Part II: In the Dark
Chapter 53: Abdication
"Princess," says the Einherjar guarding the steps that lead down, down, down to the white cells. He bows, fully, respectfully. "I was unaware you planned to visit on this day."
"Sorry about that," Eleanor says. "This was a bit last minute."
"I understand." He steps aside and lets her pass. "You are most welcome at anytime, Princess."
Bragi is on the second level reserved for the petty, non-violent criminals with short sentences. His cell even has a small window and a whole shelf of books to keep him entertained.
"Eleanor!" He shouts and scrambles to his feet. He crosses the small room quickly to touch the back of her hands and kiss both her cheeks. "You look tired. Why so tired? Did you bring an instrument? I would very much like to play."
His exuberance and energy make Eleanor cringe, and she moves around him to lie down on his narrow, neatly made bed.
"Eleanor?"
"My mom. My birth mom. Nina."
Bragi goes pale and sways above her. He sinks to the floor, sitting with his legs crossed under him near Eleanor's head. He won't meet her eye and Eleanor is glad he's ashamed.
Although she doesn't particularly like Bragi – with his weirdness and his insistence that Opera is the pinnacle of Midgardian musical creation and his obsession with gambling – she visits every couple of weeks. Something about him is compelling and she gave up hating him with a passion months ago.
But she's still glad he's ashamed and grief stricken when she mentions Nina.
"Oh," says Bragi. "Oh, Nina. She... My greatest failing. It will surely haunt me evermore. There was no reason for such a treasure, such a light, to die. And I had every intention to return. Never did I think that something as basic as childbirth would kill her."
Eleanor gapes at him.
"I loved her so," Bragi murmurs, looking at his hands. "But my lust for wandering got the best of me, as it tends to do. Fatal flaw. Also gambling. Also alcohol."
This is so far removed from Eleanor's goal for this conversation. Eleanor always assumed that she was the product of some lusty god seducing a curious young mortal, but Bragi describes something totally unexpected. She doesn't have room in her head to rewrite what she always held true of her origins.
"If you had been there, you could have saved her?" Eleanor asks, sitting up. "There is magic you know that could have helped a mortal birth a half Aesir?"
"Of course. Easily."
Her relief is probably unfounded, but Bragi is the only known creature living that has the experience of fathering a multispecies child.
"Why?" Bragi asks, eyes narrowing. She grimaces back at him and he catches on immediately. "Oh. I'm to be a grandfather?"
Eleanor absolutely refuses to find his goofy grin endearing.
"Hopefully," Eleanor murmurs.
She doesn't have the strength to resist when he lunges off the floor to wrap her in a hug.
Outside the door to Bragi's cell lingers Loki, wearing Odin's face. Through their bond she can reach out and feel the irritation that he is very deliberately projecting.
"You promised to stay in our rooms," he says, making no move to close the space between them. Eleanor does it herself, stopping just short of touching him.
"You told me to stay in our rooms," she corrects. "I simply didn't reply."
"Eleanor, please. Please be cautious."
"Any word from the Vanaheim delegation?" she asks. "I sent Sif, Sigyn, and Neela to sit in on the meetings."
"Yes, most unusual choices, but effective. The ceremony is mostly planned. Oza and company will depart on the morrow. She is highly displeased."
"So after she leaves…"
"I will summon my brother."
Eleanor nods, the prospect of confessing her lies to her brother-in-law and her best friend is hardly pleasant.
"Bragi said he could have saved Nina, saved my mom, if he'd been there," she murmurs. "Easily."
"I will let nothing ill befall you, Eleanor." Loki hesitates for a moment before resting a hand against her stomach. "Neither of you. Oh, Eleanor. Tears again? Truly? How unseemly."
After hours spent in silent rumination on the throne, Eleanor finds him. She makes no comment on the late hour or the fact that she awoke in their bed without him beside her as she climbs the steps to stand before him.
Loki recalls the first time she broke the rules to stand on the dais but he feels no irritation now, just profound gratefulness.
She pushes fingers through his hair.
With a hand on her hip, Loki encourages his wife to sit in his lap and she comes willingly, looping her arms around his neck. He rests a palm on her still-flat stomach, feeling the warmth of the little life that grows there and trying not to be so afraid.
Laying his head against his wife's, Loki closes his eyes.
In moments like this, it is obvious why he loves her so. There is no need to explain that revealing himself to Thor goes against his every instinct because Eleanor understands. Understanding Loki is the most impressive of Eleanor's many talents. She simply, inexplicably, knows that confessing this great lie to his brother will be unpleasant, that asking for his help will be abhorrent, and that handing over the throne after coveting it for so long will be painful, even if ruling has proved quite dull.
In turn, Loki knows that Eleanor's fear for this little life matches his own and that confessing to Thor will be equally unpleasant for his wife.
In this deception, he made a liar out of her and now they will both pay for his need to sit on this throne.
"We should go back upstairs," Eleanor murmurs.
He knows that she is right, but in the morning Thor will arrive and for the first time in years his brother will know the truth. Never again will Loki sit atop this throne and he would like the moment to last.
"Just a few minutes more," he murmurs.
"Someone might see us, and more rumors about Odin and me are the last thing we need," she replies.
"Pardon?"
"Oh, yeah. A lot of the nobility thinks we are banging. It's not that far-fetched, the way we are always together, with you in your Odin face. Then there is all the smiling and laughing," she explains.
"They are far more perceptive than I anticipated," he replies.
"Sigyn asked me straight away if the baby was Odin's."
Loki wrinkles his nose, frowning in disgust.
"And we can't have anyone thinking I'm carrying a son of Odin, now can we?" She places her hand over Loki's where he still touches her stomach.
"Well, obviously I agree, but by Midgardian naming standards you do carry an Odinson, as our child would take my surname, yes?"
Eleanor blinks at him. "I've never, ever heard you refer to yourself as an Odinson."
"It is massively preferable to Laufeyson," Loki replies, shrugging. "And the Allfather is not completely unbearable now that he's insane. Madness has vastly improved his disposition."
