On Saturday, everyone woke early and began their chores in a rush. Master allowed us to have the weekend off from training and practice, and though we usually spent some of the day doing extra practice a good portion of the day was our to do as we pleased with. That portion, however, did not include chores that needed done every day. The horses still needed fed, dishes washed, breakfast cooked, beds made, and laundry washed and folded. Each of us took a different task and quickly did it while Master made calls to ensure everything was ready for our outing. By ten o'clock we had all done our chores, eaten, showered, and were ready to go.
The excitement in the car would have been ridiculous for a normal group of teens going to the mall, but for a group of slaves this kind of treat was something to be delighted in, for it was not likely to happen again. Quatre and Duo were like four-year-olds going to the toy store, nearly bouncing in their seats. It was nice to see Quatre so lively again, because the stress of his Collar events seemed to have been getting to him more than the rest of us. He had been depressed and lethargic the previous day, and even today he seemed slightly paler than usual. Still, he seemed happy enough, pointing out the window at every shop and diner that we passed, so I could only hope today would raise his spirits.
Trowa and Wufei were more subdued, but no less excited. Instead of jumping around themselves, they watched in amusement as Duo and Quatre bounced around, just as interested in what the other two were pointing out. Even Master, who watched over the whole escapade with a doting amusement, was not unaffected by the glee of his two more emotional slaves.
And so it seemed that the only one unaffected by all of this joy was me. Not to say that I wasn't excited to go or that seeing the others so happy didn't affect me. It was just that seeing Master like this was bitter sweet for me. We had all been so busy with our events, and Master was so busy watching over all of us, that I hardly got to see Master. With my strength training I was always too exhausted by the end of the day to engage Master in sexual play, and any other interactions between us were clinical and brief. Finding that Trowa and Master were engaging in intercourse upset me, but I was able to put it aside because it was being done for Collar, and not necessarily for Master's enjoyment. When I heard that Master had taken Wufei, however, I could have no such delusions. Master had chosen to take Wufei for no other reason than because he wanted to.
Which left me with a question; why had it been so long since he had taken me? This question aroused doubts in my mind that preyed on my psyche, and though I fully acknowledged the damage it was doing I was completely helpless to stop it. I wondered if all his declaration of my beauty had been lies, or simply naive pronouncements from a master who had not yet seen the beauties of Collar. I was his first slave, but I wondered again if that only meant I was the first he would tire of. It certainly seemed that he had tired of me, and I worked myself at a frantic pace on all of my events to secure myself a place in his household. It seemed that I could only survive as a Collar slave, for he certainly did not want me for pleasure.
It didn't help my psyche any that, while I spent a large portion of my time watching over Duo, it didn't seem that the two of us were growing any closer. When I say growing closer, I mean that we were not becoming closer friends by a mutual agreement to share with one another. On the contrary, I had grown very fond of him, but it seemed that he was completely opposed to the idea of getting closer to me. It confused me greatly, because there didn't seem to be any natural reason for him to dislike me, and our atmosphere allowed and even promoted a closer bonding of slaves. So why was he so hesitant? I began to wonder if I was no use even as a human being outside of Collar events. Was I that bad at being a person, that I was not worth befriending? It seemed that the harder I tried to get close to Duo, the more open I became with him, the faster and more violently he shied away. Was I that useless as a person? This situation, obviously, did nothing for my battered psyche, and left me to nurse my fears completely alone, watching as the others grew closer to each other and Master. I was on the outside again.
It took us nearly an hour to reach the mall, though this was mainly because Master's property was so far out of the city. Still, as slaves, we were used to being kept from away from the public, and I'm sure all of us had experienced being hidden away in bunkers and sheds at one time or another. As slaves, we were to act like a broom or a vacuum cleaner; if we were not being used we were supposed to remain completely out of sight.
The first store we stopped at was Duo's pick, an electronics store with a large selection of new games. Duo headed straight for the trial games and pretty much removed himself from our level of existence. Wufei rolled his eyes and marched over to the music section, where he began to flip through the classic section. Quatre took Trowa by the hand and led him to a corner of the store where sheet music was being sold, and together they began to skim through the books.
"Is there anything you want to look at?" Master asked, coming up behind me.
