Everything went well as we entered the house, up to our approach to the spare room, where Sally was filling up another syringe. Unfortunately, she was doing it in the hall, in plain sight, where Trowa could see her.
With a scream of terror, Trowa panicked again and struggled so hard that we both fell to the ground. I managed to keep him from hurting himself in the fall, but once we were on the ground he managed to get free of my hold. His scream attracted the other boys, who, along with Sally, scared him away from the door and toward the other end of the hall, where he ran up the stairs. I managed get back on my feet just a moment after he ran, so was right behind him as he stumbled up the stairs. At the top of the stairs I was able to get beside him, but didn't dare grab him, as terrified as he was. Instead I herded him into the master bedroom. He went willingly enough, then followed the walls like a blind man until he realized he was trapped. Then he settled down to sob in a corner.
With Trowa trapped, if not subdued, I was able to sit down on the bed and catch my breath, alert in case he were to make another dash for freedom. I knew the part that came next would be just as strenuous as the rest, so I gave myself a minute to recuperate while Sally came up the stairs and cautiously knocked on the door.
"Is he alright?" she asked quietly, still standing in the hall.
"Other than the panicking, he's fine," I replied softly, so that Trowa would not hear us over the sounds of his own panting. "But I don't think you'll be able to give him the shot without his panicking again."
"Should I sedate him?"
"And how exactly would you go about doing that? He's so scared right now that we won't be able to get near him, even if you could put him out without using a needle, which you can't because you didn't bring the proper sedative."
"Well excuse me! I thought this was going to be a routine checkup. Don't blame me because that one went manic!" Sally hissed, pointing at Trowa.
"Don't get upset with him. He's been through a lot, and a fear of needles is perfectly understandable for him," I chided. "If you saw a man with a buthcer's knife covered in blood you'd run, wouldn't you? It's the same for him."
"It's lovely that you understand where he's coming from, but that doesn't help our current situation."
"I'll just have to grab him. He's not that strong, I'm sure I can hold him long enough for you to prick him. Do you have the sedative with you, just in case?"
"I do, but it's an injection also, as you've already pointed out, so it won't be easy using it either."
"That's fine. Let's do this before I get feeling back in my legs," I quipped, rising as Sally came in and locked the door behind her. Trowa didn't look up as we did this, but he tensed as we approached. The, when I was about an arm's length away, he sprang from his place on the floor and tried to dart toward the door, but I managed to grab him around the middle. He struggled in my hold, but I managed to turn him so that he was facing me and pulled him against me, pinning his arms to his sides. He sobbed against my shoulder, but was tired out by the previous chases and couldn't get loose.
"Hush," I soothed, running my hands down his back as Sally prepared his arm again. "It's just a little needle. I promise, it'll be in and out in a second," I tried to sooth, but I doubt Trowa heard me. His harsh sobs escalated to panting shrieks as the needle approached his arm and he stopped breathing as the injection was administered, gasping for breath again as the needle was removed.
"There, see?" Sally quipped, trying to cheer him up. "It's all over. And such a big fuss, too."
But Trowa wasn't listening. He had started sobbing again, and he was still gasping for breath like before. The fact that it was over hadn't calmed him a bit, and in another second I realized that he wasn't going to calm any time soon. Casting a glance at Sally I found that she had come to the same realization, and I gently pulled Trowa tight into my embrace once again as she readied the sedative.
"Just one more," I cooed as he began to struggle again. This time, as the needle approached, he gave a serious effort to getting free of my grasp, but again was unable. Sally administered the sedative quickly, and in another minute Trowa slumped in my arms, asleep.
"Poor thing," Sally muttered, softly petting Trowa's hair as he slept against my chest. I was loathe to put him down, because seeing him in such a panicked state had shaken me more than I cared to admit. I sighed and held him close, wondering if I'd ever be able to take the fear out of him. Out of any of them.
There was a knock at the door only a few minutes later, and Duo's voice come through the hard wood.
"Um... Master? Can I bring Quatre in? He felt Trowa's fear suddenly stop and it's really freaking him out. Is Trowa alright? I know he freaked, but... Anyway, Wufei and Heero have Quat downstairs, so if you don't want him to do what Trowa just did you'd better show him that T-boy's okay."