Eleanor cracks a smile and wraps herself more firmly around his neck. Her kiss is gentle and Loki understands the rumors. Although they have yet to be caught in such a compromising position, if any were to see them now it would look as if Eleanor was kissing Odin. The thought is disgusting and Loki pulls back.
"After her birth none will think her Odin's offspring," he murmurs.
"Her?"
"She will be blue of hair."
"Blue?"
"Yes."
"Her!"
"Yes." Loki laughs as Eleanor's awe is contagious.
For a moment he revels in her joy, but then her eyes are narrowing and Loki wraps his arms around her waist, anticipating her coming departure.
"Is this a Tesseract thing?" she asks.
"I think we should now make love upon this throne. This will likely be our last opportunity to do so."
Eleanor crosses her arms over her chest as she scowls.
"It is a fitting farewell, is it not?" he asks.
Eleanor raises an eyebrow.
"Brilliant blue hair," he says, smiling softly. "Your face, your eyes. Pale skin with a dusting of dark blue freckles. She will be beautiful, Eleanor." Holding on to this vision dissipates some of his very reasonable fear, and he shares it with his wife in the hope that it will do the same for her. Tears gather in her eyes as she gives him a sloppy smile.
"Really?"
"I believe so. She will have an affinity for the piano." His hand rests over her womb once more and Loki reminds himself to teach Eleanor how to sense the warmth of their growing daughter after this unpleasantness with Thor, after they have a plan to keep their family safe.
"Wow," murmurs Eleanor. "It's really going to be okay."
"Yes." He sounds more confident than he feels, for it is what Eleanor needs from him in this moment.
"We can do this."
"Yes."
Eleanor grins, standing for a moment to gather her long skirts in her hands and pulling them up around her waist to make straddling his lap easier.
"I love you," she says, fingers once more curling in his hair.
"I am aware. And you are aware that I suggested we defile the throne in jest?"
She rolls her eyes and kisses him into submission. He is weighing the cons – the potential of getting caught, Eleanor on top and doing most of the work while pregnant – against the pros – the potential of getting caught, Eleanor on top and doing most of the work – when a booming voice interrupts them.
"I do not believe my eyes!"
There at the end of the hall stands Thor, face red with embarrassment and anger, mouth agape. The Madame of Science stands at his side, looking far less surprised and far more suspicious than her oafish counterpart.
"Well, shit," says Eleanor with a heavy sigh. "Hi, Jane."
"Hi, Eleanor," Jane replies, sounding pleasant enough although Loki was expecting a bit more shock from her.
"Lady Eleanor," says Thor, averting his eyes. "Please remove yourself from the throne. It is most unseemly and I wish to speak to my father privately."
"There is really no need for that," Loki says as Eleanor gets to her feet. He reaches out to steady her as she adjusts her skirts. He thought himself prepared for this moment, but now that the time for truth is upon him, his stomach rolls and his insides quake in anticipation of his brother's reaction. "And do not call me Father."
"Father?" Thor is questioning and concerned.
"You arrived early," Loki scolds, wearing Odin's face and using Odin's inflection. "We thought to see you on the morrow."
"It is tomorrow on Earth," says Jane.
"Is this why you summoned us here?" demands Thor, storming forward until he stands directly below Loki. "To announce your betrothal to Loki's widow?"
The contempt and righteous indignation in the golden prince's tone is impressive. For a moment, Loki feels guilty for lying to him so.
"Are you defending the memory of the dishonored Jotunn?" asks Loki.
Thor takes an angry step forward, toes pushing against the stairs, and puffs himself up to his full height. "He was your son!" screams Thor. "And he died with honor!"
"Did he?" asks Loki, amused.
"I bear witness," insists Thor.
"Do you?" Loki would gladly taunt Thor for the remainder of the night, but Eleanor does not allow it to be so.
"Come on," says his wife, tugging on his arm until he rises from the throne for what is sure to be the last time. "Stop torturing him. Let's just show them."
Thor stays silent as they make the journey from the throne room to the tower that houses the true Odin. With each step Loki's dread grows and he longs to take Eleanor's hand, but they pass guards who would react even worse than Thor to such a scandalous sight because Eleanor may now be loved and respected by the people, but she is ultimately unworthy of a king, tainted as she is by mortal blood.
Eleanor pushes through the great doors, followed by Thor and Jane. Loki pulls them shut behind them and he sheds Odin's visage for the first time in years. Appearing as himself feels like marching naked through the great hall, so instead he cloaks himself from sight.
He tells himself that the invisibility is done out of a sense of drama rather than cowardice.
"You are familiar with these rooms?" mutters Thor. "Do you frequent the tower of my parents, Eleanor?"
Loki attempts to once more find amusement in Thor's childish anger, but he cannot because for the first time in years Loki will be himself to his brother and even more shocking, Loki knows not how Thor will react.
"Yeah, I'm here everyday. But it's really not what you think," says Eleanor.
With impeccable timing, the true Odin rushes down the stairs at this moment, in all his rumbled, paint smeared, messy-haired glory. Without his shining armor, Odin appears thin and small. There is nothing remotely kingly about his shuffling movements.
Thor and Jane turn around, but upon seeing no Odin lurking by the door they assume some magic has Odin rushing down the stairs and looking so peculiar now.
"I'm hungry," declares the former King of Asgard, staring down at the painting he clutches between his hands.
"There are leftovers on the table," Eleanor says, stepping forward to meet him as Jane and Thor look on in confusion. "What, do you not sleep anymore?"
"I was finishing this," he replies, continuing to look down as Thor and Jane continue to stare transfixed at the disheveled former protector of the nine realms. "It's for Loki. And for you. Is it good? Do you like it?"
He turns the square canvas to reveal a painting of a grinning toddler, standing on shaky legs. Her eyes are blue and so is her hair. The confusion of Thor and Jane mounts.
"Oh shit, Odin," Eleanor says, wiping at her eyes and taking the painting. "Of course I like it. You're making me cry."
'The good way?" Odin asks, sounding young and earnest.
Eleanor nods.
"Father," Thor says, taking a cautious step towards the true Odin. "What lesson do you mean to teach? I am aware that your every action has purpose, but why change your appearance so? Why mention Loki in front of Eleanor when my brother's death pains her?"
