Chapter 20: bót mannaforráð
Odin is chanting, low and rhythmic, and the gift of tongues must have worn off because she doesn't understand a word. But then Thor and a posse of guards escort Loki into the room and Ellie stops trying to understand.
He looks at her and she stares back, feeling as though her insides are bubbling. It's a thrill to see him one more, but also it hurts. The gauntness of his face is new and the angles would make him beautiful if it wasn't indicative of his total lack of health. He needs food and a bath. He needs to be somewhere his mind can heal.
The eyes are the same, as intense and compelling as ever, and he looks only at her.
Thor leads him forward and they stand facing each other as Odin crafts his spell. A purple haze engulfs them and this must be a dream. It seems to move in Loki. She can see the magic flow through his veins.
And then it is in her too.
Loki struggles against his chains when her legs give out, moving as if he's trying to catch her, but it is Thor who actually stops Ellie's fall. At no point does she truly loose consciousness but as Odin's magic rushes through her system she momentarily can't seem to control her muscles.
The tingling isn't exactly unpleasant, and Ellie just leans back against Thor's massive frame, watching Loki. It is difficult to see beyond the swirling purple mist and flashing light, but Loki's eyes are crystal clear. He shakes slightly and she can't even imagine what he's thinking but he looks so scared.
The tingling subsides and her vision clears, but she still is different. Altered somehow. It's as if she can feel the tremors still running through Loki's body in her own hands. She is keenly aware of his presence.
Ellie pushes away from Thor, looking at the Allfather with a raised eyebrow.
"It is done," he confirms.
Ellie nods but everyone just continues to stand around, not having any idea what to do next.
"Are the stitches really necessary?" she asks, her voice so very small. Ellie absently wonders where all the strength that had her standing and objecting during the trial has gone.
"That is now entirely up to your discretion," murmurs Odin.
"Oh," Ellie says, feeling a little faint. "Okay. Um. Take out his stitches, please."
Odin flicks his hand and the string keeping his lips closed dissolves, leaving nothing but a series of puncture wounds spanning the circumference of his mouth. Loki opens his mouth as wide as it will go, rubbing his jaw. His tongue darts out to lick each wound, making Ellie wince.
She crosses the short distance between them. "They won't heal if you keep that up," she scolds.
Loki closes his eyes, his breathing getting erratic. Once again he opens his mouth, his lips attempting to form words.
"Water," Ellie says, throwing a glare over her shoulder at the Allfather.
A servant delivers a goblet. Ellie tries to put it in Loki's hands, but they are shaking too badly and still manacled in chains. She lifts the glass to his lips and lets him drink a few sips. He turns his face away when he's done and Ellie lowers the goblet.
"And the chains," Ellie says. "Get rid of the chains."
Thor and Odin share a look. The guards in the room visibly tense, clutching their weapons a little tighter.
"The chains," Ellie insists.
Odin flicks a hand once more and the chains are gone. Loki rubs his wrists and licks his wounds again.
"No licking," she scolds.
"Eleanor," he croaks, reaching out for her. All the men in the room take a step forward as if they are trying to get in between the pair, but Ellie ignores them, taking his hand.
"Yeah, I'm here," she murmurs.
"You are by far the most pleasant of my delusions. I would rather it not end," says Loki. Ellie gives him a sad smile. Odin and Thor look on with a combination of sadness and confusion, but Frigga is unsurprised.
"I'm real," she assures him.
"Those are just the words the real you would speak."
"I have no idea what your point is."
"That this is indeed just another delusion."
Ellie tries not to cry just as she tries not to scowl too much at the idiotic pair of gods that thought it was a good idea to lock away their psychotic son/brother with his lips stitched up for three and a half months.
"Is there somewhere I can take him to get cleaned up?" she asks.
"Yes! Yes, of course," Thor says, bumbling towards the door as if he is ashamed that he didn't think of it himself. "Follow me if you please."
Ellie wraps an arm around Loki's waist. He drapes an arm around her shoulder, absently playing with the ends of her hair. His gaze is dreamy and Ellie finds it highly concerning.
She worries she won't be able to convince him that this actually happening. She's still working on convincing herself that this is actually happening.
Frigga leads the way, steering clear of the crowded throne room. Eleanor is thankful that she will not have to deal with that cluster fuck.
