Chapter 24: Back in the World
When Ellie emerges from the bathroom, clothed and ready for the day, she is met with the sight of Loki staring intently at his clothes hanging in the closet.
"Good morning," she says, mostly just to alert him to her presence. He jumps slightly but otherwise does not move. The hesitation he is displaying is making her rethink her plan for the day. "Do you need a little help?"
"How many times must I tell you that I do not require your assistance, Eleanor?" His words lack bite, as if they are something he knows he should say but he doesn't know why.
Still, he grabs his usual selection of black leather pants and a green velvet shirt with gold piping, the only Asgardian clothes he has here. He turns to study her, eyes narrowing when he takes in her outfit of tiny jean shorts and black tank top.
"You expose far too much skin," he complains.
"It's hot out."
"Weather is no excuse for indecency."
With a heavy sigh, Ellie pulls her arms into a thin grey cardigan as Loki gets dressed.
"Happy?" she asks.
"Never," he replies, breaking her heart a little.
In the month since she brought Loki back here they have been bound to the house, leaving only on the occasion Eleanor needs to pick up something from the lab or when she manages to cajole him into a walk around the property. Darcy and Jane – escorted by Thor and Steve – even deliver their groceries.
It's making Ellie batty.
Although she has doubts about his ability to sit through a day in the lab, she needs to get back to her life. They can't stay in the cottage forever.
Loki follows close behind her as she moves into the family room. He grunts in approval as she selects several books off the shelf, shoving them into her oversized purse.
When they get in her jeep, Loki rests his hand on her bare thigh.
"They're all back in town, you know," she says as she drives. "I don't think they'll all be at the lab, but they are around. Felt the need to be here for your coming out party."
Loki says nothing, but she can see the tension in his jaw.
Ellie should not be surprised to see two SHIELD agents stationed on either side of the entrance to the donut shaped laboratory, but she is. Loki bristles and takes her hand as she swipes her ID card and the glass doors slide open. The guards stop them immediately, one coming at Loki with a metal detecting baton.
The God of Mischief progresses to totally freak out, his body reacting violently to the perceived threat. Outwardly he is unreadable, but though their magical bond Ellie feels his rising panic.
"Do not!" he hisses, as commanding as he was in front of a kneeling crowd in Germany. Despite his anxiety, Loki pulls Ellie behind him as if to protect her. His body keeps on shaking and his grip on her arm is painful as he backs them away from the approaching guard.
"If you have nothing to hide then this shouldn't be a problem," says commando one, brandishing the baton like a weapon and making Loki's insides quake. The other SHIELD guard looks like he's about a second from drawing his gun as Ellie searches for a way to defuse the situation.
Loki could easily lash out in fear and that just might be considered self-defense. If he starts attacking people, Fury might lock them both up for years and years.
"Back off," Ellie says, moving to step in front of Loki. She nods at him to let her go and she takes in the wild terror in his green eyes. His hand drops from her arm, but his limbs keep shaking.
"Miss Tate, we have to—"
"Give me that," she demands, grabbing the hand held metal detector. In his surprise commando one actually lets go. "Can't have anyone touching my man. My botwhatever guy. My dude person dude."
She tried to make a joke out of it, to make it about her rather than about Loki, but she fails somewhat miserably.
"We really need to follow procedure here," snaps commando two.
Ellie ignores him too.
"Arms out, Loki," she says quietly, turning back to the internally cowering, confused god. She is stunned to see that he trusts her enough to do as she says.
As she runs the detector close to his body, Loki never takes his eyes off the agents.
"Happy?" she asks, tossing the stick back at commando one when she completes her task.
"We need to search your bag." Ellie hands over her bag. "And he needs a pat down."
"No," Ellie says simply.
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes!"
"No," Ellie repeats, drawing out the syllable as if she's addressing a complete moron. "I'm the only one that gets to do that."
"Miss Tate—"
"Enough!" Thor's voice booms from the depths of the lab, making the commandos shut up and Loki jump.
"But—"
"Let them pass." The thunder god talks like the future king of Asgard, and the commandos step aside.
Ellie gives commando one a wicked smile as they pass, once more taking Loki's hand and shouldering her bag.
There are three more commando guards stationed around the wide, bright room, and the tension in Loki is painful. Eleanor can feel it as if it were her own. The physical awareness of their connection seems to be fading, but Ellie can still feel what he does in times of extreme distress.
Jane, Darcy, and Thor are all gathered in the kitchen area, coffee mugs in hand. Jane looks nervous. Darcy looks excited. Thor looks stern.
"Morning," Ellie greets as she leads Loki to her desk. His gaze darts nervously from the commandos to his brother, ready to fight or take flight.
