A/N: I hope you all like this chapter!

Special thanks to jenny crum, Christiangirl, BAUMember Rerathar!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 18: Fond memories

The face staring back at her was filled with disappointment and anger. She had never meant to disappoint Collins in any way, but it had become impossible to their jobs by sitting still. It was no longer the way to go about it, and she hoped he understood that. Owen had done most of the talking since they sat down in his office to give him an update on the new circumstances. It had been Owen who had taken the blame while JJ sat back and tried to interrupt, he kept explaining to their boss how he had been the one to pull her into his mess. And for a moment JJ could see person she was once in love with, not the man who only cared about his achievements, but a man who cared for someone other than himself. It still didn't change anything between them but it made JJ feel better about working with him.

Collins stepped around his desk and leaned against the edge as he stopped in front of JJ, trying to get a read on her. ''Do you remember what I told you when I first handed you this assignment, Jareau?''

She did. She remembered him warning her for the temptations of a normal life, which he believed she could stay away from, but she apparently hadn't. Her relationship with Hotch was proof of that. But that wasn't what he was asking since he had no clue about what was transpiring in her private life. Not even Owen knew, and she wanted to keep it that way for a long time, forever if possible. So she tore herself away from the subject and looked at her boss with an expressionless face. ''You said no visits to Langley or contact with you. I had to live a normal life away from the CIA.''

''Yet you've been doing the complete opposite!'' he said angrily. ''I need you to stick to the assignment. Both of you.'' he ordered. He still couldn't read JJ, and that was the way it always had been. She had an amazing control of her emotions and that made her perfect for the CIA, but on this assignment she had already crossed certain lines and broken boundaries that should've never been there in the first place.

''Of course, sir.'' JJ agreed while rising from the chair. She pushed the chair back where it belonged and waited for Owen to join her, but he stayed seated. So she looked at him with a questionable expression, but he didn't seem to respond.

''Sir, in two weeks Chemicaltech is having their annual gala and that's the one moment that security in the science wing will be at its weakest.'' Owen began to explain with a smirk on his face. ''It's the perfect moment for me to break in and get an idea of what sort of chemicals they have.''

JJ turned around in shock, knowing exactly what Owen was suggesting. He wanted to do it on his own to get all the credit for breaking the case wide open, like he always did. And it was her own case to begin with. She started it all. ''Sir, we can't take that risk.''

''You're right, JJ.'' Collins stated. ''But Owen can go in alone while you're at the gala. It's the perfect moment.''

''I'll come up with a strike plan and set up a meeting for us before the gala.'' Owen expressed happily as he shook Collins' hand and turned back to JJ. He walked towards the door and held it open for her so she could walk out.

JJ quickly walked out of the office and into the middle of the bullpen with desks surrounding her. She froze and looked at everything around her, remembering a time when everything seemed so clear, so real, and now it all seemed to be a fading dream. Owen hadn't turned out to be the person she thought he was and she was slowly beginning to see that Collins would always take his side, and once upon a time she never saw that coming.

20 months earlier…

The nerves were coursing through her body as she walked through the hallways of the building. It was finally official. She had graduated from the farm after six months of training with Owen. She had done it, and now it was time to move forward and start the career she so desperately wanted. She was dressed in a pencil black skirt with a blazer as she followed Owen to the office he apparently worked at. During six months of personal training he hadn't led on where she was going to end up, or which division he worked for. He only said that someone had expressed special interest in her, and that's why she was trained by him, not with the other recruits. So she just went along with it.

She followed him to the right where he suddenly stopped in front of door and he typed in a code and swiped a card to gain access, and the door opened quickly. She followed him inside and once the doors closed she froze in amazement. She was standing in a large bullpen filled with two dozen desk in the middle. In the rear corner was a large operations room surrounded by glass, where she watched several men and women in suits standing and looking at what was probably an assignment or a target. Across from the operations center was one large office, with two conference rooms next to it. It was impressive and it only increased her nerves since she had no idea what division she had just walked into.

Owen was already a few ahead of her when he turned with a smile as he watched JJ smile nervously. He knew it would be a bit overwhelming for her, but he also expected her to get settled within the next few weeks. She had all the qualities to make for a great operative. He had seen it with his own eyes. ''Welcome to SAD, JJ.'' he revealed as he walked towards her. He put his hand on the small of her back and led her towards the large office at the other side.

