling than his rider losing his leg. After a few days, the pain where the tailfin used to be quickly vanished and was never felt again. Firefly, though, never could forget the pain because it attacked him on a regular basis. He always tried to suppress his whimpers. He tried to hide it from his dragon, but that only impales the dragon's heart all the more.

Toothless lost his tailfin when Firefly freed him from the mind snare, but Firefly lost his leg because his stupid dragon gave in to panic. Firefly calls it an equal trade, but there's nothing equal about it.

I should have done better, Toothless told himself. He trusted me. I let him down.

The duo flew some wide circles around the ocean vessel to scan for potential hazards or threats before landing again; the only sound they made was the wind rushing past the wings. Toothless would normally be proud of himself for such a graceful and soft landing, but he still couldn't help but feel sullen, even after flying – and flying always made him feel happy.

The pattern of meandering around the ocean vessel and flying about to scan for hazards continued for the rest of the night. Firefly would pull on this, push on that, or rotate something that was like a tail fin that navigated the vessel through the water. Periodically, Firefly would look at some sort of artifact that he said always pointed in the same direction. It almost never pointed at the sun or moon. In fact, it wasn't pointing where the vessel was going, but it somehow helped Firefly.

It was only one more example of something Toothless had come to realize. Firefly never really needed his dragon. This vessel can take him anywhere. His clever invention can tell him where to go. It was one of his clever inventions that knocked the dragon out of the sky and another clever invention that put him back up there.

On the other wing, Toothless would always need his rider. He plopped himself down in front of Firefly, but that was only met with an exasperated whine about how he was being overly dramatic. One of those little mink dragons scurried up to sniff at them, curious at the commotion. Toothless instantly jumped up and snarled to chase it off. There was only one creature in this world who is allowed to see him like this.

As the sky started to brighten, Firefly took them on one last flight over a sandbar that had formed near a very tiny island that still had ice clinging to its shores. They dove for fish to feed Toothless and also found a seal, which they killed and grabbed for the other dragons. It was difficult to fly with so much weight in his claws, but the vessel wasn't too far away and Toothless was able to land before tiring out.

Firefly gingerly removed the saddle and attentively examined the scaly hide for any signs of discomforting wear. The way he would reverently scan the dragon's body, feeling for knotted muscles and soothing out the cramps felt like a spike through the heart. Firefly's ministrations quickly had Toothless melting into the floor, but he felt he didn't deserve it.

A while later, Badger and Butterfly emerged from the dark bowels of the ship. After some verbal exchanges and Badger inscribing on that flat stone he always carried around, they decided that they would navigate the vessel and use the dragons to scan their surroundings while Firefly and Toothless went inside to sleep.

Firefly led Toothless down into the welcoming darkness, which was depressingly vacant of any rocks to heat up and sleep on. As if sensing his thoughts, Firefly muttered something about not burning the whole thing to ash, causing the dragon to playfully push him around.

Toothless extended a wing, folding it under his belly as he flopped down and rolled to his side, inviting Firefly to sleep with him. Firefly accepted and Toothless wrapped his forelegs and wings around to snug him in close.

He loved the days when they could sleep together like this. The feeling on his neck and chest of such a fragile creature who was very powerful with his mind was a soothing comfort. It reaffirmed his purpose in life to protect his rider who was so much more capable than he even realized. Toothless could feel the slowing, shallow breaths and it brought comfort and peace. Even though the air was very chilly, as Spring had just arrived, his rider would be warm in his embrace.

It reminded him of their fight against the queen, when he wrapped himself up around his rider to save him from the fall. Well, save most of him.

Toothless let out a long-winded, weary sigh. Feeling worn out from flying so much, he closed his eyes and accepted the awaiting slumber.

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Toothless suddenly jolted to all fours. Instead of waking on the ship, he was in a forest. The sky boiled with dark, angry clouds and the trees thrashed violently in the wind.

Desperately looking around for his charge, he noticed that Firefly was... big. Really big. Or was the dragon small? His wings could barely span Firefly's shoulders.

What's happening? Where is this?

Firefly looked down at Toothless with a mischievous grin. He crouched down and wrapped his fingers around Toothless' belly to pick him up and set him down on his shoulder. The diminutive dragon instinctively wrapped his tail around the back of Firefly's neck for support.

A loud roar drew their attention to a boar that was twice as tall as Firefly. Its beady, black eyes glared with pure hatred from behind its tusks. Foam dribbled out of its mouth as it gnashed its teeth. It gave out a snarl and charged at them.