The trio in the kitchen returns her greeting, but they are obviously distracted, and Ellie dumps her heavy bag on her desk. Loki sinks into her chair as if his legs will no longer support him. Ellie turns to move to the kitchen, but Loki holds firm, wrapping a strong arm around her waist.
He glares intently at the nearest guard and Ellie finds his protectiveness sweet. Making sure he clearly sees the movement of her hand, she reaches up to tuck his hair behind his ear. She drops a kiss on his temple and removes his arm from her waist.
"Do you want some coffee?" she asks.
He shakes his head and reluctantly lets Eleanor leave his side.
"I'll bring tea with tomorrow," she promises as she joins the girls and the golden god. "No one here drinks it."
Ellie selects a mug and catches up with her bosses. Jane hands over a giant stack of notes to be transcribed and Darcy gets nosey. Thor glares at his brother. After a few moments of chitchat, she moves back to Loki, dragging a spare chair behind her. She gets settled and Loki remains silent as he selects a book from Ellie's bad and Thor gives up.
Cap joins them for lunch and then loiters around Ellie's desk, making conversation but really just watching Loki who once more touches Ellie as a way to upset Steve. Sitting as close to Ellie as possible, Loki slips his fingers under the waistband of her shorts to grip her hip and pretends to innocently read his book.
Steve leaves not long after and Ellie sees that her life has become a very strange sort of dance, balancing friends and her job and the God of Lies.
Everyday the reality of the situation dawns on Ellie, but she doesn't regret her decision once. Everyday he gets a little less fragile, but Ellie has no idea what to do besides let his mind heal.
He is constantly surprised by the affection she shows him and he often relies on her to confirm that he is really here with her.
"This is by far my most pleasing prison," Loki tells her. "A pleasing prison, but no less confining."
Eleanor understands completely, given all the months he kept her confined. When she reminds him of his former views on freedom and his former status as her prison guard, he blinks at her in confusion.
"I do not remember why I cared enough for this worthless realm to attempt to rule it at all," he muses on a particularly strong day. "The influence of the Tesseract at its height, I suppose. Although my decision to keep your voice with me always is completely understandable."
This is not exactly progress, but at least his need for would domination seems to be behind him.
Everyday he speaks to her a little more and whether he is complaining about life on Midgard or complimenting her after she sings, Ellie is equally pleased to hear his voice.
Loki lies on his back, under a large tree in the unnaturally lush courtyard that borders Eleanor's place of employment. The day is overcast, but still so hot Loki's blood seems to boil even in the shade, but resting in the grass is much preferable to the overcrowded laboratory.
In the week since Eleanor forced him to venture forth from the relative safety and comfort of her pathetic excuse for a home, his false brother has been a constant presence, as have the stony faced soldiers of SHIELD and various other Avengers. They watch Loki constantly and he knows the terror he feels down to his bones in their presence is unwarranted, but he cannot think his way out of the fear.
Eleanor's touch is somewhat soothing, as it always has been, but today he could not abide their scrutiny and his deep shame when he inevitably jumps in terror at every movement of their muscles.
At least his fear is not apparent to his companions, save Eleanor but she does not mention it.
Eleanor says the Midgardians have a term for the turmoil currently plaguing his mind. Post traumatic stress disorder, she calls it. She even provided literature on the subject, but it is most likely irrelevant to him as it was developed by simple-minded mortals, for simple-minded mortals and he refuses to read what was given.
This corruption in his mind should be intolerable and prevents him from reaching the next step of his plan, but thus far Loki has been far too weary to correct any flaws. In his months beneath the golden palace, Loki came to truly loathe his own company and Eleanor provides a much needed relief. He turns to her constantly for a distraction from his own horror-filled mind, and now that he must share her attentions with his enemies, he finds himself resenting the Avengers that much more.
Loki sits up, opening one eye to look through the windows to where Eleanor is perched at her workstation. He gazes upon her back now, not only because her image is endlessly pleasing, but also to ensure that she remains unharmed.
Her so titled friends cannot be trusted with her safety, and the soldiers of SHIELD are to be downright feared.
Loki leans back against the trunk of the elm and watches Ellie communicate with the dark-haired girl that speaks with alarming rapidity. It never fails to make Loki's head throb. He would like nothing more than to silence her permanently, but an attempt would do nothing but upset Eleanor.
It is somewhat shocking to realize that he has no desire to upset Eleanor.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Although he is loath to admit it, having her near is something of a revelation. It has now been over one Midgardian year since she distracted him from spying on Tony Stark with that breath stopping voice of hers and he took her for his own, but even after all this time she remains no less of an enigma than when he first happened upon her.
Now he has the sense to differentiate between the possibilities the Tesseract showed him and real, true memory. There are two Eleanor's, the one in his mind who he saw in the vision, the one who loves him, and the Eleanor here, who argues with him, who pushes him.
Who he will leave the moment his mind heals and his magic returns.
