A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to jenny crum, snuggleUP, BAUMember and Christiangirl!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 37: Loss and betrayal

Two weeks later…

The mood at Langley was grief. Grief for their fallen comrades. Four new stars had been added to the CIA's Memorial Wall. Four heroes had died trying to protect their country and countless of innocent lives. But worst of all was seeing the families during the ceremony. Not only did their loved ones die, but they discovered that they worked for the CIA, which probably added to the amount of grief they were trying to process.

As the ceremony continued on, JJ had been standing in the corner of the room with tears filling up her eyes. She had known all four men that had died. She had laughed, joked and talked with them in the few wonderful moments she shared with them. The losses had definitely taken a hit to the agency. SAD specifically. Collins had deployed a team to Syria where Asad Hawsawi was rumored to be, but it had been a trap. The intell had been faked, and team of four CIA officers had died because of it. It was a great loss, and it only heightened everyone's will to take down Hawsawi and the Russians and to have the weapon in safe hands, away from terrorists and mercenaries.

JJ wiped away the tears when she felt a presence appear next to her. She hadn't been allowed into Langley after she had made contact with Ward, but after she received news from Owen about the four deaths, she couldn't stay away. She had to say goodbye in a way.

''Come on, let's get out of here.'' Emily said as she stood behind JJ, knowing her friend had been affected by the losses. ''We should get some coffee.''

JJ turned around and walked out of the room and into another part of the building where it was completely quiet. ''Aren't you working with Collins and Easter today?'' she asked. She had barely spoken to Emily since their drunken night four weeks earlier.

''I'm leaving tomorrow.'' she announced. Everything had been set-up. Their taskforce, JTF-12, was debriefed and she was ready to infiltrate Valhalla's network. She was going undercover into a dangerous situation, but it wasn't more dangerous than what other agents at the agency were involved in. From several people she had come to realize that JJ's assignment qualified as one of those. Highly dangerous and sensitive to both national and international security.

''That's faster than you expected, right?'' JJ asked in shock. She knew it was just another part of their jobs, but JJ couldn't deny that she was going to miss her friend. They had become really close and had been able to help each other through some rough patches in their lives just by talking. JJ knew Emily hadn't lived the easiest life and that her commitment to the agency oftentimes was in question. She had lived through dozens more of assignments than JJ, so she couldn't even imagine what Emily's life was truly like.

''Unfortunately, it is.'' she responded. ''But I don't want to talk about me anymore.'' she went on. ''How are you and Aaron doing?''

''We're doing well.'' JJ said happily. ''He just hasn't been home in three weeks because he keeps being called away on cases, but I can't complain since I'm just as busy as him.'' she went on, her voice filled with a sense of dread and anxiety.

Emily could sense that something was bothering JJ more than she was letting on. It was written across her face. ''What's really going on, JJ?'' she questioned carefully and compassionately.

JJ sighed deeply, preparing herself to actually say the words out loud. It had been crossing her mind for over a week. She had been consumed by it, and didn't know exactly what to do with it. ''I'm considering leaving the CIA, or at least move to a desk job.'' she confessed.

''What? Why?'' Emily almost exclaimed. From time with JJ she had come to realize that the CIA and its purpose had become her life. It was in her blood, it was who she was, and giving it up would mean for her to make a major decision about her life.

''Why?'' JJ repeated. ''Because I don't want to die and have Aaron find out the truth from a stranger. He deserves so much more than that.''

''When?''

''After this case is over. I want to finish what I've started but after it's done, so am I.'' she went on, noticing the look of surprise on Emily's face. ''Yes, my job is very important to me. But it's not more important to me than my life with Aaron. If I want to have a chance with him, I need to give up something, and I guess my job has to be the sacrifice.''

''If he truly loves you he will accept you for who you are, JJ. And that includes your job.'' Emily contradicted. ''I've seen agents give up their jobs to be with their families, but it was never the right choice. Believe it or not, we do this job for a reason. We're more dedicated to this job than our families and relationships. That's just how it works.''

JJ was about to respond when her phone started vibrating in her pocket. She looked at the screen and her face filled with joy at the ID of the caller. ''I have to take this.'' she said to Emily. She hurried down the hallway and slipped into the empty restroom at the end. ''Hi stranger!'' she greeted happily.

''Hey,'' Hotch greeted back. ''We're on our way back to DC right now. We wrapped up the case this morning and the plane leaves in twenty minutes, so I'll be home tonight.''

JJ couldn't help but smile widely after hearing his news. ''Good. I've missed you. You've been gone for far too long.''

''I've missed you too, JJ.'' he said. ''Do you want to go out tonight?''

''I was planning on going to the gym later tonight.'' she answered. ''I know the owner pretty well and he gave me access so I can train after hours.''

