Chapter 4: Lost Stars

God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?

I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
Just the same.

Her heart was pounding a frantic rhythm, not seeming to understand the multiple orders from her brain telling it to calm down. Jace looked the same as he always did, that is to say gorgeous.

Looking at him brought back a sudden onslaught of painfully happy memories from a time when she had been- well, happy. His laugh, the way he threw his head back with joy, his cocky attitude with the world, and yet how he had always been amazingly gentle with her.

The silence was awkward. They stood there quietly, listening to the sparrows chirping from their places in the tree outside. Jace was looking at her, his expression amazingly sad, and gentle.

Clary was unable to speak, and yet she knew that he would wait for her to make the first move, waiting patiently while the golden sun lit up his perfect features.

Finally, the words came back to her but they seemed to scrape out of her throat with the harshness of gravel, coarse and sharp.

"I wanted to thank-you, um for your help that night. I- uh, I just um, thanks." She stuttered, her gaze stuck to the space right in front of his socked feet. "I just wanted to ask that you don't tell anyone, about it. Please?" Her voice seemed weak and feeble even to her own ears. She sounded nothing like the strong girl she had always thought herself to be before.

Jace's eyes softened even more, if that was even possible, and the look in them made her feel like she was going to burst into tears. And that was something she was definitely not going to do, especially in front of Jace.

He spoke softly, and compassionately, like he was talking to a small panicked animal. "I just wish I had been able to get there sooner." His eyes darkened with anger and hatred, before softening again. "I won't tell anyone if that's what you want, but Clary I really think that you should talk to someone. The police, or your mom, or Izzy and Simon even."

His hand reached out to grasp Clary's wrist carefully, his long fingers easily encasing her small arm.

"No!" She almost screamed, her voice breaking slightly upon that one small word. "No," Clary said more calmly now. "No one needs to know about this. They'll… No. Please just- please don't." And with that she yanked her wrist out of his hand and turned away. She threw herself down the steps desperate to disappear as fast as possible, before her carefully composed façade came crashing down around her.

"Clary!" Jace called as she raced away, "Clary, wait!"

She didn't listen, only letting her feet carry her broken semblance of a self away from the boy with the amber hair, the one who had both broken her and saved her.

Clary couldn't stop the breathless sob that tore free from her lips, as the first tears crept from her eyes and rolled down her flushed cheeks.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

A few hours later, after wandering aimlessly through the busy city, Clary stopped in Central Park. She wandered through the lush greenery, watching the world continue on around her, even though her world had seemed to stop. For how can you go on, after your life has been shattered like pieces of a broken mirror? How do I get through this, she thought. The sky was a perfect blue, the sun was shining and everything was beautiful. Except for her. She didn't belong here. The one black smudge in a world filled with colour.

She just needed to get through this school year. It was harder now, because it had just happened, and because her days were filled with endless hours of nothing. Her summer was just sweet space for her to fill up with her uselessness.

As she walked, a breeze passed by; gently lifting her dark curls away from her face. She closed her eyes and for just a moment she could picture them. The red haired girl and the blonde haired boy, sitting on a blanket on the grass; the sound of their laughter filling the air around them with her gentle peals, and his loud rumble.

Clary sighed, and opened her eyes before continuing on the path through Central Park.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Jace had called her phone 10 times in the past week since she had shown up on his doorstep. He had even shown up at her apartment, early one morning. Luckily her mother hadn't been home, she'd been at Luke's house for the weekend. Clary had stayed behind claiming she had a terrible cold. He had stayed outside for about an hour. Incessantly knocking on the door every few minutes. Yet she stayed in bed, unmoving. She only went out now to keep her Mom from worrying, and even then she would just walk through Central Park for a few hours before returning home.

Even Jace had left eventually. She had heard him calling to her, while she lay wrapped in the warmth of her duvet. It was the one place she almost felt safe these days. It was like she was a small child again, where all the monsters were kept at bay by the safety of her warm bed, and her nightlight.

No one could hurt her here.

Hello everyone!

So it has been a really long time… as in over a year and I am so sorry for my absence. I just got really busy and then I lost interest in the story, and then it was really hard trying to get back into it and continue writing a story that I had left for so long! But I'm back now. So yes, I hoped you liked this newest addition, please alert me to any mistakes I may have made and I will fix them as soon as possible, its just been a really long time since I've written anything. I know the story is really slow right now, but I think it will pick up as I begin to figure out where it's headed.

Hope you're all havin a great summer!

-Readlivlaflove

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns TMI and the characters, etc.

Song at the top is Lost Stars by Adam Levine from the new movie Begin Again