Even before we arrived at the mall I was congratulating myself on having such a great idea. Usually on Saturdays the boys each had something different they wanted to do, and something would always come up to take my attention, so we saw very little of each other during the day. This trip would keep all the boys close to me, and had already forced me to put delegate several important meetings to my employees. And, to be honest, I wouldn't sacrifice seeing their faces for anything.
Realizing that the boys had no way to earn money put a slight damper on my spirits, but only momentarily, and the solution I decided on seemed like a it would be extremely helpful with the boys. Not only would it give me another non-violent means of control over them, but it would also get them used to another aspect of normal teenage life. Of course, an actual part time job would be more normal for boys their age, but it was not possible, and probably not a good idea anyway. It would be a little too normal for the boys, who had very little experience with normal social interactions.
The knowledge of how unsure of his place Heero had become in the last few weeks, however, was more than enough to spoil my mood for the rest of the day, but to keep from ruining everyone's day I tried not to let my unease show on my face. There were several times in the next half an hour that I managed to get my better mood back, only to have it flee it Heero's downtrodden face. Now, not only was Heero once again concerned with his place in the household and with me, but he was also sure that he had made me mad. And, once again, there was nothing I could do to fix it while the other boys were around me.
Once we were finished with the electronics store, Duo's games bought and the situation explained to the others, I decided to take the boys to the food court for lunch. This may not have been one of my best ideas, because all the shops were crowded in the lunch rush and it made the all the boys nervous, but Duo most of all. After a few close brushes with other shoppers, Duo stormed off and sulked in a corner, looking like the picture of an angry, disobedient teen. I was hesitant to admit it, but he was probably standing out least of all my boys, as the others were all hanging on my every word, and instantly obeying every order.
Eventually I just gave each of them ten dollars and sent them to buy whatever they wanted. Heero retrieved Duo and sat him down at a corner table toward the back, then went to buy food for the two of them. I didn't want to leave Duo by himself, so I sent Wufei to get us both some Indian food and stayed with Duo until the food came.
I collected the change from everyone, then ate with a steady flow companionable conversation, of which Heero did not join. He sat in silence, picking at his food, hunched up with his head hung. Quatre picked at his food as well, but he was fairly the center of attention, so I dismissed it as excitement.
I tried to follow the conversation, but I was constantly looking at Heero's saddened form, and my thoughts became consumed with what I should say to him. We came at the tail end of the lunch rush, so in about half an hour the food court had fairly cleared out, and I felt the boys begin to relax a bit. Sensing this, I decided to make a move and pulled out the handful of pocket change.
"Why don't you boys go make a wish in the fountain?" I asked, handing the change to Wufei.
"That's dumb!" Duo protested, "You shouldn't waste money like that, it's just a scam."
"It all goes to charity," I protested. "Besides, isn't it worth a try? You might get your wish."
"Oh. Well, alright, let's go," Duo said, heading off. The others quickly followed, but I called to Heero before he could leave.
"Heero, you stay," I commanded softly. "I wanted to talk to you," I told him. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded and waved Duo on. After making sure Duo was gone, Heero came and sat across from me, hunched over and staring at his hands like he expected yelled at. I wanted to hold him, but I knew this was not the place, though the timing was probably right.
"Heero, I'm sorry," I began, and he looked up in surprise, his deep blue eyes reminding me of what I had first seen in him. "I know I haven't had much time for you lately, and I'm very sorry I let you think that you might not be important to me. I suppose I just took you for granted, thinking that you were secure in your place and you didn't need my attention. I know it's no excuse, but the others needed me. I could have still found time for you, though, if I tried. I just... I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"It's not..." Heero began, then hesitated, his eyes serious as his brain tried to form the words he was already feeling. "I was secure. I knew how busy you were, and how much the others needed you. I just... I guess I got worried, when you didn't call for me, but you called for Trowa and even Wufei. I thought..."
"You that I didn't want you," I finished. "Oh, Angel, that's silly. You were always just so worn from your weight training that I didn't want to put more pressure on you. It wasn't that I didn't want you, really. I had your best interest at heart when I let you sleep," I told him earnestly, then gave him a rakish smile. "But this is one problem I can fix without too much difficulty. Tomorrow, I forbid you from doing any training. You will have to accompany me all day," I told him, my tone implying the words I couldn't say.
"Ah... all day?" Heero wondered. "But I should really lift some..."
"Ah-ah," I chided, covering his lips with my finger. "I have spoken. Now, let's get back to the others," I said, then grabbed a tray and walked off before he had a chance to reply. He might not have said anything, but that didn't mean my words had no effect. I could tell, just from the way he walked to meet with the others, that the weight had been lifted from Heero's shoulders. As we approached the next shop, an oriental shop for Wufei, I could already head Heero conversing more lightly with Duo.