"Bring Quatre up, Duo," I ordered, laying Trowa on the bed. I did not want to have another incoherent teen on my hands.
"You're the boss-man!" Duo quipped, trotting down the stairs loudly.
"You'd never know what that boy had gone through from his attitude," Sally commented, staring at the closed door.
"I don't know about that," I replied, settling Trowa on the bed and covering him. "I think he's hiding a lot right now because he's still afraid of me. Give him some time and you'll probably see that he's more like the other boys than you'd expect," I told her, and just had time to finish my comment before Quatre exploded through the door, followed closely by the other three boys.
"Trowa!" he cried.
"Quatre, calm down!" I snapped, grabbing his shoulder. "There's no need to get upset. Trowa had a bad scare due to the needles, so I had Sally give him a light sedative. I don't want you waking him up, alright?"
"Can I... Can I touch him?" he wondered. I nodded, knowing that his empathy was somehow stronger when he had physical contact. More slowly this time, Quatre approached the bed, and I was able to see that he had tear-tracks down his face. He knelt delicately by the bed, then reached down carefully and took Trowa's hand in his own. With a sigh of relief he brought it up to rub against his face, and I could see the tension pour out of him. He cared deeply for Trowa, that much was evident.
"Come now," I soothed gently after a few moments, "Let's let Trowa get some sleep," I said, pulling him gently away from the bed. He had a hard time letting go of Trowa, and he watched the other boy over his shoulder until we were out of the room.
"Are you alright?" I asked as we descended the stairs together.
"Hm?" he wondered, still a bit distracted.
"You had quite a scare earlier. Perhaps you should go to bed as well," I suggested.
"No, I'm quite alright. I was just worried, that's all," he said, then waited a moment before continuing. "Are you mad at me? For not stopping Trowa like you asked."
"Well, I can't say I was pleased, but-..."
"Zechs, can I speak to you for a moment," Sally interrupted. Her bag was in her hand and I assumed she was ready to leave.
"Ah- yes. I'll walk you out. Quatre, we'll continue this later," I said quickly, moving to the doorway beside Sally. I was fairly certain that I was about to get a lecture, but I knew it was better to take it like a man than to put it off and make Sally even angrier. And, true to my expectations, Sally laid into me as soon as we got out the door.
"I am assuming that you will be seeking professional help for these boys," she began, her tone telling me that she was well aware that I was not and that this was unacceptable.
"You more than anyone should know why I can't do that. Une would never clear it."
"Of course she would. She'll do anything for this mission."
"And who would I go to, hm? Which counselor do you know who specializes in sex-slaves?"
"There are many well-qualified rape and abuse counselors who would be completely acceptable for this mission. You're just making excuses, Zechs," Sally snapped.
"And what good would it do?" I hissed back.
"What?" Sally growled.
"What good, exactly, would it do for any of the boys to talk to someone about problems that neither they nor I could fix? Hm? You know what would help Trowa? Telling him that no one will ever hurt him with a needle again. You know why I can't tell him that? Because it might not be true! You know what helps a rape victim heal? Making them feel safe! How the hell am I supposed to make them feel safe, Sally? How am I supposed to fix them when I might have to rape them tomorrow? How am I supposed to gain their trust if I have to beat them? How can I expect them to act normal if I can't offer them anything normal? What do you want me to do?" I yelled. It was only after a moment of silence that I realized how badly I had just gone off on my friend, who really only wanted to help.
"Sally, I'm so-..."
"Do you feel better?" she asked, looking at the car as she fumbled to unlock the door.
"What?"
"Do you feel better? Obviously you've been holding that inside for a while now. Do you feel better, getting it all out?"
"I do, but I don't know if it helped. I still don't know what to do. But I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," Sally huffed, opening the door and turning to face me. "I should have realized how much those boys mean to you, and I shouldn't have questioned you. I know why we can't help them, but it just makes me so angry, seeing someone so young struggling so hard. They don't deserve this."
