Tadashi was thrilled to finally be out of the hospital. Of course the whole wheelchair thing was absolutely dreadful and kind of made him want to bash his head in, but whatever; at least he was alive right? Right?
Finally, he was home. Home. it didn't smell like old people and death, no it smelled like the cafe with a hint of motor oil, definitely coming from the lab and maybe some of Aunt Cass' perfume somewhere in the mix. Oh how he had missed this. The front door to the cafe had a ramp due to the three steps leading up which made him feel embarrassed. Cass had to buy a whole ramp for the main floor and she bought one for the lab. Tadashi was sure she was already wasting enough money on his hospital bills. He felt awful and guilty for that too. There was no way they were doing fine financially with the surgery and the coma, he knew that much. He was happy about one thing though. Hiro was building him a prosthetic leg which would be cool and definitely help him, but he worried the little rascal might add something, like rockets or missiles to it. That would be a disaster and you could never tell with Hiro. Hiro definitely had some permanent bags under his eyes and seemed scrawnier than when he, well, left. He felt guilty for that too. He was ecstatic to see Eleanor again, although she wasn't here at the moment. She went to the lab back at SFIT to get some stuff for him. Really, he had just sent her out so he wouldn't have to see her, to have another thing to feel guilty about; her loss of weight and paler skin and even heavier bags. It may have been selfish and rude, but he didn't know how much guilt he could take at the moment. She would probably be gone for another half hour if she stopped to get his favorite ice cream like he suspected she would. He wasn't really all that hungry anymore, but he'd eat it for her. He'd do anything for her.
It was dinner time that Tadashi had his first breakdown. It was a really nice dinner, Aunt Cass had made their favorite hot wings, the kind that make your face go numb, along with fries and a side of salad. She insisted he gain back the weight he had lost in his coma and stay healthy at the same time. It really was a nice dinner, really it was. Eleanor, Aunt Cass and even Hiro were all sitting around the kitchen table. The only problem was him. He knew it. It seemed stupid, but his old chair, the one he had always sat in, had been moved to the corner of the room and replacing it was him in his wheelchair. it was stupid to be upset about it, but he couldn't help it. It was just a small reminder that nothing would ever be the same and it hurt. If he could have pulled his heart out of his chest in that moment, he would have. They were being unnecessarily helpful too. Do you need anything Tadashi? Oh! Let me help you with that Tadashi! God, Aunt Cass even cut up his chicken wing meat for him! He had lost a leg not his arms! They opened doors for him and waited on him hand and feet. He didn't want this, he just wanted to be normal. He just wanted to be okay again.
Eleanor seemed to sense his distress and held his hand under the table while changing the subject, but eventually it led back to how he was feeling and he just couldn't sit at that table anymore. With a huff, he used his good leg to kick the table, pushing him away from the group who was so happy to have him home, hitting the wall behind him, stopping his roll. His hands went to his hair and his eyes squeezed shut. The members at the table just stared, stunned by the sudden outburst.
"God, you guys make me want to tear my hair out!" He yelled pulling at his dark brown locks. He took a deep breath.
"Get out, just everyone get out! Please!" They all jumped at his shouting. Tadashi had NEVER raised his voice, especially at the dinner table. he had always been so calm and collected. It scarred everyone to no end. This was not the Tadashi they remembered, that much was obvious. He didn't know how much longer he could be in a room with them. It was all just so overwhelming. He felt sick. He had just yelled at the people who were doing everything they could for him. Stupid, broken, insensitive. What happened to the old him? His chest felt heavy and his eyes were wet with tears that weren't supposed to come out. He wasn't mad at them, he was mad at himself. Why was breathing so difficult, why was just being here, being happy so difficult now? How he wished he had never ran or that building. It was for nothing in the first place, Callaghan had been fine, that bastard.
Eleanor couldn't stand to see him like this. he was just so, so broken. Very, very broken and she wasn't even sure if the pieces to fix him were all there. They probably got lost in the fire. She refused to leave, he was sobbing now. Hiro was too, just quieter and up his room. Aunt Cass too. All in their rooms hating the fact that you can't change the past and undo whatever you want, that something so terrible could happen to someone so wonderful. His hands were covering his eyes, tears trailing down his arms. She approached his wheelchair normally despite her fear. It wasn't a fear of him for yelling, for behaving so drastically, no it was fear for him. For his mental health, his well being.