Eleanor visibly flinches as Odin stares at his favored son and his reluctant heir for the first time in three years.
"The oaf," declares the Allfather, stealing back the portrait from Eleanor, clutching the painting to his chest and shuffling his feet. Loki would laugh, but the sound would gives away his position. "And the goat."
"Hey, really?" protests Jane.
"Odin," Eleanor scolds. "You know their names, old man."
Loki wonders how much of Odin's current bumbling, although not so damaged, demeanor is act only.
Odin throws a withering glare at Eleanor and sighs heavily. "Thor," he amends, shuffling over to kiss his favorite son's forehead in greeting. He then turns back to Eleanor. "I truly thought the mortal's name was Goat."
Eleanor giggles.
"It's Jane," says Jane.
"Fine then. Yes. Jane. Hello. I care not about this," says Odin.
Loki again stifles a chuckle. Insane Odin is endlessly entertaining.
"What is this?" asks Thor, pale and concerned now. "What has happened? What is wrong with him?"
Jane turns around, staring intently at the spot just to Loki's right. The Madame of Science has solved the riddle, it would seem, while her oaf of a counterpart remains lost.
"Not wrong," Odin says, sighing heavily. "Just different now. Not wrong, just different."
With that Odin turns to stare at Loki, somehow managing to make eye contact despite Loki's illusion. Eleanor flashes Loki a sympathetic smile before frowning at Thor. Thor looks around wildly but sees nothing and goes back to staring at the Allfather.
"Please, Father. You are alarming me. Explain this."
"What has happened?" murmurs Odin, turning over the painting to look at Loki's daughter. "Mistakes and death. Grief and loss and the need to destroy. Failure. More mistakes."
"Father?" Thor says, nearly pleading now.
"Eleanor was to be my sacrificial half-goat," Odin continues as if he is making total sense. And perhaps to Eleanor and Loki, long accustomed to decoding such ramblings, he is. "I sought to take her life in a misguided attempt to ease my woes, but she was protected and the magic did something strange."
Odin totters over to Eleanor as if his bones ache, patting her shoulder and handing over the painting. He then stands straight, hands clasped behind his back, appearing more kingly than he's been since the incident that nearly killed him, but still a shadow of his powerful and commanding former-self.
Loki bides his time.
"The magic did something strange," Odin says, self-assured. "It hurt, but not as much as the rest and then there was nothing because I could not remember names. I forgot everything and it was peaceful. It was a relief. I could make no more mistakes when moving through a fog of blue and music. And now I am different, but not wrong. The throne is such a heavy burden when faced alone, and Frigga tried to help me hold onto the man I might have been – a painter with a light heart – but then I forgot that I have two sons, not one. Two. And in forgetting, I failed her and she stopped trying. But I remember now. She knows I remember now."
He looks up and smiles slightly.
"Do you understand?" Odin asks Thor.
The oaf's brow is scrunched in confusion, but Loki understands. He shakes with understanding.
"I am sorry, Father. But I do not," says Thor.
Odin sighs, his posture crumbling from the king back into the old man he's been for these last years. "I no longer make decisions. No decisions means no mistakes. If I make no decisions than I will stay like this, as my love wanted me, different from the brutal, hard king, but not wrong. A painter with a light heart." Odin looks to Loki once more, a smile just touching the corners of his wrinkly eyes.
"But, Father, you do make decisions," insists Thor. "From the moment you allowed me to give up the throne for Midgard you've made countless decisions."
Odin laughs, the sound rich. It was always such a rarity during Loki's youth but he coveted it so. "Let you return to Midgard?" asks Odin. "Is that what happened?"
"You should know! You were there!" Thor says as the rest watch on.
"No, no I was not."
"Your decisions have restored peace to the nine realms," continues Thor. "Your decisions have ushered in an age of prosperity, the likes of which Asgard has not seen for centuries! You've opened Jotunheim for trade for the first time in a millennium!"
Thor is on the verge of hysteria and Loki's moment is upon him. He attempts to throw off the illusion of invisibility but he is paralyzed.
He thinks of the reverse, of how Loki would feel if he thought Thor dead for so many years before finding out it was wrong.
In all likelihood, Loki would kill Thor for true on the spot.
And come to regret it deeply.
There is tightness in his chest and sickness in his stomach. It is a disturbing revelation, understanding now how much Thor's opinion matters to him.
"Those were not my decisions," Odin insists, looking at Loki despite the continuing invisibility. "Truly, they were Loki's."
"What is this madness? Loki died, Father. I saw it myself."
Loki decides there is some joy to be had in proving Thor so laughably wrong. He lets his form flicker into sight, but instead of appearing as himself, Loki wears the Allfather once more, clutching the old king's visage tightly like a shield to protect himself from the ire and disapproval of his brother.
It feels like a transportation to childhood, when Loki often dreaded the inevitable moment when he would disappoint Thor.
Eleanor frowns at him and Odin laughs.
"See!" says the Allfather. "Not dead. Just ruling."
Although Loki can only see his brother's back, it is obvious from the tension in Thor's shoulders that he finally understands. Loki decides to revel in the thunder god's discomfort because this is his most impressive bit of mischief to date and he will not be ashamed. Although he had no intention of Thor discovering this plot, he will delight in this moment.
Jane is glowering at him. Eleanor appears to be bracing herself for the fallout. Odin is smiling, but Thor has yet to turn.
Loki waits, standing tall and straight, a living testament to the king Odin once was. Loki is patient, while Thor is not, and it is not long before his brother slowly turns on the spot. His face is drawn and pale. Loki enjoys this, as he enjoys the unsteady sway in his brother's stance.
After pausing for effect and to give Thor adequate time to take in the sight of the king Thor remembers from childhood, from right until they entered the tower and the true Odin bustled down the stairs, covered in paint.
Loki smirks.
At the familiar expression worn on the wrong face, Thor's eyes go wide and Loki leans back against the door, crossing his arms over his chest and slowly peeling back Odin's face to stand as himself.
Thor continues to gape in silence just as Loki continues to smile.
"Hello, Brother," Loki says. "Did you miss me?"