"No, they don't, and I'm going to see to it that they get out of this, but it's going to take some time. Until then I just have to do what I can to fulfill the mission and heal them, and hope that it's enough. But I'm glad you asked me. Having all this on my shoulders, with no one to give an opinion... It's made me question almost everything I do with these boys. That kind of uncertainty could get someone killed," I said. We both understood that "someone" would either be myself or one of the boys, but it was too terrible a thought to voice out loud.
"Then I'll stop by every week and give you an earful," Sally promised teasingly as she climbed in the van.
"Good lord, woman, I'll die!" I teased dramatically.
"Yeah, well you'll die a lot quicker if you don't move out of the way. I'll back right over you," she teased closing the door. I laughed and headed to the house, taking her threat seriously. I had nothing against female drivers, but Sally couldn't understand the difference between speed bump and pedestrian. I smiled as I watched Sally pull away and, with such good humor in me, I couldn't bring myself to return to the house just yet. Instead, I laid back on the grass and watched the clouds roll by for almost an hour. If I went back to the house I knew there would be something to worry about, something to push the boys toward or protect them from. It was a constant strain, much like being the parent of five at the same time as starting out five new relationships. The pressure was starting to get to me, so I let myself drift for just a little bit, and felt all that much better for it. I could hardly remember a time since Duo got hurt that I had smiled, and that was far too long to go without any fun. Eventually I returned to the house, my good humor restored, and headed to my study.
Where my good humor immediately disappeared.
I found, to my great consternation and amazement, Quatre, kneeling on the floor, his shirt gone and his eyes blindfolded, with a riding crop between his teeth.
"What the hell?" I wondered in astonishment. I glanced around only to find that none of the others where anywhere near us. Coming to the conclusion that Quatre had mastermind this little escaped by himself, I quietly closed the door and turned to my slave.
The first thing I did was to remove the crop from his mouth, so that he could speak. He opened his mouth readily as he felt my touch on the crop, but he tensed his body, expecting an immediate attack. Instead, I set the crop on my desk, lest I be tempted to brain him with it. Make no mistake, I was far from being angry enough to beat him, but I wasn't sure how close I was to being annoyed enough to smack him upside the head with the damn thing. As I set the crop aside I noticed that it was old and worn, so it had probably come out of the barn or tool shed. I also noticed it was clean and was grateful that Quatre at least had the foresight to wash it before putting it in his mouth. Once the crop was set aside I turned to Quatre, calmly asking him, "What in the world are you doing?"
Quatre opened his lips immediately, but didn't speak. Instead, he gave a small huffing sound, more of a squeak than anything. He closed his mouth swallowed, licked his lips, and tried again.
"I-... I'm awaiting punishment, at your leisure," he replied shakily.
"And what have you done to merit a punishment of this caliber?" I asked him, keeping my voice firm though I wanted to comfort him, for he was obviously afraid.
"I have betrayed you," he admitted, and I froze. Did he know? Had I been revealed?
"Betrayed me how?" I asked breathlessly, barely breathing as I awaited his answer.
"You-you ordered me to seize Trowa, and I disobeyed. I let my friendship with Trowa overpower my loyalty to you. I deserve to be punished," he replied, and I let out my breath in a relieve rush. I should have known Quatre would get so upset over trivial things.
And yet, as relieved as I was, I realized that the situation with Quatre was also important. He had, indeed, disobeyed my order, though he had not quite betrayed my trust. But that was not the most serious offense. He had committed a worse offense by choosing to force my punishment instead of allowing me to choose when and where. He had, in truth, been attempting to force me to punish him, and that could not be allowed. First and foremost as their master I needed to have control, and only later could I gain trust and obedience. Quatre had, unwittingly, attempted to take that control away.
"Get up," I commanded sternly, and Quatre nearly jumped to his feet. Then, without giving myself time to think, I yanked down his pants and bent him over.
It was hardest for me to think of punishing Quatre not only because of his youthful, angelic looks, or because of his submissive, accepting personality, but also because of his frailness and the abuse I had seen him take. Always in the back of my mind was the worry that I would treat him too roughly and he would break. But he was young, mostly healthy, and strong despite his circumstances, as were the others, and I needed to stop thinking of him differently. I doubted that I'd be able to completely change my attitude toward him, but I needed to start somewhere, and the punishment seemed like as god a place as any. So, I did what I would have done had any of the others been in his place.