The five of them move through the gilded halls of the palace with a gaggle of guards flanking them. Ellie focuses on Loki, trying to adjust. She can feel his every movement in her veins and the whole thing is weird as fuck.
"Um, what the deal with this feeling him thing?" she asks Odin.
"Physical proof of the bond. It will fade."
Ellie glances up at Loki but he just continues to watch her with a slight smile, as if he is enjoying himself greatly. Despite his disoriented state, Loki touches her as if he's trying to memorize all her nooks and crannies.
Although Ellie thought she was beginning to get used to the opulence of Asgard, Loki's rooms make her eyes go wide with shock. It is all green and gold, with impossibly high ceilings and elegant furnishings. The space is vast, a series of rooms connected by open arches. The front is a seating area. To the right a study with two towering walls devoted to bookshelves, and to the left is his bedroom.
"This is a new addition," Loki muses, taking in his surroundings.
Ellie's eyes settle on the huge circular green bed. She helps Loki sit on the end and takes stock of the dark god.
"It's not new." She talks to him like he is a person. She talks to him like she would if he wasn't currently wacked out. Ellie hated the way people talked to her when she was psychotic, like she was an infant or something subhuman, totally incapable of understanding the world around her. "This is your room. Not new at all."
"A new delusion, Eleanor." The exasperation in his tone is familiar.
"Not a delusion, Loki."
She frowns at his disgustingly greasy hair, tied back in a messy knot at the base of his head. It looks as though someone haphazardly wiped the grime from his face and neck, but they failed to do a thorough job. There are streaks of blood and dirt on the pale column of his throat.
He absolutely reeks and she worries about the puncture wounds surrounding his mouth.
Loki's hands skim around from her hips to her ass, attempting to pull her into his lap as she pushes the dark hair off his forehead.
"This garment is a dress," he observes, his voice still harsh. Nimble fingers twist up the fabric at her lower back. "Further evidence that this is merely a delusion. Only in my head would you willing clothe yourself in such attire."
"It's not a delusion," she corrects. "And I happen to like this dress."
"That is just what you would say in reality, therefore this is indeed unreal."
"Loki," she says with a sigh. "That doesn't make any sense."
He just smiles pleasantly. The expression on his face is far more terrifying to her than his deadly glares. It makes her cry and she lets Loki pull her into his lap. He rocks her as her body shakes and she tries to ignore the stench.
He is comforting her. How fucking absurd is that?
"What is the reason for these tears, Eleanor?" he murmurs in her ear. "Hush, hush."
He just holds her for a few moments and she holds him back.
"How damaged the inner workings of my mind must be to conjure you in such a state," he says thoughtfully when the tremors finally leave her body. "Have we been in a similar position before? Is this a true memory?"
"Yeah, I cried all over you once. That was real. And so is this."
"Oh, Eleanor." He shakes his head, still not believing her.
With a heavy sigh she stands up. Loki whines as she moves out of his reach. The sound of a throat clearing has Ellie's head jerking around. She blushes when she takes in the three gods standing in the archway. She momentarily forgot about the presence of the royal family.
Ellie nods at Frigga, understanding that this whole thing was really orchestrated by the woman who raised the dark god. Despite her confusion regarding the whole situation, Ellie is thankful that at least one member of his so called family has his best interests in mind.
Although maybe not Eleanor's. That stunt with the book was a fine bit of manipulation. Adopted or no, it is impossible to ignore all the family resemblance between Loki and the people who raised him.
"Sorry," Eleanor murmurs, smiling ruefully as she gestures to her tear soaked face. Frigga opens her mouth to respond, but Loki interrupts.
"Ignore that section of this delusion, please," he says, rising from his spot on the bed. He totters on shaky legs over to Ellie, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Do you think I could possibly conjure a bath?"
"This is real, Loki!" she snaps, just about at the end of her rope.
The God of Lies rolls his eyes.
"She speaks truth, my son," murmurs Frigga. Eleanor winces, recognizing the overly gentle tone. Apparently the sane address the crazy that same way, no matter the realm. "This is happening. Truly, she is here."
Loki's facial expression hardens and his jaw ticks, but he doesn't even glance in his mother's direction, he just tugs on Ellie's elbow, hauling her through a set of doors. She shoots his family an apologetic smile before disappearing with him into a bathroom.
The strain from his sudden departure leaves him breathless and weak. He leans back against the shut door, his chest heaving. Even in what he thinks to be a delusion Loki is unwilling to let his family see his weakness, only Eleanor gets that privilege.