When he thinks of the immense power the true Eleanor holds over him, rage fills his chest while simultaneously veins simultaneously freeze with fear.
The power she wields is humiliating and the simple fact that she dared agree to such a position of authority indicates his failure to break her will in the bunker. Although it is yet another failure to add to the ever-growing list, Loki is glad if it now.
Try as he might, Loki is unable to harden his heart to the songbird. His mind remains a confusing jumble of pain and sorrow, of crippling loneliness and all-consuming anger, but the real Eleanor is there for him, even if he does not love him like the false, dream version.
Much of his time since the ridiculous "family dinner" has been spent desperately seeking an understanding of true Eleanor's motivation for bringing him here, for willingly binding her life to that of a monster.
He finds himself wanting Eleanor's decision to be born of affection, the sort he experienced with dream Eleanor, but he knows the impossibility of this and curses his weakness for thinking on it at all.
The hours spend observing her lead to one possible answer.
This is vengeance.
Loki kept her locked away in the ground. Now it is Eleanor's turn to play jailor and he hates her for it, hates himself for expecting anything else from the puny half mortal.
Eleanor seems to spend the majority of the time attempting to lure him into a sense of false security. Her attention and kindness will only make it that much more unbearable when she takes her vengeance through a series of humiliating commands, no doubt.
Worst of all, she's taken to asking his opinion rather than telling him what to do. Most remarkably, thus far she has actually listened to his desires and council. Rarely in his long life has anyone put much stock in his opinion.
Thor rarely followed his clearly wiser advice nor did the bloodthirsty and ridiculous army of suicidal drones that were supposedly under his command during his attempted hostile take over, but Eleanor genuinely listens when he speaks.
He'll miss the value she places on his words most of all when she turns hateful and extracts her revenge. Each day it gets a little more difficult to imagine her as conniving and heatless as his false family or as cruel and malicious, like Loki himself.
He doesn't want her to be like him. He wants her to stay kind and understanding, but when revenge takes her this will be his doing as well.
Thinking about Eleanor is still decidedly less terrible than thinking on the rest of it.
Although Eleanor presence drastically reduces his time spent away from reality, often he is back in the Void, his body is crippled by mindless pain a new. This proves true most especially during his hours spent asleep.
Loki lets his eyes fall closed, once more exhausted by the effort of simply existing, but the voice of the false brother has his eyes flying open once more. Loki nearly jumps out of his skin, but he is otherwise able to hide his terror.
There was a time not so long ago when no creature could surprise the God of Mischief in such a fashion.
"You fear me, brother?" inquires the oaf. He stands ten paces from Loki's elm, arms crossed over his massive chest. The golden god is frowning and somewhat angry. He wears Midgardian attire.
Loki gives the false one a lazy smile, letting his head fall back against the wood.
"No." The first word he's given Thor since his arrival on Midgard with Eleanor is not even a lie. Loki does not fear the god before him. Even as his body screams, compelling him to flee, his mind knows that if Thor were to seek vengeance, he would have done so long before now.
"You are foolish, then," Thor says. "You have slighted me far too often to feel safe in my presence."
"I assure you," Loki drawls. "I feel absolutely nothing in your presence."
This time his words are lie, but Thor's wince brings Loki immense satisfaction. Still, the desire to run far and swift does not leave him.
Thor seems to struggle to find the correct words, a frequent occurrence, and Loki closes his eyes, wanting nothing more than to curl his body around Eleanor in their bed.
Her bed. In her bed.
"Nicholas Fury does not trust Lady Eleanor's command to hold you," he finally says. Once more, Loki looks at the frowning oaf. "I am here to appease his fears but time will pass and I will return home."
Something painful slices Loki's stomach at the word home, but he keeps his face mocking and amused and thoroughly without care.
"You will be unable to hurt Jane, as Father's magic is strong, but you know better than most that not all wounds are physical. Lady Eleanor's heart is involved and when you betray her, I will kill you," Thor says, as serious as Loki's ever seen hm.
His foolishness knows no bounds, it seems, and Loki closes his eyes again. Eleanor's heart is not involved. Loki is pleased that Thor sighs and departs only moments later.
Another month passes and the panic around Loki's appearance dies down.
Loki proves to be such a boring subject that the Avengers lose interest. Thor goes back to Asgard, disappointed that Loki refuses to even acknowledge his presence. Natasha goes off on some mission, followed shortly by Tony. Steve lingers, having nothing else to really do apparently, and Ellie fleetingly wonders where he's been staying now that her spare cot is not an option.
Unlike the Avengers, Ellie is not fooled by Loki's stillness and relative silence. She learns to read his face and sees clearly how he struggles for sanity. She can tell when he really is reading or when he simply stares at blankly at the page, consumed by murky memories and confusion.
