Being back at the hospital sucked. I mean, I hate being sick anyway, and this was worse because I actually felt fine going in and crappy going out. If it weren't for Zechs and Sally insisting, I would have been fine just letting it go. I mean, I didn't get sick anywhere else and, while Heero assured me the barn wasn't haunted, I really didn't mind staying out of it, for safety's sake. But Sally warned me that if left untreated my asthma could only worsen and Zechs made sure I knew I had no say in the matter, so I figured I'd take the easy road and go along with it.
Unfortunately, the easy road was filled with bumps, rocks, and this huge-ass machine that sucked the living daylights out of you. I mean, come on, how can putting a mask full of smoke over somebody's face make anything better? But Sally assured me that it did and her Norwegian nurse assured me that if I didn't cooperate I would be tied to the chair. Being outweighed by probably a couple hundred pounds, I smiled and complied.
Each session took about an hour to complete and only required me to sit in the chair and breathe deeply. The sessions were held at two in the morning to get me the least exposure possible, so I was always pretty tired and grumpy, as were Sally and the nurse. I would have fallen asleep, but the coughing, chocking, and burning sensations prevented it. Not that I wanted to fall asleep in the hospital anyway. I always worried that Sally would find something else wrong with me while I slept and I wake to find her doing brain surgery on me or something.
The aftereffects of the sessions weren't any more pleasant than the sessions themselves. My throat and nose would be horribly, terribly dry and sensitive to the cold, so I had to drink several glasses of warm water before I could stand it. There would a horrible taste in the back of my mouth, something like a combination of steel and bleach, that very few things would wash away. My sense of smell would be completely gone until about lunch time the next day, which made eating breakfast a boring and unfulfilling task. Not that I often woke before lunch those last couple days. The coupling of the treatments and staying up all night left me completely drained of energy during the week of my treatments and for several days after. And, finally, my nose and throat would remain sore and dry until the end of my sessions, no matter what I did. The only time I gained any reprieve from the ache of painful breathing was in a hot shower or relaxing in the Jacuzzi. Little to say I found myself taking more baths in that week than I did for the rest of the month.
But, like the rest of my life, not even the baths could be completely free from flaws. It wasn't that I didn't like the showers, because the old house somehow had brand new showers with benches and a never ending hot water supply. On the streets a hot shower was a luxury that we could never afford, and in Collar any kind of luxury I received almost always meant that I would get fucked in the very near future. I indulged in long, hot showers when ever I needed one with Master Zechs, but I had never felt the need to jump in eight times a day just to take advantage of them. I mean, not with all the other seemingly free luxuries the place had to offer. And Zechs had assured me before I even left for my first session that I could jump in the shower any time I wanted. He had even granted me unlimited access to the Jacuzzi, stipulating that someone had to be there with me to make sure I didn't drown or something. But, really, how hard is it to convince any hardworking teen to jump in a hottub for a few hours? Most of the time I had at least two others in there with me, and there was always someone willing to go if they didn't have chores or work to do. I even had all my chores suspended for as long as I was having treatments. I mean, it seems perfect, right? The only problem was the early morning baths.
I had to leave for the hospital at half past twelve to get to the hospital by one, but half an hour's ride really wasn't all that bad. It took another half an hour to setup the equipment and check everything before the treatments could begin, then the treatment lasted a full hour. Even after the treatment was over I had to stay for another half an hour. Sally wanted to make sure I wouldn't up and die, I guess, and she kept me at the hospital in case I tried. Then there was another half an hour ride in the ambulance to get me home. I was usually so tired by that time that I had to be wheeled downstairs, and I always fell asleep on the way back. My only solace was that Zechs stayed home. I didn't want him treating me like any more of a child than he already did. The driver, though, who was the same guy who drove Zechs' limo, seemed to understand my plight. Whatever the reason, he never said anything, to me or to Zechs.
Despite the fact that I got back at three in the morning, Zechs was always awake and waiting when we pulled up, like he didn't trust me to find my way to the door. I mean, really, how far did he think I'd get in my condition if I tried to run? Those last couple nights, though, I actually appreciated his efforts because I didn't even have the energy to get out of the car. Zechs had to carry me into the house and put me to bed like a damned infant. He seemed okay with it, and he never made a big deal about it, but damned if it didn't smart on my pride. I wasn't an invalid, regardless of current health records to the contrary.
The very worst part, the part that really stung my pride, was getting a bath in the asshole's bathroom and having to leave the door unlocked. I never took a bath with a master around if I could help it, and the first couple days at the house, when I had been strong enough to take showers on my own, I had not only locked the door and checked the handle, but also jammed the lock and put a chair under the doorknob. Slowly, I had grown to trust Zechs and the chair had been removed, and eventually I even gave up jamming the lock, but there had always been that lock to protect me. In a shower... there is no protection. You just can't get as clean with your clothes on, trust me, I tried, and even if you do shower in them you still have to change out of them or risk getting sick, which was even worse in the slave world. In a shower... I was naked, in every sense of the word. It was okay, even enjoyable when I knew I was safe, but without the lock...I wouldn't be safe. What little trust I had gained for Zechs couldn't overcome that fact. I would be totally exposed to him. When you're raped in a shower, which admittedly had happened to me many times, its almost as though your letting them do it. There's no barrier between you and them, nothing that they have to fight you about. Sometimes, even, they would sneak up on me, if I were really out of it from drugs or drink, and they would be in me before I even knew they were there. When they told me I was a slut, a whore, and that I had wanted it all along... if we were in a shower, I would almost believe it. I'd get out of those showers feeling dirtier than when I got in, knowing there was nothing that could clean it away now.
But it wasn't a choice; I knew it and he knew it. Sally had insisted that I get a hot shower or bath the moment I got home to loosen my airway and help me breathe, and Zechs never gave me a choice when it came to my health. We did what was best for my body, no matter how much my psyche protested. The asshole did give me an ultimatum, though; take a shower unlocked alone or use the Jacuzzi with him. One in which I would be alone and completely naked, the other I'd have a little clothing, but he's be right there with me. In the end, I chose the shower because it was closer to the bed. A Jacuzzi was just a large bathtub or a small pool, and I didn't have a lot of fond memories of either.
This arrangement worked alright for a couple days of my treatment. Now, don't get me wrong, I loathed leaving myself open and vulnerable like that, but at three in the morning, dead tired and hurting, I just didn't have the energy to argue. I walked into the bathroom like a zombie, or later in the week Zechs would take me in and set me on a bench while he started the water, and when I was sure I was alone I would strip, trudge into the shower and sit under the spray for somewhere near half an hour before I bothered to wash up. I always washed up, even though I was dead tired, because I sweated through my treatments and I always got that itchy, sick feeling. Then I would get out, dry off, dress in long sleeved pajamas which Zechs always made sure were waiting for me, and trudge over to the room I shared with Heero and promptly fall down in a dead sleep upon the bed. The key to all of this, of course, was walking after my sessions, a skill that promptly failed me after my fifth treatment.