''Really?'' Hotch asked, realizing he learned something new about her again. ''We could go together. I could meet you there.'' he suggested.

''Sounds good to me. I'll text you the address.'' she smiled out. ''I love you.''

''Love you too!''

JJ hung up the phone and put it back in her pocket and left the restroom. She went back to Emily so they could get their coffee together, and that's when it finally hit JJ that she had no idea when she was going to see her again. Once JJ left the agency, contact with her former colleagues would become more difficult. They couldn't risk being exposed, and nor did JJ want that for them. But JJ knew for certain that she was going to miss talking to Emily, and having someone to talk to about Hotch and problems she was having. She didn't exactly have anyone else in her life who she could talk to. The only other people in her life were Owen, Collins, Hotch and his friends. That was it. And even though she had come to terms with non-existing relationships in her life a long time ago, it felt enormously upsetting to have to see Emily go away on assignment. The two had become close friends, and JJ was going to miss that.

The evening came around earlier than JJ expected. She was extremely excited to see Hotch again, and to spend some time with him. She knew that every moment with him was a gift. With his job, time was limited for both of them. It was just a disadvantage she had learned to live with. Mainly because she knew how important his job was to him. She felt the same dedication to her own job, and the thought of giving it up felt sickening, but her relationship with Hotch was more important to her than anything else in her life. She would give her own life for his if it ever came down to it.

JJ was forced to snap back to reality when she watched the familiar figure walking down the street towards her. She suddenly felt her head beat a mile a minute and she started to run towards him, literally flying into his arms when she reached him. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him for a searing kiss to make up for the weeks that she hadn't seen him.

Hotch broke away from the kiss to catch his breath. ''I should leave more often.'' he joked and JJ slapped his shoulder after he put her down on the ground. ''Hey! A greeting like that is worth it!''

''Let's go get physical!'' she joked, knowing it would get to him. Their emotional and physical connection had always been off the charts and after not having seen each other it would only be increased.

''I know you go running when you have the chance but I had no clue that you went to the gym.'' he said, knowing the hints to her previous words. He decided to try and not be distracted by it, but he simply couldn't help it. As JJ walked ahead of him, his eyes landed on her body, and he couldn't get her words out of her head. ''You're the worst girlfriend ever!'' he groaned out as he walked next to her.

''Yeah, I know. But you love me anyway.'' she said as she opened the door to the gym. She turned on the lights and then turned to face Hotch. ''How do you keep in shape, Mr. Hotchner?''

JJ knew his workout routine. Just like her, he went running whenever he could. But she also knew he was very big into marathons, so biking and swimming was also something he did when he found the time. JJ was the complete opposite of him. To keep in shape, she loved to get a sparring partner and practice her martial arts. Ever since the farm it had been a great way for her to vent and let go. Owen had taught her, and she had carried on, practicing almost every other day.

''Didn't you already know?'' he asked her. ''You keep me in shape!''

''You're too sweet.'' JJ said as she pulled two pairs of boxing gloves from her bag. She threw one pair at Hotch and dropped her bag to the floor. She stepped onto the large mat and quickly put on the gloves. ''Weren't expecting this were you?''

During his time at the academy Hotch had been trained in hand to hand combat, but he never expected JJ to be into it. He too dropped his bag to the floor and put the gloves on. He joined JJ on the mat and stepped across from her. He didn't give her any time to get ready, his hand already throwing one soft punch, and to his surprise JJ easily ducked it with a grin on her face. He then quickly realized she may be better at it than she let on.

And during the next hour, Hotch's suspicions were confirmed. JJ had kicked his butt. He had been completely impressed with her. She was a natural and she didn't seem to be at all affected by their hour long work out. If anything it seemed like she was just getting started, but they both decided to get home earlier and go to bed, hoping he didn't have a new case to leave for in the morning.

Once they stepped into the apartment they both dropped their bags to the floor and closed the door behind them.

''I'm going to take a shower.'' Hotch announced.

''I'll join you in a minute.'' JJ smiled out. She went into the kitchen and took a glass out of one of the cabinets and filled it up with water. As she drank the water she was leaning against the kitchen counter when her eyes fell upon the phone, and then she looked at the bookcase. She had been trained to spot items out of place. She couldn't help but notice that several things in the apartment had been moved. So she put the glass on the counter and walked towards the phone. She disassembled it, and quickly found what she was afraid to find. In her hand she was holding onto a listening device. She immediately realized that the make and model was being used by the CIA.

''Owen!'' she whispered in anger. She couldn't believe he had bugged Hotch's house, and she had no idea why he would take such extreme measures. She felt violated, and enraged that he taken those actions without consulting her. It wasn't like him, so she knew something had to be going on. The only way to find out was to confront him, and try to have a conversation.