"Well, while we are in here we might as well get you that bath," she mutters, still a little bit dazed. "You reek."
"What sort of delusion has a sense of smell?" he mutters through his wheezing.
"A delusion that is not actually a delusion," says Ellie, sighing heavily. Giving him another moment for his breathing to settle, she plays with the many knobs on the tub, filling it with hot water and scented oil.
Although her back is turned, Ellie can feel him slowly lift his head to watch her.
"Get in the bath," she says, nodding in the direction of the hot water. He peels off his clothes, letting each layer fall to the floor as he slowly approaches the tub. She averts her eyes as he steps into the water, smiling when she hears him wince at the heat.
He stretches out his legs, leaning back against the end of the tub and looks up at Eleanor expectantly. She hitches her floor length dress up and kneels by the side of the bath, leaning with her chin on the edge.
"This is thoroughly pleasing," he says, frowning at her in apparent confusion. "It feels thoroughly pleasing. Thus far the delusions have only been painful, fear and the smell of my own burning flesh and the haunting sound of nothing. Just silence. Alone in the silence. Until you arrive, but you never stay long and when you leave it is always much worse. Sometimes you merely disappear, but on most occasions you perish in the most gruesome way imaginable."
Ellie tries really hard not to cry. Really, she does, but he says the words so simply, as if immense pain is not only normal in his life but something he deserves the tears come anyway.
"I'm here, Loki. And I'm not leaving." She can't leave. From now on, being away from one another will be a physical impossibility.
Oh, fuck. What did she sign up for?
"I can already anticipate the pain that will follow your departure. This will be much worse, for this is by far the most pleasant of delusions."
Eleanor sniffs.
"Although seeing you cry does do something discomforting deep within my chest, so I suppose the pain is consistent," muses Loki.
"I'm real, you idiot."
Loki just gives her another dreamy smile. Ellie resists the urge to slap him.
He slips under the surface of the water, submerging his entire body, but he comes up a moment later, hissing in pain. He covers his mouth, rubbing at the wounds. Ellie removes his hand from his face.
"Leave them alone," she insists. His tongue pokes out from the corner of his mouth. "No licking either."
"Words I never thought I'd hear you utter," he says wistfully.
"Shampoo," she instructs, smiling slightly.
"If I had any control over this delusion, you'd be doing that," he mutters, turning one of the nozzles and haphazardly pushing the foam against his scalp.
"Which would convince you that this is actually happening?" Ellie asks. "If I did or if I didn't do it?"
"Frankly, I'm not even totally sure what you just said."
"I'll do it," she mutters, shuffling on her knees to the back of the tub to take over. He actually groans as she works her fingers through his dark, far too long locks. She smiles, even as he sloshes soapy, bubbly water over the front of her dress.
"Rinse," she instructs. Loki is able to dip his head back without getting his lip wounds wet. "Conditioner?"
Loki just looks confused.
"It helps get all the tangles out," she explains. "It will make your hair all nice and soft."
He rolls his eyes again but points to the correct nozzle. She has to lean over him to get the conditioner and he presses his lips to her chest as he ogles her tits. It is extremely difficult, but she manages to ignore him as she goes back to his hair.
"This is real," Ellie murmurs.
Loki just scoffs.
"It is!" she insists.
"You are highly irritating," he says with a sigh. He closes his eyes and leans back into her touch. "And this has to be a delusion because the alternative is to horrible to comprehend."
"Horrible?" she asks, hands faltering.
"I can think of nothing worse than another being, a lesser being, having complete control over my physicality," he mutters.
Although she said as much to the Allfather, Ellie winces suddenly so guilty. He'll hate this, once he figures out that it's real. She has total control over his movements and he will be forced to stay at her side until his father thinks he's adequately been punished.
She knows Loki, has seen his control freak, domineering ways up close and personal, and everything about her arrangement with Odin goes against Loki's very basest of needs.
But it's better than a century alone. How can it not be?
"Fuck, you're going to hate me when you finally snap out if it," she murmurs.
"Language, Eleanor," he says.
"Rinse," she replies.
Ellie is a little nervous to leave Loki alone in his weakened state, but he assures her he won't attempt to get out of the tub without her. She slips out of the bathroom, intent on rustling up some clean clothes, and nearly bumps into Frigga who stands right outside the door with a bundle in her arms.
