A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!
Special thanks to jenny crum, snuggleUP and Christiangirl!
I don't own criminal minds!
Chapter 48: Phase one
Four weeks later…
Four long devastating weeks had gone by as the CIA searched for any sign of Schmidt and the missing weapon. Despair had increased and everyone was doing the best they possibly could to find a trace, but they had run out of leads. It didn't help that the Director of Intelligence was putting an unfair amount of pressure on SAD. They were the only division in the CIA with any knowledge of what was going on. It had been prohibited for any other departments to be involved. Only a few people from Interpol and MI-6 were up to date, but that was it.
Collins was doing all he could with the manpower he had, but it wasn't enough. The theory had gone around the agency that Schmidt's abduction had been faked and that he was working with Asad Hawsawi. It was the only explainable reason for his behavior. But the theory didn't help the case in any way.
Just like any other day for the past four weeks, JJ was sitting in the conference room, surrounded by blackboards and dozens of files and documents spread out across the table. For four weeks she had been combing through every piece of evidence, and when she didn't find anything she went over it again and again. It had become impossible not to do anything. The threat was still out there, and she spent every moment she had at the agency.
She was holding a file in her hand when her eyes suddenly fell upon a picture of Isamm Hawsawi. She picked it up and looked at the photo closely. Nothing was out of the ordinary. He had broken into Chemicaltech to gain access to Warren's computer, but luckily JJ and Owen had been able to interfere. But JJ always had trouble believing that he had really been involved with terrorism, like his brother Asad.
So that's when it hit her, he wouldn't have been. She picked up the picture and stormed across the bullpen and into the operations room where multiple agents, including Owen and Collins were talking.
''JJ, what do you have?'' Collins asked as he looked down at the picture in her hand.
She handed him the picture and started pacing through the room in a slow tempo. ''Isamm Hawsawi,'' she stated hastily. ''Why was he inside Warren's office that night?''
''To help out Asad Hawsawi gain access to classified information from Warren's computer.'' an agent answered.
''But why?'' she asked again. ''All this time we've been operating under the assumption that Isamm was helping out his brother, but what if that wasn't the case.'' she went on. ''Isamm was former Special Forces with a wife and two kids who fought to protect this country. Why would he willingly help put a chemical weapon in the hands of his brother?''
''What if Isamm didn't know?'' JJ asked, hoping they would go along with her new theory. ''Maybe he believed he was just doing a favor for his brother and he didn't know what he was stepping into.'' she went on. ''Asad couldn't afford to have one of his men caught in that office, so his brother was the perfect pawn in case he didn't make it out.''
''JJ, you might be onto something.'' Collins said happily. ''Todd look into his Isamm's financials again. Owen, I want you to question Isamm's wife about his relationship with Asad and if anything strange was going on in his life before his death.'' he went on. ''JJ, go home!''
''What, sir? No!'' she responded. ''I want to help out where I can!'' she insisted.
''Jareau, you've been working non-stop for the past four weeks.'' Collins said, acting as her boss. ''Go home and get some rest. We'll call you when we find something.'' he promised.
JJ didn't even bother to go up against him. He was right about it. She had been working days and nights and had barely been home. The case had become somewhat of an obsession, not only because of the threat, but because she wanted everything to be over. She wanted to escape the life she was living. She wanted to have a real future, but she no longer knew if it involved Hotch.
During the past four weeks it seemed like he had grown a little more distant. He was asking more questions that she couldn't answer honestly and it was starting to weigh on the relationship. She knew her lies would unravel sooner or later, but now wasn't the time for it all to come out. So she had to lie a little longer, but she didn't know if she'd be able to fix her relationship with Hotch after that. She was torn between two worlds, two lives. And she didn't know what to do anymore. She didn't know when her life had become such a mess. She felt lost and caught between two worlds that both needed her, but in the end, she knew her commitment to the CIA exceeded everything she wanted. The fact was that thousands, maybe even millions of lives were at risk. And if Hotch had to choose, she knew his job was his priority as well, but that didn't make it any less painful.
Once she reached the door to the apartment, she gathered herself and put a fake smile on her face just in case he was home. She opened the door and found the living room and kitchen completely empty. So she moved to the back of the apartment when she heard sounds coming from their bedroom. She stopped in front of the door when she saw it was halfway open. She slipped inside and saw that Hotch was packing his go-bag in a hurry, and she realized he was probably off to another meeting. Since he was put on the taskforce, he hadn't touched another case involving a serial killer. He was solely focused on Chemicaltech Industries, and she had no idea how close he was because he didn't share any information with her regarding the case, which was probably best for both of them.
''Where are you going?'' she said sadly as she hovered in the doorway.
Hotch glanced at her for a moment and then went back to packing his clothes and gathering all that he needed for his trip. ''I'm taking a meeting for Strauss in Chicago.'' he replied shortly and coldly.
''Do you really have to go?''
