A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope that everyone is still enjoying the story and the craziness of it all.

I just want to thank you all so much. It really means everything to me that you guys take the time to read this. And with this chapter, this story has officially become the longest I've written so far.

Special thanks to jenny crum and snuggleUP!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 47: Life taken

People were racing around in the bullpen, voices were loud and filled with panic. Everywhere you looked someone was trying to track down a lead, or inform other agencies of the threat that was out there. People were scared, and even the ones who were trained for situations like these were in despair.

JJ was seated in Collins' office and she could only stare into the bullpen. She had been staring at people for the last hour as her boss made calls to the director, Interpol and MI-6. Everyone wanted to help, but the fact was that a lot of the responsibility was still resting upon JJ's shoulders since she was working undercover with Ward and his associates, even though she hadn't heard anything from him in a while.

JJ was about to rise from her chair when she watched Owen storm back into the office and he was about to pass her by, so she jumped up and blocked his path. ''What were you doing?'' JJ asked curiously. She hadn't seen him since Collins informed them about the situation and she couldn't help but wonder what he had been up to for the last hours.

''JJ, could you give me a minute?'' Owen asked, ignoring her question. ''I need to talk to Collins alone.''

JJ could see by the look on his face that something was going, and it only made her feel like Owen was doing something behind her back, like he had done before. ''Owen, answer me!'' JJ demanded.

Collins was about to step in between his two agents when he realized a confrontation was about ensue. But Owen already stepped closer towards as he pulled a phone from his pocket and handed it back to her.

JJ turned the phone around in her hand, and immediately realized it was her own. She realized Owen must have lifted it from her because she had no idea he had it. ''What did you do?'' JJ snapped, her voice filled with anger and rage. She slammed the phone onto the desk and closed the gap between her and Owen. She could see in his eyes that he had done something. It was all over his face. So she pushed him back with force as she turned away from him disbelief.

''We had to check your source, JJ.'' Owen began steadily as he sat down in one of the chairs across from Collins. ''We needed to know how you got the location where we found the weapons.''

She whirled around, realizing what he had done and what the possible consequences could be for the CIA after what he had pulled. ''You made contact with the hacker?''

''I needed to verify your story, and I did.'' he replied.

''Do you realize you just burned a valuable asset? An asset I've been developing for this agency because she had intell on Ward's involvement with the Russians!'' JJ yelled angrily. She had been angry with him before, but this time he had crossed a line. He had interfered in her work and ruined a valuable relationship that JJ had been building with Garcia. ''I actually believed you changed, Owen.'' JJ said sadly, her voice turning sadder with each word she spoke. ''But you're still the same person you always were. Do you have any idea what you've done?'' she asked again. ''We're on the verge of a massive terrorist attack and you put this case at risk!'' she yelled angrily. She turned around and saw that people from the bullpen had stopped and were looking straight into Collins' office to see what was happening. ''This isn't any mission we've been on before. This real. Real life and you're messing around!'''

Both Collins and Owen were silent as JJ finally stopped her rant. Neither of them had ever seen her that angry before. It was as if she was expressing all of her hidden emotions. But Collins knew better than anyone that she was right. They were on the verge a terrorist attack and no leads had been recovered from the facilities where the other crates had been found. Surveillance cameras had been turned off, there were no witnesses and Howard Schmidt was in the wind. They had tried to track the signal of his GPS but it had been turned off, which meant he probably realized someone was onto him and he had discovered the tracking device and destroyed it.

''JJ, we all know how much is at stake right now.'' Collins said carefully. ''But blaming one another won't make the situation any better. I need you to focus!''

''Sir, I am focused on this. I want this assignment to be over more than anyone.'' she threw back, knowing the end of her assignment meant the end of her career at the CIA. She had gone over it day after day, and she was still planning to leave that life behind and move forward with Hotch. ''I'm going to salvage what's left of…'' she said when her phone suddenly buzzed. She took it from her jacket pocket and felt her heart speed up, in a bad way. It was text from Ward, saying that he had something.

''What is it?'' Collins asked while Owen stayed quiet, knowing JJ would blow his head off if he even tried to speak.

''It's Christian. He wants to meet. I have to go!'' JJ said as she turned around. She left the two men alone in the office without another word and exited the bullpen in a hurry. She knew Ward would only text her if anything urgent was going on. They had made a point of meeting when it was truly necessary because they couldn't risk their so called business.

JJ had quickly changed before going to warehouse where Ward was hiding his operation while he was in town. She had taken a different car purposely, and she was parking in front of the warehouse. She walked from the car and made her way into the warehouse.

As soon as she stepped inside, she heard a heartbreaking noise. Someone was pleading for their life. She took her gun from the waistband of her jeans and she kept it pointed in front of her. She had no idea what was going on, but the screams and pleas told her more than enough, so she moved forward. She opened the door to the backroom and she stormed inside with the gun in her hand. But when she reached the room two shots echoed throughout the warehouse and was followed by the loud thud of a body hitting the floor.

