"Get back! I'll jump!"

Her eyes gleam violet, wide and panicked like a wild animal's. She gasps for breath, well-formed bosom heaving against the blanket she's clutching. She inches her feet closer to the edge of the guild wall.

Laxus pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation, turning to the white-haired barmaid. "Who was it who told her we ran out of alcohol, again?"

Mirajane holds up her hands defensively. "I gave her a warning! I didn't know she'd take it so seriously!"

"I can't believe you people are making me do this." Scowling, the lightning dragon slayer cups his hands to his mouth and tilts his head back. "Cana! Get down from the fucking roof!"
"There's nothing left to live for!" she shrieks back. The wind whips through her billowing hair. "All my joy is gone!"

For the hundredth time, Laxus wonders how he ever thought his lover was sane. "You're being an idiot."

"Go to hell!"

He grits his teeth. "Don't try to jump off the roof because we ran out of booze, moron!" I can't believe they're making me put up with this crap.

"There's no other way out for me, Laxus. I love you. I'm sorry." She bends her knees in preparation to jump. "Goodbye."

Laxus drops his head back and groans in irritation. He'd catch her easily, if she jumped while rational; however, sober Cana does not bode well for said rationality. He doesn't want his lover to break her leg because she tried to jump off the side of the guild instead of the front. He scowls and gets ready to transform into lightning as she curls her toes over the edge of the roof.

"Cana!" Lucy sprints out onto the roof with a bottle of amber liquid. "I found a bottle of whiskey! Come here!" She waves the flask in the air as she doubles over, hands on her knees, panting for air from her run.

"Whiskey!" Cana spins around with a joyful cry, reaching happily for the bottle. Cradling it to her chest, she bounces back into the guild. Lucy, still bracing her hands on her knees, waves exhaustedly at the crowd gathered below. Show's over, folks. With a grumble, it begins to disperse.

Laxus waits at the base of the guild, scowling. When Cana emerges from the building, he raises an eyebrow as she comes to stand in front of him. She carefully offers the bottle to him. "Drink?"

He can feel a vein in his forehead throbbing in irritation. "Cana."

She shifts her feet nervously. "It was an emergency!"

He can't tell if the expression on her face makes him want to shake her or burst into laughter."So what have we learned from this experience?"

She ducks her head sheepishly. "Um… if we run out of booze, it's not appropriate to try to commit suicide?"

"Or?"

"Or kidnap beer brewers."

"Or?"

"Or drink rubbing alcohol."

"Or?"

"Laxus, I didn't do anything else!"

"Until we run out of booze again."

"…"

"Dammit, woman, get back here! You can't— Cana! Don't get back on the roof!"

"You'll never take me alive!"

"… I'm going to child-lock the booze for the rest of your life when you come down."