During the daylight hours, Loki rarely gets swallowed up by the Void. Eleanor sits close to him and holds his hand when the psychosis threatens to take him somewhere painful. Usually he accepts her comfort.
For the first time in recent memory, Ellie wants another person to let her in. It's extremely strange for Ellie, this desire to really know him and in turn let him really know her.
In some ways, her ever-growing attachment to the fallen prince is even more terrifying than her time spent as his prisoner. Still, she tries very hard not to expect anything from him.
For now he is safe and healing. She gives him the best possible environment to find his mind, and it's enough.
In her last lonely life as a struggling musician, totally cut off from everyone for eight years, Ellie did not own a TV.
When she first started work on her cottage, she had no intention of purchasing one but then Tony showed up with a sleek flat screen and a stack of movies. Ellie couldn't find it in her to reject Iron Man's house warming gift.
She's glad for it now.
Some nights when Ellie can't stand the silence and lacks the inspiration to play, she forces Loki to watch movies. Usually, she puts in some classic recorded concert, but she likes old movies too.
Loki had no patience for Some Like It Hot but he was totally enthralled by The Godfather.
Tonight Ellie goes natural.
"You need to get over this ridiculous hate for my planet," she says, handing over the ice cream before digging around in the couch for the remote.
"I do not hate this realm, Eleanor," he says, obviously annoyed. "There is nothing here worthy of my attention what so ever. On good days I find myself perfectly apathetic to this dull environment. On bad it is grossly irritating."
Ellie rolls her eyes but loves how much he's talking tonight. It feels like progress.
"You don't know anything about this realm," Ellie replies, emerging from the depths of the couch victorious, remote in hand. "I'm going to educate you. This is your home now."
"Home?" he spits out, predictably outraged. "I have no home."
Eleanor is quiet for a moment, mulling over her response. She turns slightly on the couch to look at him. It's difficult to keep from smiling at his blue lips, but the look on his face is akin to a lost little boy so that makes it easier.
"You know, at some point your homelessness stops being sad and it becomes a choice, Loki," she murmurs, looking away. "You choose your home."
Once more he looks terrified. She hates it when he looks terrified.
"You've done an awful lot of personal growth in the last year," he sys with a sneer. Ellie hates that look on his face, too. "Have you not, songbird?"
Ellie shrugs.
"I made a choice."
"Because of my influence?"
Ellie's a little surprised to hear him reference their past for the first time. She wonders how much he even remembers.
"You certainly inspired me to change my life," she agrees. "You're totally a cautionary tale."
"Changed for the better?" he asks quietly. She gives him a sad smile but he misses it because he's busy avoiding her gaze. The tub of Phish Food sits neglected in his lap as the blue color fades from his lips.
"For the better," she decides. "Much better. I'm not so lonely anymore. I talk to my sister now. And Maureen."
Loki scoffs. "Only the weak experience this useless emotion. I am not lonely."
Ellie sighs and reaches out to rub his knee. "Loki, sweetheart, like ninety-five of what you are is lonely."
He stiffens and moves to get up, but Ellie pulls him back down to the couch. Remarkably, he lets her.
"We're getting way off topic here," she says. "Just watch this with me."
He sighs heavily but once more reaches for the ice cream.
"What dribble do you have for me today?" he asks, with an air of complete disinterest. Instead of answering she powers up the Blu-ray. "Planet Earth?" he sputters when the title menu appears.
"It's a documentary. You like learning. It's educational."
Loki snorts.
"Just keep an open mind."
He snorts again as Ellie selects the episode. "We'll watch the one on forests," she decides. "You'll like all that green."
Loki doesn't complain through the entirety of the documentary. She takes a chance and puts on Ice Worlds next. He doesn't complain during this one either.
"I do not see the point in all this," he mutters as he stares out the vehicle's windows at the barren landscape. Even with the sun dipping past the western horizon, the heat is stifling. Eleanor finds the color here beautiful. All the red wears on Loki's nerves.
"No complaining," replies his songbird. She sits at his side, between Loki and the ever-quixotic Captain of America. Thor's Whore drives the vehicle in a jarring manner, seated next to the dark haired twit.
Loki puts his lips to Eleanor's ear, delighted to see the man out of time bristle. This is one lesson Loki will gladly teach the fool repetitively. It's a pleasure to see his jealousy.
"Why must so many accompany us on this quest?" he whispers. "It is private."
Eleanor smiles as Loki's arm comes around her waist. In the cramped confines of the vehicle, his hand brushes the Captain's thigh. Loki can feel the disgust in the man's body and he keeps his hand against Eleanor, constructing a barrier between her and the patriotic one.
"This experiment will lead only to useless information," he continues. Through their fading physical proof of their magical connection, he can feel her desire. It makes him foolish. He closes his eyes and smells her hair, well aware that every person in the car is deeply uncomfortable.