The emotions come and go too quickly over Thor's dopey face for Loki to accurately decipher any meaning.
"I fucking knew it!" exclaims Jane, glaring from Eleanor to Loki and back. "You were way too not sad! And there was no good reason for you to stay on Asgard, not if Loki was really dead!"
"I don't have to tell you everything, Jane," replies his wife.
"Yes, you do! I am your best friend. This? You definitely, definitely should have told me this!"
And then the two argue but Loki loses track of the words they throw at each other in anger because Thor is on the move, storming closer. Loki continues to smirk, even as Thor shoves him roughly back against the door.
Loki shows no remorse as Thor glares at him but when he finds himself pulled into Thor's chest, the smirk falls from his face. The hug makes him feel heavy and he closes his eyes, debating whether or not he should return the embrace.
In the moment he decides to lift his arms, Thor pulls away and abruptly punches Loki in the jaw. Loki laughs as Thor breaks his nose next and does not stop laughing until Odin's long forgotten and commanding boom demands for an end to the violence.
The boxers retreat to their corners.
Eleanor dabs at Loki's bleeding nose as he sits scowling at the table where they take their meals with Odin.
Thor and Jane talk in hushed voices outside on the balcony and it is obvious that they are super pissed, even though it is still too dark to see details.
Odin stands in the space in between, looking nervous and distraught. His sensitivity to conflict has not abated.
This is actually less terrible than Eleanor anticipated.
When she moves away from her husband to get a fresh cloth Loki smirks at Thor out on the balcony. She can hear the answering growl from behind her.
"Hey," she says, blocking Loki's view of his brother with her body. "Stop smirking."
"I am not smirking."
"You are. You are smirking right now and he can't even see you."
"This is endlessly entertaining."
"You were a wreck about this," she reminds him, continuing to clean his wounds.
"And now I am simply entertained."
"Was the whole, be invisible and then dramatically pop into existence thing really necessary?"
"Entirely."
Eleanor sighs and sticks a bit of fabric up his bleeding nose. "Can't you fix this up?" she asks.
"There is honor in bearing one's wounds, Eleanor," he says primly.
"Is there?"
"Plus," he whispers. "Thor will feel immensely guilty. Whenever he looks upon my face."
"And there is it." Eleanor sighs and gives up on his nose. "This is going to be a disaster."
"It is already a disaster."
"We haven't even asked him for help yet!"
"I am aware."
"But he hugged you. That's good."
"He then broke my nose."
"But first he hugged you. Jane didn't hug me. Jane is super pissed."
"I find most become unreasonably enraged when they've been lied to," Loki muses.
Eleanor stares blankly, wondering how this became her life. She allowed Loki to maneuver them into an impossible situation, and she hopes that he'll be able to get them out of it without losing her best friend.
And if her husband/the father of her unborn, half-Jotunn, quarter-Asgardian, quarter-mortal baby can keep his smirky ass out of prison that would be a big plus as well.
"Can we make a pact to not be prideful assholes?" Eleanor asks, glancing over her shoulder to where Jane and Thor stand on the balcony, still reeling with shock. When Jane got mad about the big reveal, Eleanor got defensive instead of contrite. That really can't happen again. "I mean, they have the right to be pissed. They thought you were dead and we've been lying for years and committing treason all over the place. Not to mention breaking the Allfather's brain."
"I'm not broken."
Eleanor nearly jumps out of her skin when Odin appears at her side, frowning down at her.
"Shit," she mutters, pressing her palm into her chest over her rapidly beating heart.
"I'm not broken," Odin repeats, getting dangerously close to pouting.
"Well, you certainly were broken," Loki says, grinning. Odin's madness is a fond memory for her husband, and given the Allfather's lack of sympathy when Loki was pretty much out of his mind, Eleanor can't totally blame him for it.
"But you're not anymore," Eleanor says.
"You have to tell them that I am at fault," Odin begs, clutching Eleanor's hands. "I attacked you. I was driven mad with grief."
"We will. When everyone calms down," says Eleanor.
"And tell them that I remembered everything years ago, but did nothing to change this arrangement because it is working. You are very good at this, Blue. Bloki. Loki! Even if ruling bores you."
Eleanor beams as a stunned Loki gapes up at the Allfather.
"And now the baby. We must tell them," continues Odin, oblivious to Loki's silence.
"So." Jane drags Thor along by his wrist, obviously determined to make some sort of progress. She deliberately pauses with a good ten feet between them and where Eleanor and Odin stand beside Loki in his chair. "Why now?" she asks. "Why tell us this now?"
Eleanor shares a glance with Odin, her hands coming to rest over her stomach. Loki, unfortunately, smirks.
"True, so thorough was my impersonation I could have gone on ruling indefinitely," says her complete ass of a husband.
"I should throw you in the white cells!" replies Thor with another predictable burst of violent rage. Jane tugs on his arm as he looms over Loki. "This is treason most foul! What did you do to Father?"
"Nothing you would not have done also," Loki says, still smirking. Odin shuffles away from the confrontation and Eleanor squeezes Loki's shoulder. "I assure you."
"I would never harm Father! But you hate him, still stewing over imagined slights."
Loki jerks back and his attempt at a rueful grin turns into a heartbreaking grimace.
"Imagined?" Eleanor says. Typically, she can be the calm one, a counterbalance to her husband's mercurial tendencies. In this moment she should be remorseful and guilty, but pregnancy or the tension or her complete exhaustion leaves her angry instead. "Imagined slights? Fuck you, Thor."
Everyone seems completely shocked by her outburst.
"Eleanor," Loki murmurs, reaching for her hand.
She brushes him off in favor of getting in Thor's face. It is an impossible feat, but as she scowls up at him his expression of shock and shame is deeply satisfying.
"Sister? What is the meaning of this?" he asks.
"The slights aren't fucking imagined! You played a part in all this."
"It was not I that attempted genocide twice! It was not I that attempted to enslave your people. It was not I that committed such treason and damaged our father! What have I done to garner your wrath?"
"You want to know?" she asks, voice rising. Her hands clench into fists at her sides. "Do you really think you can handle it? Because you are part of it, bucko."
"Me? I do nothing but love him. It is much more than he deserves!"