"Here," says the stunning goddess. She gently pushes the green and black clothes into Ellie chest. "Those rags will not do."
Ellie nods dumbly.
"You are shocked to meet the real me, I presume?" asks Frigga.
Ellie shrugs.
"Circumstance here prevents me from doing all I wish for my son," she murmurs. She is so visibly heartbroken, Ellie feels herself warming to Loki's adoptive mother. "I should really apologize to you for being so manipulative, but I am afraid I can not. I have heard him call for you when his mind drags him to a different, painful reality. Asgard is not the place for him. He needs you."
Ellie just nods once more as she gapes at the goddess, feeling totally overwhelmed by the current situation. Although she sympathizes deeply with Loki, she has absolutely no idea how to help him, how to heal his mind and even more daunting, his cold, hardened heart.
It is far too much responsibility and she refuses to think about it. She can freak out later.
"Go to my son," Frigga continues, taking a step towards Thor and Odin who still lurk by the door. "We have much to discuss."
Ellie disappears into the bathroom once more, feeling both reassured and completely out of her depth.
She watches Loki for a moment with his eyes closed head leaning back against the edge of the gleaming, golden tub, the rest of his body submerged. There is a furrow between his brows and even with his eyes closed it is very obvious that he is struggling for clarity.
"Loki," Eleanor murmurs. At the sound of his name his eyes fly open. They are so green and bright. It is a relief to see them clear of the toxic blues from the Tesseract.
"Eleanor?"
"Yes, I'm here." She holds her breath for a moment, hoping that he'll finally believe her but also dreading it.
Loki scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest as he sits up in the water.
"I have determined the true source of pain with this delusion," he says, studying his fingernails with forced apathy. He always does this when he cares more than he wants to. Ellie does not believe the act. She stays by the door, watching him intently. "When it reaches an end, when you are no longer with me and I find my body either in the dungeons of Asgard or back in the Void, that is when this will really hurt. More so than the other times, because in this delusion I am some how able to converse with you. My mouth is free to respond."
And she's crying again.
"You are with me, Loki," she murmurs. "I'll keep you safe."
He throws his head back and gives a cruel laugh. Ellie isn't offended, not really, because she finds the statement so ridiculous herself.
"Can you stand?" she asks when the laughter dies. "The water is cooling."
It's a struggle, but between the two of them they manage to get Loki out of the tub and wrapped in a towel. The effort proves almost too much for him, and Loki has to lean against the counter for a full five minutes until he nods to Ellie, allowing her to help clothe him in the soft black leather pants and green shirt.
The moment he finally realizes that this is no delusion, he'll truly hate her for all the weakness he's showed her, but for now he passively lets her lead him out into his room once more. His family has relocated, all loitering by the billowing green curtains hanging over yet another arch that leads to a balcony.
Loki doesn't even acknowledge them as he collapses onto his bed, trying to pull Ellie down with him. She bats his hands away, watching as the trio of intimidating gods approach.
"You look well, brother," Thor says, talking so loudly it makes Ellie wince. Loki doesn't even glance at his adoptive brother, although his jaw ticks.
"He doesn't think this is really happening," Ellie explains.
Loki's fake family spends a good fifteen minutes trying to convince Loki that this is reality before Ellie intervenes. Loki didn't look at anyone but Ellie.
"What happens next?" asks Ellie, turning to Odin. Loki seizes on her distraction and grabs her wrist. She loses her balance and sits on the bed, bouncing once. Loki wraps his arms around her waist, laying his head in her lap and his family looks uncomfortable, but Ellie just threads her fingers through Loki's hair and keeps staring at Odin.
But she relieved. He is next to her and it makes breathing easier. Some knot in her stomach that she learned to live with months ago loosens.
"You can not stay on Asgard," The Allfather says. "The people remain furious with my son and they are fearful of you."
"Me?" Ellie clarifies, raising a single eyebrow.
"Hulda," Thor says. It takes Eleanor a minute to place the name of the Asgardian who visited the lab a couple weeks last fall. "She is the source and has been accurately punished."
"Whispers of your parentage are spoken both in the court and among the general populace. The situation is somewhat unprecedented. Never before have the Aesir bred with lower beings. Your relationship with my son does not endear the people to you," Odin explains. "I fear Asgard is no place for Loki's recovery."