"Hush," Eleanor replies, her hand coming to rest on his thigh. Her touch makes him forget that this is all just a game. It makes him forget the plan that resides perpetually in his pocket. She does not bother to whisper. "You are as curious as I am."
"Hardly," he replies in her ear, talking just loudly enough for the Captain to overhear. "I see no need to have any distance between you and I."
Eleanor rolls her eyes.
It is not long before they arrive in the flat open space distinguished by red dirt and twig-like plants.
They start out back to back, surrounded by their far too many observers, and then begin to walk away from each other, moving in a straight line. Loki resists the urge to constantly glance over his shoulder as he takes measured paces. It is not long before he slams into an invisible barrier. It is as if he is once more behind glass walls and the thought makes him panic. The force of it has him falling to his knees.
It hurts his veins, has them throbbing painfully, and he turns to see Eleanor lying flat on her back, groaning. Her companions applaud for no discernable reason.
"Don't move!" shouts Thor's Whore, running over to Loki with her little wheeled device that will calculate the distance between them. He quells the instinct to run to the songbird. She rolls onto her front to look at him as he struggles to his feet.
"That's farther than I thought!" Ellie yells to Loki, making no move to get to her feet. "That's a least a football field, right Jane?"
Despite the distance, Loki can clearly hear her. Jane Foster moves with the wheel on the stick that measures their every pace. Once he is sure that she has a starting point he rushes to Eleanor's side.
She grins up at him. "That's farther than I thought," she repeats.
"Wow, you were right," declares Jane Foster when she joins them. Loki pulls Eleanor to her feet, watching as she brushes dirt from her dress. "That was pretty much exactly one hundred yards."
"Good to know," Eleanor replies, blushing slightly as Loki removes leaves and various debris from her golden locks. "That fucking hurt."
Loki sighs, but agrees with her statement nonetheless.
"Let's not to that again," she murmurs, turning to Loki. He takes her hand in his and nods.
"Your companions have yet to remove their gazes from my person," Loki says after plucking her headphone from her right ear. She jumps, startled as ever by his sneaking ways. In the last month the ability to feel the ever movement of his body has all but disappeared, but a shiver still goes up her spine as her body reacts to his proximity.
At his words Ellie glances up from the excel spreadsheet she's spent the last hour fiddling with to the women supposedly working across the lab. Steve set off on his motorcycle yesterday, leaving Jane, Darcy, and Ellie alone with Loki and only one silent SHIELD guard.
Under Ellie's gaze, Jane and Darcy both to a bad job pretending to work, obviously uncomfortable to be caught staring. Ellie rolls her eyes and turns her head to whisper back in Loki's ear. He's caged her in with his body, leaning over her chair with his hands clutching the edge of her desk.
When did he leave the damn couch?
"They're probably just waiting for you to lose your shit and start destroying the lab or murdering everyone," she whispers, her nose skimming the sharp line of his cheekbone. Loki smirks as he continues to observe Eleanor's coworkers, obviously amused and enjoying their tension.
"I am bored and irritated enough to instigate a quality rampage," he says, raising his voice to further scare her bosses.
"No rampaging," she says. "Behave yourself. And don't you ask me if that's a command!" she says in a rush before he can ask. "You know it isn't."
He scowls at her for a moment before leaning forward to squint at her computer screen. She rests her head against his chest as his hand snakes down her arm, coming to rest over her hand on the mouse.
"Don't mess anything up," she murmurs as he scrolls through the spreadsheet she's been organizing. Loki doesn't respond, but she can imagine him rolling his eyes. "Save it, at least."
"Your work is menial," he says with distaste. "Your time would be better spent with your instruments."
"The quicker I get this done, the quicker we can go home to my instruments," she points out as he continues to read. She can feel the tension in his body against her back, a reaction to the word home.
"Does your feeble mind even comprehend the meaning behind these numbers?"
"Nope," Ellie replies, popping her up. "And that's rude."
"My deepest apologies," he says, laying the sarcasm on heavy. Ellie tilts her head to look up at him, watching his face as he scrolls through the data. As he reads, his lips move, silently mouthing the words and numbers.
Try as she might, she can't stop thinking about those lips on hers. Loki glances at her as if she's totally lost her mind, a lovely expression given his current mental stability. He raises a questioning eyebrow, and she can do nothing but shrug in response.
Ellie goes back to watching him putter around on her computer, absorbing data and knowledge that remain foreign to her. All the while he keeps her hand pinned to the mouse with his own. Occasionally he jerks the cursor wildly, taking Ellie with him and making her giggle.
Jane stares that them with wide eyes.
"You're going to get me in trouble," Ellie says, pouting as she attempts to reclaim control of the mouse. Loki shows no sign of letting go.