"How many times did you mock him for his magic and intelligence? How many times did you best him with your own superior strength?" she asks.
"Actions of a child," Thor replies. "I recognized my brother's value as a warrior, as unconventional as his tactics maybe."
"Did you ever tell him?"
Thor grimaces.
"How often did you play at slaughtering Jotunns?"
"Again, the actions of a child."
Eleanor snorts, shaking her head. "Two days before Loki's attempt at genocide, you would have done the same damn thing. Two days before you wanted to destroy them all. He was emulating you. You, his big brother, the strong one. The worthy one. He was mimicking the actions of the one Odin chose."
Looking adequately horrified, Thor hangs his head and Eleanor's anger cools slightly.
"Eleanor, really," Loki mutters.
"You know I'm right," Eleanor continues. "You know you spent a thousand years dismissing him. You know Odin raised him to hate what he is, raised you both that way. You know that you played a part in this."
Thor says nothing.
"He's wrong," she says, losing steam. "He's done horrible things and he shouldn't have lied to you about his death. I can't even imagine living with the pain of that, but if I ever hear you say imagined slights again, I will erase you. I'll look through you. I won't hear you when you speak. You will not exist to me, Thor Odinson. This is it. Last chance."
Thor nods and Jane wraps an arm around his waist as she stares at Eleanor as if she is a stranger.
She feels a bit like a stranger.
"Eleanor?" Loki asks. He's on his feet, hands on her shoulders, voice in her ear.
Odin whines. Sometime during Eleanor's spiel, he dropped to the floor. His knees are pulled to his chest and he rocks.
"Oh, Odin," she says, kneeling beside him. She rubs his back. "I'm sorry. It's okay now. It's okay."
He nods and stops rocking, but makes no move to stand.
"What did you do to him?" Thor asks again, calmer now.
Loki sighs and tells the whole story of how he ended up on the throne in a tone of contrived boredom. "The magic backfired and Odin's brain shut off," finishes Loki. "Sigyn explained it all much better than I, and he is much improved."
"Different," Odin says. "Not wrong. Right, Blue?"
"Yes, yes," says Loki. "I truly had no plans to seize the throne until Odin was incapacitated."
"So when I told Father of my decision to give up the throne..." says Thor.
Loki is smirking again.
"Liar!" Thor booms, moving in on Loki again, "Poisonous snake!"
"You are a bloody fool for thinking any different!" Loki shouts.
Eleanor just wants to sleep. Odin whines and takes her hand.
"I thought you dead!" Thor says, shoving his brother. Loki stumbles. "I was wrecked. I grieved. How could you?"
"How could I? How could I? It was the only way to keep safe. To keep Eleanor safe!"
"I would have protected you."
"Even from Father? He gave me one chance when he confined me to my rooms. For the treason of leading you to the Dark World he would have had my head!"
"He would not!"
"Would so!"
"Would not!"
Odin whimpers and begins to rock again as his sons hurl around accusations. Eleanor's had enough.
"I'm pregnant," she says, hands moving over her stomach.
"Ellie?" says Jane, at her side as their husbands continue to scream at each other. "What did you say?" Jane's hand is warm on her shoulder.
She takes a deep breath. "I'm pregnant!"
This time her declaration is loud enough to cut through the bellowing brothers. Loki falls back into his chair, defeated. Thor seems frozen.
"Is…" Jane clears her throat. "Is it even possible? Genetically, we are looking at three distinct species here."
"Perhaps it should not be possible," Loki mutters. "But regardless, it has happened. And it is why we called you here. I am afraid I need your help, Brother."
"Help? For three years you have me convinced of your death, and now you dare ask me for help?"
"Well, yes."
Thor growls.
Loki grimaces again and looks at Eleanor for a long moment. She gives him an encouraging smile and a nod.
"Thor," he says, looking faintly ill. "I apologize."
The God of Thunder gapes.
"It was cruel of me, to allow you to believe me dead, and I am sorry, truly sorry, for the sadness this brought you."
"Twice, Loki. I thought you dead twice."
"It will not happen again."
"Oh? Why should I trust you?"
Loki shrugs. "Fatherhood will undoubtedly change me. No more mischief. No more tricks."
Thor nods and takes the seat across from Loki. Jane and Eleanor join them, the table separating each couple as the Allfather loiters, pacing and wringing his hands.
"What help could you require from me?" Thor asks. "I am no expert in infants."
"Thor, he obviously can't keep ruling," Jane says, rolling her eyes slightly. "How the hell would he explain that to his child? If he wants to be a father, he's going to need to come back to life. And Odin will not be going back to the throne."
"No, no. That is done. I would rather paint." Odin scowls at Jane as if she deserves the vilest of punishments for associating his name with the word throne.
"Right," says Jane. "So who does that leave?"
"Oh," says Thor, deflating.
"We do have several cousins next in line," says Loki.
"They are fools," replies Thor, glaring.
Loki opens his mouth to taunt Thor about his own intellect, but somehow refrains at the last moment.
"It's going to be you," Jane says, appearing a bit faint. "The moment I saw the Allfather like this, I knew we'd move back here. There is only you."
"I would rather pretend that Loki is dead and that Odin is sane," mutters the thunder god.
"Like Loki is just going to let Eleanor get huge with apparently no husband? I know they love her here, but having a kid out of wedlock isn't going to go over well. Who would the father be?"
"She will be blue of hair," Loki says. "Her origin will be obvious. I must come back from the dead. It is the only way."
"Her?" says Thor, beaming.
"Blue?" asks Jane, apparently fascinated.
"Tesseract vision," Eleanor explains, shooting Loki a glare. "One I very recently heard about."
Her husband sighs and wraps an arm around her, kissing her temple. His magic warms her and Eleanor's eyes droop.
"King," Thor murmurs, dazed. "I... I do not want this."
"It's not only your birthright, Brother, but your responsibility," Loki replies with a smile that is eons away from happy.
"It will ruin me. I fear I was lose my goodness."
"Like I did," Odin says.
"I think Eleanor is about to pass out," says Jane. "Let's sleep on it."