Firefly froze in fear. His eyes glazed over. He wanted to fight the beast, but it was so large.

{Control yourself!} Toothless roared at his rider. {I'm here for you. Dodge and slash. Use your speed to your advantage.}

The beast crashed through the forest, churning up clods of dirt and snapping trees like it wanted to snap their bones, but Firefly sidestepped, dragging his shiny claw along the side of the boar's belly. It was ripped out of his grip as it glanced off the femur bone, but he was able to pick it up before the beast could turn around. Toothless clung to Firefly's shoulder for dear life as the boar started charging again, only to crash into more trees and receive a blade to the side.

Memories of this sort of fighting technique that Badger had been teaching Firefly sprang to mind. This dance of dodging and slashing happened again and again. During the boar's final charge, Firefly leaped forward, causing it to jump up on its hind legs, giving Firefly an opportunity to drive his shiny claw into its neck.

The creature writhed in pain and fell forward, but kicked Firefly in the chest with its last gasp as it fell to the ground. The impact flung Toothless from his perch and Firefly instantly reeled about in a wide-eyed panic, desperately grasping for his dragon, but managed to grab only the tailfin. Toothless shrieked in pain, but that was silenced when he smashed into the trunk of a tree and tumbled down to the ground. Darkness overtook him.

Toothless awoke with a start. He looked around; they were back in the ocean vessel. It must have been a nightmare. Nothing more than a stupid dream.

Firefly was half a wingspan away, slowly rising to his knees in a daze. Toothless realized he must have bucked and kicked during his nightmare and pushed Firefly away.

{Oh no! I am so sorry, Firefly!}

Oh, right, he can't hear me.

Toothless rolled over to his feet and got up to pad his way to Firefly with his neck out, head down, chuffing an apology. Firefly said something about how it's alright - no harm, no foul. Then, he started talking about a dream he just had as he lazily scratched the side of his dragon's jaw.

As he went on describing it, Toothless realized it was the same dream. Everything about it matched what he could recall from his nightmare image for image – the forest, the fear, the confidence, the triumph, the... panic. A realization suddenly dawned on Toothless. They shared the same dream!

Wait, since when have I ever dreamed of that which has never happened? Such dabbling of the mind is a land-strider trait.

Whether Firefly shared his dream with his dragon or was it the other way around, Toothless couldn't tell. Maybe he was projecting his nightmare and Firefly heard it? Maybe it means Firefly's ability to hear his dragon is improving!

Toothless suddenly realized that nightmare was their fight with the queen – the exact same scenario, just roles reversed. There was still that initial fear, then the pride and confidence as they fought the beast. Then... the panic... as the rider was ejected.

Firefly was coming to the same conclusion as he described the part where he accidentally tore off Toothless' tail fin. He just stood there, laughing his head off, but stopped when Toothless sniffed his fake leg, overcome with guilt. It hurt to know he could have done better for such a precious creature who deserved better.

Firefly casually strolled around to the black tail, using his metal foot to gently tap the side where the fin had been torn off. He said a guilty conscience can consume someone. He said if Toothless felt guilty about the leg, then he would threaten to feel guilty about the tailfin, and then they would both be consumed by grief without any hope of rescue.

"I did this."

Spoken words were strange to the dragon, but he could piece some things together, particularly vague references to something. Firefly said or did..., something... he was looking at the tail fin.

Toothless instantly whirled around and pressed his nose into Firefly's cheek, staring into his eyes, pupils narrowed to slits. Firefly took a sharp breath, surprised by the sudden movement, but otherwise just kept staring in thoughtful contemplation. Toothless snarled, but Firefly only returned it with a sad smile.

{I will tackle you so hard if you don't stop right now! I will sit on you until you turn blue!}

"I did this."

{Stop saying that! You saved me when you shot me down! Don't berate yourself. Just don't. You're better than that. You're better than... me.}

Toothless let out a whine.

He recognized the sounds of that phrase Firefly used. He heard it when he was first found by Firefly, bound, injured, and exhausted, awaiting his death. Firefly made that declaration when his pride turned to shame and his salvation turned to damnation. He said that when he made the decision to stop pretending to be something he wasn't. It was what Firefly's sire echoed after the fight with the queen as he realized the cost of his actions. It was an honest admission of fault.