"Okay, fine," Ellie says with a shrug. She stays focused on the Allfather even as Loki sits up next to her and wraps his body around her own, his head finding that place against her neck he seems so fond of. "I never really planned on staying here anyway. He'll come with me to New Mexico."
She was so focused on getting Loki out of a century of solitude that she didn't think of the future. Her friends are really not going to like this. It is yet another thing she failed to consider when jumping into this truly insane situation.
Loki continues to run his hands over her body. Although it stirs a deep longing in Eleanor, his touch is not sexual. Once again it is more as if he's attempting to soak up as much of her as possible before she's gone and the delusion turns unbearably painful.
"Hey, do you have an opinion on this whole New Mexico business?" she asks.
"It matters not."
His fingers tickle that spot on her ribs and she giggles.
Thor averts his eyes while Frigga looks on with a soft smile. Odin is imitating a statue, as per the usual.
"Yes, this is for the best," says Odin. "I recommend you leave at once. Give the people of Asgard time to calm and adjust to the idea of a half mortal serving as bót mannaforráð to a prince who committed such grievous crimes."
Loki tenses against her, and at first Ellie thinks it is because of something Odin said, but when she glances down she sees him staring intently at her shoulder.
"What?" she asks him, a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
He doesn't respond, instead reaching up to walk his fingertips along her tan line working it's way down her collarbone. May in New Mexico is lovely and Ellie finds herself outdoors more often than not. She tends her garden or runs with Jane. Sometimes she sits outside with a guitar in her lap. She's always tanned well and now Loki studies the lines left by various tank tops, sports bras, and dresses.
Ellie lets him be and turns her attention once more to Odin. "So we'll leave now. Thor, can you take us back now?"
"I can," he says with a slight bow. "Jane will be disappointed that I was unable to show her more of Asgard, but there is time plenty to return after the gossip surrounding Lady Eleanor and the trial settles. We—"
"What is this?" Loki hisses, surprising all in the room. There is horror in his voice, and Ellie closes her eyes, knowing that he is finally getting it. "Eleanor!" he yells, his hand tightening on her upper arm.
"Ow, shit," she mutters. He lets her pry his hands away. "It's a tan line, Loki," she explains. "I've been in the sun and this line is from my clothing."
"I know what a tan line is, you insolent little whelp," he spits out. The venom in his tone has Frigga gasping while Thor and Odin reach for their weapons. Ellie remains calm. She isn't scared of him. "Why do they mar your flesh?"
"Because I was in the sun," she replies.
Loki stares right at her, long and hard. She fidgets, resisting the urge to braid her hair because it annoys him.
"I'm real, Loki," she whispers, smiling sadly. "Seven months have passed on Midgard. It is spring now and I've been outside. While I was outside, you were alone in the dungeon with your lips sewn shut. I sent you music with Thor."
Odin bristles at this, but Ellie focuses only on Loki.
"I hope it helped," she continues. "You thought about me and I thought about you too, so when Thor told me about the trial and badgered him into bringing me along. I planned to just watch, but when I heard about your punishment I couldn't keep my mouth shut. You need help, Loki, and it's going to be me. The magic, me being your little guide or whatever, that all happened. This is real. We're tied together now, whether you like it or not."
Loki eyes narrow and he searches her face, trying desperately to determine the truth in her words. For one little moment Loki's gaze softens and Ellie hopes that he'll be okay with their arrangement, but then he starts shaking again. He stands and so does Eleanor. She flutters behind him as he attempts to pace. She's seen him pace while he thinks a thousand times, but he's too weak to do it properly now. Ellie is terrified that he'll just fall over at any moment. Thor must fear the same, because he follows just behind Ellie.
They end up exiting the bedroom area, following Loki to his private library, complete with giant bookcases, comfortable looking chairs and long study tables.
"You," Loki says through his labored breathing. He takes in great gulps of air as he tries to catch his breath. "You did not have those lines when I last saw you."
"Yeah," she says. She thinks about saying something snarky about him keeping her underground, but doesn't. "They're new."
Loki turns on his heel, stumbling slightly. Ellie catches him by the elbow and he runs his hands roughly over her arms.
"Brother—" Thor attempts.
"Do not!" yells Loki, his gaze never straying from Ellie. "Do not," he repeats.
"I'm real," Ellie manages through her tears. "I am."
