Alright, so I figured this was as good a place as any to put my little proposition. I don't know how many readers out there are actually in the US, but in PA they have an anime convention called tekkoshocon. This year it runs from April 13-15, at the Monroeville Expomart. I will not only be attending, but I will also be running a yaoi fanfiction panel. I figured I'd say something about it because so far interest has been pretty minimal. Anyway, I'm also willing to do a more personal kind of meet the author thing if anyone is going to be there and is interested in talking about Cages with me. So... there. You can PM me through here or talk to mein this forum or the gaian forum. Enjoy the chapters!
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Duo was always the first one to dinner, but with his recent sickness I had expected to have to call or even take his food to him. I hadn't expected him to show up even before dinner was made and plop down at the kitchen counter.
"Hello, Duo," I greeted. "You're looking better."
"Better than dead, you mean," Duo quipped, resting his elbows on the counter top as he sat on one of the stools.
"Did you have a good nap?" Trowa ventured quietly as he dried and put away the dishes from breakfast and last night's dinner. One of Trowa's chore hours was at the same time as my cooking lesson, in which I usually prepared dinner. Trowa always did the dishes then so that I would have some company while I cooked.
"Nap?" I asked, curious. I had thought Duo had slept all day.
"Yeah, I got up and... uh... talked to Wufei, then was so tired I crashed on the couch," Duo said, blushing.
"What did you want to talk to him about?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"Huh? Oh, nothing. I just..." Duo trailed, a look of concentration on his face. "Hey, have either of you ever... you know... done it with Zechs?" he asked. It was so sudden a question that Trowa and I froze, uncertain of how we should respond.
"I have," Trowa replied first.
"Oh. What about you, Quat?" Duo asked, turning his attention to me. I blushed deeply, for I had been intimate with only one master, and it was not Zechs. I wasn't as comfortable with sex as the others seemed to be, for it was always painful, humiliating, and kind of gross with my other master. It was wet, dirty, smelly, and foul. It was hard for me to reconcile this idea of sex with a master like Zechs, and even harder to think of it in connection with the other boys, namely Trowa. So I often chose simply not to think about it.
"I have not," I told him simply, turning to the stove where I was frying chicken for dinner.
"What about Heero?"
"I believe he and Master were intimate, though I don't have any evidence," Trowa replied. "However, I did notice that he was walking funny after he and Master took a trip to the bathhouse, so it's pretty likely that they've been together," Trowa said, then paused, giving Duo a contemplative look. "What brought on this sudden interest?" Trowa wondered. Duo gave a surprised look, then blushed deeply and laughed, rubbing the back of his head.
"I... ah... I caught Zechs and Wufei in a... well... compromising position, so I was just wondering if I was the only one who hadn't... you know... with him."
"Wufei?" Trowa asked, surprised, "Really? I would have thought he would put up a fight, but I didn't hear anything."
"Apparently he didn't put up any fight at all. Seemed like he enjoyed himself, from what I saw," Duo replied. It was surprising that Wufei hadn't fought to protect his chastity, since he had fought Master in the very beginning for his freedom. Then again, if anyone could coax an angry dragon into bed, it would have to be Master Zechs.
"Hm," Trowa murmured, turning to put a dish away. "I can understand that. Master is very skilled and very... well endowed, if you know what I mean."
"Who's well endowed?" Heero wondered as he entered the kitchen, his face flushed from riding practice.
"We were talking about Zechs," Duo piped in, "it seems that he and Wufei have gotten together."
"Already?" Heero wondered, fetching himself a glass of water. "I thought he'd hold out longer than that."
"I was surprised as well," Trowa said, "but Master can be quite persuasive in that area."
"Who found out?" Heero wondered.
"That would be me," Duo replied, blushing and laughing again. "I had the misfortune of walking in on that aftermath about an hour ago."
"Oh? Master said you were sleeping. He said to wake you at dinner," Heero replied, confused.
"Yeah, well, it seems that a combination of stairs and shock took the energy right out of me. I crashed on the couch a couple minutes after finding them."
"Ah. Then I suppose you don't have the energy to come out to the barn? I found a nest of barn kittens in the loft. There's a white one that keeps crawling away from the nest and making a ruckus when it can't find its way back. It kind of reminded me of you."
"Kittens? Neat! I haven't eaten cat in ages!" Duo crowed.
"Duo!" I snapped, shocked and appalled. "You can't eat kittens!"
"I'm just playin' with ya, Quat," Duo said with a wink. I smiled and almost let it go, but a second later I saw more than felt a pang of sorrow in his eyes. The others had turned their attention away, so didn't hear it when he mumbled, "We were never fast enough to catch cats."
I wondered about that comment, but Heero was already leading him out the door, so I let it drop. I didn't know a lot about Duo, but I was fairly certain his childhood had been rough. Still, it was impossible to make Duo do anything, so I knew I'd just have to wait until he felt comfortable enough to reveal his past to me. If he ever did.
"I wonder if Wufei will be joining us for dinner?" Trowa wondered as the other two left. "He might be too sore. It has been a while since he's been with anyone."