However, Firefly didn't carry around this guilt for the torn tail fin. No, that would only hamper his ability to do that land-strider magic of making tail fins, saddles, and friendships. Was it selfish of him to release that guilt? Of course not! It would only drive his dragon insane!

Firefly just stared back at Toothless with an earnest sincerity that would not be denied, as if staring into one's soul. He said that Toothless needs to forgive himself - if not for his own sake, then for the rider's. This guilt was hurting Firefly more than it hurt his dragon.

Toothless could feel his rider's calm acceptance pouring off in waves. He could feel it penetrating under his scales and gladly let it wash over him. It felt like Firefly was drawing out the grief like venom from a wound.

Yes, this guilt is a cage. I need to break out. I need to escape!

The dragon draped his head over his rider's shoulder and started to purr.

{I did this.}

However, that mistake didn't have to be a curse. If one can learn from a mistake, then what good is moping around?

How does this enchanting Firefly manage to always create solutions time and time again?

Toothless puffed his breath at Firefly's face, watching the auburn hair dance in the wind. The rider let out a long breath as his face relaxed into a broad smile and stepped forward to wrap his arms around his dragon's neck in a warm embrace.

Toothless didn't know what came over him just then, but he wanted to return the gesture. He had seen land-striders embrace each other like this all the time and they were always gushing joy and peace. He wanted that feeling for himself and his rider, so he rose up on his hind legs and grabbed Firefly with his front paws, squeezing him tight against the base of his neck. Firefly gasped at the unexpected action, but laughed with such carefree abandon as Toothless bounced on his hind legs, rider dangling in his grasp, and rolled over onto his back to flop down on his side. Secure in his dragon's paws, Firefly twisted his head to look up and meet his dragon's gaze of adoration and wonder.

They unanimously decided to try this whole sleep thing one more time. Toothless let out a contented breath as his rider squirmed into a comfortable position, resting his head on the scaly leg. The dragon took a moment, once again, to appreciate the feeling of this fragile creature's breath through the base of his neck. He could feel his rider's heartbeat gradually slow down in tempo.

Toothless lazily blinked his eyes to see a beautiful bank of clouds ahead, brilliantly illuminated by the bright sun, and it was approaching fast. He gleefully let his tongue hang out to flap in the wind and looked over to his rider next to him. Firefly opened his eyes and grinned right back at his dragon as the duo simply enjoyed the weightless experience of free-falling. The feeling of wind whipping past his sensor lobes, the noise in his ears, the crisp, cold exhilaration of it all… there was nothing else quite like it!

As they passed through the clouds, the ocean below came into view. Firefly straightened out and slid past his dragon to lightly dance on his snout. There was no fear. There was no panic. There was no worry. There was only peace. There was only joy.

As they descended lower, Firefly eventually reached to grab the saddle and swing himself into position. Toothless spread his wings and leveled out at high speed. Nothing could stop them. No matter where they flew, there was nothing they could not handle.

A hawk squealed and frantically fluttered to avoid the descending duo.

There was no dragon. There was no rider. There were only two parts of a greater whole. Together they were immortal. Together they were unstoppable. Together they were complete. Together they would set the world ablaze.

Each was exactly what the other needed.

Toothless skimmed over the water and heeded his rider's gentle nudging to alight on the edge of a cliff and was greeted by a whole field of the greenest, most beautiful, most aromatic grass ever! He hardly gave his rider a moment to scurry off before flopping onto his back, wings spread, snout gouging in, tail lashing back and forth with a mind of its own, claiming it all for himself. He snorted and squirmed about in a euphotic daze while Firefly giggled and tried to balance himself on the dragon's belly.

At that moment, Toothless knew he was loved. He was complete. Nothing would ever change that. Ever.

Everything else was simply old scales to be shed.

A/N:
Just like chapter 4, this one almost got the ax. For weeks, I'd been humming and hawing about what to do with this chapter or whether to even include it in the first place. It doesn't really drive the main plot, but I thought there might be some decent content. I didn't wanna turn Toothless into a crybaby or a lapdog, but I did want to humanize him a bit. So, I'm still not 100% convinced this chapter needs to exist, but I hope you got something out of it anyway.

Kami no Kage-Sama - There will be more Skuf to come for sure, but not a whole lot with Skuf/Hiccup interactions. I figured Hiccup is a busy guy and he'd be spending most of his time with Skuf just meditating. Still, your puppy eyes have been duly noted. You can count on adorable scenes to come. (-: