With your arm linked in Karkat's, you hold your chin up and stride onto the school campus. "Are you going to ask the fucktards, or am I?" he asks, referring to Nepeta and Equius. You have decided that, for at least one night, you need bodyguards in order to feel safe. You shake your head, meaning you'll do the honors, and scan the courtyard. You can't see them and wonder if they've skipped school for ice cream again. Usually when they do that though, Nepeta invites every last one of their friends, and you received no such invitation. Maybe they've skipped school and brought along all of your other friends. Karkat stayed behind because he's the only one in the entire world that cares about. Oh, Gog! Of course they don't like you; you're bland and clingy and probably smell weird. Just as you slump your shoulders in defeat. Karkat points towards some picnic tables near the entrance of the school, glancing at you and saying nothing more.
Lying in the grass is just the pale couple you were looking for. Nepeta's arms and legs are spread far from her body as she giggles madly. Equius lies beside her, tense, legs pressed to each other and arms to his sides. The two of you shadow over Nepeta as you reach them. Your old friend immediately jumps up, throwing her arms around your neck. She often times likes to rub it in your face that she's an inch taller than both you and Karkat. Equius, on the other hand, stands awkwardly, at little more than seven feet; a stunning contrast to the three trolls that barely reach five. You wrap one arm around Nepeta's waist. Her frame is so tiny in your sideways hug that it almost feels like you're squeezing empty air. Nepeta has already launched into one of her famous rants, telling you, hands still on your shoulders and waving around in dramatic gestures, about her morning, and about Equius' morning, and her matesprit Feferi's morning. Before she can describe, in depth, her worries about being late to school this morning, Karkat interrupts her, "You autistic fuck, we have something we would like to ask you." You immediately jab your elbow between his ribs, offended, and look at your friend. She has completely ignored his comment, but Equius glares at him, wringing a towel roughly between his hands.
"Oh! What did you want to ask me?" Nepeta asks excitedly.
"Well, both of you, really. As you may know, The Grand Highblood has, you know, been released, and stuff… And I just would feel better if I had someone to, you know, make me feel safe. So I was wondering if you both would like to stay a couple nights with us, maybe-"
"Oh yes! We will be the best purrtectors!" She hugs you again, just as the bell rings. You already feel better, just knowing that if The Grand Highblood stops by for a visit you'll have a troll with claws in her gloves and another STRONG enough to crush his face with a single pap. You smile in relief and nod at Equius in delight. With the two of them around, there's also no way you'll have a nightmare. Nepeta babbles while you nod enthusiastically, Karkat grumbles sourly and Equius sweats with the towel still clutched in his hands. The bell rings and as a mass, you enter the school building. You grin as they walk you to your locker then part with a grunt and an enthusiastic wave. Karkat is already complaining about how annoying Nepeta is and how Equius needs to back off; but you've tuned him out, focusing instead on the troll that struts down the hallway.
Her blue lips are pulled into a derisive smirk, striding down the hall, eightfold eye and company flicking side to side mischievously. She carries with her an air of enmity. From the way she leans back comfortably as she walks, one robot hand in her pocket and the other dawdling with a pair of dice, you can tell she's looking for you. Her hair falls around her shoulders with calculated slovenliness in a way you find absolutely repugnant and concupiscent. And then she catches you. You know this because her head tips back a bit, her tongue pausing over her fangs. Suddenly she is ignoring the others in the hall, shoving them out of the way and punching them if they move so your eye contact breaks. Your body hums with lust. You just… you hate her so much! Her very existence makes you seethe from every pore in your body. Finally, she reaches you, resting both hands on her rounded hips.
"I heard your pacifier got out the other day. Too bad he'll get to you before I do," her smirk sends pulses of resentment to parts of your body you would rather not think of while in public. She flips her hair over her shoulder, sticking her nose in the air and closing her eyes before continuing her antagonism. This gives you the perfect opportunity. Emotions are running high, okay? You're under a lot of stress and she just comes up to you, all snooty and mean. Not to mention that your hormones are screaming at you to crush your lips against hers.
Instead, you crush your fist against her face. You're not quite certain as to why you do this… A sting zaps through your knuckles but you blink the minor setback away and don't wait for her next move; you wrap your legs around her waist and mush your mouth to hers, obeying your teenage instincts. A laugh bubbles around your liplock and then she bites your tongue. The pain makes you yank back, blood immediately spilling onto your teeth. You scramble off of her, now aware of a small crowd gathering. Warmth spreads through your cheeks as the embarrassment of your actions settles in. You dip your fingertips into the blood that trickles down your chin, examining the the ruby red with disdain. Vriska seizes the moment and jerks her knee up, into your chin. Your head snaps back, an ache throbbing in the back of your neck. The move paralyzes you for a moment, flaunting your vulnerable throat, which your kismesis can't resist. She kisses your jugular, grabbing hungrily at your chest. Yes, this is nothing new for the two of you, but the fact that it's in front of the whole entire school makes it absolutely mortifying. "Vriska, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to punch you. Please, not right now-"
"You can't just leave me hanging, Kazkia," she says into your ear, dilating your pupils. You gently try to push her off of you, horribly self conscious, but she grips both of her hands in your hair, nipping at your earlobe.