It took less time for Wufei to find what he wanted in this shop than it had for Duo, mainly because Wufei had an actual goal in mind. After picking up two new brushes to practice his calligraphy, which he said were much better than the quills I had given him, I managed to persuade him to pick up some Chinese herbal tea after telling him that I would pay for the brushes, since they were for Collar. He even picked up an inexpensive Chinese teapot, because, "Europeans know nothing about tea, and their pots steal all the flavor from the leaves." He spent a moment looking at some antique Chinese swords, but passed them by after only a minute. After glancing at the price, I could understand. He still had some money left when he finished his purchases, and I was glad he had gotten something for himself while we were out. Wufei spent too much time with business, and not enough time playing or having fun. Of course, he'd probably scoff at me if I told him that. I tended to do the exact same thing.
The next store was for Trowa, and it was a small bookstore tucked away in the corner of the mall. It was much quieter inside the store than in the rest of the mall, though probably more because of the heavy carpeting and tapestries muffling the noise than because it was a bookstore. Inside, the store had a homey feeling, completed by the lighting, which was less harsh than the flourescent in the rest of the stores, and some plush chairs scattered along the bookshelves.
Wufei headed straight for the thick, hardcovered classics, Heero went for the manuals and textbooks, Duo went for the comic books, and Quatre went toward the fiction section. This left only Trowa standing in the doorway, looking around in nervous embarrassment. After a moment of hesitation, he walked to the nearest shelf and lifted the closest book. Unfortunately, the closest shelf housed only guides on dieting, so Trowa replaced the thin volume after only a moment's glance. From there, Trowa glanced around at each of the other boys. I could almost hear his thoughts as he passed each by; Wufei's books were too hard, Heero's were too boring, Duo's were too bloody, and Quatre's... He hesitated on Quatre, then approached the section Quatre was looking at.
I, meanwhile, was trying not to hover, knowing that it wouldn't do any of them any good to have me looking over their shoulders all the time and telling them what to do. I wasn't really in the mood to buy I book I knew I wouldn't have time to read, so I settled in one of the chairs facing the shelves and kept an eye on my boys.
I quickly found that all but Trowa had managed to find a section, if not a book, that drew their interest. Trowa, unfortunately, was still struggling to find something that interested him. I could see the problem with the section Quatre picked, as all the books in that section were thick with very small print. Not something that would welcome a weak reader, and it had obviously scared Trowa off as he replaced the book and moved away from the section. For a moment he joined Duo in the comic book section, but he didn't even both to pick those up before moving on. From there he seemed at a loss as to where to go. He stopped next to one of the shelves and let his eyes travel the store, passing over the other boys, the bored-looking clerk, and the few other occupants in the store. Next he scanned the shelves, his eyes finally settling on a section of thin, colorful, large-printed novels. He looked longingly at them for a moment, but his eyes suddenly flicked to the large "Children's Section" sign above it. He blushed deeply, pulling his eyes from the shelf, and began to walk toward the entrance, not seeing me.
"Is something wrong?" I asked Trowa as he walked by. He jumped, too far in his own thoughts to notice me before.
"Ah- um... I-I don't think this was such a good idea," Trowa said, blushing again.
"Oh?"
"I... I'm not all that interested in reading anyway," he said, softly, his voice dripping with a badly hidden disappointment.
"I don't believe that," I told him gently, smiling. It was time for me to step in, and I was glad. Watching him struggle had been more difficult that I cared to admit. "Come, we'll find something for you," I told him, pushing myself from my chair and leading him back into the maze of books.
I knew what he needed; something with simple sentences and shorter words, but with enough creativity to keep his interest. Later it would be important to get him involved in long stories and complicated sentences, but for now it was enough just to have him reading and understanding the words and their connections to other words. It was also important not to let him get discouraged or embarrassed by the fact that he was not a strong reader. The fact that his reading skills were low had no effect on his intelligence or maturity, so it was important that he also be challenged and interested. And so, I settled him in front of the poetry section.
"Poems, Mas- uh, Zechs?" Trowa said.
"Mm-hm. You'll find that poetry and singing have a lot in common, and the poems might even help you enhance your voice. Also, poetry is meant to be read out loud, so it won't be odd at all if you want to read it to yourself. If you want something with a little more plot you might want Alice In Wonderland," I said, pulling a copy down from on of the shelves, "It mixes a lot of poetry and wordplay in with a kind dream-story. Take a look at some of the other poems while you're here, particularly these down here," I said, motioning to a shelf of teen-oriented books of poetry. I didn't want him to get discouraged again by picking up a book of Shakespeare or something. "If you still can't find anything, come and get me and we'll try again, alright?" I asked. Trowa nodded offhandedly, already opening the book in his hands. I smiled and walked back to my chair, where I gave them half an hour to look at books. At the end of the time I collected the boys and told them each that I would buy them one book. Duo, who had already spent all his money, had a hard time deciding which comic to get, but eventually settled on one called "Devilman: Son of Satan." I rolled my eyes, but it was reading material, so I didn't protest. Heero picked up a very thick, current manual on computers and webpages. I almost sent him back to pick out something less work-like, but stopped myself. If Heero was interested in computers I would be severely in the wrong to tell him not to learn about them. Quatre picked up an adventure novel about pirates on the high seas. Wufei had two thick, hardcover volumes of classic Greek and Latin stories, but since he had some extra money left I used his extra money to purchase the less expensive of the two books. Trowa showed up with five books of poetry, short stories, and a novel. Alice was the largest and most expensive, so I purchased that one. The rest ranged from $5 to $7, so Trowa had a little money left even after the rest of the books were bought.