"You really don't have access to that, Loki," snaps Jane, sounding much braver than expected. "Unless you want a job helping with the Bifrost."
"A job?" demands Loki, completely incredulous.
"A job!" squeaks Ellie, overjoyed.
"Thor says no one knows more about this stuff than you," Jane replies. "If you're going to be here everyday you might as well keep busy, make yourself useful. Of course, Thor also told me not to trust anything you say or do, but whatever. You're here. You should help."
Loki's sneer makes Jane cower, but only slightly. Ellie sighs heavily.
"You could at least think about it," she suggests.
"There is less than nothing to think on," he informs her primly, pulling away from Eleanor. All three women watch him warily as he retrieves his book from the couch. With fast, angry footsteps, he approaches Darcy's workspace. Everything about his presence seems aggressive, and the bosses seem to panic, but Ellie just rolls her eyes at his dramatics. In the end he just snatches away a spare chair near Darcy, dragging it across the room, back to Ellie's desk. He drops down into it with flourish, sitting as close to Ellie as possible.
"Behave," she reminds him. Loki just sneers at her before returning to his book. The girls seem to let out a collective breath of relief, but Ellie watches Loki for another moment, trying to determine if he'll let her work in peace now.
When she's satisfied that he's thoroughly occupied, she reaches for her headphones once again, only to have Loki snatch away her iPod.
It is a luxury that she's only been able to afford since joining on with Stark, and she is extremely protective of the device. She bites her lip to keep from protesting as Loki critically examines it.
"This differs from the music player you bestowed upon me," he murmurs.
"It holds all my music," she replies, appreciating the way he handles her beloved iPod.
"How many songs?" he asks, using his thumb to study all the artists.
"A fuckton."
"Eleanor," he reprimands, elongating each syllable. Resigning herself to the fact she will not be listening to music, she turns back into the data-entry groove when Loki speaks again.
"I do wish I processed the mental clarity to retrieve my music player from my prison before out departure," Loki murmurs, sounding so sad.
Ellie doesn't speak as she reaches out for the iPod. Loki watches the screen intently as she scrolls through the artists, selecting one entitled ME! Hidden among various live recordings, many from her high school days, Eleanor settles on the proper album.
"The songs have names," eh muses as she hands him the iPod.
"Some I wrote," she replies. "Some I didn't."
Loki puts in the ear buds, pushes play, and lays his head down on the desk, just near Eleanor's hand.
"So dish," Darcy says. "This is the first time we've had a moment to ourselves since you guys blasted back from Asgard."
Fighting a smile, Ellie glances out the window to see Loki lounging in the distance, reading with his back against a tree and reading in the courtyard between the great round laboratory and the rest of Stark's new research, development, and training complex. The whole compound looks so bizarre and shiny out here in the desert.
"Well, it's a little tricky being as it is physically impossible to be more than a hundred yards away from the guy," Ellie murmurs, smiling slightly as Loki glares up at a bird that's perched on a branch just above his head.
"Yeah, that shit has to suck," Darcy muses.
Ellie just shrugs in response. The transition has been extremely strange but it is better than thinking of him rotting away with his lips sewn shut. Loki may drive her a little crazy and she feels so guilty for liking him at all, given what he's done, but there is relief in knowing where he is, knowing that he's safe.
There is no way Ellie is about to admit her growing dependence on the dark prince.
"What would happen if someone tried to kidnap you?" asks Darcy, sounding far too excited.
"I don't think they'd physically be able to take me away," replies Ellie, curious as well. "Or Loki would get dragged along. It wouldn't be good and it would hurt like a bitch."
"Can we try it, Jane?" Darcy asks. The leader of the lab doesn't even glance up form one of her strange machines.
"No."
"Please?" Darcy begs.
"You know what's the most annoying thing about this whole strange situation?" says Jane, turning on Ellie. She winces.
This plan to take responsibility for Loki's punishment and rehab was not thought through. Ellie didn't even pause to consider how Loki's presence would effect though around her. She didn't think about how the people who care about her would feel. Ellie is so guilty for putting Jane and Darcy in this situation, but she wouldn't change her mind, not when Loki spends less time lost back in the Void everyday.
"The fact that he only talks to Ellie and when he does look at us his face gets all pinched like we smell bad?" guesses Darcy.
A little snort escapes Ellie's lips at the very accurate description of one of Loki's many memorable expressions.
"No, he can glare all he wants," Jane mutters. "I could care less about what he thinks of me. Thor says Loki is like the paramount expert on the energies required to move between worlds. He probably has the solution to half our current issues stored in that head of his and he just won't help because he hates us and he hates his brother, who loves him so much it's annoying actually. And I don't care about that, but what really rankles is all that knowledge going to waste! Frankly, it's offensive."
Darcy laughs, amused as ever by Jane's near single-minded devotion to her work. "Jane, he'd probably just sabotage us anyway."