"Stop. Not right now. I'm fucking serious, get off of me!" You raise your voice, starting to panic. The room tilts around you, all of the chanting trolls that surround you blurring into a single menacing one, Vriska's body a hot clamp, trapping you to the floor. Sweat dampens your armpits and you look around desperately, clawing at the ground to escape. Vriska runs a thumb against your chin and it's followed by her mouth, which finds its way to yours.
She's strong. You're weak. She's dominant. You're submissive. That's how the two of you do things, her on top, you complying with her salty demands, but today you feel as if the world is shrinking and suffocating you. What with her tongue jammed in your windpipe and hysteria cinching your lungs, you can't breathe. Just when you think you're going to pass out, the spiderbitch is yanked off of you. She squirms around wildly, but is trapped within the embrace of Aradia's thick arms. You are on the ground, panting, blinking rapidly. Sollux reaches down and cocks his head to the side. "Damn, Kazkia. I wish Eridan and I hated each other that much," A teacher has pushed through the crowd of onlookers, waving them away.
"Nothing to see here, shoo shoo! Get on with your lives if you have any…" you ignore Sollux's outstretched hands and stand, a hand on the lockers beside you to keep your balance. Once the horde has moved out, the teacher, with a shake of his large white head, turns to look at you and Vriska. "No public displays of animosity in the halls, girls," he titters then whispers, "Good show, though. I'd see it again," his green coat tail drags on the floor behind him as he walks away with a jump in his step.
Vriska still fights wildly, attempting thrusts at Aradia, but the chubby girl doesn't budge. "Alright, let her go before she has an aneurism," Sollux tells his matesprit with crossed arms. Aradia immediately lets go of her victim, Vriska sputtering as she falls onto her face. She stands, hissing, livid. Before she can attack with either her body or her words, Karkat squirms into her view.
"What in the sweet almighty taint chafing fuck is wrong with your think pan?" He shouts into her face. Then, he turns to you, lowering his voice, though it still drips with anger. "You, too. What the fuck was that?" red paints your cheeks as you look to the floor. "Well whatever it was, it was fucking disgusting. That is absolutely not what a kismesistude is about,"
"Oh shut up," Vriska sneers, rolling her eyes. "I'll just leave you two to talk it out or whatever," she starts to walk away, but apparently your brother hasn't had enough. He attempts to stand by her side and lecture her about the black quadrant, scurrying to keep up. Sollux turns to you, pushing his 3D glasses up his nose.
"I wanted to talk to you. Mituna's-"
Aradia, with a glassy smile wide enough to crinkle the corners of her dramatically large and widened eyes, loudly butts in, "They've been talking about you like crazy. They seem excited," her voice is bland, which contradicts her severely expressionable face in a manner which confuses you momentarily. She's talking about the voices in her head and this alarms you greatly. Something big is going to happen to you if the voices in her head are getting excited about you. Why you, of every troll on this damned planet? People generally try to avoid the chubby girl that has just warned you but you find her creepiness greatly alluring. While you still don't trust her, you like to listen to her dead voice tell stories. Sollux pulls lightly at a knot in her hair, which aren't hard to find since the entire canopy of dark brown hair that flows to her buttocks is one giant knot. She ignores him, staring at you with a cocked head, but says no more.
"As I was saying, we are having a birthday party for Mituna tomorrow. He would really like it if you came, and if you don't, you're a douchebag and should go punch yourself in the face," he nods with a simple humph and a raised eyebrow. You absolutely adore the entire Captor family. Sollux has a superiority complex, thinking he's a badass because he can hack into anything, but really, he's a lanky, pimply geek. You like to piss him off and argue with him just to hear his retorts. Given that he just potentially insulted you, now would normally be a good time, but you're really not in the mood.
"Of course I'll come," you say. He understands, of course, and nods in confirmation. He turns, walks away, but Aradia has stayed behind. Her face never cracks. Her presence makes you uneasy.
"I hope you're prepared," and with that, she follows Sollux. You can do nothing for a few moments except blink. Blood still tingles on your tongue, a deep frown encasing it. The bell rings, giving you no time to reflect on the multiple events that just happened. You quickly take out your needed books and head to the bathroom to clean your face with a heavy slump.