"I... ah... I don't know," I told him honestly, stuttering in my discomfort over the subject. Only Duo and I had not been with Master, and with Duo it was most certainly because he got so upset when people tried to touch him. So why...?
"Quatre, is something wrong?" Trowa asked, looking at me with concern.
"Oh! No, I just got a little distracted, that's all," I replied, then quickly went back to my cooking.
But I was lying.
That night, after dinner was over, I told Trowa I was going to take a long bath. I filled the tub and took off my clothes, but I didn't get in. Instead, I stood looking at myself in the full-length mirror that hung on the bathroom door.
Why didn't Master want me? What did the others have to attract his attention that I didn't? I had never been in a position before where I was not considered desirable. I had always been feminine, ethereal, and elegant. So, while I had only had one master, I was often put on display for others. I hadn't liked all those eyes watching me, but it had given me some confidence to know that I was beautiful. Even after I had fallen out of my master's favor, I had still been called to his bed often. Even the constant abuse and torture had not diminished my looks, and some of the masters commented on how frail and pretty I looked, even though I had only been skin and bones. So why was it that Master Zechs did not find me alluring?
I soon found myself shaking and had to lower myself to the floor, for fear of falling. If Master didn't want me in his bed, how was I to know he wouldn't suddenly want me off his team? I certainly wasn't doing any serious events, and I had only had a few months training. What if he found a better trained slave at one of the parties? He could easily replace me with someone else. What if all his kindness had merely been because he was a kind person, not because he had any affection for me? What if he sent me away?
I realized that I was starting to pant, and I knew that Trowa would surely realize something was wrong if I panicked. I took deep breaths to calm myself and tried to think of a time Master had shown me some kind of affection. The only time I could think of was when Master had kissed both Heero and me when I had first come to stay with Master, and that had only been a kiss on the forehead. Still, maybe if I hadn't been so sick or so shy it would have gone further. Master was very kind, so maybe he had held himself back to keep from hurting me.
But what was different between then and now? And, for that matter, what was different between the others and me? The only thing I could think of was that all the others except Duo and me were muscular. Could Master only be interested in muscular boys? But Heero and Wufei were fairly slim despite their muscles, and Trowa was far taller than he was broad. So they were all slim and athletic. How could that help me?
I stared at the mirror for several minutes, trying to figure out what was different. Was it because I was fair, and the others were dark skinned? Was it because I was soft, while the others were tough? But I had been all these things when Master had chosen me, and he had chosen me over all the other boys the Master Marcel had offered. Could it be my scars? They were certainly not there when I was first chosen, but they had been there when Zechs had kissed me. Besides, they were much softer now, as Trowa helped rub a cream to prevent scarring on my back every night. In a few more months it would be hard to tell I had ever been injured.
So what was the difference between the boy Master had chosen to become his own and the person who now looked back at me from the mirror? I had been a skinny, sickly boy then, easily frightened and injured. I was stronger now, and where my skin had once been a pale, sickly white it now had a healthy, golden tone to it. I was no longer bruised by every bump or scrape, no longer taken down by a chilly wind or a cold. A month of eating well and sleeping warmly had made me stronger in body, if not in soul.
Which is when I realized it. In the past month, I had put on nearly twenty pounds in weight. It had been hard to see at first, because I had lost even more weight to my wounds, and I had needed to gain that back. Now, though, it was easy to see that several weeks of pigging out had added pounds to my body. Zechs had asked for a Victorian boy, I laughed to myself as I looked into the mirror, and ended up with the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
It all made sense to me now. The other boys had gained weight, yes, but they carried it in the form of muscle. They were touch where I was soft, and I doubted I could manage to carry the weight as they did. My features were angelic, and I trembled to think of what they would look like with twenty extra pounds of muscles. I would probably look like a midget Hercules.
No, the only solution was to return to what Master had chosen in the first place. I had gotten sloppy and complacent in the atmosphere of this place, and I had forgotten that Zechs was, first and foremost, a master. I was here to please him, and I had lost sight of that. Master had given me too much freedom, and I had abused it. It was a mistake I would not make again, but, luckily, one I could rectify.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror, measuring myself now to how I looked mere weeks ago, calculating the inches I would need to take off and the ones I could keep. If I worked hard, I could be better than my old self in a matter of weeks.
I smiled in relief and got up, turning away from the mirror. Still smiling I stepped into the now-cold bath water and quickly washed. I got out and toweled dry quickly, careful not to trip over anything and reveal my haste to Trowa. In the bedroom, Trowa had not noticed anything was wrong, and was quietly reading by the lamplight. I put on my pajama pants and fetched my anti-scar cream from my dresser, then silently handed it to Trowa. He put his book aside, used to this nightly routine, and moved for me to sit on the bed in front of him. Trowa's hands were strong and gentle, and I liked having an excuse to get close to him. Usually I enjoyed these moments together and would talk amiably while he would listen silently, putting in a comment every so often to let me know he was interested. Tonight, though, I was to preoccupied to say much, so the conversation fizzled quickly. Trowa finished more quickly that usual, and I retired to bed immediately, body tired and soul weary.