"He can't," Ellie reminds them. SHIELD made her include this in her command, which is actually like a lot of little commands. "Give him time. He'll get bored eventually and probably start working here just for something to do."
His mind is healing. As he sorts through memories, he is coming back to himself. When his mind is his own he might tap into all that Bifrost knowledge, but for now he just needs to heal. All this Ellie keeps to herself. She's working real hard on the trust thing and dishing with her girlfriend on his mental state would surly set them back.
"Okay," says Darcy, collecting herself. She crosses the lab to lean against Ellie's desk. "He'll be back any moment. We need to focus here, people!"
"On what?" Jane asks, pushing her glasses up to rest on top of her head as she gives Darcy her full attention.
"I don't care about the knowledge stored away in that beautiful, murderous head of his," Darcy says in a wistful way that has Eleanor prickling. "Is he your boyfriend?"
Jane pulls a face as Ellie sputters for moment.
"This question isn't that weird," Darcy says. "I mean, you won't date Cap. You went to another planet to save him from a long-ass prison sentence and willingly bound your life up with his. And all this after you make him a one night stand and he imprisoned you in some weird tunnel for like a million years."
For a moment Ellie is surprised by the extent of Darcy's knowledge of her history with the God of Lies, but the Avengers are a bunch of gossips so it really makes sense.
"He's not my boyfriend," Ellie finally manages. Was there ever a term less fitting to describe their bizarre relationship?
"But he's pretty much your boyfriend," Darcy insists, grinning.
Ellie shakes her head, wishing Loki would come back. "He hates me."
The laughter that erupts from both Jane and Darcy thoroughly shocks Ellie, whose mouth pops open in shock.
"He does," Ellie mutters, in something of a daze as the women collect themselves. "Or at least he's trying to."
"He doesn't," says the ever-kind Jane. "And he's failing."
"You're an idiot," says the ever-blunt Darcy. "Us he hates. You? Not so much."
They don't understand, but Loki sure as shit is no fan of Ellie's these days. He resents her for his inexplicable dependence on her voice and her touch. And now she has all the power. Hate may be too simple, but it's certainly a major part of his feelings towards her.
"So you're hitting that, right?" asks Darcy.
"Darcy!" Jane's horrified exclamation makes Ellie smile as she shakes her head in answer to Darcy's inquiry.
"What!" continues the engineer. "Living in that tiny shack! Do you even has another bed?"
Again, Ellie shakes her head.
"You hussy," Darcy drawls, unimpressed. "But you have slept with him? Like a lot, right?"
This time Ellie can't help but smile wickedly when memories flash through her head.
"You shameless hussy!" Darcy squeals. "Was it epic? Shit, look at your face. Of course it was epic. Could you keep up with him? What about that sliver tongue nickname? Details, woman! I need details."
Jane sighs and turns back to her work. Ellie smirks, shaking her head slightly.
"Really?" demands Darcy, crossing her arms over her chest. "You aren't going to give me anything?"
Why Darcy expects Eleanor to indulge in girl talk is a mystery. They've now worked together for almost a year and although she is no longer totally silent, Darcy should be used to Eleanor's preference for quiet at this point.
"You two are unbelievable!" shrieks Darcy with genuine anger. Ellie blinks up at her, surprised, but Jane just sighs again, obviously having experienced something like this before. "My two best friends are banging gods. Gods! Actual freaking gods while I'm stuck with lame, whimsy little mortals. You two are boning mother flipping gods and you don't even have the decency to give me even a little bitty detail!"
Ellie waits a beat before asking, "I'm one of your best friends?"
Despite Darcy's obvious irritation, Ellie is deeply touched. She is still not used to having friends again, let alone best friends. At Ellie's clarification, Darcy let's out a growl of outrage before turning on her heel and storming out of the lab. She hustles up the path towards the residential part of the complex, throwing a glare at Loki as she goes. He gives her one of those freaky maniacal smiles that makes Ellie wonder just what sort of man he'll be if he ever manages to get his mind back.
"She's just frustrated," explains Jane, already absorbed back in her work. "There are slim pickings around here. And I think she misses Steve."
Ellie nods absently, tucking that tidbit away in her head and still observing Loki. As Darcy disappears, Loki turns to look right at Ellie. Form this distance, Ellie has no chance of decoding the meaning behind his facial expression.
"Be careful, Ellie," warns Jane.
"I will," Ellie replies. And she really does what this to be the truth, despite all her utterly reckless actions thus far when it comes to the thoroughly dangerous god. "Hey, do you mind if I take off?" Ellie asks, continuing to stare at Loki. He stares right back.
"You finished with those notes?"
"Just sent them to you."
"Okay, you can take off. That's it for the day."
"Don't forget to eat, Jane," Ellie lectures. It is a speech she's been given herself countless times in the not too distant past.