Loki pulls Eleanor to her feet, wrapping an arm around her waist. They bid Odin good night and move towards the door, pausing at the sound of Thor's unnaturally soft voice.
"Such a talented liar you are," he murmurs. "When you died in my arms, I thought it true."
"It was true," replies Loki, staring intently at his feet. "Death simply proved momentary."
The sun is high in the sky when she opens her eyes in the morning. There is another person in her bed, but it isn't Loki.
"Morning," she croaks at Jane. Her back aches slightly, but while she was sleeping Loki obviously gave her a touch up on the magic that's keeping her temperature reasonable.
"They are fighting again," Jane says. "In Odin's tower. They're really going at it."
"I'm not surprised," Eleanor replies, closing her eyes again. "Loki really fucked up this time. I told him and I told him that eventually Thor would find out, and here we are."
"You didn't want him to do all this?"
"No, not at first. But Thor was happy to return to Midgard with you, and Loki's so good at it. Eventually I just went along for the ride."
"Huh," says Jane. "I knew something weird was going on here."
"I'm sorry for lying to you, Jane," she says. "I really am sorry. I know he's your friend too and that you grieved."
"Yeah, I'm pretty pissed about the whole thing. But it looks like I am going to become a freaking queen and I need your help, so I'll just have to get over it."
"We'll figure it out," Eleanor says.
"We always do. I'm still so fucking mad at you."
"That's fair."
"But I won't be forever."
They lay there in silence for a long stretch of time. Eleanor falls mostly back asleep before hunger becomes a more pressing need.
"Hey, Jane?"
"Hum?"
"I'm going to have a baby."
And for the first time since all the secrets came to light, her best friend smiles.
"Where's Odin?" Eleanor asks as she enters the royal living quarters. "Did he eat?"
Jane laughs. "You already sound like a mom."
"He is painting and I know not if he ate. You need not hover so now that he's improved, Eleanor," Loki grumbles.
She kisses him in greeting and then takes a plate up to Odin's studio. The brothers are silently glaring at each other when she returns.
"What happened?" she asks.
"You missed a pissing contest on who is better suited for the throne," supplies Jane.
Eleanor rolls her eyes. "Oh, for fucks sake. You are both massively flawed."
Both gods stop glaring at each to start glaring at her.
"Thor, your big heart will make it impossible for you to make the hard decisions that go along with ruling. And Loki, I love you, but protecting your people is never going to be your first instinct. You are a little too cruel, a little too mischievous, a little too enraptured with chaos."
"Mischief and cruelty, perhaps, but not chaos," her husband corrects. "Not anymore."
"Really?" she asks.
"Chaos tends to breed uncontrollable destruction and I have not been willing to risk that for a long while. Not with you so fragile and half mortal."
She abruptly leans down to give him a kiss.
"Really, Sister," mutters Thor.
"Chaos or no chaos, you guys are still both totally flawed," she says. "And it's brilliant. How do you two not see it?"
Thor frowns at her in confusion.
"See what, exactly?" snaps Loki.
"You complement each other perfectly," she says. "Two sides, same coin. You need to do this together."
"Do what together, Eleanor?" asks her husband.
"Rule."
Loki rolls his eyes.
"And how can I trust him to provide council that benefits the realm? Rather than his own self-serving interests?" Thor asks.
"He's done a pretty damn good job serving the realm these last three years," Eleanor says.
"He should be thrown in a white cell," Thor mutters.
"Oh, I don't see that happening, Brother."
"You think me so easily manipulated?"
"No, but Father would never allow it. He likes me now."
"It's a good idea," Jane tells Eleanor several hours later. They sit on the balcony with Odin, sunning themselves and sipping on fruity – non-alcoholic in Eleanor's case – drinks. Behind them Eleanor has a string quartet of instruments playing. The music serves to calm Odin and keeps the sounds of the brothers screaming at each other from reaching them.
"What is?" Eleanor asks, squinting at her best friend.
"The dual rule thing. It's perfect really, when you think about it. And you've been thinking about it for awhile, haven't you?"
"Kinda," Eleanor admits.
"I like this plan," says Odin. "Very good for the realms. Very good for our family. Yes, yes."
Eleanor smiles into her fizzy juice.
"And if our husbands share the throne, that means you and I would too, right?" Jane asks, earnest and terrified. This is so far out of the scientist's comfort zone.
"Either way, I'll help you, Jane. You won't have to figure out how to be Queen of Asgard on your own. I'll help and keep doing the boring stuff if you want. Don't worry. We'll find you some nice, Asgardian science."
Jane visibly relaxes.
After three days of senseless bickering during which Loki and Thor seem determined to hurt the other as much as possible by bringing up truly ancient history, Eleanor loses all patience.
"I don't give a fuck," she finally says, speaking for the first time in hours. Odin shuffled off to paint five minutes after his sons sat down, and Jane bailed about an hour after that, more interested in touring the healing rooms with Sigyn than sitting through this again.
Only Eleanor is left to remind the pair of godly idiots that they are in fact responsible for ruling the universe's most powerful realm, not just brothers apparently determined to hash out every grievance between them for the last thousand years.
Maybe at first this was cathartic, but now it is completely unproductive.
At her quiet declaration of not giving a fuck, both gods turn to blink at her where she sits at the head of the table, studiously ignoring her breakfast.
"Pardon, Sister?" says Thor, clearing his throat and glaring at Loki again.
Loki sighs at Eleanor and then returns his brother's glare.
"I don't give a fuck," Eleanor repeats, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't give a fuck who broke Prince Ludvig's foot or who actually was responsible for victory at The Battle of Broke Bucket Bridge. You two are ruining good memories, fighting about irrelevant shit to avoid your real problems."
Loki expels a great huff of air and slumps back in his seat. Thor gapes.
"I did not see it, but now that you've said the words I believe you are correct. Eleanor, really, you are quite brilliant, aren't you?" says the thunder god.
And that right there is her main problem with her brother-in-law. He's just now noticing her brain. There is a reason she can hang with Loki and it really isn't her pretty face and powerful voice.