"I was thinking about looking at the laptops. I know we have computers at the house, but it would be nice to have something I could take with me, so I don't have to work in the library when Wufei is teaching," I said, then realized how presumptuous that sounded. "That is, if you should choose to buy me one. The current computers are certainly adequate for my needs..."
"I think we could work something out, if you're sure you want one," Master replied, "but probably not today. Look around, see what's here, and think about it. We'll come out again before Collar starts," Master assured me.
"Really, I'll be fine with the old one. I don't want you to spend a lot of money on me," I assured him. It was one thing to be given a gift by a master, but it was quite another to ask for it. I didn't want him to think I was greedy.
"Heero, it's nothing. I..."
"Ro!" Duo shouted, pulling himself away from his video game to notice me. "Come look at this! This system is so cool!"
"Ah, I had better go see what he wants before he gets the attention of the entire store," I told Master.
"That's fine. Actually, I'll come with you. My servants picked out the game system in the house when it was renovated, so I haven't been able to see what's on the market now. It's been years since I've played games like that, I'd like to see what they've come out with," he said, leading me toward Duo, who was bouncing up and down at his game.
"Look at these graphics!" Duo said excitedly. "If you press this button you can totally watch people explode in slow motion!"
"T-that's wonderful, Duo," Master said, looking slightly ill as a male human exploded on screen, blowing entrails all across the digital scenery. Duo wasn't the most aware slave, but even he could see Master wasn't pleased with this game, so he quickly jumped to another down the row, this one hooked up with sophisticated driving equipment.
"Yeah, and you should see the racing games they have! It's like you're really driving! It has a wheel, stick shift, petals, and everything!"
"That's actually pretty neat," Master admitted, looking decidedly more pleased with this game choice.
"So?"
"So what?" Master wondered, confused as he looked into Duo's excited face.
"So can we get it?" Duo asked. Master pulled back, surprised by the question.
"Duo, it's a little expensive..." Master said, and Duo's face fell. "Maybe next time."
"Aw! Master's always say that!" Duo pouted, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff. "We never get anything good! Just jewelry and shit like that!"
"Duo!" I snapped, knowing that if he made a scene the trip would cut short for all of us.
"Actually," Master interjected, cutting me off calmly, "Duo's sort of right, as much as I hate to admit that. You five cover all the chores around the house, so it's not really fair that you don't get anything out of it. If I had to hire staff to cover everything you boys do I'd probably be paying a couple hundred dollars."
"Really? Cool!" Duo said, forgetting his original anger.
"Ah, but don't forget that I do proved housing, food, amenities, entertainment, and schooling. That would cost quite a bit."
"Yeah, but how much would we be left with?"
"About ten dollars."
"Aw man! Dude, I'll totally sacrifice the schooling. How much will that get me?"
"Duo," Master chided, "that's not how this works. However, you have been working for three weeks now, so you already have thirty dollars saved up. How about that?"
"Well, I guess that's okay," Duo huffed, then suddenly brightened. "So how much more do I need to buy the new game system?"
"$320."
"Oh hell!" Duo snapped, throwing his hands in the air. "I'll be eighty before I have the cash for that!"
"But you have more than enough for a new game for the old system," Master replied, pointing to a section of new and used games. "Two if you get something used."
"Cool!" Duo shouted and bounced off to look at the new games.
"That was really nice," I told Master. "Most... uh... I mean, we usually don't get money for what we do, to spend as we like."
"Hm, but it would be cruel of me to take you all out and not expect to buy you anything. This way you can all get something you like, and I can keep some money in the bank," Master teased, then said on a more serious note, "You know, I was serious about this. The more I think about it the better an idea I think it is, for all of you. You can spend your money today, or save it and buy something later."
"I don't know if anyone will save their money."
"Why not?" Master wondered.
"It would be a risk not to use the money, in case... in case one of us should leave you," I said, trying to keep my voice from betraying my insecurities.
"Leave me?" Master wondered. "Why..." Master began, but Duo was calling us again. "Why would you think..." Master tried again, but Duo was nearly shouting now, and Master could no longer ignore him without causing a scene. "We'll talk about this later," Master ordered, then marched toward Duo, visibly struggling to act normal.
What had I done?