Loki pushes the palm of his hand into his chest, right over his heart, as if he can force it to stop beating so rapidly. He stumbles again, and Ellie grabs his waist to keep him upright. For a moment he leans into her touch, but then the anger is back.
His hands are back on her again, rough and bruising. His fingers dig into her upper arms, reexamining the lines of her body.
"You are greatly changed," he says accusingly. "The pigment of your skin is darker. You have your health. There is more of you."
"Loki!" Frigga reprimands. Her voice sounds very far away.
Ellie bites the side of her cheek to keep from crying out as Loki's hands move over her collarbones. One grabs at her left tit momentarily before running down her side to squeeze her hips.
"More of you than there once was," he repeats. "You are larger."
Thor makes a move to pull Ellie away, but stops abruptly at a barking order from the Allfather. Ellie doesn't really understand why he isn't letting Thor protect her, but she is perfectly capable of dealing with Loki. He's having a break through here and Thor will only make him more irate.
"Your bones no longer poke out of your flesh. There is color in your cheeks. Gone is the emaciated little waif who could barely hold up a guitar." Again he throws the words at her like an accusation.
"I've been eating," she murmurs. "You were always telling me to eat. Now you're the emaciated one."
Loki gapes at her for a moment.
"You are real," he murmurs.
Ellie lets a little sob escape her chest as she nods vigorously.
"My brain isn't playing tricks," says Loki. Ellie shakes her head. "I am truly here in my rooms with you." Ellie nods. "This is all occurring in reality."
"Yes," she replies, her voice breathless.
Loki's fingers dig in painfully to her hips and Ellie tries not to wince.
"Bót mannaforráð," he whispers, eyes wide and terrified. Ellie wants to reach out and comfort him, but she's well aware that he would only reject her. He'll hate this. He doesn't trust her and he'll hate her for this. "Bót mannaforráð!" He is screaming now.
Ellie loses the battle against her tears as several roll down her cheeks.
"No!" he shouts. "No, I do not agree. Abandon me to a century of solitude. Not this. Anything but this."
"Loki—" she attempts.
"No!"
"It is done, my son," says Odin from somewhere behind them. Ellie briefly wonders what his false family thinks of all this.
"No," Loki says again. "I reject this most vehemently. Over the rotting remains of my lifeless carcass will I allow you of all people to hold sway over my life, my decisions."
She doesn't totally know who he means when he says you. Either Eleanor or Odin or both.
"You don't have a choice," Ellie says as gently as possible.
"I will not be ordered about by a being such as yourself!" he screams. She can feel his breath against her cheek as he crowds her. She can't look him in the eye. "Who are you? Nothing and no one."
"Loki!" says Frigga, horrified by her son's manners, no doubt. She is ignored.
"I will not be your puppet," he hisses. A thousand hateful responses percolate on Ellie's tongue. She wants to point out his hypocrisy. She wants to remind him just what he tried to do to her with the glowing blue scepter of his and what he succeeded in doing to countless others.
But she can't. She just cannot do it because where he failed to control her, she's succeeded.
"You'll have to trust me," Ellie says instead. "I'll have to earn your trust and you'll have to earn mine."
Loki stares at her as if she is speaking a foreign language.
"How dare you!" he screams after he snaps out of it, grabbing Ellie's shoulders and shaking her.
Thor moves in again, but Odin's harsh command once more stops the rescue. "She must determine the best course of action on her own. Loki is the responsibility of Eleanor Tate now."
Ellie recognizes the meaning behind these words somewhere in the back of her mind, but her head is bobbing around on her shoulders and she has no fucking clue how to be responsible for anything here.
"I absolutely loathe you, you meddling little quim," he continues to scream. Ellie stumbles as he pushes her back into a bookshelf. "What right do you have? You are nothing," he says again. His hands wrap around the column of a throat in a way that is sickeningly familiar and she freezes.
Her stillness seems to wake him up and his hands drop form her neck, forming fists at his sides before he plows them into the shelves on either side of her head.
She squeaks, terrified.
"Loki!" she says, pleading with him to stop. He's bleeding and scaring her. When the shelves are adequately destroyed he digs his nails into his own cheeks, leaving trails of blood and inflaming his puncture wounds. "Loki, please."
She watches helplessly as he hurts himself. He yells at her, horrible things that reminder her of the hate he spewed at her in his cell in Stark Tower.