He dropped his clothes to the bed and stepped away from it so he could see her better. ''It's my job, JJ.'' he reminded her. ''Besides you've barely been home in the past few weeks, so I don't think my trip should be a problem for you.''
JJ could feel the tension, and the obvious way he spoke to her. His underlying tone was angry, and she didn't want to fight with him. ''Aaron,'' she tried to say, but he interrupted her.
''JJ, I don't want to hear it.'' he shot back as he zipped up his go-bag. ''I'm done with the excuses. I'm done with the drama.''
''Aaron, you don't understand.'' she said to try and keep him from leaving.
He whirled around. ''What's there to understand, JJ?'' he asked angrily. ''Something is going on in your life and you're keeping it from me. You make excuses, you don't talk about your family, your job, your past. You don't talk about anything! What am I supposed to understand, JJ?''
The words were on the tip of her tongue. She was so ready to tell him who she was. She knew it was now or never because if he walked away, she was afraid it would be over. She just knew it. ''I'm…'' she stumbled. ''I'm…''
''You what?'' he asked impatiently.
She breathed in deeply, feeling her heart racing like it had never done before. ''I'm a covert officer for the CIA.'' she croaked out. She had done it. She had told him her biggest secret. It was out, and her life could be destroyed because of it. ''I work for the Central Intelligence Agency.''
Her words were…unbelievable. CIA. Operative. How? He turned around and walked into the kitchen where he leaned on the counter. He felt his head spinning. It couldn't be true. She was a legal adviser at a chemical company. She wasn't CIA. She just couldn't be.
JJ followed him into the kitchen and gave him a moment, but he stayed bent over the counter with his back towards her, and she didn't know what to do. ''Aaron, I'm so…'' she began but he turned around, his face filled with betrayal and pain. He looked so angry, so hurt and it was because of her.
''Don't!'' he warned. ''Don't even try to explain this to me.'' he went on. He threw his hands up in the air and let them fall to his sides as he stared back at JJ's face, and all he saw were lies and betrayals. In that moment he couldn't see the girl he had fallen head over heels in love with. He saw his greatest mistake. ''This is…this is so far beyond anything I ever imagined. This can't be real. This is crazy.'' he rambled on in pain as his eyes started to sting. ''You…you lied. You lied about everything.''
She took one step forward, but he quickly held up his hand to keep her from closing the distance. She saw that he didn't want to be near her, so she just stopped. She looked back at him with tears in her eyes, hoping there was a way for them to come back from it. ''I never meant for this to happen, Aaron.'' she cried out. ''I was assigned my job at Chemicaltech, and I didn't mean to get into a relationship with anyone. But then I met you...'' she said as a small smile appeared on her face. ''I met you and for the first time in my life I knew what it was like to have more, to have something real.''
He stepped closer towards her. ''How could you have lied to me for six months? How?'' he croaked out. ''If I ever meant anything you wouldn't have lied.''
A part of her had known he was going to raise questions. He had every right to do so. ''I couldn't risk my cover, Aaron.''
''It's not that simple, JJ! And you know it!'' he contradicted. ''You could've told me something, but you didn't!''
''You wouldn't break protocol for you job, would you?'' she asked and she watched him shake his head. ''Then why can't you understand that I was doing my job?''
''Life isn't black and white, JJ. You can't expect me to understand this. Not when I know nothing about you.'' he shot back. ''Was I part of your cover? ''Did you ever love me?''
His last words caused the tears to strike her eyes again. They fell down her face rapidly as she clenched her hands together. ''Aaron, don't you get it?'' she said. ''No matter where I am, or whom I am supposed to be, when it comes to you I'll always be that girl you met at a Starbucks.'' she cried out as she felt his hand cupping her cheek. She covered his hand with her own as their fingers intertwined. ''You made me feel loved, and cherished and adored. No matter what happens, you'll always be my first real love.''
''Aaron, you may not have known my real name, my history or my family. But you knew me.'' she went on, giving him everything she had. She was giving him her heart and soul, just like he did when their relationship started. She did it because she trusted him to never hurt her. ''With you, I was me! I shared my heart and soul with you. And that's something I've never shared with anyone.'' she continued. ''Aaron, the moment you told me you loved me I was forever found.'' she said in tears. ''I know it sounds silly, but I moved across the world on a regular basis and no one really knew me, except you. You know me. I belong with you. You're my home.''
He pulled his hand away from her, feeling her pain. He suspected that her feelings were real, but he no longer knew what was true or not. ''I no longer trust you, JJ.'' he said. ''I'm going to Chicago. I really need some space right now.'' he went on. ''We can talk when I get back.''
She didn't try to stop him, knowing she had to let him go. So she stepped aside to let him go as her heart sank. She knew this could happen. She had always known, but she believed he was worth the risk. And he had been. Even if he didn't come around, she still had almost six amazing months with him, which no one could ever take away.