SAD? She asked herself. It took some time before she finally realized where she was and it was major. ''Special Activities Division?'' she croaked out in awe. ''You work for this division?'' she asked.

''Yes, I do.''

She froze in front of the office and looked at Owen in complete disbelief. It had to be a big joke someone was putting her through because she knew only experienced agents got into SAD. Most of them were Special Forces Officers. She didn't belong there. So she breathed in deeply and stared at the man before her intently. ''Owen, why me?'' she questioned curiously.

Instead of answering her, he walked inside the office with JJ following him inside with an angry look on her face. He kept ignoring her question as he closed the door behind her, seeing Collins walking out of the operations center. ''You're about to hear it from the man himself.''

''The man who expressed an interest in me?'' she asked as the door to the office flung open. She watched an older greying man walk inside the office with a powerful political presence. She stepped aside to give him space so he could walk wherever he needed to go and she ended up by Owen's side.

He stepped forward and stopped in front of JJ. ''Hello, you must be Jennifer Jareau. I am Jeffrey Collins.'' he introduced confidently as he shook JJ's hand politely.

JJ could still remember how impressed she was by just the mere presence of Collins. She had been nervous for months when she sat across from him during briefings or in his office. But as time passed by, she came to know him as an honest and decent boss. Over time she even thought of him as a friend and someone who always had her back. But now it seemed like Owen was once again sneaking his way back into her cases, the one thing she hadn't asked for. Working with him was going to reopen old wounds she fought very hard to close.

''You stormed out of there pretty quickly!'' Owen remarked as he stepped behind JJ as she looked around the bullpen. ''JJ, are you alright?'' he asked as he put his hand on her shoulder.

JJ snapped back to reality by his touch and she turned around to face him, looking into his worried blue eyes. A year earlier she found herself getting lost in those same eyes, and now she only felt pain and regret as she looked into them. ''Yeah, I am fine. I was just thinking.'' she lied easily. ''I'm going home!''

She was already walking away before he could say anything else, so he decided to catch up with her. ''Hey, wait up!'' he called out, but she kept on walking. ''I thought we could go out or something. For dinner? Or a drink?'' he asked. ''Coffee?''

She finally stopped in her tracks and turned around coldly, not willing to give him any emotion. ''I already have plans. I'll see you tomorrow at Chemicaltech.'' she said before leaving behind a speechless Owen.

It was in the middle of the night when JJ was woken up by the shrilling sound of her phone. She quickly realized it wasn't work, but her cover phone. So she turned on her side with a smile on her face as she reached for the nightstand. She answered the call and put the phone to her ear.

''Jennifer Allen,'' she greeted, her voice soft and low as she sat straight up in the bed. She leaned back against the headboard as the sound of the voice on the phone made her heart flutter.

''Hey, sleepyhead.'' Hotch said sweetly. ''I wanted to leave you a voicemail message, but talking to you is even better. I am so sorry for waking you up, JJ.''

''Oh no, it's fine.'' JJ reassured quickly. ''So why are you calling in the middle of the night?''

He rose from the seat on the plane and walked to the end so he was away from all the prying eyes of his team. He settled against the kitchenette counter and breathed in deeply. ''I was about to go home when we got called away on a case, so I won't be home tomorrow for our lunch date.''

''That's fine. Is everything alright?'' JJ asked with concern. Something in the tone of his voice was different so she couldn't help but ask him. ''Aaron?''

Hotch looked at his team members. All of them were sharing the same frightened and worried expression about their case. It was the worst kind of case to face, and this time wasn't any different. ''We're flying down to Riverton, Wyoming where two eight year old girls have gone missing, and another girl's body was discovered tonight.'' he explained sadly. ''It's a bad case so I didn't want to wait.''

''Yeah of course. I understand.'' she said. ''If you ever want to talk you can call me. I am here for you if you need to vent or think about something else.''

''Thank you, JJ. Uhmm, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Sleep well!''

''Good luck!'' JJ whispered before she disconnected their call.

She had heard in his voice that the case was horrific. She had realized he was probably one of those stoic men on the job, but this case seemed to be really getting to him, she could understand that. She had never really been involved in cases involving children, but she had seen terrifying and horrific things in her short time with the CIA. And in a way she knew no one would really come back the same person after the job she did for the CIA. It changed people in many ways, but it had been a sacrifice she was willing to make if it meant saving people.