"Look," she says, shifting in her seat, trying to get comfortable. She has to wait a few moments before continuing because Loki deems it necessary to run off in search of a pillow for her to sit on. When he returns and gets her situated, his hand lingers on the nape of her neck, renewing the magic he works to keep her warm. It's a spell Eleanor could easily learn herself, but she'd rather Loki touch her.
"Look," she says again when her husband is once more settled in his seat across from Thor, and the brothers are glowering at each other again. "Loki, can you just admit that you've fucked up a whole lot in the last decade, and that you are sorry that Thor had to live with thinking you dead on two separate occasions, and that you know you committed treason by pretending to be Odin all these years?"
Loki begrudgingly nods.
"And Thor. Can you please admit that you spent most of your life devaluing Loki, intentionally or not, and that despite the circumstance, Loki's actually done a pretty damn good job as King of Asgard?"
Thor begrudgingly nods.
"And can you both agree that blood doesn't matter and that in everyway that counts, you are brothers."
More begrudging nodding. Eleanor wonders if parenting is going to be like this.
"You both need each other. Thor, you need Loki to keep you from losing yourself when you become king. Without Loki there to share the burden, all those hard decisions are going to turn you into Odin, how he was before the accident, when he was bitter and cruel and totally lost sight of the importance of his family."
"Yes," Thor mutters, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Yes, alright. I admit it."
"And Loki, you need your brother's forgiveness, not only to stay out of the white cells, but because he is your older brother and his approval is important to you. Plus, we need all the help we can get figuring out this pregnancy situation."
"Yes," drawls Loki, studying his nails. "Whatever."
It feels like a great victory but Eleanor is hardly done.
"I still think you need to do this together. And if a dual rule thing is going to work, you have to do it as equals," Eleanor murmurs. "I really, truly believe that if you two can set aside all your bullshit, all the bad blood between you, that you are perfectly suited to do this as brothers."
The princes are quiet. Eleanor gives them a moment to absorb what she is saying before pressing on.
"Legally, technically, to the public, Thor will be king. I don't think there is any way to get around that, not right now. Maybe in a couple centuries Asgard will be in a place where we can figure out an institutionalized dual rule situation, but you both need to prove yourselves to the people before any huge changes are made. They are already struggling to change their perception of Jotunheim. And we are going to have to announce that Loki is actually not dead. One thing at a time. But in practice, behind closed doors, you two have to be equals. That is the only way. Thor, you can't throw around the weight of your title when you disagree, and Loki you can't bail when you get frustrated or offended or whatever. You'll have to figure out how to compromise."
"Like Thor is capable of such a thing," mutters Loki, every bit the sullen little brother in this moment.
"You belong in prison!" shouts Thor in reply. "I can't believe I am even considering such an arrangement after all you've done to betray Asgard, to betray me! How can I rule with a liar?"
"Do not call me a liar and think yourself so above it. You'll need a liar for this task. The lies and manipulations ruling requires will overwhelm you within a week."
Thor of course retorts and off they go again. At least now they are fighting about the right things.
By the end of the day, Thor's agreed not to throw Loki in a white cell and they develop a lie to explain his rebirth.
"If not for your current state, growing my child, I would slay you where you lie," Loki mutters, crawling into bed beside his wife. He pulls a blanket above their heads, creating a safe little cave in the dark where there is Eleanor only. Thor does not exist here, with his anger and his insistence that he can rule better without Loki's help than with it. There is no insane Allfather, so different from the father of his youth and the enemy of recent years.
Here with Eleanor, there is no need to sit through one exhausting conversation after another as they attempt to figure out what comes next for the Realm Eternal. He cares not what happens next for the Realm Eternal, but it is only after they dispense with this bureaucratic nonsense that they will be able to focus on the only thing that truly matters.
The little life Eleanor harbors.
In the dark, Loki's palm finds his wife's annoyingly flat abdomen. The life of their child warms his hand, makes him hum.
"Slay me, huh?" Eleanor asks, voice sleepy and amused.
"Yes. Chastising Thor for use of the term imagined slights. Suggesting we rule in tandem when you know full well he will only reject me," Loki replies. He meant to joke, to tease, but in his last statement his dread seeps through.
"I don't think he's going to reject you," Eleanor says. "He needs you. You need each other, to make ruling remotely bearable and as successful as possible."
"You dream, my sweet songbird."
"We'll see," replies his wife. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"Nervous? Why ever would I be nervous?"
"Oh man. You're more nervous than I thought. It's okay. I'm nervous, too. This whole surprise! Loki's Not-Dead party is going to be so awkward. For both of us," Eleanor turns her back on him and then pulls his arm over her waist. When he holds her close to his chest, Eleanor sighs.
He wonders if it will ever stop being unbelievable, the love he's managed to win from this woman.
"It's going a lot better than I thought it would," says Eleanor, on the very edge of sleep.
"We've fought nonstop for near on a week."
"Progress," she whispers.
"Progress."
"Fandral, if you touch my face one more time I will remove your hands from your wrists and stitch them to your cheeks so you can know the annoyance of being constantly prodded," snaps Loki.
"But, you're alive!" replies Fandral, reaching out for Loki once more. His hands are smacked away. "How is this possible? Three years dead and suddenly here you are."
"As I explained, Fandral," says Thor. "He's been away, killing the last vestiges of the Dark Elves. It was prudent the universe thought him dead, as it provided him protection from his enemies."
"And there are so many of them," mutters Sif.
"I missed you too, Sif," says Loki, sneering.
Eleanor moves to his side, pulling his arm over her shoulders. He squeezes her a bit, grateful for her silent support. Being out of their rooms without his typical illusion is highly uncomfortable.
"Who knew of this?" demands Volstagg.
"Princess Eleanor and myself," Thor says. His lying leaves much to be desired and Loki sighs heavily. "Jane and of course the Allfather."
In the back of the war room where they've gathered lingers Sigyn. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she looks extremely suspicious. Loki grimaces as it is obvious from her posture, her expression, that she's determined the truth. Eleanor hides her face against Loki's shoulder to avoid her friend's gaze.
"And why is he free to walk about the palace?" Sif asks. "Shouldn't he be returned to confinement in his room? Or better yet the white cells."