But she's in charge, right? That's the point of this whole voodoo thing. She's in charge. She can make him do anything she wants.
"Loki," she says, her hands tugging on his wrists. He just keeps screaming horrible things and she isn't strong enough to pull his nails from his face. "Loki!" she says again, trying to get him to stop yelling for just one little second.
Loki's hand comes around her jaw, forcing her to look up at his absolutely furious face. His thumb strays a little too close to Ellie's mouth. She sinks her teeth into his flesh, just trying to snap him out of it. He growls, hands withdrawing momentarily, but then he is shoving her once more into the ruined shelf. Several more books fall down around them as Loki holds her in place using his long frame.
"I will end you!" he screams.
"Stop!" Ellie screams right back. The tingling is back and seems to bubble up through her throat and out of her mouth. She blinks, startled by the odd sensation, but then she looks back up at Loki whose face hovers inches from her own.
His whole body immediately freezes, thoroughly shocking Eleanor. Despite the Allfather's explanation of this magic, seeing the power she holds over him first hand is very different.
With slow, mechanical movements, Loki straightens. Ellie stumbles slightly when the pressure of his body is no longer holding her to the shelves. She grabs them to steady herself as she watches Loki stand before her warily.
She's knows it's backwards, but something about Loki's quivering stillness is even more terrifying than his hands around her throat. Everything about his stance seems foreign with the exception of his gaze. Those emerald eyes of his absolutely scorch her.
"Whoa," says Ellie as she continues to study him.
"Release me," he demands through a clenched jaw. His lips barely move and his body seems to vibrate as he fights against whatever power she holds over him.
"Whoa," Ellie repeats.
Loki growls, his face actually twitching with his desire to throttle her once more, no doubt.
"Okay, that's what a command feels like," she murmurs, still somewhat dazed. She absently touches her neck. The tingling in her throat was real weird. "Loki, I know you don't trust me, but try to get this through that stubborn skull of yours."
He just growls at her again in response.
"I'm not going to start throwing around commands," she says. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. I'm not going to mould you to my will or force you into anything. I'm not you."
His eyes go wide. Ellie takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words.
"I promise that this is going to be the one time I'll give you a command so here it goes." Ellie closes her eyes, attempting to tap back in to the tingling magic Odin infused in her body. "Do not hurt yourself. Do not kill anyone. Do not maim anyone. Do not hurt anyone. No killing or hurting or maiming. And that includes me. You can't hurt me and you really, really can't hurt you."
A shiver goes through her body as the tingles dissipate. She opens her eyes, searching Loki's face for any sign of a reaction but he looks just the same.
"And you can move," she quickly amends.
He falls to his knees. Eleanor lets out a squeal, dropping down to kneel in front of him. Her heart races as her hands flutter around him, unsure if her touch would be beneficial at this moment but then leans against her heavily and her arms come around his neck.
"Do not lie," he murmurs. "It is unbecoming."
"I'm not lying," she assures him, pressing her lips into his temple. "I'm not you. You'll see eventually. I won't give you any more commands."
"I loathe this."
"I know, but at least you won't be alone."
Loki sits back, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into his lap. Ellie lets out a sob and hugs him a little tighter. She can feel his tears against her chest. They stay just like that for a long time. Loki's breathing evens out as he calms.
Ellie looks up and is a little startled to see his family gathered around them. Frigga and Thor both openly weep. Odin looks like he's pretty close to tears himself. Frigga opens her mouth to offer some comfort but then gets choked up. It takes another moment for her to gather herself enough to speak.
"You will leave late in the night, ensuring your privacy," says Loki's mother. "We'll have food sent up and a healer will be in to look at his mouth and scratches. I… I suppose we will leave you now. Until tonight."
With a slight bow, Frigga turns to depart. Thor and Odin follow close behind. Loki jumps at the sound of his bedroom door closing behind his false family.
"Come on," she says, trying to stand. His grip on her waist becomes vice-like. "Let's go lie down."
Loki let's her pull him to his feet and over to his enormous bed.
Sorry this took so long. Blame it on the alcohol I consumed last night. My goal is to have this story complete by the time the movie comes out.
And on that note, is there any one out there reading who'd like to help me beta this? I don't know why I didn't ask sooner. It will make updates quicker and you get to read everything early!
To my lovely anon reader: you are lovely! And thanks so much for sticking with me. I'll replies to the rest of the reviews now.
See you soon!