Night has fallen. You have slipped into your bee footie pajamas that Mituna gave you for your wriggling day last sweep. Beside you, Nepeta wears her home-made footie pajamas with cats sewn onto it and Equius is on the other side of her, wearing footie pajamas dotted with horses, which he stole from his dancestor. You all lean against your bed, eating popcorn and watching the end of a comedy. The credits roll onto the screen and, still laughing, Nepeta goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Equius following. You, on the other hand, walk down the hall to Kankri's respiteblock and knock lightly. "You may enter!" He sits in front of his computer screen, which he has killed so you are unable to see what he was doing. "Can I help you?" You enclose him in your arms and kiss his forehead.
"Goodnight, Kankri."
"Goodnight, Kazkia."
Further down the hall and you reach Karkat's room, which is locked, as always. You knock. Silence pans out. Is he even in his respiteblock or has he run off with Terezi again? After a minute or so, you knock again and when the door opens, you're shoved hard. "Sweet mother grub's oozing vestigial third oral sphincter! What do you want?" You blink at him, tears growing in your eyes instantly. He has never yelled at you before. Never. You've always been the exception. He screams at everyone and calls them names but you're the only one he just can't get mad at. Maybe you've been too clingy lately. Maybe he's never liked you and is finally over it. Maybe he hates you more than anyone. He doesn't want to shoosh and pap you or comfort you after your nightmares.
Well... fine.
If he's going to treat you like no one special then you'll give him your silence, something of which you give to other people but never to him. You've decided that he's no longer any different than the random faces you see walking down the streets and don't remember. The hole in your chest that you thought you had perfectly concealed long ago is uncovered. His face is flared with anger, his chest heaving with labored breathing. Maybe he just needs his twin to calm him down. You plan on asking him what happened, what made him explode at you, but when you attempt to soften your face, it breaks down the wall and you start to cry. You take only one sputtering breath, your lower lip quivering and you quickly cover it up with your hands. Karkat growls furiously and you take a step back. Is he going to hit you? Has he gone completely rogue? But he runs a hand over his face and looks at you with apologetic eyes. "I'm so sorry, don't cry. Terezi just broke up with me and- it's no excuse. I'm sorry." He gathers you in a tight hug and you sob only once more in relief. "What did you need?" He asks softly and you shake your head. Of course he won't abandon you.
"I just wanted to say goodnight. Goodnight, Karkat. I'm sorry about Terezi. Do you need to talk about it?" He kisses your forehead. You're stupid for thinking he hates you.
"Tomorrow. Goodnight, Kazkia. I love you," even so, when he says this, you can't but think it sounds forced.
"I love you, too," you say despairingly, smiling to show that you're not upset. You are, but it doesn't matter. It never does.
The bathroom is void of your guests so you take advantage of it. With your teeth brushed and your face soaped up, you glance into the mirror. Nothing has changed. Whether you're being torn apart inside or floating peacefully on a lake of happiness, your face will reveal nothing but passivity. You like being unreadable, but sometimes you want someone to be able to recognize the mask. You're too good at hiding and you're just about sick of it. But you're not motivated enough to do anything about it, so, exhausted, you look away from your crooked reflection and turn out the lights. Once back in your bedroom, you catch Nepeta and Equius both laughing loudly at a conversation you missed out on. They welcome you as if they hadn't heard the scene with your sibling. For a couple hours more, you all tell jokes together and talk lightly, but the mood has deflated considerably. The moon is full and casts a slight green hue on your room through the small split between your curtains. The lights are shut off and you crawl into bed, your friends in sleeping bags on the floor.
Silence engulfs the three of you in the dark room. Your heart rate speeds up. Tentacles are already reaching for you through the darkness from your imagination. You struggle with them for a few moments, silently and completely still, widening your eyes as if that will ward them off. Their suction cups press against your chest and threaten to steal your heart but you frighten them away by thrusting the blankets over your face. Through your barricade, you can feel them lightly brushing over the comforter fabric. Your skin prickles at their touch and all you can do is feel them as you struggle to breathe. A noise interrupts your silent battle; a lilting whinny. The sound reminds you that you have two other soldiers lying on your floor. It gives you enough strength to peek out. In the moonlight that embraces your room, you see that Equius's chest rises with each smooth inhalation and his lips flutter ever so slightly as he neighs in exhalation. A shimmer beside him catches your attention. You meet Nepeta's glowing eyes and at the same moment the two of you burst into laughter.
You sit up, not ready to succumb to sleep. Nepeta pounces onto your bed. You whisper for another hour or so, but you don't confide in her any of your secrets and she doesn't push for them. You don't get to know each other any further, you learn nothing about your friend and speak nothing of yourself. Eventually, the conversation turns deep. Together, you wonder aloud if perhaps there are monsters in the Furthest Ring and what aliens look like. Could you yourselves ever create a universe? What would it take to end your own?