"You have no understanding of the danger Loki willingly put himself in to keep the realms safe. His campaign was nearly suicidal and he has done a great service for the crown. His debt is paid and his sentence served. Loki is free." Thor's voice is so flat it has Eleanor wincing.
"Oh, really?" asks Volstagg. "And what does the Allfather have to say?"
"Yes, where is our king?" Sif echoes.
"Father agreed readily to this plan. He sent me to share these glad tidings."
They don't look particularly convinced, except for Fandral who continues to stare at Loki with an aggravating amount of wonder in his expression.
"And I have a second announcement," Thor says, barely hiding his frown. "As Jane and I are now married, and with Loki finally returned to us, it is long past time I take up my rightful post as King of Asgard. The coronation will be before the new moon."
This news is enough to distract the warriors from Loki's suspicious reappearance. They swarm the once more future King of Asgard, leaving Loki and Eleanor free to silently slip out of the room.
"Father, it would be like rewarding Loki for a decade of poor behavior," Thor says, yet again, not long after they sit down for family dinner. Despite the announcement that Loki still lives, they serve themselves in Odin's tower instead of dining in the Great Hall, both for the privacy and to keep the extent of Odin's altered mental state from the general public.
"You think playing your second and calling you king will be a reward?" replies Loki, yet again.
"We would be ruling as equals, would we not?" snaps Thor. "No seconds."
"And that is the real problem you have with this whole proposition!" counters Loki. "Even in private, you cannot stomach the thought of a Frost Giant as your equal. I am the younger, weaker brother, making up for my lack of brute strength with all manner of tricks. How could I ever equal the mighty Thor?"
"You are not simply a Frost Giant, but also my brother. It's your actions that prevent me from making this agreement. How foolish would I be, to make the liar who attempted genocide on multiple realms, incapacitated my king and father, and then treasonously usurped the throne for himself, my equal in rule!"
"This is really fun," says Jane, refilling her goblet of wine.
Eleanor lifts her juice in a silent salute of agreement.
"No, no," says Odin, covering his ears. "No fighting."
"But, Father—" attempts Thor.
"It matters not what he's done," says Odin. "But what arrangement will most benefit the realm."
"And Loki in such a position of power will benefit the realm?" sputters Thor.
Eleanor rolls her eyes. "He's done a pretty fucking good job so far," she reminds her brother-in-law. "Loki is good at this, Thor. And with his family living on this realm, me and this baby, do you really think he would do anything to compromise the safety of Asgard? He's not going to be working against you. He's not going to be secretively scheming to serve his own purposes. His only priority is the safety and happiness of us. Why would he try to sabotage your rule?"
"Thank you, my dear," says Loki. He pulls her chair a bit closer to give her a quick, chaste kiss.
"Or you could just do this all on your own," Eleanor continues. "Loki and I would be perfectly happy moving to the mountains or something with your niece. Living a peaceful life without the pressure of ruling. Doesn't that sound lovely, sweetheart?"
"It truly does, my love."
Thor crosses his arms over his chest, nearly pouting. "I should throw you back in your old cell."
"No," says Odin, reaching across the table to pile more meat onto his plate. "I like him. I like Blue."
"Thank you, Odin," says Loki, smirking at his brother as he throws his arms up in the air, completely exasperated.
"Do you want to come with us when Loki and I move to the mountains to live our peaceful life with our daughter?" Eleanor asks the Allfather.
"Can I paint there?" asks Odin.
"Of course."
"Then yes."
"Now see here—" Thor's indignant rant is interrupted by a pounding on the door. It's been a long time since any have dared to get so close to the great doors to Odin's tower – since Loki threatened them all with pain and death if they even thought about entering – and no one seems to know how to respond now.
Odin wrings his hands and looks to Loki. Her husband clears his throat and rises. After a quick conversation with a startled servant, he returns with a slip of paper.
"A note from Heimdall," he says, reading. "Lau is dead."
"Who is Lau?" asks Thor.
Eleanor snorts and Loki shakes his head.
"What?" demands Thor. "Who is this Lau?"
"One of Laufey's daughters. The evil one," Eleanor replies. "How? What happened?"
"In a final, glorious battle she was defeated by the other one. Or so I am told," Loki says, completely unbothered. Thor snags the note from Loki's hand as he drops into his seat.
"The other one?" Eleanor asks. "You mean Fey?"
"Yes."
"Well fuck. That's great. Isn't it?" Eleanor asks. Suddenly she feels unspeakably awkward, celebrating the death of her husband's sister.
Loki's managed to impregnate her with an impossible child, and with a few easy word's Bragi's rewritten her origin story, and Loki's not-death is now public knowledge, but the universe ploughs on, one daughter of Laufey killing the other in a final, glorious battle.
"It is indeed great," Loki replies, nodding. "A treaty between the crown and Fey's new regime is in order. This will give her legitimacy and show our people that it was no mistake to support one Jotunn faction over the other. And when that is done, in some months, we will need to invite Fey here, have some sort of official ceremony to celebrate our new alliance and bring Fey into the inter-realm politics. Best to do all we can now to prevent conflict in the future, correct? Though we should wait until Thor is coronated to make sure it is clear that this new alliance with Fey will not languish with Odin."
With a furrowed brow and wary expression, Loki glances at Eleanor, seeking her confirmation, her praise.
Suddenly she is overcome by fierce pride for the man she's tied her life to. Maybe securing a peaceful future is not instinctual for him, but that didn't stop him from doing real and lasting good with the short time he sat on the throne. Suddenly she loves him more than she did just a few minutes ago, something she didn't think was possible, and suddenly the necessity of Loki stepping down as king (treasonous though the situation may be) is such a tragedy for Asgard and a waste of Loki's considerable talents.
And for once, Thor is thinking the same thing. He is wide-eyed and pale, as if he is just now figuring out how hard being king is actually going to be.
"Perhaps I should reconsider this dual-rule proposition," mutters the thunder god.
Eleanor does her very best not to appear smug.
1st beta: Heather
Final beta: Erica
Big thanks to everyone reading, following, reviewing, etc. You are so lovely!
Hey anyone around here heard of this little site called Tumblr? I have one of those. Come say hi!
.com