Now, Ellie is constantly reminding Jane of meals and trying to get Loki to consuming something other than ice cream.
"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here."
Loki is pretending to read when Ellie approaches his spot in the unnaturally lush courtyard. He doesn't glance up as Ellie stands before him, casting him in shadows as her body blocks the setting sun. The purposefully blank expression on his face makes Ellie nervous.
"Hello," he says carefully. Although He continues to stare at the page, his eyes don't move from a fixed spot.
"Hi," she replies. "You ready to go?"
There is no response, nor does Loki make any move to get up from his spot, leaning back against the trunk of the tree. Instead of badgering him, Ellie drops her purse and sits down in the soft grass, facing him. She looks up at the blue sky that seems so much vaster here than it is back east. She enjoys the setting sun and waits for Loki to speak. The sun drifts a little closer to the horizon before Loki does just that.
"You believe that I hate you?"
Ellie recognizes his one of forced nonchalance and she gives herself a moment to get over the shock brought on by his question before turning to look at him.
She's not as good at faking nonchalance as the God of Lies, but she's close. He simply has millennia on her. Loki doesn't respond, nor do his eyes leave that same spot on the book in his lap.
"You heard our conversation," she says, pointing out the obvious. He doesn't respond. She's supposed to be the only silent one in this relationship. "How did you do that? It's amazing."
"Do you believe I hate you because you loathe me in return?" he asks. This time he can't quite manage to maintain his apathetic attitude.
Ellie snorts humorlessly. At the sound, Loki's head snaps up, his gaze finding her as he finally stops staring at the stupid book.
"I willingly tangled my life up with yours and travelled across the universe to rescue you from a century of solitude. Are those actions motivated by hate?"
"You have control of my movement," he reminds her for the squillionth time. "This could easily give you your revenge for your imprisonment and my attempt to infect you with the tesseract. So yes, your actions could easily be motivated by hate."
Letting her face fall forward into her hands, Ellie sighs heavily. "I'm so tired of having this conversation," she mutters into her palms.
"Perhaps you could attempt once more in a way that is not completely absurd, verging on the totally insane."
He's getting snappish now, but Ellie takes a deep breath before attempting to once more explain the inexplicable.
"I just…" She takes a deep breath and starts over. "I couldn't stand the thought of you rotting away alone in a cell when you need help."
"I require no assistance!"
The roll of her eyes is the only sign that she heard his out burst at all.
"And somewhere along the line, after I decided to fix my life, I got it in my head that if you're a lost cause, than I am too. Save you, save myself," she says, feeling like an idiot. It doesn't make sense to her. How could it possible make sense to him?
"Your obscene attempt to play savior is pathetic as it is unnecessary," he says, casually studying his fingernails. "I am far beyond redemption."
"Whatever, Loki. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
Loki just blinks at her for a moment before the glare is back. "The nonsense that constantly spews forth from your pretty little mouth is truly baffling."
"Aw," Ellie croons with false sweetness. "You think I'm pretty."
"I think you're beautiful." The statement is made with such anger the compliment should be ruined, but his words make Ellie blush anyway.
She goes silent, having no idea what else to say. It takes him a few moments, but he manages to let the rage drain out of him.
"You think I hate you?" he asks, suddenly so quiet and unsure. "Truly?"
"In the course of this conversation you've referred to me as absurd, insane, obscene, pathetic, unnecessary, baffling," she lists, matching his gentle tone. "What am I suppose to think?"
"Also beautiful," he whispers. "Let us not forget beautiful."
Ellie sighs. "Do you hate me, Loki?"
"No."
She can barely hear the reply and it's not enough.
"What do you think of me?" she asks, trying to be brave.
"I think you a great fool," he mutters, avoiding her gaze. "I often wonder how you managed to infiltrate my consciousness. Why is it my whole life seems like a blue but I can recall every detail of your face, your voice, our time together, in startling clarity and detail. What did you do to me."
He studies her with something close to awe and Ellie can't look away.
"I don't know," she whispers. "What did you do to me?"
"Nothing I originally intended," he mutters, frowning slightly. "I can assure you of that."
The petulance in his tone makes her smile.
"I don't hate you," she repeats.
"Although you should."
"And you don't hate me."
"Contrary to my greatest wishes."
"We don't hate each other."
"We are both fools."
"We don't hate each other," she repeats, staring him right in the eye. "Okay?"
The slight nod of his head is enough for now. Ellie gets to get feet, feeling strangely light.
"Let's go home."
Despite some grumbling, Loki lets her hold his hand all the way to the car.
Marie Allen betaed this sucker. She is awesome and so are you for reading this! Let me know what you thought! The next week is really hectic so I probably won't get another one out till the weekend, although reviews are excellent motivators. Just saying.