From there we went to a fitness store, where I bought Heero some fitness equipment and he bought himself a somewhat expensive pair of hiking boots. Duo wanted a jump rope, but fortunately he was out of money, and I could easily imagine what situations Duo could create with that particular piece of equipment, so Duo didn't get it. He pouted a bit, but I think it was just for show. Duo didn't strike me as greedy, though he did like to take advantage of the situation when he could, and he had already gotten several things he wanted. After about a minute he was done moping and back to jumping around.
The next store was Quatre's pick, a music and instrument store. Even though Quatre didn't have a Collar event featuring music, he still enjoyed playing the piano, and would often help Trowa practice singing by playing the piano. Quatre and Trowa looked at some music books, Wufei examined some of the more interesting instruments, and Heero was asked to escort Duo from the store when he attempted to play one of displayed guitars badly. After a few minutes Quatre picked up three music books, two which included song lyrics and one with only music, and handed them to me. Once paid for, we headed out of the store, collected Heero and Duo, and made a quick stop at a cooking store so Quatre could get some spices and special pans for his cooking lessons. Of course, because they were for Collar, I paid for them.
Our final stop was my choice, though not particularly one I wanted to stop at. I had realized not long ago that the boys had all begun growing, both in height and weight, and had outgrown the few clothes they had brought with them. Quatre and Duo, especially, had gained enough weight that they had outgrown most of their clothes. There weren't any quiet clothing stores, but I did manage to find one that was smaller and fairly affordable. We split into three groups to find the clothing; Quatre and Duo were about the same size, so they went one way, Heero and Wufei went another, and I took Trowa to find some clothes that would fit his tall, lanky figure. It wasn't easy, but within an hour each boy had several new outfits for sleeping, exercising, everyday wear, and at least one outfit for more high class occasions.
From there, I decided to finish the evening by taking everyone for a smoothie. After managing the line, making six different choices, and waiting for all six to be made, we each finally got our drinks and headed back into the mall to take the trek out to the car, fully loaded with bags and gear. On the way out all the boys still seemed in high spirits, but tired from the long day. I could only hope that the sugar rush would last them until we got home. I couldn't help but smile as I watched all the boys except Duo drag as we walked out of the mall. Of course, I was almost certain that Duo would be asleep before the first turn in the car. Honestly, I was surprised he still had this much energy with his treatments being so recently over.
The only oddity I noticed on our way out was that Quatre, who had eaten very little for lunch, didn't seem to be as into his smoothie as I had expected. He would take tiny sips every once in a while, but for the most part he ignored it. When we were almost out of the mall, he traded his for Duo's, saying that it was too sweet. This was odd for two reasons; one, because Duo's smoothie was almost empty and Quatre's was nearly full, and, two, because I knew that Quatre was actually very fond of sweet things, so it didn't make sense to me. I worried for a moment that he might be getting sick, but he was so happy that I couldn't bring myself to comment about it. I resolved to watch him during dinner to make sure he ate, but this resolve was soon forgotten as fatigue took its toll even on me.
The ride home was nearly silent, and Duo, as predicted, fell asleep almost immediately. It was nearly dinnertime when we arrived at the house, but everyone was far too tired for someone to try to cook, especially Quatre, so I ordered out and we all just relaxed until the food came. All the boys ate with gusto and all but Quatre went back for seconds, and from there all but Duo went back for thirds, and only because Duo fell asleep just after the second course.
Trowa and Quatre cleaned up the food from dinner, and Wufei helped Heero carry Duo up to bed. From there we all trickled up the stairs to an early bed.
In my bed, Wufei curled against my back, my mind ran over the occurrences of the day, trying to savor every moment and remember what had happened for future reference. My thoughts settled eventually on Heero, and I had to contemplate just how badly I had neglected him lately. I raked my brain, but for the life of me I couldn't think of a single time where I had shown Heero any kind of affection. No wonder he had gotten anxious after I took Trowa and Wufei. I could make all the excuses I wanted, but as a replacement boyfriend I needed to be more aware of Heero's needs and feelings. I would simply have to make it up to him.
Drifting off to sleep that night, a plan of action was already forming in my mind. By the end of the weekend, Heero would have no doubts about my affection.