The Sufferer stands in the doorway going out of the hive, Kankri and Karkat holding his hands. Their faces are smudged, their emotions unreadable. A blinding white light shines around them, oozing comfort and serenity. You scream at them, beg them not to leave, ask for forgiveness. You try to lunge towards them, but your feet have melted in with the floor. Tears collect in your mouth, forming a bubble that garbles your wailing. It tastes like blood and runs down your throat like acid. Your desperately grasping fingers and sobbing are ignored; your family turns and abandons you, taking the light with them. The gaping hole in your chest is darker than the physical blackness that consumes you. You start to cave into yourself, crumple forward, but your forehead bangs against something metal. When you look forward, you see a mirror. And what you see in the mirror traps your voice.
There is a girl, deep grey, naked; she sits in an over glorified birdcage that crushes down on her neck. She blinks at herself and looks down at her hand. The skin is wrinkled and saggy. You look down at your thighs and frown at how the skin droops over your feet. Furhter down your leg, your feet have been replaced with masses of wriggling maggots. Individual worms fall to the floor with plops and squirts. You bring up your fingers to your chin and let the skin from your neck drape over your hand. Dragging your hand up your face, you discover that you have no eyes, only gaping holes that snap at your cuticles; you have no hair, only a rough surface that scratches your palm; the yarn that had once burrowed your screams inside you have been replaced and are grimy with slime.
When, finally, you raise your head back to the mirror, it has been replaced with a Chesire-like grin, equipped with teeth as sharp as despair. The Grand Highblood grins at you as largely as the thread in his lips will allow. The spindly black tattoos that creep up the side of his face spit venom at you and wrap around your throat tightly, painfully. Your fear is reflected as red in the rings lining the bridge of his nose. You watch as his simper crawls up his cheeks, the filament enclosing his fangs dancing around his eyes. They twist through the jewelry in his eyebrows and crawl up his nose, escaping through a pore in his forehead. He starts violently shaking, the sight of him vibrating. He drifts in and out of existence, the adornments in his face crumbling away. As everything dissipates and turns to nothing, a deep voice booms into your head, resonating malice, "Kazkia."
You open your eyes, just a bit, and are completely overwhelmed. Every muscle in your body is clenched, your pores swimming in sweat. Your throat feels raw, and there are a dozen hands touching you. You open your eyes wider and see Karkat, a hand stroking your cheek and another holding a cloth to your forehead. He realizes that you are awake and pulls you against his chest, rocking back and forth slightly. You take a gulp of air, smell the anxiety clinging to his oversized t-shirt, and let out a heaving sob. Another set of arms wrap around the two of you and you tangle a fist in the back of Kankri's shirt to let him know that you need him too. Your head rests on both of their shoulders and you lament as they shoosh and pap you. The Signless slides into your eyesight, deep weariness etched into his features. Anger momentarily flickers inside of you, dust left from the nightmare. After wiping your tears on your brothers' shoulders, you stand and slide your arms around his waist. A breath flickers past your lips in an apology as you silently forgive him. "Are you absolutely positive you're alright?" he asks when you pull apart. With a shrug you turn away and back towards your bed.
Sitting amidst your tangled comforters sit two teenage boys. One is thin and soft on the edge, nervously pulling at his hands. The other is short and chubby, a glare set on his face, his arms folded across his chest. The latter stands and says, "I think we should all leave Kazkia alone to wallow in her terror. And by 'we' I mean you two," he looks pointedly at Kankri as if expecting him to protest. With an understanding nod, he gracefully leaves.
Before the door is closed, The Signless says, "Sleep well, Kazkia. I hope only for the best." And the twins are left alone. You move just as though it had been rehearsed and it may as well have been, you've repeated this process so many times; Karkat turns off the light as you swaddle yourself in the large blanket and lie on your back. Your brother sneaks in next to you and clasps your hand, rubbing circles with his thumb. You fidget, still trembling slightly, unable to shake off the heaviness of the dream.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Karkat asks you. He thinks you're not going to answer him and is surprised when you summarize the dream for him. He lies completely still and you flick your pointer finger across his thumbnail nervously. You've never felt doubt about telling Karkat anything, but you think this time maybe you should have stayed mute. It's a lot for you to take in, and you were the one experiencing it. Of course it's too much for him. An apology forms in your head but you hear him shift in the darkness and faintly see the outline of him leaning across you. "Kazkia. I am completely serious when I say this; that is the sickest, creepiest fucking thing I've ever heard," you burst into laughter immediately and when you're quiet again, he lies back down and continues, "Like I said, I am completely serious. What you've got going in your think pan is some extra special shit. It's twisted and flexible, doused in brilliance and emanating pure awesome. The things you do, Kazkia, the way you act, the words that come out of your mouth… they always amaze me in the most admirable of ways. You're unpredictable and spontaneous, yet collected and organized. Even with all the bullshit you were forced to endure by some fuckass omnipotent-wannabe, you still somehow keep your chin up and you're the most rad fucking person I've ever met. You're everything I wish I could be, and yet jealousy is never in the equation. I'm just proud that you're my sister. And I'm genuinely touched that you told me about your dream even though it very well may give me nightmares of my own." your chest swells with unexpected happiness. On the outside, you may seem hardened and resilient, apparently put together, but internally, everything is jumbled. You feel as if your organs have escaped their designated pods and are dancing with your thoughts, turning your entire body into a messy stew.
You turn onto your side and cling to his arm. He should know about the bubble in your chest that nearly forced everything back into place. He would like that he made you so happy. You should tell him that you admire him in more ways than you can count. He deserves to know that he's special too. But your mouth refuses to open. Whatever it is you want to say is not allowed to be heard. So you hug his arm and hope that you can send your appreciation through affection. "I love you, Karkat." you struggle to say. He lets out a relieved laugh and pats your head.
"I know."
I'm thinking of updating once a week or so...? I had most of the story written out, then I lost it all, so I'm back with three prewritten chapters and will need a few days to stay ahead. Every seven days sound good to everyone?