He could hear her coming closer to him, but he couldn't move, couldn't speak. He didn't have it in him to tell her to just go away again, he'd been gone for so long he didn't really want anyone to leave him ever again.
She stepped between the two foot-pedals of his blue chair, only one being used and the thought almost brought tears to her face. She stood directly in front of him, but didn't make a move to comfort him, no, she didn't know if that was what he wanted, but she was going to be there just in case he did. It wasn't more than a second of her standing before him that he wrapped his arms around her waist, buried his face into her stomach and sobbed.
"W-why Eleanor, I don't understand. For once in my life, I just don't understand." It was hard to understand him, muffled voice through her sweatshirt and hiccups from crying. Her heart broke at the crack in his voice, the crack that comes when you just can't pretend to be okay anymore. She remembered when that was her. When she barely existed, when she was going to kill herself. That was before she met them, before she was okay again. It was before she got a family. It took her a moment to come up with a good answer, there really wasn't one, but she gave it her best shot.
"Well," She started in a soft voice still playing with his hair, "according to the rules of the universe, and everything factual, there is no reason for what happened other than cause and effect. It just happened. If you want the facts, that's them, but I was never one for facts. I never was too smart." She gave a dry laugh and Tadashi hiccuped, waiting for her to continue. Hiro sat at the top of the stairs, back to the wall just listening to them. he just wanted to make sure Tadashi was alright, that's all he wanted anymore.
"I think that you were just too good Tadashi, too beautiful for the shitty world we live in. I've always felt that way, from the first day I met you, Hiro too. In fact the first time I ever saw you, I was so sure you were an angel and I was already dead," She smiled at that, recalling the day his smile saved her. She never had told him that story. "You've never deserved any of this Tadashi, but i'm a hundred percent sure that you're the only person I know that can handle it too, whether it's fate or purely an accident." She finished her little rant and Hiro released a quiet breath at the top of the stairs, thankful for the amazing girl down those stairs. He'd have his talk with Tadashi later, but this seemed like it would be their private moment, so he retreated to the lab to work on 'Project Tadashi'. Tadashi soaked in what she had just said to him with that angelic voice she always used around him. How did she always know what to say? Always know how to make him feel better, make him see reason and then make him love her even more, something he didn't think was possible. He loved her so much and that saved him.
"I love you," he said not looking up, "It saved me, back then."
"What?" What was he talking about? Back then? He could sense her confusion and chose to elaborate.
"I was going to go all the way into that building for Callaghan, but I just- I had to tell you how much I loved you before I went in and it gave me just enough time. Thank you, I love you so much." He wrapped his arms even tighter around her waist as she processed his words and hers left her chapped lips before she even thought about it.
"You saved me too, before we even met. We didn't really know eachother yet, but somehow you managed. you were just your perfect, beautiful self and it saved me too."
"What?" It was his turn to be confused. Before they had met? What did she mean by that?
"It was five years ago, I was going to jump off the San Fransokyo bridge, I really was, but then you smiled at me on the street. You didn't know me, you just smiled at me with that big goof ball smile I love so much and I just couldn't do it. I turned around and walked home. God, I love you, you nerd. Don't you ever forget it.." She let out a dry laugh at the memory. Thank God she hadn't done it. Tadashi would have probably died in the fire and she would never have met them. That would have really sucked. You don't really think you have an amazing future ahead of you when you're about to kill yourself, but you really do. You just have to wait for it. It was definitely worth it.
Tadashi finally looked up at her, eyes wide, red and puffy from crying. He knew she had tried to kill herself a long time ago, she had told him that before, even Hiro knew that, but he definitely didn't know it was him that had saved her, he had always just been thankful that it was a failed attempt. Never in a million years would he have thought it had anything to do with himself.
He pulled her into his lap, wheelchair hitting the wall again at the sudden movement. His leg didn't hurt anymore, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway, he still would have pulled her into his lap in the moment. He held her as tightly as he could without breaking her frail bones. She turned slightly to face him, holding his face in her hands lightly kissing the burn scar on the corner of his lips.
Nothing would ever be the same again, that much was obvious, but maybe, just maybe,
He could make it work.