JJ's hands were shaking as she put the gun back in her waistband and looked at limp body bleeding out on the floor. Christian was standing across from the body with a gun in his hand. He turned around and faced JJ, no remorse traceable in his eyes. He looked dead cold. He had just murdered a woman in front of her eyes, and he didn't even blink.

''Grigori, Ivan, get rid of her.'' Christian ordered as he pointed at the body while he looked at JJ, whom he still believed to be Alexandra. ''Make her disappear. You know how.''

JJ was staring at the floor where the woman was sprawled out, laying in a pool of her own blood. Her eyes were open and filled with terror. It caused a chill to go through her body. She was frozen from the shock and she could only stare ahead as Grigori and Ivan removed the body from the room and left her and Christian alone.

Christian stepped closer to JJ and stopped right in front of her. ''Come on, Alex!'' he insisted. ''This is part of our jobs.''

JJ looked up at him in horror and complete disbelief. She always believed she had known him, but she never would've believed that he was capable of killing a woman in cold blood. ''What were you thinking?'' she asked angrily. ''I'm not in the business of murder!''

''She was Schmidt's girlfriend and I was trying to retrieve his location from her because the GPS signal is gone!'' he explained. ''She didn't give me anything, so I shot. She was a loose end to begin with.''

''Christian, you killed an innocent woman in cold blood.'' JJ shot back. ''She had nothing to do with this. But you still took her life.'' she continued. ''How could you do this?''

He moved away from her and sat down in a chair at a table. He clenched his hands together and looked up from the ground and stare right back at JJ. ''That's a very good question, Alex.'' he said. ''Why would someone take an innocent life?''

JJ kept silent as she saw him struggling with someone. So she sat down across from him in patience. ''I would like to know that answer from the guy that killed my wife!'' he stated, revealing something to JJ that very few people actually knew about him. But as far as he knew, he could trust her. ''When it came down to it, she was gunned down in an alley and left for dead.''

That was the moment. The moment that JJ couldn't breathe. His wife. Natalya Severov. The woman that JJ had murdered in a dirty alley in Russia. Even though it had been self-defense, she blamed herself. She had taken a life without blinking. It was in her training to pull the trigger, but no one had ever prepared her for the weight it would put on her. She would always carry that with her. It had become a part of her that she had buried deep inside, along with her past and family. Buried so deep that no one could ever get to it and find out the truth.

His words caused JJ's eyes to water and her eyes to fill with a deep sadness for the man across from her, but it was more about her own guilt than compassion for Christian. He had just done something unspeakable without flinching that would never be right. He would never have an excuse for it. ''I'm so sorry, Christian. I didn't know.''

After her words, the room filled with silence. Complete silence as they across from one another. It was a moment that JJ took to really understand what kind of person Christian was. A man who seemed to have a deep love and devotion for his wife, but on the other hand was dealing in weapons and working for an unknown Russian group. It seemed like he had two personalities, and JJ had known both of them, which could eventually be lethal for one of them.

Hotch was opening up the door to the apartment when he heard soft sobs coming from inside the living room. So he quickly turned the key in the lock and walked inside, only to find JJ curled up in a bundle of the couch. She was wearing sweatpants and one of his shirts, but the fact that she was crying was the one thing he immediately noticed. His concern took over instantly and he threw the door shut, dropped his belongings to the couch and walked over to her.

He sat down next to her on the couch, wondering what had happened to the strong woman he knew and loved so deeply. He had never seen her like that before. And even he couldn't admit that she looked a little broken. ''JJ?'' he asked, his voice soft and sweet. ''JJ, are you okay?''

The sound of her cellphone suddenly filled the living room. But JJ didn't pick it up. Instead, she threw it to the other side of the room, knowing it was the CIA to check in on her after her meeting with Christian. Her day had been too much for her. Everything was stacking up and she felt like she was drowning. So much around her was happening that she no longer knew where to put her focus, or what she was even doing. It was all becoming blurry to her. She was losing her ability to compartmentalize. A terrorist attack was hanging over their country, she was working with a Russian criminal who killed a woman in cold blood hours earlier, she was an informant for the FBI, she was a field officer for the CIA, and she was in a relationship with someone that was based on lie after lie. It was tearing her apart. It all was, not just the lies.

''You just threw your phone against the wall.'' Hotch commented with a small smile on his face when JJ huffed at his words. ''JJ, you can look at me!''

She met his gaze and knew he was speaking the truth, but being honest still scared her. ''I feel like I'm lost, Aaron.'' she blurted out. ''I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it.'' she cried out.

He just held her, and didn't ask any questions. Just holding her was enough for him in that moment. Being able to comfort him was a way for him to calm down himself. Her wellbeing influenced his own happiness. And seeing JJ like that broke his heart into pieces. For the first time in their relationship, he realized something big was going on in her life and he probably knew nothing about it. And it scared him. More than anything.